“Lexi?”

Noah’s voice sees distance to my ears, as if he’s calling my name from miles away....when infact he’s standing right beside me...

My eyes are glued to those two people meters away from where I’m stood....constantly blinking to make sure I’m not the one who’s seeing things...

But I wish I was seeing things I think to myself because that would be so much better than actually seeing it in person...

“Lexi?” this time I feel a nudge on me, snapping me out of my daze and I shake my head hearing Noah’s voice loud and clear this time.

Blinking again I turn my head towards Noah who’s looking at me with an arched eyebrow...

Tilting his head, his eyes search mine “So...now you know..” he says simply..

My eyes narrow “Know what? Huh? That my brother ditched me all night just to hang out with your sister?! Oh yeah! Cus I just saw that!”

Holding his hands up in defence, he looks slightly amused which p*sses e off even more “Whooa....chill Lex...don’t take it out on me, they’re only chatting it’s not like they’ve hooked up or anything..” He ends with a light laugh lowering his hands...

Narrowing my eyes at him again I’m about to snap at him again, asking why he doesn’t show much emotion to see his sister with someone, sat that close to them and looking too comfortable...

But a movement catches my eye, causing my eyes to flick back to the two people say by the poolside.....

My stomach drops with a heavy weight, my eyes widen at what I’m witnessing.....

What I’m witnessing once again....

Shaking my head in disbelief, I feel myself take a step back, nearly stumbling, with my eyes once again glued to those two people and I feel a ringing in my ears....a stinging coming to my eyes...

No...How could he?!...not again!

This time I do stumble backwards as I move, my fists unclenching and clenching again by my sides as I furiously shake my head...turning away from what I’m seeing...

“Oh...nasty...” Noah comments cringing with a disgusted look on his face and turns away as well, his eyes flicking to me and he frowns, a confused yet curious expression coming to his face...

“Lex-..” But before he can even finish calling my name, I take off running, running away from there and back around the building, they way we just came.

How can he do this to me? Not again....if it was this serious...he would have told me!

Why didn’t he tell me? Tell me there was something he wanted to do...tell me what he thought....

Instead of me having to find out like I just did!

It’s like déjà vu...

First they fall out of the cupboard in an embrace...and now....now!?.....they share one by the pool!

I can’t sum up what I feel in one word, because I feel many.......

Hurt. Mad. Angry....are just some, but they’re pathetic words....words that you hear all the time...but too many are circling in my head....I just don’t know what to think...

Rushing out onto the grass around the front, I stumble into the wall, breathing heavily catching my breathe which is hard since I’ve been running but also...the tears have been falling..

Leaning up against the wall, I cover my face with my hand, my shoulder shaking from silent sobs, you might be thinking why the hell am I crying over watching my brother with some girl...but that’s not it!...there’s a whole lot more to it than that.....

Squeezing my eyes shut I breath in deeply, trying to stop my tears as I hate crying, it shows weakness....weakness people can use against you. But no matter what, it’s hard because with my eyes closed I can still see the images flashes up in behind my eyes of that very moment I turned around.....the moment the two of them we’re kissing..

Seth and April.

April and Seth.

I shake my head viciously, not wanting to believe it...and open my eyes again, and whipping the clearing the wetness...

“Lexi?” I tense up hearing Noah call my name and cover my face again, pressing myself up against the wall in attempt to hide and not let him see me......

“Lexi!?...where’d you go?”

I breath deep again, not being able to help it, nearly gasping for breath as I’ve been trying to keep it quiet as you can hear everything out here...it’s silent nearly just with the inside noise of people having fun...

“Lex!..there you are!...what’s wrong? Why you run off!”

I close my eyes again, he’s seen me...and I quickly wipe under my eyes, breathing in deeply hoping it’s not obvious...

“Lex?” I jump as I feel a cold hand on my shoulder and spin around to see a confused/worried looking Noah standing there...

“Lex?.....you okay?” he tilts his head looking down at me...

I sniff brushing his hand off and step back from him “Just leave me alone......I don’t want you here...”I mumble out, surprised at how my voice sounds, quiet and weak...

Noah’s frown deepens and he steps closer “Why?....have you been crying?” he quizzes studying me, causing me to look away from him “I mean why are you so upset?....Seth’s your brother...surely you’ll be happy for him that’s he’s got a girlfriend....even if it is my sister....but hey! She’s not that bad..” He smirks lightly at the end jokingly, trying to lighten the mood...

I sniff again shaking my head looking to my shoes.... “No, no...I am...I do...” I whisper stuttering over my words quickly wiping my check as I feel a tear trickle down “But not like that!....you don’t get it....you don’t!...it’s not like that!” my voice raises up a bit as I lift my head up to look at him, growing in anger.

