"Tell us about yourself," the voice said off camera.

The clear blue light that resembles sunlight cast on my entire face. In the frame, I was positioned in the center. The plain white walls gave a neutral background, where the camera zoomed in on my headshot. An interview sensation where the camera stood in as the interviewer.

Make-up covered my dark circles caused by lack of sleep. The stylist blow dried my curls and added "sea-breeze" hairspray to emphasize the wave. I blinked to try and keep my eyes hydrated. That dang bright light made me see circles.

I brushed my thumb over my lip.

Here we go.

"You already know my name. I have many pseudonyms. You probably recognize my name for being the fourth-place winner of Champion," I flinched, "Wait – no one really remembers fourth place winners. Those are the ones who almost made it to the final round. But not quite. It's been five years since that season."

"What was your motivation for Champion?"

"It's difficult to remember. At the time, I knew for sure what I did not want to do. I had nonexistent dreams about attending college. And customer service occupations burned me out. I was watching The Price is Right one morning, and a commercial for an open audition appeared which included all the locations the company would be stopping at. Cincinnati was one of the spots. I thought, 'I'll try that.' "

"Were there any difficulties with the transition to real life and 'reality' television?" the woman said, her legs crossed. A clipboard had a piece of paper filled out with all the questions.

I nodded. "Of course. Just like any other occupation. People teach you the ins and outs of the job. You know, expectations and that sort of stuff." I chuckled, "Plus, I had a physical change."

"Really?"

Why am I saying this?

"I'll admit my weakness was my looks. Crooked teeth and oiliest skin in the whole state. Oh, I forgot to mention, the ladies. Goodness I was bad at everything: flirting, talking, and being close to one was out of the question."

"How did you overcome it?"

Penelope.

I remembered we drove in the middle of the night around Cincinnati, under the street lamps, golden hues seeped through the window. Chocolate chip cookies. Freshly baked at the insomnia cookie shop, she had her legs up on the console. She would blast 90s music all the way up to twenty volume, rolling down the windows. Her soprano voice would add "the," "a," and another other word . . . making up her own lyrics.

I made a popping noise, my first reaction was to say her name. With a small shake, I stopped myself, then replied, "Min-ho."

"Min-ho?"

"He was the first place winner for Champion a season prior to mine. He was there during the first auditions and he gave great recommendations. Actually, I ran into him when I headed towards the bathroom. He was going out and I was going in," I scratched my neck, "However, the directors and writers showed more of the ropes, so to speak."

I paused.

"I totally forgot Min-ho's exchange during the audition. I ran like hellhounds were on my heels. I wasn't feeling good and sadly he got in the way. During the audition, he recognized me – and well, clearly I was out of it. He came up to me after auditions and we were properly introduced."

"Sounds like you instantly became friends."

Unlikely, I chuckled.

"He saw the nervousness and, at the time, I thought he pitied me. I hated it. I dismissed his kindness and went on my way. Until I got a phone call to ask for screen testing. He was there. He kept on pursuing me, even though I wanted to keep my distance."

"What recommendations did Min-ho give?"

I licked my lips.

This feels like a whole confession.

"Keep to yourself. Contestants are not to be trusted."

"Whoa! That's a pretty big statement," she placed her hand on her chin.

"I thought he was joking. Then I discovered quickly how true his words were. Hair stylists, wardrobe designer, contestants, directors, anyone who you can imagine blow sunshine up my ass. It's amazing how quickly their compliments turn on you – behind closed doors, in crowded elevators, down the hallway – you would hear whispers talking about the opposite, negative and nasty words. The 'true' words that they believe. Those words they said earlier were empty and meaningless. They just wanted to blow up the balloon to watch it pop." I stared at the camera.

I kept my focus on the lens. I could see the outline silhouette of the actual person talking. What if I kept on imaging I was by myself? There was no one around. This experience was similar to a monologue in a play like Shakespeare. If I acknowledged there was someone with me. I would've rejected all these thoughts. These ideas that had been shoved down deep within myself.

