White. Everything is white. Where the hell am I, and why is there so much white around me?

Heaven? Ha-ha, yeah right.

It must be a hospital, which could only mean that I failed in my attempt to end my life. I'm not sure if I should feel upset or grateful, but all I can think about is the pain, which is everywhere. My head, my wrists, my legs, my throat, and even my chest.

I blink as I try to adjust to my surroundings. Much to my relief, I am the only one in the room. I did not want to have to wake up and have to talk to somebody about this.

Around my wrists are thick white bandages, which are wrapped around so tight it's almost painful. They do not hurt as much as they did when I was cutting into them, so the doctors probably gave me something for the pain.

Speaking of doctors, a few minutes after I wake up, the door opens, and in steps a woman who looks to be in her early thirties and who, judging by her clothes, is a doctor. Upon entering, she shuts the door and offers me a small smile. I simply blink.

"Hi," she introduces herself and I notice she is holding a clipboard, "I'm Doctor Krane. I have been administering your medicine." She looks at me as if waiting for a reply, but I say nothing, just too my head down and look at my wrists, gently rubbing the bandages.

"How do you feel?" Krane asks, observing my actions. I glance at her as she messes with the IV to my left. Why the hell do I need an IV? "You lost quite a bit of blood before you got here," she explains.

"Could I have some water?" I ask, my scratchy voice proving that I am thirsty. Krane offers me her sweet smile once again.

"Of course," she replies, and then heads for the door, but stops halfway. "By the way, there's a boy in the waiting room who has been waiting for you to wake up. Would it be alright if I sent him in?" My breath hitches in my throat and my heart constricts.

Oh, god. Jason is probably a mess. Giving Krane a nervous smile, I nod, and she leaves, closing the door behind her. I release a breath I had no idea I was holding. How the hell am I going to explain this to Jason without hurting him further?

I tap my fingers against my leg as I wait. Five minutes later, Krane comes back, holding a styrofoam cup filled with water. Trailing behind her is Jason, who looks like crap. He looks exhausted, the bags underneath his eyes proving so.

"I'll leave you two alone," Krane says, setting the cup down on the tray next to my bed. She exits the room, leaving Jason and I alone. I suck in a breath, daring myself to look at him. His expression is almost blank, with the exception of the visible sadness in his eyes.

"Why?" He says eventually, his quiet voice loud in the quieter room. I blink and look away, catching a glimpse of him running his fingers nervously through his hair. He slowly approaches me, and then pulls a chair up to the side of the bed.

When he gently takes my hand, I suck in another breath and catch his eye. He keeps his eyes on my hand as he speaks, "I love you." I exhale deeply, but keep my mouth shut in fear of saying something extremely stupid.

"I need you to know that," Jason continues. "You are so important to me, and to everyone else out in the waiting room. You're beautiful, and funny, smart and kind. Things would really suck without you, you know?"

But I don't know. Sure, they might be broken for a little while, but they would probably get over it and get back to their normal lives.

I almost feel guilty for not believing him. I wish his words would help me, I do. But they don't.

"Please say something," Jason says, and I gulp, keeping my gaze towards the floor. If I reply, what good would come out of it? What could I possibly say that will make Jason feel better? 'I'll be okay'?. 'I believe you'?. These words are just lies, and I cannot lie to Jason anymore. But telling him the truth would only break him more, so I stay silent.

After a while of silence, Doctor Krane comes back in and politely asks Jason to leave while she re-supplies my IV or something like that. Jason leaves without a word.

"That boy really loves you," Krane says, causing me quirk an eyebrow at her.

"What makes you say that?" Krane chuckles quietly as she scribbles something down on her clipboard.

"You really can't see it?" She asks, still not looking at me. "Well, for one, he looks at you like you mean the world to him. And, he cried a lot while he was waiting for you to wake up." My heart almost stops as Krane bids me goodbye and exits the room.

Could it be true? Jason really loves me? He was crying while I was unconscious?

A moment later, Jared steps into my room, catching me completely off guard. He doesn't look mad or upset with me or anything like that, he simply looks exhausted, almost as bad as Jason. Guilt immediately fills me. Does everyone in the waiting room look like this?

"Jason said you didn't feel like talking," Jared starts, staying in his position a few feet from the door. "And, that's okay. You don't have to. I just want you to know that we are here for you. All of us. And, we won't force you to get help. But if you want to talk about it, you can come to one of us. We'll do what we can."

Jared turns to leave, and I pray that he does not notice the tears forming in my eyes.

"Jared, I'm sorry," I say suddenly, surprising him and myself. I cringe at how scratchy and pathetic my voice sounds, but there's nothing I can really do about it.

He turns back around and looks at me, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. "For what?" I let out a shaky sigh as I rub a hand across my face, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"For... breaking the mirror," I reply, because if I said I was sorry for trying to check out early, then I would be lying to him, which I don't want to do anymore.

Jared's face sort of falls, as if he was hoping to hear something else.

"And for not coming to you sooner," I add quietly. He lifts his gaze to mine, and I look away, rubbing the bandages again. As I do so, I hear Jared walking across the room and sit down beside me. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't.

"I've been in a bad place for a while," I say quietly, still rubbing my wrists. Jared still says nothing. "I guess I thought that moving in with you guys would make it a lot easier, because I've been idolizing you since I was eleven."

I glance over at Jared to see a hint of a smile on his face. He did not know that I have been watching the show forever, so this is brand new information to him. He seems to be taking it pretty well, too.

"But, it didn't," I say, reverting my gaze away again. "Because I was constantly afraid of you guys finding out, and then I worried about a million other little things, like how to get you guys to like me and how not to screw this whole thing up—" I stop talking when I realize how much I revealed, and rub my fingers through my hair.

"We like you a lot, Charlie," Jared finally says. "But, I think that it's more important for you to like you." I stay quiet as I listen to him. "You don't deserve to be in this much pain." Hearing that causes a tear to fall down my face. "You don't deserve to die; you aren't a burden to us. We need you."

It seems as if Jared does not see my tears, because he keeps talking. "We love you." Obviously, this does nothing to stop the tears. They now flow freely down my cheeks as I try to wipe them away.

After a few minutes of silence, I have finally cleared my face of the tears, but my cheeks are still burning up.

"Can you... just let me rest for a little bit?" I ask, temporarily keeping my tears at bay. Jared nods and stands up.

"Of course," he says, walking to the door. "I'll come back in a couple hours, okay?" He asks. I don't trust my voice, so I simply nod and then he leaves.

While telling me all those things in attempt to get me to feel better, he sounded so sincere that I kind of think that he was telling the truth.

Maybe I will get better.