SEPTEMBER 5, 2016 - 1 YEAR AFTER

I FIDDLED WITH the tiny, gold heart pendant hanging from the chain above my collarbone, making a face of dismay when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

I'd done my best to look presentable, pulling my long curls into a high ponytail, layering a loose sweater with a clean button up shirt, and wearing my favorite jeans. I typically didn't wear a lot of makeup, but I decided I needed more today, wanting to conceal the bags beneath my eyes, and hide any signs of trepidation on my face. The night before had been spent tossing and turning, unable to distract myself from the impending doom I felt about my first day at Cape Vincent University.

Despite the amount of time I'd taken to get ready, I still wasn't satisfied, but I didn't have time to change anything. I made plans with Naomi to get coffee on campus before class, needing the comfort of a familiar presence to help me get through the day. With a sigh, I took one last look at my appearance, flicking the light off and exiting the bathroom.

The rest of my family was seated at the table, enjoying a leisurely breakfast, basking in the light pouring in from the large dining room windows, and I wished I could join them. Instead, I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter, eyeing their blueberry pancakes hungrily. Murphy sniffed around their feet, hoping to pick up anything that dropped to the floor, and it was such a cozy scene that it caused me to feel a jolt of longing. This was the kind of thing I'd missed while I was away; the thing that had actually made me want to come home. And I couldn't even stick around to enjoy it.

"Bye," I called over my shoulder on the way to the door. "I'll see you after school."

I heard the scrape of a chair on the floor. "Wait!"

Coming to a halt, I grimaced slightly, before turning around, seeing my mother frantically searching for her cell phone on the counter, a frown creasing her eyebrows beneath her blond bangs. My attempt at a quick exit had been foiled by the very thing I was hoping to avoid.

"It's your first day of university," she said excitedly. "I need a picture."

"Mom," I groaned, my shoulders slumping. "I'm already running late."

She ignored my words, pointing her phone at me and leaning back, squinting behind her glasses. There was a long beat of silence. "Louis, why is it showing my face?"

Dad stood from the table as well, leaning over her shoulder with a frown. They mumbled to each other for several moments, and I took a step toward them, wanting to help them out so I could get out the door quicker. Pop continued to eat his pancake, letting Murphy have a bite when he realized my parents weren't watching. Finally, they figured it out, and I plastered as big of a smile as I could muster onto my face, while Mom snapped at least fifteen photos.

"I think that's enough," I said, exasperated.

"Okay, okay," she relented, waving her hands to shoo me away. "Get going now. I love you!"

Pop smiled, his eyes crinkling, and he lifted a hand in a parting wave. "Good-bye, honey bee," he said. "Work hard! Have fun!"

They continued to call out goodbyes to an increasingly embarrassing degree, but I had to admit, knowing they were all rooting for me made me feel a little bit better. My lips curled up into a tiny smile that was almost genuine as I exited the house, closing the door behind me. I only had to make it through two classes today. And, if things happened to go totally south, I would resign myself to taking online classes, and never leave the house again. It was a solid plan.

I unlocked my car, the silver 1999 Acura I'd bought from my dad the moment I could afford it, and tossed my bag into the passenger's seat. Driving was something I'd definitely missed while I was in Japan, and I'd spent as much time as I could behind the wheel the past week. It was freeing to drive past Cape Vincent's limits on the stretches of road rolling over the hills, and catch glimpses of the lighthouse on the edge of the glistening water.

Getting out of Cape Vincent was easy; it was staying away that was the hard part. I would always feel a pull keeping me here, despite how much I ached to resist it.

The university was on the edge of town, a sprawling campus that was a mix of modern buildings with large windows, and vibrant trees to give it more of an earthy feel. Anxiety bubbled up in my belly as I rode closer. Inevitably seeing Will Tucker was definitely one of my main concerns, but it wasn't the only thing that made me feel uneasy. It was starting over. It was new people. It was new classes, new teachers, new challenges. I hadn't done any post-secondary schooling before. I didn't know what to expect.