Do I dare share my soul. No, that's cliché. That's too much. That's too real. Why should I be reminded of real life?

"Did you pop?"

I smirked. My cheeks stretched. "Once."

"What happened?"

"Have you given – well, told someone a hidden thing before? What's the sensation you feel? Relief? A connection? I confide in someone-"

"Min-ho?"

I shook my head.

"Someone else," I saw the interviewer open their mouths, but I cut her off, "I'm not ready to say who. Believe me when I say, I confided in them about my fear. And insecurity. Everyone has them. I shared my fear with them."

I licked my lips.

"You don't have to tell me, Gus."

"I want to Penelope."

"In return, I thought we progressed in the relationship."

No, I'm done talking. This is it. They want entertainment. They desire to be led by a strong, flirty, assertive male. They want someone without flaws.

"What happened to that relationship?" she tapped the pencil she held on her knee.

"I learned that Min-ho was right."

"Yes, but what happened?"

I grazed my cheekbone with my thumb and then down to my jaw. The smooth skin seemed to calm me down. My thumb stayed on my clef. My nose twitched, my chest tightened, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in. The tightest stayed.

Not here!!!

I closed my eyes. The light blinded me.

"Excuse me," my voice wavered.

My blue jeans wrinkled as I got up. My foot ran into the chair's legging. The camera was stationary.

"August wait-"

I covered my whole face as I left the room.

The camera captured my internal struggle until I left the screen. The door slammed behind me.

I scrambled into the bathroom, of course I elbowed two or three people before reaching my destination. One person was familiar. The refined black suit, white shirt, and then the golden rectangular cufflinks. "August? What's going-"

I ignored Min-ho's statement.

I shoved against the heavy door into the medium size bathroom. The citrus and musky fragrance overwhelmed me. I pulled out my phone to contact someone. Something. Anything.

The glowing screen glared at me. My thumb hovered on my go-to escape: TrueMatch.com.

Praises. A flirt. I needed something positive. Right now!

Instead, I saw the missed text messages. One from her. And the other one from Sugar.

I closed my eyes and clicked on the lock button. I leaned over the faucet, palms pressed against the white counter. I jerked the lever up and water rushed out into the basin.

Crap, no. Stop.

My palms were held underneath the water rushed overtop it. The muscles tightened, the heat stung and burned. I cupped the water and splashed it on my face. The sting helped distract me. For one second. My chest tightened.

Glancing up into the mirror, I yelled, "Fine!"

My breaths slowed down. My shoulders slumped over as I looked. Those disgusting perfect teeth. Those annoying, freakin' eyes that couldn't see a darn thing – those irritating contacts. I missed my glasses. I missed those rosy, blocky patches on my forehead. I missed those wimpy arms, the kind that my father pointed at and said, "You need muscle, boy! Get off your damn video games and play ball. You don't have friends? Well, make some! Me? You want me to play ball with you? I don't have time for that kid." I missed. Missed. Too much.

Who am I?

I wept.

The rushing water covered my cries.

' ' ' ' ' '

"Hey."

"Please leave, Min-ho," I mumbled.

At this point, I sat on the bathroom counter. My jeans damped around the waist and knees. My back leaned against the plain walls near the air dryer. My whole posture slumped, my neck pressed against the wall as I looked up at the discolored tile ceiling.

"Why would I do that?" Min-ho crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Because you're a good friend?" I questioned, adding a sense of humor.

Min-ho chuckled. "A good friend stays."

I leaned against the wall on the opposite side. Men stayed a couple feet apart when it came to emotions. Right? The rushing of water filled the silence between us.

I sniffled and wiped my ruby nose on my wrist. The clear, runny snot accumulated on my hands. I wasn't sure where it all came from. It seemed to have a mind of its own.

"What happened?" Min-ho asked.

"Nothing."

