Fili and Kili hadn't been exaggerating when they said the journey from that point on would be harder.

The ponies were left at Rivendell as Thorin stated they couldn't pass over the mountain and he didn't want to release them in the wilderness to try and find their way back.

That meant they had to carry their own packs and the supplies. Where the journey to Rivendell had been over reasonably even ground, or at least what she'd noticed from the comfort of her pony, the ground now seemed determined to be as rocky, unlevel, and uphill as much as possible. By the end of the first day her body was screaming at her and she collapsed to the ground at the camp with a groan, only to immediately have to get up again as Thorin began barking orders to the Company about setting up camp.

Thorin only spoke to her to give her a task or telling her what shift she would be taking on watch. She hadn't done watch before leaving Rivendell but Thorin seemed intent on not only giving them to her but on giving her the worst hours too.

In a way being on watch helped because the nightmares didn't stop after leaving Rivendell. She didn't have them every day, or even every week but they were there. Sometimes they were about her family, sometimes about other things, Fili and Kili dead on the ground, sometimes Thorin with them. And over all a wheel of fire she could not seem to escape.

On those nights she generally had to be woken by one of the others. Surprisingly, Thorin never commented on her nightmares, even though her screaming probably alerted every living creature nearby and gave him clear evidence that her presence endangered the Company.

The nightmares lessened eventually, the farther they got from Rivendell but, by the time they did, Bilba had learned to love watch for the excuse it gave her to not sleep. Additionally, Thorin never let her work a shift alone and paired her up with a different member of the Company every night. Bilba took the opportunity to get to know each member better, sharing stories and discussing the journey to come.

Her favorites were watches spent with one of the Ri brothers, sharing lessons on Black Speech and Khuzdul, or with Fili and Kili.

On the first night she was paired with Dwalin he gruffly apologized for not standing up for her at Rivendell but reiterated his belief she was not prepared for the wilderness. Bilba retorted that if he didn't think she was prepared he should teach her.

She had forgot about the words by the next morning but was reminded quite sharply that evening when she went to train with Fili and discovered Dwalin waiting for her as well.

After that both of them would train her and Bilba realized immediately Fili had been going easy on her before that point. At some point both got together and made the decision that she would work well with two blades, that or Fili just thought she would look good that way, she wasn't quite sure. Regardless she soon found herself wielding her sword in one hand and a short, thick blade from Fili in the other. The two showed her how to use the shorter sword to block and parry blows while coming in with the long sword to stab the attacker.

They also began having training drills where both attacked her simultaneously, after Dwalin pointed out it was unlikely she would only ever be attacked by one individual and it was equally unlikely her foes would politely line themselves up and wait their turn.

Eventually Kili decided to get involved, citing it never hurt to be proficient on multiple weapons, and Bilba soon found herself practicing archery as well. To her surprise she proved quiet adept at it and also found she enjoyed it far more than the other lessons, not that she'd ever admit it. Kili would never let his brother live it down if she did.

And so it went, day after day. Bilba found herself slowly growing stronger, the few extra pounds of fat she hadn't been aware she had stripping away to lean muscle, the exhaustion she felt at the end of the day decreasing steadily.

She wasn't an expert by any means but she began to use the weapons as extensions of her body as they wanted and slowly started not only to remember how to use everything they were telling her but also to put them together properly, the moves coming quickly as the other two came at her during drills. Fili was quick to praise her. Dwalin didn't give praise easily but he nodded in approval when she did well and Bilba would find herself beaming with pride.

The Misty Mountains always loomed in front of them but it took over a month to reach the High Pass they were to take. During that time Thorin continued to barely speak to her but, every time she looked at him, he seemed to be watching her.

It took her almost the entire month to realize the reason she knew he was always watching her was that she was always watching him.

The epiphany came the night before they planned to take the pass. The weather had been growing steadily worse and Thorin had stopped them for the night in the hopes it would clear and give them a chance to get over. Personally she felt he was indulging in a fool's hope but didn't begrudge the chance to get to rest. The pass, from what she could see, looked to be little more than a narrow ledge of rock that traveled up steeply through the Mountains. Fili had mentioned two other passes but this one, as treacherous as it looked, was apparently the safest.

The weather had grown steadily colder as they'd traveled into the mountains and to the pass and Bilba currently lay huddled against the rocks with her coat wrapped around her. It was late and she should be asleep but the cold ate at her bones so badly that sleep eluded her. She was also nervous about the trip over the mountain the next day. It was foolish but there was something about being able to look back in the direction of the Shire and imagine she could see it that made her feel safe. After she crossed the mountains, every time she looked back all she would see was a solid wall of rock behind her, blocking her off from her home.

Her eyes went across to the other side of the fire. Thorin was on watch, alone as always. He sat on a rock at the very edges of the fire, turned to one side to gaze out into the night. His coat was lying on the ground next to him and she felt a flash of annoyance that he didn't apparently feel the cold like she did. In fact it was possible none of the dwarves did as even Fili and Kili had their coats off and lying next to them.