Pulling into the student parking lot, I felt my nausea swell as I took in my surroundings. It was overcast, but it didn't look like it would rain. There were people milling about everywhere, some of them laughing and talking, others fresh-faced and looking lost, but somehow everyone else looked like they belonged.

Swallowing, I reached into my bag, something I'd stumbled upon in a thrift store in Harajuku, and pulled out my phone.

Hey! I'm here, I texted Naomi. And totally freaking out.

Biting my lip, I looked up while I waited for her reply, liking the invisibility I seemed to have while sitting inside my car. If only it would stay that way.

Moments later, my phone buzzed in my lap.

Omg come find me!! I'm in Mugs xx

I sighed, reaching forward and turning the key in the ignition to silence the car. Taking one last deep breath, I extracted myself from the vehicle, shutting the door behind me and slinging my bag over my shoulder. I couldn't help from glancing around surreptitiously, feeling as though everyone was looking at me, even though logically, I knew that wasn't true. I might have made a splash at Duncan's party the other week, but it was small, only enough to ripple my old friend group. There was no reason for anyone else to care about my arrival.

I approached Mugs, grateful I was able to remember its location from orientation day, and peeked in the window to make sure I could spot Naomi before stepping inside. Shivering from the cool blast of the air conditioner, I waved tentatively at the girl in question, noting that she wasn't alone. A boy who shared her slender, captivating features and golden brown skin stood next to her, stubble dusting his jaw, a leather jacket draped over his shoulders.

Naomi turned to face me fully, her brown eyes lighting up.

"Morning, babe," she greeted, beckoning me to join them. She gave me a quick squeeze once I'd gotten close enough, before gesturing to the boy. "You remember Ravi, right?"

I'd only seen Naomi's older brother a handful of times, but it was enough to know that the Mizrahi gene pool must've been favored by the gods. Standing next to the pair made me feel horribly inadequate, and I adjusted the hem of my sweater, nodding and lending him a small smile. "Hey, Ravi."

"Good to see you, Vivienne." He turned to his sister. "I'm gonna go find my friends. Catch you later." He lifted a hand, chucking up a peace sign with a grin, before wandering away into the swarm of people hurrying to grab caffeine before class.

"I didn't know he was going to CVU," I commented. "What's he studying?"

"Engineering." Naomi's perfectly manicured eyebrow quirked when she saw the surprise dart across my face. "I know. He may not look it, but he's a smart little fucker."

I couldn't help but crack a smile at her candid way of speaking; it was one of the things I'd always admired about her. And though her words were blunt, I could hear the pride in her voice.

"Anyway, you look cute," she complimented appreciatively. "Love the sweater. How are you feeling?"

It shouldn't have been a loaded question, but it felt like one, and I choked out a laugh, shaking my head as I looked around. "God, I don't even know. Nervous. Paranoid. Queasy. Stupid for thinking this was a good idea."

She scoffed, going up to collect her order as the barista called it out. "You're getting an education," she told me, securing the lid of her plastic cup. "That's the opposite of stupid." Pausing, she raised her eyebrows. "Can I buy you anything?"

I grimaced, placing a hand on my stomach. "No, thanks."

Giving me a look, Naomi swung her free arm around my shoulders, pulling me to her side. "Viv, you've got this. You're cool as hell, and if anyone thinks otherwise, they're dead to me." I gave her a sheepish half-smile, and she squeezed my arm again. Her eyes softened a little, and she lowered her voice. "Don't worry about Will too much, okay? It's a pretty big campus. You won't have to see him all the time."

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I considered. "You're right. . ." I trailed off, nodding slowly. "Yeah. I can do this. Maybe I won't even see him today."

"That's the spirit!" She grinned.

We chatted for a while, before heading our separate ways, and I felt more confident about everything, if only by the smallest margin. Naomi had always had a way of calming me down, and putting things into perspective.

