The next day comes, and I feel like complete and utter trash. I have no reason for feeling this way right now, I just do, and I hate it. Jared noticed it, too, this morning when I sat eating breakfast with them, not uttering a word the whole morning, just sulking.

I most certainly did not want to bring this attitude to the diner with me, but there was really nothing I could think of that would improve it. The rest of the employees notice this too, my fake smiles and false interest in conversation. It's not until late afternoon when someone speaks up about it, catching me off guard; I thought I did a good job covering it up with my fake happiness.

"Let's get out of here," Jason says, surprising me when he comes up behind me, unties my apron, and pulls it off, then hangs it up. Turning around to face him, I give him a very quizzical and amused expression. "You're too upset to work. Let's take the rest of the day off." Knowing that there are already three other people waiting tables, we could leave right now and it would be okay. But what he has planned is beyond my knowledge.

"And do what?" I wonder aloud, causing him to smile a little, throwing me off guard and doing absolutely nothing to calm the knot forming in my stomach.

"Whatever you want," he replies. I furrow my eyebrows; no one talks to me like that, like I am a human being with opinions. I scratch the back of my head, still confused, but willing to give it a try.

Fifteen minutes later, we get to Jake's Rocks. Sure, the memory of running into the bullies there is not too pleasing, but it's still worth going there because of the beauty of it, and it will be even better since Jason is with me this time.

"Well, I didn't have you pegged for someone who appreciates nature," he says as I gaze around the woods, that seems empty except for us. I sigh in relief and ponder over what he said.

"What kind of person did you think I was?" I ask, taking a different turn on the subject. He shrugs, and I tug at the hem of my wolverine t-shirt.

"I don't know," he replies, but I don't buy it. I give him a pointed glare. "I thought you were one of those girls who puts herself before others." The smile fades, dropping to a frown, and my stomach twists. Why would he think that? What did I do that made him think that? "Most of the girls I meet are like that, and I guess I thought the same about you." I don't reply, just blink and look at the ground before me. "But, now I know better," he adds, as he kicks a small rock on the ground.

"How's that?"

"Well, now I think you are the most selfless person that I have ever met." I really have no idea how to take this, so I don't. I just wonder how he came to that. "You love kids, and you're good to other people, even though you don't have to be." Feeling heat creep up my neck, I shrug.

"It costs zero dollars to be a good person," I remark casually. "I can't afford to be anything else." He seems to think about this for a minute, and I start to worry that he suspects something else is going on. If he is, he shakes his head and forgets about it.

"So what's been bothering you today?" He asks, changing the subject, though it's still not one that makes me comfortable: my feelings.

I shrug. "Nothing really. Just one of those days." He gives me a look, one that tells me he is not buying it at all, but he respects my privacy and does not press any more, which I am grateful for. Instead, he plops down on a seat-like boulder, and I sit next to him, suddenly remembering something that I've wanted to ask him about.

"Jason?" He looks at me. "A few days after we met, when we went to see Civil War, you said you were seeing someone." He goes red at the sound of this, and I smile a little, finding it cute.

"I just said that," he scratches the back of his head, "because I was nervous about you and I wanted to see your reaction. To see if you cared or not." I blush this time, upon the realization that, yes, I do care about him a lot. I smile shyly.

"Of course, I care," I say, my voice quiet and small. Jason gives me a look, so I cover it up. Clearing my throat, I add, "because, you know, you're really hot." He laughs, a comforting, satisfying sound that calms my nerves and works at untying the knots.

"Can I ask you something?" Jason asks, trying to recover from the laughing, and I nod. "What was your mom like?" Again, he throws me off by the sudden change in topic, but I don't question it, just furrow my eyebrows, and try to sum up my mother's personality in a few sentences.

"Um, she was kind of...distant," I say, running a hand through my hair and trying to think of something better to say. "She kept to herself, mostly, even though I tried to you know, pull her out of her shell many times." I stop talking, knowing that by talking about my mom, I might open up about myself a little, too, and I don't want that. "My dad died when I was four, and I don't think she took that too well."