The firelight lit up one side of Thorin's body while the other side stayed in darkness. Her mind went to her nightmares and she shuddered slightly. Over the last month much of her anger toward him had faded and, as much as she hated to admit it, she could see his point of view. He had to protect his Company and, with her inexperience, she was the weakest link so to speak.

Even if she had still been angry, however, she never wanted to see Thorin crying. He was so strong, like the rock dwarves had been carved from and she couldn't imagine what would bring someone like him to tears.

Her eyes went to the silent forms of Fili and Kili and she retracted that thought. She already had imagined it.

It had been close to two months since they had crashed into her home and already she couldn't imagine how she'd lived her life so long without them.

Particularly the Durins. Fili was like the older brother she'd always wanted, protective and intelligent, deserving of the hero worship Kili lavished on him and that she found herself offering as well.

Then there was Kili. He was like the younger brother she'd always thought Bungo would have grown up to be. Carefree and happy, always there to cheer her up when she was down, confident in the knowledge that his brother would always be there to pull him out of whatever mess he got himself into.

And Thorin. Even as obnoxious as he could sometimes be he loved his nephews, was unwavering in his loyalty to his people and led from the front of the group instead of giving orders from the back.

She loved them all.

The thought gave her pause. It was the first time she'd really attached the word love to her feelings towards them. Hobbits were known to make quick decisions in love; they gave it fast and deep but not unwisely or blindly.

Did she, indeed, love them? Her eyes went to each member of the Company, going over her interactions and noting that she felt varying levels of affection for all of them, depending on the current depth of her relationship with each one.

For Fili and Kili, however, the feelings went far deeper, closer to the love she felt for Seth and Priscilla and the love she'd felt for her parents and Bungo.

As for Thorin? She studied him where he sat. He was stubborn and aggravating and insisted on speaking without thinking. Of course, she conceded, the same could be said about her so she probably couldn't hold that against him. He also understood the pain of her losing her family better than anyone else and the memory of several of the conversations they'd had, before his latest bout of being a jerk, showed he did possess compassion.

She felt safe with him around. He claimed not to be responsible for her fate and that she didn't belong but he'd included her nonetheless. He hadn't been particularly vocal with her and had put her on the worst shifts for watch but he hadn't been cruel. He hadn't tried to prevent her from speaking to the others or forced her to walk a distance from the Company, both things he could have done.

The flickering light from the fire was doing interesting things to his hair and the profile of his jaw, it was quite distracting. It was really unfair how attractive he was, Bilba thought. He was better looking than Fili or Kili, and might even be stronger, and he was kind, and commanding, with a deep voice that captivated her even when he was giving orders for someone to dig the new latrine, and he was loyal, and understanding, sometimes; and...and..................................

And she was thinking of him exactly as she'd used to think of Fram.

Her mind stumbled to a stop and went blank with shock.

She was thinking of him exactly as she'd used to think of Fram.

Of FRAM.

Fram who she was in LOVE with.

In LOVE.

Not just love, IN love. As in not affection, not love you like a brother, L-O-V-E.

With........................Thorin....................................................

.....................................................................

THORIN OAKENSHIELD.

........................could it be true?.....................................

...Eru, if it was she had HORRIBLE taste.......................................

......Why couldn't it be Fili?...................

.........Or Kili?.........

...Why THORIN?.........

.....

...Truly?

THORIN?..

.

.

.

.

.

.

Eru, could it be true?

Bilba drew her legs up and dropped her head on them, wrapping her arms around her knees.

She thought back over every interaction she'd ever had with him.

Back in the Shire she used to seek Fram out and watch him from a distance, just as she'd been watching Thorin now she thought.

He was always staring at her, probably making sure she didn't get eaten by a Warg just to annoy him, but it was only now that she realized in order to know that it meant SHE had been watching HIM.

She thought of the jittery feeling she got when he spoke to her, her nerves every time she was in his presence. She'd written it up to the fact he was a King but Fili and Kili were Princes and she'd never had the same problems talking to them.

She thought of the few arguments they'd had and how her anger had drained quickly to be replaced by sympathy and guilt over the sharp words she'd thrown back at him.

Eru, how could she have been so BLIND?

And so STUPID?

He was a KING for Illuvatar's sake! Not to mention they weren't even the same SPECIES! Then there were other factors, like the fact that dwarves lived for 500 years and her life would be over before he was even fully out of young adulthood, or the fact they were currently on a quest to confront a DRAGON and it really wasn't the best time to be in love with the leader of the Company.

Who happened to be a King.

And on a level so much higher than her she'd have to climb a ladder just to be considered beneath him.

Thorin would no doubt laugh at the notion that a frumpy, average looking, unusual Hobbit with not a single redeemable quality or talent to her name was in love with him.

She gave a low groan. Why couldn't she have remained oblivious to her own stupidity? Now she'd PINE after him, much like she'd done with Fram and wasn't THAT realization humiliating.

She hadn't had time, or reason, to go over her interactions with Fram until now but, as she continued to compare them to her interactions with Thorin, she found herself seeing them in a new light.

She'd thought she was coy and mysterious but, now, looking at it with the wisdom of time and hindsight, she saw it all in a different light.