Min-ho's lips pressed together. "Sorry to say this but you're lying. I haven't seen this reaction since." His voice faded. "Well you know."

"Say it." My teeth grinded.

"Since Penelope," Min-ho repositioned his stature, his eyes gazed at me, "What type of questions did they ask?"

"The usual. What made you decide to do Champion? How was the transition? Blah. Blah. Blah."

Min-ho chuckled. "Gosh, what were you playing? 20 Questions?"

I laughed. "That would've been a lot better. It was fine in the beginning then something switched. I felt like I was being interrogated."

Silence settled between them. A comfort.

I licked my lips.

"When did you start to," I paused, figuring out which word to use, "forget Jade?"

Jade was Min-ho's longtime girlfriend.

Min-ho winced.

"I always remember Jade. In the small things – the silly things like when she eats Skittles, she has to eat the same flavor on one side of her mouth. Then eat another flavor on the opposite." Min-ho lightly grinned, "However overtime I tend to pay less attention to those details."

"How long?" I rubbed my face.

Min-ho chuckled. He uncrossed his arms. "It depends on each person. Some days are better than others."

I banged the back of my head against the wall. All the while, I groaned.

Min-ho shook his head. "Telling you the truth. No room for sugar coating it."

Sugar.

Her smart, sarcastic remarks. The way she paid attention to small things: trying to remember the exact wording for their first interaction, her focus while playing Ms. PacMan at the Golden Era bar, and her slight nervousness when she wanted to be the best she could be.

I lightly smiled. I glanced over at the sink and shut the water off.

"Want to call it a day?" Min-ho asked. "We can pick up where they left off tomorrow. We can do it early before we film you at home."

I groaned as I rubbed my eyelids. Then I processed to drag my hands down my face as if to stretch the skin; I knew my makeup needed a retouch.

We have a long schedule today. Courtney's introduction. Along with Victoria. I haven't finished my own introduction yet.

"I wish I could. I need to get through this day. Maybe, we can postpone the rest of my interview and focus on the lovely ladies instead," I nodded my head, convincing myself that was the correct choice, "I'll deal with their questions tomorrow."

Need a break from Penelope.

Min-ho grinned. "That's an excellent idea," he stood in upright position, "I'll let Violet and the team know immediately."

I wiped the rest of my tears off. I made a groan noise. My fists tightened and I flexed my shoulders. I slid off the counter and gazed into the mirror. My neck bent and flexed releasing the tension in my muscles.

"Take as much time as you need, August," Min-ho said.

He pulled on the door and left. The whooshing noise accompanied the bathroom.

I glanced down in the basin. The water droplets accumulated on the drain and faucet.

"You're an awful excuse for a human. Go out and do something boy! Go and play in the dirt. Something," a rough, fatherly voice said.

"August, honey, you're a guy. Please don't cry. That's not manly," a feminine said, she pointed at the cameras, "They're watching you. People will think you're weak. I know you're strong, Gus. I want everyone to see you as I see you."

"Have some decency, August! Is there anything you're motivated in?" concerned and yet annoying voice said.

These memories, I'm better than them. I know it.

"Time to meet Courtney and Victoria."

I left the mirror and went back to filming.

Hello everyone!

This chapter was an emotional one. We got to see little bits from August's past. And even a little from Min-ho's past!

We know Min-ho's ex-girlfriend's name. And we learned more about August's father.

I wonder what else we're going to learn about August's and Min-ho's past??

This whole chapter focused on his internal struggle that's hanging by a string.

I wanted to explore and show you about the ladies. However, I realized that August had an internal break down. I didn't think meet the ladies tone would make the frustration and hurt mood that August was experiencing.

We'll definitely meet Courtney and Victoria! :D

I remember I received sad news in 2018 about my best friend's dad. He passed away November 14th. It's been an up and down kind of day. I'll be honest, I might move a little slower than normal because of this sad experience.

I wanted to let you know.