Chris

My heart hasn't beat this fast since Mijo was born, now it's happening all over again. Everything always seems to fall into place when you least expect it. I fought hard as hell to get my family to where we stand now, I could of lost them but now I'm gaining a new love. Giving up was never an option, making it through was my main focus. As we all walk into the maternity ward together I began getting flashbacks, from every moment we spent together, to the moment Jasmine kissed me, the moment I met Janaé, the gut wrenching moment I lost her all because of those cheap hoes, down to the moment I got on my knees begging for a change. I was feeling every emotion possible, I don't want to screw up for this kid. Mijo doesn't know what went down but I know, I'll always know what I did and what I dragged both of them into lying.

"Say what's up to the camera mommy!" I said recording Brielle as she sat in the hospital bed.

"Round two, can't wait to meet you baby!" She smiled weakly blowing a kiss to the camera

"Mijo what you got to say."

"I'm mommy's only baby, you can have daddy." he said looking into the camera.

I laughed "You don't want to share your mommy?"

"No!"

"Chris maybe you should take him out of here, I don't think the baby is coming tonight I'm only 4 centimeters dilated and have been for hours."

"What about her?"

"I don't want to burden your mom."

"I doubt she wants to stay here doing nothing."

"Brielle, I want to stay with you." Kataleah spoke up.

"You sure? It's going to be boring."

"I don't care."

"Mijo say goodbye to mommy."

He began to cry "Mommy you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine boo boo, you'll see me tomorrow." Brielle kissed his temple as he hugged her,

"But I have a responsibility, I need to help you. I love you momma!"

"I love you too boo boo, I don't need your help right now. But I need you to still be my big boy, don't cry."

"Men don't cry," I said.

"You get some good sleep in, when you come back hopefully the baby will be here, okay?"

"Kay, bye mommy."

By the time I got to my moms house he was already sleep, it was really late when I got there but that didn't stop my mom from giving me a pep talk.

"I'm really proud of you Chris, there isn't a day that goes by when I'm not. You have become a man and Brielle has brought that out of you, your smile gets big whenever anybody says her name. You are truly doing right."

"Thank you Ma." I smiled.

"Don't ever lose that smile, you feel like your in trouble don't give up. Come to me, I will help you whenever you two whenever you need it. Keep this relationship solid, don't let anything break it."

"It's just you and me kid." I smiled weakly as I looked at Kataleah.

"Can I lay in the bed next to you?"

"If you can fit, be careful though."

"I really like your family, I wish I could have one too."

"This isn't even complete, I'm missing my daddy. He would be here shaking holding my hand." I smiled faintly.

"Why isn't he here then?"

I got teary eyed. "He's mad at me, I haven't talked to him in nine months."

"What did you do that was so bad?"

"It's a grown up thing, you wouldn't understand."

"Does he still love you?"

"I hope so, point is whatever stupid reason he's not talking to me I still love him because he is my father and you only get one so make the best of it."

"My daddy is just stupid, I love him but he's stupid and hurts me."

"You want to go back with him, don't lie to me Kataleah."

"No, if I do then I will try to be happy but I'm much happier with you."

"I think the courts might give him rehabilitation. That's when they will have him see the wrong in what he did and change. He can change and I know he will, from what I seen and heard he does love you. But he had a different way of showing it at times. Your daddy is going to need sometime before you go right back to him. You might live with somebody else, then go home to him eventually."

"So, I still don't wanna go."

"You are a very strong minded little girl, hold on to that." I smiled.

"Can I rub your belly?"

"Go head, it won't be in there for long."

She rubbed my huge belly and lightly kissed it, "I hope she has long hair like me."

Kataleah knocked out next to me not leaving me any room to get the slightest bit comfortable, I had a nurse place her on the couch on the opposite side of the room. I said a quick prayer for this delivery to go smoothly, Doctors came in throughout the night to check on me I finally reached 6 centimeters at 4:18 am. It's 4 fucking 18 in the morning and Chris isn't here, my eyes started to fill with tears as I woke up to the sun shining in my room but no Chris. I told his ass to take Mijo out of here not to take his ass home with him, he better not do this shit to me showing up at the last minute like he did when Mijo was being born.

"Ms. Carter you're 8 centimeters right now, how you feeling?"

"What time is it?" I said gripping tight to the bed side.

"3:31 PM ma'am, are you in need of an your epidural?"

"No I can take it, get out!" I ordered the nurse in pain.

"If you need anything push the button."

"Kataleah come here baby, push the green button on my phone then push it again. Now cover your ears till I say so."

She sat in the chair across from me covering her ears, "Hello ?" Chris answered.

"Where the fuck are you?"

"I was sleeping, now I'm picking up Mijo from my moms."

"Don't give me that shit you dickhead it's 3:32 PM, your ass should have been here! You're sitting on your ass while I been here laid up in the hospital having your fucking kid! Where are you really?"

"I'm coming I'm picking up Mijo."

"Get your ass here now!" I said hanging up "You can remove them, sorry."

"I wish we could have a better day together, tomorrow is court isn't it?"