She hadn't been coy and mysterious with Fram, she'd been pathetic. The second he mentioned liking adventure she'd rushed off to Bree. She'd overhear him in the marketplace talking about a new hairstyle or outfit he liked on a young woman and she'd rush off to dress just like them.

She banged her head on her knees and then slumped with a sigh. It was a wonder he even talked to her with how obviously she'd been throwing herself at him.

Her mind went to the memory of Poppy and her friends and how they'd thrown themselves all over Kili. She'd laughed at them but, in reality, she'd been little better.

Someone settled down next to her and a coat was suddenly draped over her shoulders.

"Are you all right?" A deep baritone inquired and Bilba decided right then and there that the Valar positively HATED her.

She sighed and lifted her head to gaze at Thorin. "You ever do something and it seems completely intelligent and right when you do it but, then, you look back on it years later and realize how stupid it was? To the point you start to wish you could go back in time and smack your younger self in the face and ask what they were thinking?"

Granted, it was just two months but, given what she'd gone through and remembered, it felt like a lifetime.

Thorin nodded. "I imagine we've all felt that way a time or two. Any time in particular you'd like to return too?"

She sighed. "I just realized my attempts to show my affection back in the Shire probably came across as desperate and I may have ended up looking like a fool."

She most certainly did NOT tell him the realization had come as she'd compared her feelings toward Fram to her feelings toward Thorin in an attempt to find out if they were similar.

If anything the feelings she felt toward Thorin were a thousand times stronger, to the point she now wondered if she'd ever truly been in love with Fram at all or had just fancied that she was.

She stifled another groan at her own foolishness.

"Ah," he looked back out over the fire. "You would not be the first to make a fool of yourself over someone you were in love with. I think it may be a rite of passage for the young of every race."

Bilba snorted. "I'm not THAT young. I should have known better."

Thorin shrugged. "You're young enough."

Bilba withered, her shoulders tensing. Here she was in love with him and he thought her no more than a child. Apparently her days of making a fool of herself were far from over.

"So," she said carefully hoping to change the topic from love and foolish mistakes, "you're talking to me now?"

He looked at her in surprise. "I was never not speaking to you. You were the one not speaking to me."

She stared at him and then gave another low groan and smacked her head lightly on her knees. "Are you saying I thought you weren't talking to me and you thought I wasn't talking to you, which means neither of us has been spoken to each other all this time...over a misunderstanding?" She frowned in suspicion. "But you never assigned me to be on watch with you, wasn't that because you were angry?"

He shifted slightly. "I felt you were angry and wished to spare you having to be in my company."

Bilba stared at him, her mouth gaping slightly. "We're both idiots," she said finally, shaking her head. "Honestly, it's a wonder either of us has any friends."

A small grin tugged at Thorin's lips. "I have been told this before, many times."

"I haven't," Bilba muttered, "though, in retrospect, it's probably because I HAVE no friends back home and, oh look, I think I just figured out why."

"You have your intended," Thorin said carefully, not looking at her.

"Hardly," Bilba said, "seeing as how we never actually acknowledged anything and I kind of wrote him a letter telling him to marry someone else."

Thorin went still next to her. "Indeed?"

Bilba nodded. "I have no idea when, or even if, I'll return. It isn't fair to expect him to wait."

"I'm sorry."

Bilba shrugged. Truth be told she hadn't felt near the amount of sorrow she'd expected from the action. It reinforced the idea that perhaps she hadn't been in love with Fram as much as she'd thought.

She felt a tiny spark of hope. If she HAD been mistaken about Fram maybe it meant she also wasn't as in love with Thorin either? She risked a look at him and felt her heart speed up and her breathing grow short in a way it had never done with Fram. She sighed, she wasn't mistaken in her feelings for him.

She was so doomed.

Thorin reached inside his shirt and withdrew his pipe. She watched as he filled it and lit it, settling back against the rocks to begin puffing on it.

"I'm sorry," Bilba said, pulling his coat tighter around her. It would have helped more if it had sleeves she thought petulantly but kept hold of it. "For what I said back in Rivendell, about you not being a King of anything." She looked down toward her feet, which were also cold though not so bad as the rest of her. "It wasn't true. You're a King, you have people who follow you and that's better than any cold rock or stone, though soon you'll have that too I'm sure."

Thorin had quieted during her comments, gazing out at the campfire and contentedly puffing away on his pipe.

Bilba shifted again, trying to burrow deeper into the coat. Beside her Thorin clamped the pipe between his teeth and sat up.

"Let me see that."

He gestured at the coat and Bilba struggled to hold back a growl at his desire to take it from her. It was his coat in the end, however, so she relinquished it, grimacing as the cold air bit back at her again.

"Come on." He stood up and held a hand down toward her. Bilba blinked up at him but reached her hand out and allowed him to pull her to her feet. Thorin led her over to nearer the fire. Dwalin was sprawled out, blocking most of the space along one side. Thorin gave him a swift kick in the shin and Dwalin woke up groggily, muttered under his breath and then inched himself over, farther away from the fire and turned his back to it.