OCTOBER 10, 2016 - 1 YEAR AFTER

THE MONDAY AFTER the escape room fiasco, Will didn't show up to class.

At first, I thought he'd finally decided to sit somewhere else, deeming it unwise to spend any amount of time with me, so I'd discreetly peeked around the room, trying to spot his familiar mop of hair. But it didn't take long to realize he just wasn't coming.

I was left to stew in my own thoughts, eyeing the empty seat next to me, and replaying the dreaded night moment by moment. The whole thing felt like a bad dream, hazy around the edges, painful to think about. There were times I wondered if it actually happened, but the lingering uneasy feeling in my gut reminded me that it was all too real.

For the remainder of the week, I failed to spot both Will and Sabrina around campus, which wasn't all that unusual considering we didn't share any other classes, but it felt different given the current circumstances. Now, their absences felt like gaping holes, impossible to ignore. While Naomi assured me that no one was actually upset with me, I couldn't keep my throat from becoming thick with guilt whenever I thought about it.

What was supposed to be an enjoyable night of attempting to patch together broken bridges had turned into a nightmare, all because of the reveal of my past relationship with Will.

By the time Monday rolled around once again, I braced myself for another no-show, but I made sure to prepare something in case my instincts proved to be wrong.

I walked into the computer lab with low expectations, and I kept my eyes down as I made my way to my seat. I had nearly reached it when I noticed Will was already there, sitting in the one next to it, as if nothing had happened.

My footsteps faltered, pulse quickening, before I recovered, trying to appear nonchalant. He hadn't seemed to see me yet, chin resting in his palm as he worked on something on his desktop. Biting the inside of my lip, I sank into the seat next to him, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

Feeling a bout of nerves in my belly, I bent down, reaching into my bag for the card I'd purchased earlier from the campus bookstore. Taking a deep breath, I pulled it out, setting it on the table and gingerly sliding it toward him.

Will glanced down at it, before looking up at me quizzically. I gestured to it with my chin, motioning for him to pick it up, and he obliged, letting out a hesitant laugh. "What is this?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Open it," I said shyly.

Giving me a calculating look, he peeled open the envelope, sliding out the simple card. The picture on the front was of paper airplanes circling in a pastel blue sky. It was the most neutral card I could find. Inside, there were only two words: I'm sorry. I'd planned to write more, but when I sat down to do it, I couldn't remember what I wanted to say.

His mouth pulled into a slow frown as he read the contents of the card, and the silence stretched on between us. My cheeks began to flush with embarrassment, and I cringed inwardly.

"I couldn't find a card specific to this situation," I remarked, trying to lighten the mood. "But I'm really sorry about what happened a couple weeks ago."

His eyes met mine, undecipherable, but he remained silent.

My mouth opened, floundering for what else to say, before remembering what was on the desk in front of me. I pushed the paper cup toward him, feeling too hot on my fingers despite the cardboard sleeve. "I got this, too," I explained. "Do you still like matcha? If you don't, you don't have to drink it. It's fine."

Another long pause.

I was cursing myself for ever thinking this was a good idea when he finally spoke.

"Vivienne. . ." he trailed off, voice soft, looking between the card and the drink. "You didn't have to do all this."

"It's nothing," I said sincerely, lips curving up into a small smile. "I know it doesn't change what happened."

Will shook his head, eyebrows still furrowed. I was beginning to think they might get stuck that way. "You don't have to apologize for that. It was my fault for keeping it a secret." He nodded once, giving me the briefest of smiles. "Thank you, though. I appreciate it."

"No problem," I murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

He went back to working on his project, and I knew I should've left things there. But it was the first time we'd really spoken in a long time, no matter how short and inconsequential of a conversation it was.

I glanced at the clock. We still had a few minutes before Jen would show up to begin teaching the class.

Inhaling deeply, I bit the bullet. "Are things. . . okay with you guys?" I asked, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.

Will turned to me in surprise, looking caught off guard. "Uh," he stammered, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "I. . ."

"Never mind," I said quickly, not wanting to ruin whatever progress we had just made. "Forget I asked. It's not my business."

He shot me a grateful smile, dropping his eyes uncomfortably, and we fell into silence once more. I was sure his ex-girlfriend was the last person he wanted to talk about his current relationship with. I didn't think we would ever reach that level of comfort, didn't think I would've wanted to, anyway. It was enough to watch their relationship from the sidelines, I wasn't eager to know the details.

