For the first time in my life, I'm directionless.

I can go east, west, north, or south. I can move up, down, side to side. Hell, I don't have to move at all. I can stand right here. I can stand in this spot for as long as I need.

No compass. No map. No plan.

It's kind of liberating.

The solace of stillness.

I always thought that standing in one spot meant that you're lost, that you're stuck, that you're moving backward, further and further away from the finish line.

But I was wrong.

Mistaken.

The finish line isn't stagnant. It's moving. Always moving. And I think that sometimes when you stop moving the finish line actually moves closer and meets you exactly where you're standing.

It comes to you.

When we're little we're told to chase our dreams. But what does that mean? Does it mean if our dreams don't come true that we weren't running fast enough? That we didn't put in enough effort? That we gave up? Got tired? Distracted? Exhausted?

Maybe it's time to stop chasing dreams and allow dreams to chase us. To attract rather than pursue. To take a break from running and just wait. Be patient. Have faith. Have confidence. And just let the universe do its thing.

I thought I knew what I wanted. Harvard. I was dead sure that would make me happy. That that shiny acceptance letter would bring me joy. That it would fill the void. That empty spot in my heart that I kept trying to ignore. But it didn't. It couldn't have. Why? Because I was chasing. I was chasing a dream that wasn't even mine.

My dream, my real dream, is coming true right now. It's not as big or important or life altering as Harvard but who cares. It's mine. And it's happening right now.

"Stand still, Kennedy!" my mom scolds, mumbling through the hair pins in her mouth. "Max, go ask your mom for some more hairspray. I need all the help I can get!"

"On it!" Max laughs, jumping off her bed and rushing out of her bedroom. She might look like a damn highlighter in that neon yellow pants-suit, but I'm a little jealous of her mobility. "Mom! Sarah needs more hair poison!"

"You look so beautiful, honey," my mom smiles, pinning a ringlet to the rest of the half up-do. "Like a modern day princess."

"Princess, huh?" My eyes narrow as I look at my reflection in the floor length mirror. The satin forest green evening gown hugging my body is pretty but I wouldn't stay it screams royalty. "I don't see it."

"That's because you're looking with your eyes, Kenny," she says as Max and Alice stroll back into the room, supplies in hand. My mom leans into my ear and whispers, "You need to look with your heart."

"Hearts have eyes now? Wow. Looks like someone got into your stash," Max jokes, glancing at her mom. "Thought you locked the cabinet."

"Ignore her." Alice rolls her eyes, flicking the side of Maxine's head. "My child has no filter."

"Filters are for coffee," Max says, swatting her mom's hand away. "Not people."

"Seeing as you're caffeine personified perhaps a little filter would do you some good," I tease as my mom sprays the back of my head with hairspray, the fumes filling my nostrils. "Okay, enough. Jeez, you're making me highly flammable."

"Oh!" My mom claps her hands as I spin around. "You can be a fire dancer!" Oh my god. Here we go again. "I can see it now! Kennedy Carmichael: The Girl on Fire!"

"That's from The Hunger Games, Sarah," Max notes with a laugh as I face palm. "But I'm here for it."

"Me too! I am in full support of this new career path," Alice chuckles. "You would own the Venice Beach Boardwalk. Here—" She removes a dollar from her pocket and hands it to me. "Your first paycheque."

"You guys are hilarious," I scowl at the three of them, crossing my arms.

"Aw, we're just kidding, honey." My mom forces me into a hug, rocking me side to side. "Whatever you want to do, I'll support. As long as you're happy, okay?" She pulls away, her warm eyes scanning my face. "I'm serious, Kennedy. Whatever you want."

This was my dream.

Unconditional love.

"I don't think Dad will be too happy if I becoming a flame thrower," I note as my phone vibrates. I smile at group chat with me, Max, Cliff, and Ollie. They're here. "Might get disowned."

"He'll come around," my mom says, swallowing. "He's your father, Kennedy. He wants the best for you."

I blink. "Do you really believe that?"

Mom sighs. "I want to."

"Yeah," I hum, unconvinced. "Me too."

"Don't mean to interrupt this moment but we gotta go!" Max exclaims, grabbing my hand. "We're gonna be late!"

"Max, slow down I'm wearing heels," I yelp, attempting to stay vertical as she drags me downstairs to the front door. "Max!"

"Maxine!" Alice calls out as our mothers chase us. "Jesus, child."

I catch my breath as Max let's go of my hand and reaches for the door handle, a flurry of microscopic butterflies in my stomach. "Wait," I say, composing myself. I turn to my mom. "How do I look?"