"Yes baby, but I won't be there so whatever happens know that I tried very hard."

"I know and it's okay, I promise I won't forget you. You are the neatest mommy I know, even though you're not mine."

I cried a bit hugging her, "Thank you!"

"Whose ready to have a baby?" Dr. Hill walked in upbeat.

"No, I can't have this baby till my family comes."

He checked between my legs, "You're 9 centimeters dilated. They meaning, Chris better get here now! Ms. Carter your hands are shaking are you sure you don't want an epidural?"

"Noooo, I can handle it!" I said breathing through a contraction.

"I'll be back."

"Kataleah hold my hand, do me a favor and wait till your an old lady to have babies.

She laughed, "Then I'll be old and ugly."

"Hand me my phone!"

On a scale of 1 - 10, 10 beginning the worse Mijo's birth was 4.5. This birth is a 6, it's strong but I'm managing through. I don't want to get the epidural unless it's really really needed, I called up my family and no one answered; Chris didn't even answer. I'm about to give birth and I never felt so damn alone in my life, this is really pissing me of!

"Mommy!" Mijo ran in the room.

"Hi Boo Boo!" I smiled wiping my eyes, "I'm happy to see you baby, what took you so long?"

"We were stuck in traffic, I'm sorry babe." Chris said walking in the room with balloons and a bouquet of flowers, kissing me on the cheek.

"You should have been here, leave me alone before I slap the ishh out of you and say something I'll regret!" I said in a hostile tone.

"Where's the positivity? We're about to have my grandson or granddaughter." Chris's mom walked in with more flowers.

"Where's the baby?" My mom said coming in smiling.

My face brighten up and it felt like the pain suddenly stopped, "Where's Daddy?"

"He's in the waiting room, we came as soon as we could."

"This is what I should have seen before, but I still need everyone except for two out the room and into the waiting room."

We grabbed hands before everyone left and prayed for a safe delivery.

"Thank you for blessing me with a beautiful fiancé soon to be wife, please let this delivery be smooth as possible. Bless the hands that bring my child into this world, god help a brother not make the same mistakes only make me better. Amen!" Chris said.

"Bye mommy."

Everyone left but Chris and my mother, Chris's mom got to stay in last time. I've been in labor for 14 hours, I'm finally going to hold my baby. Chris helped lean my leg towards my body as my mom held my hand.

"You're doing good baby, you're crowning ." Chris encouraged.

"I'm so proud," my mom smiled.

I pushed for the maximum of 35 minutes till it finally made it out safe, or so I thought.

"It's a boy!"

I burst out crying from the news and the fact that the pain was slowly going away, they took him away and cleaned him up but they took him out the room.

"What's going on?"

"We've been having concerns for months we just want to check for health problems."

Imagine giving birth and not being able to hold your baby when he comes out, I had to wait the longest 45 minutes of my life to get him back.

"The baby had a case Meconium Aspiration, during his arrival he breathed in the Meconium and it blocked his air passage." Dr. Hill said handing him to me.

"Speak English please," Chris said.

"Meconium is a fancy word for poop, the baby pooped on his way out and inhaled that plus the amniotic fluid. Meconium is a sticky thick substance and it blocked air to the baby's lung, we had to insert a tube down the baby's mouth to clean all of it out. He's fine but if we didn't act fast it could have turned serve and we would have to have done surgery, his lungs should improve over the next couple of days."

My heart pounded and I began to get teary eyed, "I didn't want anything like this to happen."

"It's nothing you could control and it's nothing he could control, when you got to go you got to go." Chris chuckled putting his hand in my shoulder.

"It could have been much worse, what's so damn funny?"

"I didn't mean to joke like that but he's okay, look at him . He's breathing and he's alive, smile!"

"We still want to monitor him, we ran test and didn't see anything significant yet. Congratulations he seems to be healthy as signs show." Dr. Hill said.

"He's so light," I laughed kissing his little nose.

"6 pounds exact," he said.

"He's so tiny!" I smiled.

Chris went to go get everybody as I showered my newborn with kisses, I couldn't wait for Mijo to see his new brother.

"Whose that daddy?"

"That's your brother kid, you have to be really careful around him."

"Come say hello baby," I smiled as Mijo sat in the bed with me.

"What's his name?"

" Caeden, Caeden Marquees Brown. Now mommy and daddy have two babies and you have a little brother, he's your responsibility to look out for when were not around."

Amongst the family coming to see baby Caeden my dad stepped up to the hospital bed, first time I seen him since that blowout. He didn't say anything to me, we just looked up at each other. I love this man so much but I'm not apologizing for something I didn't start, this dumbass feud going on between Chris and him has to stop. I can't take this shit anymore, two grown ass men acting like kids. He's so mad at Chris he's taking the shit out on me, damn just let me be happy.

"He's beautiful, baby."

"Thanks," I tried to hold back from crying.

"I'm - I'm happy for you, both of you."

"That's it?"

"And I'm sorry Chris, man to man this is my daughter. You'll go through the same thing when you have your own, I apologize for everything and I would like to move on for the sake of Brielle."