We sit in silence. The only sound comes from up high, where the birds chirp and sing. This is why I don't open up to people much. "Can we go?" I ask, my voice cracking a little. Jason nods, immediately, and stands up.

When he drops me off at Jared's house, we can't help but notice Haley's car parked out front, so he kills the engine and gets out with me, and comes in the house. I freeze when I see Haley sitting on the couch, talking with Gen.

"What's going on?" I ask, shutting the door after Jason steps in. Gen and Haley both look up at us, and then they stand up. Haley smiles.

"I dropped by and Gen invited me to stay for dinner," she explains as Gen excuses herself and goes into the kitchen, leaving the three of us alone.

"Don't tell them that I work at the diner," I say quietly, but loud enough for both of them to hear me. I still don't think it's a very good idea to let the Padalecki's in on my everyday activities. Haley and Jason agree to keep it secret, for reasons beyond me, and we go into the other room to indulge ourselves in a meal.

I sit next to Jason, with Thomas on the other side of me. He makes a funny face at me as I sit down, and I try to contain my laughter.

Jared and Gen are concerned. I can tell by the way they keep glancing up at me when they think I can't see them. I refuse to accept that they care, because they really shouldn't. They should just be glad that I spend most of my time away from them.

I get almost all the way through dinner without being interrogated by anyone. Most of the time, Thomas and I just make faces at each other and smile. Then, when I'm just about finished, Haley asks me a question that I really did not want her to ask in front of anyone.

"So, Charlie, did you have fun with Peter yesterday?" She asks, turning her gaze towards me. I blush at the attention that everyone suddenly sends towards me, and nod, looking at my plate.

"Yeah, he's a good kid," I reply quietly. Jared knows I was babysitting, and now he knows that the kid's name is Peter.

"Who's Peter?" Gen asks. Jason must sense how uncomfortable I am, and he locks his leg together with mine underneath the table, then laces his fingers through mine, giving me a comforting squeeze. I am thankful that Haley swoops in and answers the question before I do.

"Peter Hill," Haley starts. "He's autistic." I almost cringe when I hear this. That's the first thing she says about him when describing him to other people? "Last week, these kids were picking on him and Charlie helped, so his mom asked her to babysit him."

"That was really nice of you," Gen says sincerely, but I brush it off. Anybody who cared enough would have done exactly what I did.

"You seem to know a lot about autism," Jason says, and again I am thrown off by the attention. Why can't someone else be in the spotlight? Why does it have to be me?

I stand up, taking my plate to the sink and nodding. "Yeah, well, I should. I had it." I freeze at the realization of what I just admitted. But when I turn around, not everyone is looking at me, just Jason and Haley, with slightly widened eyes.

"You did?" Jason asks, and I notice the way Jared glances up at me from his seat, again with that concerned look. I nod a little at Jason.

"Did you get bullied, like Peter?" Haley asks, and again, I freeze. Yes, I did get bullied because of it. Just like Peter. Maybe more than him. I have never admitted this to anyone, and I hadn't really planned to, ever. It's my problem, they shouldn't worry about it.

"It's was like seven years ago," I murmur, ignoring their pressing gazes as I try to swallow the lump in my throat and leave the kitchen, suddenly needing to get away from them. I hurry up the stairs, taking deep breaths and trying to blink the tears away, but they fall anyway.

How could they even put up with me? I'm a great big mess that is sinking further and further with each passing day, and if they try to get close, I might accidentally pull them down with me.

I make sure to watch Haley and Jason pull out of the driveway, and when it's really late, I lay in bed, overthinking like usual. It's too much right now. The bullies, all the self-loathing, not being good enough, trying to adjust to a new place and new people.

Tonight, I do something that I have not done in a very long time, something that I promised myself I would never do, no matter how bad things got.

I put a blade to my wrists.