"You both look breathtaking," she says, leaning on Alice, a glossy coat of tears shimmering in her eyes. Alice squeezes my mom's hand. "I'm so happy to able to share this moment with you, Kennedy."

"Me too," I say, emotion trembling my tone. "I love you, mom."

"God, women are emotional," Maxine huffs, hip checking me. "Buck up, Carmichael. We have a dance to crush."

"She's right," my mom says, wiping the inner corner of her eyes. "Go have fun! You girls can tell us all about it when you get home."

"Well, I'll give you my version tonight." Max tosses me a knowing grin. "Kenny won't be home til the morning."

"Excuse me?!" My mom blinks. "The morning?"

My eyes widen in horror.

I'm going to kill her.

"Okay, bye mom! Bye Alice!" I twist the door handle, tumbling out of Max's house. "Don't wait up!"

"Kennedy Carmichael!" Mom's voice booms from behind but I ignore it, rushing towards Ollie and Cliff who are standing in front of the black stretch limousine, corsages in hand. "Kennedy!"

"See? You can totally run in heels," Maxine laughs, catching up to me. "You just need a little motivation."

"You're such a dick," I grumble under my breath. "I can't believe you said that."

"Pretty sure your mom would notice if you didn't come home tonight," Max notes, unbothered. "I did you a favour."

"Sure, let's go with that," I mumble, waving at Oliver who looks like just stepped out of GQ magazine. Holy shit, he's hot. My mouth dries. Oh, god. What is happening to me?! It's fine. I'm fine. Breathe. "Don't say anything to Ollie about the hotel room, okay? It's a surprise."

Also, if he doesn't know about it, I can back out anytime I want without having to explain anything. Not that I think he'd would get mad but I want this night to be perfect.

I think I'm finally ready.

"My lips are sealed." Max winks at me. "I'm so stoked for you! Baby's finally gonna get it on!"

"Shut up!" I whisper in a harsh tone under my breath as we approach the boys.

"You guys look great!" Cliff says, eyes glued to Max.

"Than—" My heart leaps in my chest as Ollie yanks my waist and pulls me into a kiss, his lips crushing against mine. A wild fire of heat spreads through my body as he grips my dress, his fingers digging into me. My insides clench. Holy crap. I am definitely ready. "Hi," I manage, eyelids fluttering as I pull away. "Wow..."

"Wow yourself, love," Oliver grins, a devilish gleam in his eyes. "You look absolutely remarkable." He holds out the corsage. "May I?"

"Mhmm," I blush, biting my tingling lips as Oliver slides a lily corsage on my wrist. "Thank you, it's beautiful."

"Its beauty simply does not compare." He takes my hand, kissing it gently. "You're a vision, my love. I have have no words."

Me neither. No words. He makes me speechless. Totally and irrefutably speechless. Words are overrated anyway. I don't need to tell him how I feel. He knows. He knows I love him. So fucking much.

"Ay ay ay! Let's get a move on!"

Max yells from inside the limo. "God, you guys are sickening. Hello?! We have champagne to drink!"

"I guess we should get in," I whisper, unable to keep myself from smiling.

"After you," Oliver smirks, nodding inside limo.

"Why thank you," I say, carefully getting into the limo, Ollie's warm hand on the small of my back.

"Wait!" We all look towards the house, Alice sprinting towards us with a camera. "We forgot to take photos!"

"Close the door!" Max yells, grabbing my hand and yanking me inside. So aggressive! She turns to the driver. "Drive! Now!"

"But—" Cliff hesitates.

"Close the door!" Max demands. "We'll be here for hours otherwise! Cliff!"

"And she says that I'm bossy," I whisper to Oliver as Clifford shuts the door, an apologetic gleam in his eyes as the limo pulls out of Maxine's driveway. I examine my dress, frowning as I turn away from Ollie. "I feel like I ripped it. Do you see anything?"

"Mmm..." Oliver's fingers glide down my spin, making me shiver. "Looks fine to me."

"Good," I breathe, heart racing from his touch.

"You alright, love?" he asks, cocking a amused brow.

"Mhmm," I hum, eyeing the champagne Max is popping. Maybe a glass will help me calm down. I'm feeling all sorts of wound up. "I'm great."

"Here. One for you—" Max hands me a flute. "And one for you. Wait—" she frowns at Ollie. "Are you drinking?"

"Not really," he says. "But I think I can handle one glass."

"You sure?" Max asks. "No pressure dude."

