I was engrossed in my book when someone forwarded me my cup of coffee. Without looking at it, I took a sip and as soon as I took a sip, I made faces. Not that it wasn't good, it was but not my preference. The type of coffee I drink only Bondita can make and no one else, kam doodh, zyada coffee, sirf adha chammach chini.

"Bondita ye kya banaya hain tumne..." I said and looked up to find Koyli standing with the tray. "Tum? Bondita kaha hain?" I looked here and there.

"Wo ya maine banaya hain".

"Ha to issey le jao aur Bondita ko bhejo coffee k sath" I said and again looked at my book. "Wo nehi ayenge" said Koyli.

I kept the book aside, "kyu?"

"Kyuki hum ne kaha hain!" Entered Kaka and baba. "Anirudh, bahu ki...mera matlab Bondita kuch bhi na kare, koi bhi kam kyuki kuch din baad vivah...mera matlab punar vivah hone jaa raha hain isiliye."

I was happy that Kaka finally agreed to the marriage but also suspicious ki ek raat mein aisa parivartan kaise?

"Kaka mein bohot khush hu" I hugged him in excitement.

"Ha Anirudh tum sahi the" said Baba, "par hum logo ne bhi ek faisla liya hain".

"Ha kuch bhi faisla lijiye" I said happily.

"Sun to le" said Kaka smirking, "vivah k paschat tum aur Bondita ek dusre se kabhi nehi miloge".

My smile faded away and I looked at them in shock. "Batuk aur Bondita Calcutta ja ke apni zindagi bitayenge, aur tum dono k zindagi mein ek dusre ka koi nishani nehi hona chahiye"

I stepped backwards, "aisa kaise..."

"To tuney kya socha, vivah k baad bhi pehele pati k sath rahegi?

I clutched my fist, "wo akeli kaise..." I cleared my throat as my voice sounded shaky, "mera matlab Bondita ko raat mein nind nehi ayi to, agar bukhar huya ya fir kuch aur, kabhi kabhi zidd bhi karti hain nehi khane ki to tabh...mera matlab...".

"Akeli kaha hain Batuk hain na aur ye sab abh tujhe sochne ki zaroorat nehi, ye Batuk sochega, abh to Bondita Batuk ki zimmedari hain" said kaka.

"Par kaka" I interrupted, "Ha Bondita abh Batuk ki patni kehlaygi gi, wo thik hain par uski Zimmedar mera hi hain aur rahega, wo mein kisi aur ko sop nehi sakta kyuki mein pati babu na sahi, shikhshak babu hu, sakha babu hu uski".

"Tum nehi chahate ki wo dono khush rahe?" Questioned Baba, "ek bhai se vivah tod k dusre se rishta joregi, aur uske baad bhi tum dono baat karoge to accha lagega kya?

"Par Bondita meri zimmedari hain" I said in a shaky voice.

"Par abh se nehi hain" interrupted kaka, "abhse saara faisla Batuk ka hoga, uske naam k agey Batuk ka naam rahega, bas ek hi iccha hain, Calcutta jaane k baad dono waha apna ghar basa k khush rahe, sukhi rahe".

Saying all these they went away. I sat on the couch with a jerk and looked at the ceiling. Do you know why?

My eyes had turned teary by now, that strange fluid that flows through our eyes for no reason was ready to flow but I am Anirudh Roy Chowdhury, stubborn than those tears as well. I looked up to prevent them from flowing and yes I defeated them. I chuckled softly and murmured, "tum sukhi rahogi to mujhse zyada khush koi hoga kya?"

Placing a cushion, I lay on the crouch, resting my hand on my forehead. I wasn't sleeping, just closed my eyes and the only vision that I got every time I closed my eyes were her face after she removed the paan patta(beetle leaves).

Her mama tied the knot and she walked behind me while others showered petals on us.

"Vaar aur vadhu hath agey laiye"

She forwarded her hands and I placed my hands below her tiny little hands.

I opened my eyes immediately and took a deep breath. Before closing them again I rubbed my face.

Once I closed them, Red powder was flashing in front of my eyes. I held a pinch of it with my fingers and drew a line on her hairline, a line of trust, friendship, companionship, a line of promises. Her mami covered her head with a red saree while she looked at me with an innocent face and a child-like smile. Her eyes showed her trust for me, her happiness. She smiled Daant dikh rahe the, ek k upar ek. Nak lal ho chuki thi sindoor k karan.