"It's all good sir, I moved on and forgot about it."

They shook hands but I know my father, I just hope he's sincere with what he says.

"What's his name?" He asked.

"Caeden," I smiled.

Everyone gravitated towards the baby while Kataleah was backed into the corner of the room. "Come here, you don't have to stand there by yourself, you want to see him?"

I past him off to Chris before everyone else had a chance to hold him, we took pictures together then everyone left but Kataleah and Chris so I could breast feed.

"Kataleah, Chris is going to take you to my moms house so you can take a bath and get a good night sleep for tomorrow. If I don't see you after tomorrow I hope one day I'll get take you out again even if it's only for 10 minutes, you be good and if you ever need me call me go home and write it down so you won't forget it."

"But I don't want to go!"

"I know but you have to."

"I won't be bad, I won't push Mijo, I want to stay here with you."

"Stop it sweetie, you have to go."

"But I don't want to go!"

"Give me a hug."

"Let me stay!"

"Look at me, can you smile for me please? It's going to be okay."

"You only smile when your happy, I don't want to smile!"

I ran my fingers through her hair, "I'll see you soon."

"But, but I can't go!"

"Chris take her out please."

Chris grabbed her by the hand and walked her out the room. "Please I don't want to go, don't make me leave oh please!"

It was hard sending her away like that, all that little girl wants is mother figure in her life. I have no problem giving that to her I already have two kids, what's an extra going to do?

I tried to get some sleep but I kept thinking about Kataleah and what tomorrow will bring, then once I got two minutes worth of sleep Mel and Jason stopped by. They were ordered to leave all cameras and phones at the door with Big Pat, I was happy they came I needed the company. Once they left I tried to go to sleep but then I got a call from Chyna, haven't spoke to her in a minute she knows nothing of what Chris and I been through but news broke out over in Italty where her and Michael are vacationing. Her phone has terrible reception over there, but she still managed to congratulate me on the engagement and new baby. Before trying to attempt sleeping again I fed Caeden and changed his diaper, I found solace at looking at him knowing my baby is going to be okay.

Caeden woke up every two hours, I was drained of energy. I was slumped over on the hospital bed as I looked over at Caeden slowly opening his eyes, in walked Chris.

"What happen, is she ours? Where is she?" I questioned.

"Judge ruled that she stays with her father, but you are granted joint custody. Weekends are yours but she has to stay with her father, jury decided that what he was doing wasn't too malicious. He only beat her when she did something bad, the whole locked in the closet story was because she was running away from a spanking. Kataleah placed herself in the closet, as a time out. But what you witness that day was classified as child neglect, he took it too far which is why you were granted partial custody. Judge says she needs a mother figure and you provide that to her. Child services are going to be in and out his life supervising.

"Are you serious, that's bullshit. She should be here, she should be with us!"I said covering my face.

"I know boo but you get her on the weekends, if he gives you a problem you take him back to court." He comfort me then picked his son.

The next morning Chris and I took baby Caeden home, my family is complete but I'm still missing a piece. When Caeden got home he was fine through the day but at night he cried non stop, Chris helped but I was still dead beat tired I was running off of zero sleep.

"Mommy the baby is broken, take him back to the hospital." Mijo said as him, Caeden, and I sat in the bedroom.

"He's not broken Mijo he's crying, he fighting sleep." I shouted over Caeden's crying.

"Maybe he just needs to go back, something wrong with him."

I was so frustrated, tired, and emotional I yelled at him. "Mijo! Be quiet you talking too much, sit down or get out."

"You alright in here?" Chris popped in.

I wiped my eyes as I laid Caeden down in front of me. "No, can you take them out of here please?"

"Come on Mijo," Chris said picking up Caeden and held Mijo's hand.

"Daddy, did I make mommy cry?" Mijo asked.

I gently rubbed Caeden back. "No, mommy is just being a female and she's crabby."

"You're so damn insensitive, come here Mijo." She ordered appearing in living room with us, she took him by the hand and went back upstairs.

I sat down on the couch with Caeden laying on my chest. "Ain't nothing wrong with you, you just wanted your daddy right man?" I said noticing he was quiet. "Don't worry about nothin', that lady just your momma she cool just tired. You scared us both at the hospital, next time you need to make a stink you think you can hold it please? I'm glad you hung in there I know it wasn't easy, that's daddy's blood running through your veins so I knew you would be good. I used to hold your brother just like this, I used to fall asleep with him on my chest but I dropped him one day. You think that scare with you had me shook imagine how that was. As long as I'm breathing I promise you, mommy, and Mijo will never want anything. We really needed you to be here, you woke me up and made me realize what I need to be doing. You can get whatever you need, cause you're daddy's little man. Deal?" I said kissing his forehead. "I love you, mommy, and Mijo so much! Daddy isn't perfect though, you'll realize that when you get older. I'll tell you like I told Mijo, I apologize for my future mistakes. Maybe you're exactly what I need to make me better than I was before, it's going to take time till I get it right."