"I'll be fine, Max," Ollie says, taking the flute. He glances at me, eyes softened. "I'll be just fine."

"Okay!" Maxine exclaims, holding up her glass. "To the most memorable night of our lives!"

Memories.

I'm creating them right now.

Dancing with Maxine and Felicity and Leon (We won't be auditioning for America's Got Talent). Taking silly photo booth pictures with Ollie (against his wishes but I think he's having a good time). Doing sneaky shots with Corrine (it's a start but we're trying). Voting for prom queen and king (Sawyer better win, he truly is a king. Just not mine).

These are all little snapshots that I can pull up and view at any time. Whenever I want. Whenever things get bad. Whenever I feel sad. Whenever I feel empty, these are the memories I'll conjure up to remind myself that I'm whole. That I'm loved. That I have to everything I need.

Sometimes you need to get lost to find yourself. I'm still a little lost. Wandering. But I'm not alone. It's not scary anymore. If anything... it's kind of exciting.

"Alright, Hilton! I hope everyone is having a great time tonight!" The lead singer takes the mic as the band stops playing. "Before this year's prom queen and king are announced, we have a special performance—"

"Love you," Ollie whispers, kissing my cheek before running towards the stage.

"What?! What is he doing?" I glance over at Max who shrugs and takes a sip of punch. I look at Cliff who's as clueless as I am. "I'm so confused."

"Joining The Charade on drums tonight is your very own, Mr. Oliver Knight," the singer announces. He glances over his shoulder to Oliver who's perching down behind the drums. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Ollie says into his mic as he unbuttons his cuffs and dress shirt, giving his hair a shake. Hot damn. He finds my perplexed gaze, giving me a smirk as he adds "This song's for a very special girl who showed me what was sleeping in my soul."

"Oh my God," I whisper, cheeks burning as I feel dozens of eyes staring at me. "He didn't."

"What?" Maxine asks as the band begins to play my favourite song.

"Nothing," I mumble, being drawn closer to the stage, like he's pulling me towards him.

But he's not a flame. And I'm not a moth. I'm not hardwired to seek his warmth, his fire. I'm choosing it. I'm deciding to let him be my flame. It's conscious. An informed decision.

I can't take my eyes off of Oliver as they play my song.

Because we need each other.

We believe in one another.

And I know we're going to uncover.

What's sleeping in our souls.

I trust him not to burn me.

As the final note is played, the crowd bursts into applause and I rush towards the edge of the stage to meet Ollie.

"That was incredible!" I gush as he hops down, wiping a sheen of sweat off his forehead. I grab his neck, bringing myself up to kiss his salty lips. "Like amazing!"

"Thanks, love." Oliver laughs, his hot breath filling my lung as I smoother him in kisses. "Okay, calm down Penny Lane. Christ. What has gotten into you?"

"Let's go," I say, my pulse quickening as I grab his hand. "Right now!"

"Go where?" Oliver asks as I drag him towards Maxine and Cliff.

"Dude that was dope!" Max praises, frowning once we don't stop. "Wait! Where you going? They're about to—" I shoot Max a sharp look. "Oh shit, okay girl." She laughs. "Get it."

I ignore her, lacing my fingers through Oliver as I push through the throngs of people.

"Come on!"

"Will you slow down?" Ollie pleads, stopping us just outside the ballroom doors. "Where are you taking me? Should I be scared?"

I close my eyes, taking a small breath before I fish out a room key from my clutch.

"I'm taking you upstairs," I say, handing him the golden key. "Is that okay?"

Oliver blinks. "You're serious?"

"Yes," I confirm, my clothes practically taking themselves off. "Very serious."

"Kennedy, I don't want you to—"

"Stop." I place a hand on his rising chest. "I want this, Ollie. I'm ready."

"You're sure?" he asks as my phone vibrates. I glance down at the notification. "Is it your mom again?"

"No," I say, locking the screen. "Just a Hilton Hears update."

"You're not gonna check it?" he asks, casting me a skeptical look. "Could be something juicy."

"It doesn't matter. I don't care," I say, meeting his dreamy eyes. "It's not important. This is important." I squeeze the tips of his fingers. "You're important."

And I really mean it.

For real.

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AHHHHHH omg. I cant believe that Faux Real is finally finished. I started this story such a long time ago and I'm so thrilled that I kept writing.

I will post the epilogue later plus a mushy author's note.

I love you guys! And thank you so much for joining me on this ride.

THOUGHTS??

Vote if you've enjoyed ❤️