Bondita?" I knocked at her door, "andar au".

She was sitting near the window, lost in her thoughts while her eyes gazed outside. I went to her and looked out to know what was she watching.

It was raining outside and an old couple were enjoying themselves together under the same umbrella.

"Kitne pyare lag rahe hain na" she said looking outside, "shadi k itne saalon baad bhi pyar barkarar hain".

"Ha" I replied back softly.

"Janteho" she looked at me, "yehi hain saccha pyar, kitna ajeeb hain na bhagwan ne sabke liye kisi na kisi ko banake raha hain".

I smiled at her.

"To pehele hi unhe sahi insaan se mila dena chahiye na?...dekho ye dada dadi kitne pyare hain, purey zindagi ek duje k sath bitane k baad bhi har pal ko jee rahe hain eksath"

"Bondita" I held her hand, "jo dil mein hain bata do, hum dost hain na?"

"Tumne bataya tha? She removed her hand and stood up, "hum dost hain par tumne mujhe kabhi kyu nehi bataya ki tumhare dil mein mere liye kya hain?"

"Ha, pyar karta tha aur Dada ko bataya tha par wo to aise hi" I hesitated.

She looked at me and smiled.

"Par Bondita tum is vivah se sehmat ho na".

She turned away and I felt like as if she is ignoring my gaze, "ha aur nehi to kya, prem dosti se hi to shuru hota hain, mujhe wakt lagega par tum humesha mera sath dete ho, mein khush hu".

"Aur Dada se jo tum..." I paused to read her face. "Wo to bass ek bhram tha, mujhe koi pyar nehi tha unse" she chuckled, "bass lagav tha".

I was unable to understand whether she is lying or not. Her expression didn't suggest that she was lying. She seemed normal but still, I held her by her shoulder, "ha pyar karta hu par mere pyar se upar hain humari dosti isiliye agar tumne kabhi bhi ekbar mujhse kaha ki tum is vivah se sehmat nehi ho, mein ye vivah nehi karunga".

She looked at me and assured me,"aisa nehi hoga".

As soon as he left I threw myself on the bed clutched the bedsheet and cried my heart out, loudly, sobbing and weeping continuously.

I HATE HIM!

But I can't stop loving him....

I have been in love and it is horrible. It is like you open your heart for someone, and he enters just to mess it up. Then you make a mask of happiness and put it on your face to let that person mess your heart more because honestly, you don't want him to get out of your heart.

"Bondita!"

He shouted out loud after that horrible dream of his. He washed his face several times and rushed towards her room to check whether she is fine or not.

He peeped inside and found her sleeping. Her face looked so innocent, cute and pure just like a little baby.

Meri Bondita sotey huye sabse pyari lagti hain. I cupped her face, "tum janti ho na jo tumhare khushi se barkar mere liye kuch bhi nehi. Aj shayad nafrat karogi mujhse par mein jo bhi kar raha hu sab tumhare liye" saying this I kissed her forehead and turned away to leave but she held my hand tightly in her sleep.

I slowly freed my hand and left the room. I don't know why but my heart was giving me a strange pain. I should be happy but I wasn't. I tried to sleep but failed every time. I tried to calm myself down but something was eating me up from inside but I had no idea what.

Is it because of what kaka had said. I'll never meet her again. I should feel free but I felt more burdened.

I was unable to calm myself and seeing no option left, I poured some alcohol into a glass and took a sip. Maybe this would help me sleep. I don't like drinking that much so after a few sips I finally fell asleep.

Next morning when I woke up people were gathered in our house. "Kaka ye sab kya ho raha hain?"

"Shadi ka ghar hain aur kya"

My breath hitched, "o accha" and I masked a smile. "Bahu upar gyi hain nyi sareeya pehenke dekh ne k liye ki thik lag rahi hain ye nehi".

"Aj ek chota sa function karwa k sagai karwa dete hain maine aur Da ne socha, bas ghar k log hi rahenge" said Baba.

"Sagai?"

"Ha to? Peheli baar sun raha hain kya? Shadi se Pehle hoti hain" Kaka said.

Engagement!

I never thought I will have to watch her engagement. Good! Great!

