Koyli and other ladies were dressing her up. I stood at the threshold and watched her in red benarasi and her long dark hair flowing down, only that much of her dressup was done. On seeing me all the women left the room. Although we are not Husband and wife anymore but still they gave us privacy.

Bondita saw me in the reflection when I stood behind her. We looked at each other through that mirror before I picked up the comb and started to comb her hair. My hands shivered before touching her. I recalled the moment when I used to tie her hair up before she used to go to school. I never thought that I will be doing the same again. She stood like a statue while I combed her hair gently and tied them onto a braid.

She brought her braid in the front and looked at it while I pinned the flowers in them. I could hardly see her properly as my eyes were filled with tears and so was hers. After completing her hair I moved on to the jewellery. Slowly I opened her earring and made her wear the heavy one. We looked at each other with pain in our eyes, the pain of separation, the pain of losing.

She closed her eyes to let out her tears. I moved her hair on one side and my fingers touched her bare neck. I saw her in the mirror, closing her eyes on my touch as I made her wear the necklaces and all.

The most difficult part was when I had to make her wear her Shakha pola for the sake of her new husband. I held the shakha and looked at her through it. Unable to control myself, I turned around and rubbed off my tears. I was breaking into fragments every second but I had to be strong and do this. My hands were trembling, holding those shakha pola still I took her hand into mine and made her wear them.

Suddenly Bondita, with the end of her pallu rubbed off my tears and nodded her head, gesturing me not to shed tears. I held her hands while she wiped my tears.

Kneeling down in front of her, I placed her feet on my thigh and with love and the utmost care, I placed my hand on her feet to open the anklet she was already wearing and tie up a new one but she held my hands and resisted me. This was the same anklet I gifted her and she doesn't want to open them.

I made her stand and looked at her once again. She looked like the most prettiest bride I have ever seen. I wanted to hug her and cry my heart out but masked my feelings with a smile. She smiled back at me too. I could only place my hand on her head and rub gently while she closed her eyes and uncontrolled tears flowed down from those innocent eyes.

She gestured me towards her gach kouto( The red sindoor dani that Bengalis hold during the marriage. You all have seen that red thing where Bondita keeps the sindoor).

I picked it up from the table. Because of this, I meet her. If this wouldn't have rolled to my feet that day, I would have never met her, never seen her being married to that old man. That night when she came to my room and slept in the small bed, I picked up this thing and realized that she was in my room.

I stood holding it, recalling everything when She took it from my hand.

Few women entered, "chaliye, vivah k muhrat ho gaya hain". They took her with them but something stopped her and I felt as if someone is holding me. I turned back and found her pallu's string got attached to my watch. We looked at each other, speaking through her eyes while many things remained untold. Ocean of emotions was overpowered by a fake petty smile on her lips. She detached the watch and the pallu, detaching every little feeling of empathy, friendship or love we had, erasing every sweet memory of everthing.

If I stay here further, I will simply die out of this pain so while the rituals took place I left the haveli. I decided to return only when the marriage is over.

After I sat on the 'piri' and it was rotated seven times and when I finally removed the leaves, Batuk was standing in groom's attire but I could see only my pati babu in it. Yes, I was hallucinating, recalling my marriage day when I first saw him. He was lost in someone else's thoughts at that time which proves he was never mine.

Vaarmala had to be exchanged and I rose on my toes automatically.

No Bondita no

You don't have to raise your height, he is not your Pati babu. I had the habit that is why maybe.

What am I doing to myself? Whom am I kidding? I love someone else and after this marriage, every colour of happiness will be washed away from me. I continued to cry silently behind the veil. Tears dripped on my hand.

"Vaar aur vadhu hath agey karey"

No! No! No! You could have killed me Pati babu instead of making me do this. I cried continuously under the veil.

He was not here.

Kitne Shatir hain Barrister Babu. Bhag gye wo kayaro ki tarha mujhe is aag mein dhakel k. Mein jaal rahi hu yaha pe, maar rahi hu yaha pe. Kitna shatir hain wo.

I was crying profusely under my veil but made sure not to make any sound. Why me? He had promised me not to let me cry ever but I think I have never cried like this before in my life.

The pheras took place.

In bengali it is called saat pakey badha which means tied in 7 rounds for 7 lifes.

Accha Saat phere to humne bhi liye the fir kyu nehi tika rishta 7 janmo tak? Kya ye reet sachmein khokle hain, kya ye vivah k saare vaachan jhothe hain?

"Abh sindoor daan"

I closed my eyes tightly when Suddenly kaka exclaimed in Joy, "arrey Anirudh bhi a gaya".

I guessed that might be the marriage is over but when I saw it wasn't I was like, "bas ek minute aur late ata Anirudh".

Suddenly Bondita removed the veil and I saw her red tired eyes and marks of tears on her cheeks. She stood up.

Bondita got up from the mandap and walked towards me. I forced a smile, "congratulations". She stood there in front of me for some time then placed a slap on my face in front of everyone.