But whatever confidence I might've had instantly vanished the moment I set foot in the Photoshop lab.

The only open seat was the one next to Will Tucker.

Out in the hallway, I pressed my back to the wall, hauling in a deep breath through my nose.

The moment I spotted Will, I'd panicked, ducking back out of the room before he could see me. Class was starting in a couple of minutes, I was sure the professor would round the corner at any second, but I couldn't possibly waltz in there and sit down next to him. I hadn't seen him since Duncan's party, since witnessing him essentially lock lips with a stranger.

Swallowing hard, I felt as though I might be sick. I was grateful I hadn't taken Naomi up on her offer of buying me a drink. It most likely wouldn't have lasted in my system for very long.

She was right, the university campus was big, but suddenly it felt like a tiny, enclosed box, and I couldn't breathe.

Hearing footsteps approaching the classroom, I quickly headed around a corner, not wanting to be seen. Moments later, much to my dismay, I heard the classroom door shut, and my stomach dropped. Now I would have to walk in late, calling even more attention to myself.

"Shit," I whispered under my breath, feeling the sting of tears behind my eyes. I fumbled in my pocket for my phone, wanting to text someone, anyone, but I didn't know who. Maybe I could send an email to my professor to tell them I was sick. It wouldn't make a good first impression, but neither would being tardy.

I blinked frantically, shifting my weight between my feet and feeling restless, my heart pounding, at a loss of what to do. I could probably afford to miss class today, but what about next week? The same thing would happen again. Clearly we were both enrolled in this class, for whatever reason. I didn't want to drop it.

After warring with myself for a few more beats, I gripped the strap of my bag with determination. I walked around the corner, peering through the window on the door. The professor was a middle-aged woman with white-blonde hair tossed up in a calculated messy bun, wearing a light blouse splattered with different colors. She had a smile on her face as she looked over the call sheet. At least she seemed friendly.

Holding my breath, I latched onto the door handle, pushing it open timidly, biting down on the inside of my cheek when I felt all the eyes in the room shift in my direction.

"Oh," the woman said, looking up at me. "Come in. You're lucky, I haven't started taking attendance yet."

"Sorry," I apologized, ducking my head and keeping my eyes down.

I could see her smile out of the corner of my eye. "Have a seat, I think there's a free one near the back."

Flashing her a fleeting smile, I moved through the aisle, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. My knees suddenly felt weak, my limbs trembling. I did my best to ignore all of the curious glances in my direction, feeling heat on my face. The closer I got to the open seat, the tighter my shoulders felt.

Finally, I reached the unoccupied computer, and clumsily sat down without looking at the boy next to it.

In my peripheral vision, his body was as tense and rigid as mine, and his eyes were drilling holes into my face. I clutched my bag, holding it on my lap, feeling too uncomfortable to unpack any of my things. After several agonizing moments, he became unfrozen, dragging a hand over his face, and I allowed myself a fleeting glance in his direction. His eyebrows were pulled into a tight crease, his jaw set, but he looked more confused than anything.

He caught my eyes before I could look away, and I felt my mouth dry. "What are you doing, Vivienne?" he murmured, shaking his head a little, voice low, unreadable.

I held his stare, at a loss for words, my lips parting. In truth, I had no idea what I was doing. Neglecting to speak to him for the better part of a year, attending the same school, sitting next to him. . . None of it made sense. But hearing his voice again after all this time was doing things to my heart, making my chest too tight to speak. The sting of tears returned.

"I think we're ready to begin," the professor called, clapping her hands together. "Let's start by making sure everyone's here."

Will cleared his throat, dropping his eyes, and I swallowed, turning to face the front of the room.

And thus began the most torturous ninety minutes of my young adult life.

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what do you think about the story so far? how do you feel about vivienne and will sharing a class?

thanks so much for reading ミ☆