Noah creases his eyebrow, clearly confused “Well then what?...what is it like?” He asks, his own eyes slightly narrowing back at me as mine are to his

Shaking my head I let out a frustrated noise “You won’t understand! Seth’s my brother! I know!....but with her...no..no!....he said he wouldn’t....he would have told me...” I break off not finishing my point as my voice breaks slightly...and a few more tears leak from my eyes involuntarily and I angrily brush them away.

“Whoaa..” Noah cuts in from where I broke off and holds his hand up “First that is my sister...and yes I know she can be a handful at times...and I know what she can be like, but there’s no need to speak badly of her...what’s so wrong with it being her?!...she’s my sister...if she’s happy...then I’m happy! Why are you acting like you’ve just seen the worst thing ever?! Be happy for your brother!” Noah’s voice is raised too, him getting annoyed or angry and his eyes narrow more.

I shake my head, laughing humourlessly and sarcastically “What’s wrong with your sister?!....dude...you have no idea!....no offence or anything but she’s freaking evil! You can just see it on that face of her’s, she’s manipulating and a bi-“

“Whooa!” Noah cuts me off, his eyes once wide then glare again “You may not like my sister...but there’s no need for calling her that! How would you like it if I b*tched about your brothers to you huh?!...”

Glaring at him, I push his arm away from me “You know what I’ll do..” I nearly growl at him.

“Exactly...” He glares back “So cut this crap....and tell me what the whole problem is! Because he’s your brother, your twin....I thought siblings do that for eachother....you should be happy...not like this!”

Glaring at him through blurry eyes, I feel a lump rise in my throat but I swallow it “You don’t know anything! Your just some guy who lives next door! You don’t know anything...so why not just leave me the fuvk alone!?” I snap pushing myself from the wall and backing up from him.

Keeping his eyes narrowed he stares/glares at me “Really?....your just gunna say that?...” he steps closer to me “See I would believe you thou Lex....but I can see it in your eyes....you don’t want to be left alone...”

Glaring at him I push him back “I do!....leave!” I shout at him

“No!” He shouts back “Not until you tell me why you’re so upset over all this?...there’s nothing to be upset about!”

Shaking my head again looking down I step back “You don’t understand!..just go! You won’t understand!”

“So tell me!” He presses shouting stepping forward again his eyes still on mine...

A whimper escapers my lips as I shake my head, wiping my eyes and sniffing...

“Tell me Lexi....” His voice is quieter and yet again steps forwards towards me as I’ve stepped back and reaches his hand out towards me..

Pushing his arm away I step back again, feeling all the built up tears in my eyes “Why?! Why should I tell you huh?! I don’t know you! Heck I don’t even like you!...so why Noah..why the fuvk should I tell you?!”

He looks taken back for a moment and blinks at me....before his expression turns into blank...then back to that narrowed eye/glare...

“You know what?! Forget it! I won’t talk to you like this.......I’ll just leave it...you obviously don’t care as much as you say you do for your brother...otherwise you’ll be happy for him...I mean why else would you be acting like this after seeing that?!” He ask rhetorically turning to leave...

“BECAUSE I don’t want to lose him!” I blurt/shout out, tears spilling from my eyes, I couldn’t have him think I didn’t care...of course I do... more than he’ll ever know!

Noah pauses...and slowly turns back around to face me, his face a mirror of confusion..

“What?” his voice sounds more quiet as his eyes meet mine...

“I don’t want to lose him..” I repeat... my sentence quiet as a sob slips past my lips...

Frowning Noah looks more confused “What?...Seth?....you won’t los-“ he starts but I cut him off...

“ I will!” I shout out not even bothering to wipe my eyes anymore and just let the tears fall “I don’t want to lose him to A-April....” I stutter out “They’ll get close to eachother, spend all their time with one another...he even did that tonight! Left me to be with her!...I won’t let that happen! I won’t let her take away the only person in the world who understands me better than myself! I-if I lose him....” I shake my head my voice breaking “I can’t lose him...I need him....” Tears fall freely now as I look into Noah’s brown eyes that are staring right back at me...

“I can’t lose him..” I sniff “I can’t lose someone else that I care about....I just can’t...not after dad..” I whimper out covering my face in my arms as I cannot stop these tears falling....and don’t even register what I’ve really said to Noah...

But I do know one thing.....I can’t lose Seth to April....not now, not ever...I need him, he’s my rock. I can’t lose him......he can’t leave me.....I won’t let someone else that I love leave me..... my dad’s death told me that...

And as I’m crying silently into my own arms....I feel a pair wrap around me....

And other surprise of the night is that I find...

Noah Dean.....hugging me.

Yet that isn’t what shocks me most....it’s that I don’t fight it, I let him.

And I like it.