Nobody spoke further. She held my collar in anger, "ap dhokebaaz ho!nafrat karti hu mein apse" soon her rage tured into tears. She pulled my collar causing me to tear my shirt, pressed her forehead to my chest and cried.

Batuk came and consoled her and she burst into tears," maine tumse ek vaada kiya tha na Bondita wo mein nibhaunga' said Batuk and patted her head. I stood there, her gunhegaar with teary eyes. I know she will never forgive me.

She stood up again and with full rage held my collar, "ap samajhte kya ho apne apko, bohot mahan ho ap?"

She pushed me away, "ap jaisa swarthi insaan maine aj tak nehi dekhi" she shouted and cried and I stood there weeping. "Maine apke bharose, ek anjan k bharose apna ghar chora tha aur apne mujhe insaan nehi samjha? Ap ne itna bara faisla kaise le liya".

She hit me on my chest whith her small fist, "mere bhavnao k sath khelne wale ap hotey kaun ho? Mein khamosh thi iska matlab ye nehi ki mein majboor hu".

"Bondita mein..."

"Bass" she stopped me, "bhagwan ne mujhe is janam mein bohot kuch dikha diya" she chuckled with a lot of pain, "isiliye shayad ye purush shoshit samaj hain, ap ne bhi mujhe ek chiz bana diya jissey bata jaa sakta hain. Mein insaan hu apka khilona nehi" she sat on the floor crying. She looked tired, pale and stressed. Her mang tika had moved on another side, her hair strands fell on her face while she wildly opened her jewellery and threw it away.

My heart broke seeing her in such a condition. I did all these for her but I had no idea what damage I did to her.

"Dada" said Batuk, "ye vivah maine kiya to na ap khush rahenge, na Bondita aur na mein". She was still crying. "Zabardasti kuch nehi hota dada".

Suddenly Bondita collapsed on the ground. "Bondita" everyone shouted and rushed to her. "Bondita" I cried and panicked and patted her cheeks.

"Par gaya tere kaleje ko thandak?" Kaka shouted at me, "ye chahata tha na maar jay ye ladki".

"Kaka! Ap ye kya keh rahe hain? Som Doctor ko bula"

I carried her to her room.

I was standing near the window when Baba and kaka came and patted my shoulder.

"Tera tarkib kaam kar gaya Batuk" he shed happy tears.

Yes it was all my plan. I knew unless they know how it feels to be separated, they will never know what is love.

Yes, I love her but that doesn't mean to get her I will force her into a marriage. I told baba and Kaka to pretend all these. It was fake but not everything. My love for her is not fake but I made everyone believe that I pretended all these to bring them closer.

The doctor said that she had taken a lot of stress and had starved herself for many days. Bihari also said that she was not taking her food properly.

Guilt caught hold of me. I looked at her sleeping face. I couldn't control myself any further and hugged her. "Mein gunhegaar hu tumhara mujhe maaf kardo Bondita" I cried and sobbed hugging her, "mein galat tha, ha mein galat tha". "Mujhe pata hi nehi chala kabh tumse pyar ho gaya, kaise ho gaya par ho gaya, mein nalayak hu, na samajh hu, tumhe to deserve hi nehi karta shayad" I kissed her forehead and held her hand tightly, "nehi chorunga is hath ko kabhi bhi, maar jaunga par hath nehi chorunga, kal ki subha neyi subha hogi humare liye kyuki kal mein tumhe apne dil ki baat bata k naya rishta likhunga."

But she was unconscious, she couldn't hear me.

I don't know when sleep crept into my eyes. I slept, holding her hand but when I woke up she was not there.

"Bondita!" I called her and went downstairs, shouting her name, "Bondita!"

Everybody gathered in the hall hearing my voice.

"Kya hain? Chilla kyu raha hain?"said Kaka being irritated by my voice as well as my face.

"B..B..Bondita kaha hain?"

"Kaha hain matlab? Tu sath tha na" said Kaka.

"Par wo kamre mein nehi hain".

Nobody knew where she was when Koyli came running, "Chote Malik Bahurani ne kaha hain wo apne maa k pass ja rahi hain aur kaha hain ki" Koyli stopped and gazed at the floor. "Aur kya?"

She didn't utter a word.

"Koyli Bolo!"

"Kaha hain ki wo kabhi laut ke nehi ayengi yaha".

"Bondita darwaza kholo na" I cried and banged the door but it remained close. "Mujhe tumse kuch kehna hain".

"Mujhe kuch nehi sunna" she cried from the other side, "sab baatein khatam ho chuke hain, saare rishte toot chuke hain abh kuch nehi bacha. Ap please chale jaiye".

I banged the door again and again when she opened the door with rage and came out. She joined her hands in front of me, "Mr Roy Chowdhury ap baare log hain, aplogo k liye rishta koi mayne nehi rakhta par mere liye rakhta hain to please ap chake jaiye, mujhe akele chor dijiye".

"Mein tumhe liye bagair yaha se nehi jaunga. Agle 20 din tak tum koshish karunga aur tumhe mana k le jaunga yaha se par 20 din k baad bhi tum nehi mani to chala jaunga mein, humesha k liye tumse dur".