I tried to ignore the chaos and ordered Bihari for a cup of coffee. Baba was reading the morning newspaper, Som and Batuk were also present.

We heard the clinging of her payel. Bondita descended down in a dark pink benarasee saree along with Sampoorna and the seller lady.

She stood in front of us. "Hayee nazar na lagey meri bacchi ko" said kaka.

"Dekhiye to kaisi lag rahi hain apki patni" said the seller woman.

"Acchi!" Batuk and I both spoke out together. All went quiet immediately. It was an awkward situation for all of us but Bondita smiled, "kaisi lag rahi hu mein Batuk?"

"Acchi" he replied.

I felt like shouting at her. Why was she not asking me but then I realised why should she ask me? Who am I to her?

Suddenly Bihari came with my coffee but tripped down due to which the hot coffee fell on her arms. "Aaa" she groaned in pain and all of us panicked.

"Kya huya?" I immediately made her sit and shouted at Bihari on top of my voice, "dekh k nehi la sakte the."

"Hath dikao"

"Nehi thik hain" she hid her arm with her pallu.

"Bahu Anirudh ko hath dikhao, jal gaya hoga" insisted kaka so did everyone.

Batuk ran to bring the medicine.

"Bondita hath dikho ussey" said Som and Baba.

She was hesitating but when she finally showed her hand, "Anirudh" was clearly inscribed on her hand which she made in childhood.

Everybody again went quiet but I concentrated more on her wound. I held her hand and blew air gently.

I stared at him while he was blowing air. How could I not love him?

Batuk came with the ointment and was about to apply it on my wound but pati babu jerked his hands off in a rage, "kya kar raha hain ye?"

"Dawai hain ye" he was confused so were all.

"Bondita ko is dawai se allergy hain itna bhi nehi pata" he shouted at him.

Yes, I do have an allergy to that particular medicine.

Koyli brought ice and she applied it on my burnt area, "abhi tere laparwayi k wajase kuch ho jata to Bondita ko, kaise choru mein usey tere bharose".

Oh no! What I just did was absolutely wrong so I left her hand immediately and moved aside.

"Mujhe kisi k bharose chorne ki zaroorat nehi, mein khud apni dekh bhal kar sakti hu" Bondita said sternly and threw the ice away that I was applying.

In the afternoon I went to talk to her. After that day we had no conversation. She was playing the piano and while she did, her hair strands fell on her face. How much I wanted to remove them.

I cleared my throat in order to draw her attention and she stopped playing and looked at me, "boliye Barrister Babu".

Barrister Babu from her mouth was as painful and if someone was burning me alive.

"Nehi bas aise hi aya tha dhun sunne vaise aj kya baja rahi ho?" I stood leaning at the piano.

"Sunenge ap?" she said flipping over the copy of music notes, "maine likhi hain".

I nodded my head and she started playing.

Jab tu pass tha mere pass tha pura jahan

Par ye abh ye jahan mere kis kam ka

Meri chuppi kabh majboori ban gaya

Kaise tu ne leliya do dilo ka faisla?

She stopped and I saw tears dripping on the keys but she rubbed them off with jer pallu and smiled back at me,

"Mein to chali jaungi" she said in a low voice.

"Hmm"

"Jaane se pehele kuch mangu apse? Doge ap mujhe?" She said pressing the keys of the piano.

"Ha..."

She stood up and faced me, "mere vivah k din mein chahati hu ki ap mujhe apne hathon se dulhan k libas mein saja de, mera shringar kare".

My smile faded away and I felt as if everything collided. I couldn't feel any sensitivity as my hands went numb and cold.

"Ap meri akhri iccha puri nehi karenge? Nehi denge akhri bar mujhe mera tofa?"

I looked away to hide my tears, "haa karunga".

"Pati babu!" I ran towards him. He was not in his senses, almost fainted and stood with the support of a man.

"Dada ko kya huya?" Batuk and I both stopped exchanging rings.

I held him and he leaned over me with all his body weight.

"Anirudh ko kya ho gaya? Anirudh" kaka panicked as well.

He was smelling like alcohol which I was unable to bear but the strange thing is he is not drunker. He never acted like this. He does drink but occasionally.

I could feel warmth so I touched his forehead, he was burning in fever, "inhe to bukhar hain!"