Fidgeting with my pen, I searched for what I wanted to say. "Will," I began.

"Yeah?" He looked at me curiously.

"You're studying education," I said. "I've just been wondering. . . why are you taking a beginner Photoshop class?"

He grunted in quiet amusement. "I wanted something to fill my time."

"But it's your last year," I protested, looking at him incredulously. "Aren't you busy enough?"

Tapping his fingers on the desk, he avoided my eyes, mulling over his answer. "I don't like having free time," he remarked, lifting a shoulder. "Allows me to think too much."

"Oh," I replied, voice small.

Jen breezed into the room then, effectively cutting off any further communication. As always, I found it hard to focus. I wondered if I would ever get used to seeing Will like this; hollowed out and quiet, a ghost of his former self. The version of him I remember best—the one before everything happened—was vibrant, and warm, with a smile like sunshine and a laugh that felt like coming in from the cold. I missed him.

But I knew I was the cause of his ruin.

I'd never wanted us to become so estranged. Sometimes it felt like we truly knew nothing about each other anymore, but at others, I could see that Sabrina was right. We were shrouded in our history, wearing it like unbreakable masks that could never be taken off. I didn't know how to fix it.

I didn't know if I could.

Blinking furiously, I tried to keep my gaze riveted to my monitor, though I was starting to feel as though my head was underwater.

Until class ended, and I came back to the surface for air.

Breathing deeply, I began to pack up my things, eager to leave the room and my thoughts behind, though I knew they would follow me, no matter how far I went.

I was about to stand up from my seat when Will's voice stopped me.

"Hey," he said timidly, reaching out a hand to get my attention.

Stilling my movements, I peered up at him.

"We have a home game tonight," he explained slowly, seeming unsure of himself. "It's the first one of the season. You should come."

I was too stunned to move for a moment.

"To support Duncan," he blurted, eyes widening a little in embarrassment, cheeks tinging with pink. "Since you're his number one fan, and all."

Steadily, I felt my mouth sliding into a small smile. "Of course," I murmured. "It's my duty to support Duncan."

Will returned the smile, appearing to be relieved that I'd gone along with his attempt to lighten the invitation. "Right," he agreed, nodding. "Maybe see you there?"

I finished collecting my things, gathering them to my chest before standing. "Maybe," I echoed, my eyes holding his for a lingering moment.

That answer seemed to satisfy him, and with that, I headed for the hallway, pondering what had just transpired.

"Vivienne! Over here!"

I followed the sound of Claire's voice, quickly spotting her on the bleachers, standing and waving with a goofy grin on her face. Fighting off a smile, I made my way over to her, trying to stay out of people's paths as much as possible, and apologizing meekly when bumping into them became inevitable.

Finally, I reached the spot she was saving for me, taking a delicate seat on the paint-chipped wood and sticking my hands into the pocket of my sherpa sweater. "Thanks for coming," I said gratefully, nudging her elbow.

"Any excuse to show some school spirit," she enthused, the colors of the Cape Vincent Cougars painted on her cheeks proudly. She reached over, pulling something out of her bag, before holding up a bag of chips and a couple candy bars. "And I brought snacks."

Laughing, I extracted the Kit-Kat from her fingers when she offered it to me. "Always prepared," I remarked.

As I began to unwrap the chocolate, I surveyed the field from my heightened position, watching people make their way to their seats as the players warmed up on the field. The sight brought back a flood of memories, and it made a bittersweet feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. My eyes were drawn to Will, donning his number seven jersey, as he jogged across the green, calling out to one of his teammates.

I still wasn't sure why he'd invited me. And why I'd accepted.

We were starting to dance along a strange line between trying to be friends, or acquaintances, and moving on from each other completely. There was a part of me, deep down, that knew it would be wiser to just leave each other alone, and let the past be the past. But the longer it went on, the harder it was to really let go.

Claire poked my arm, effortlessly bringing my attention back to the present. "You're spacing out," she accused, narrowing her eyes.

"Sorry," I said apologetically, forcing a smile.

She watched me suspiciously for a beat longer, before nodding to the treat in my hands. "Eat the chocolate, you'll feel better."

I broke off a piece, taking a bite as I shook my head. "You'd make a terrible doctor."

Moments later, we were greeted by a new voice, and I looked up as Naomi came into my line of sight, trailing her brother. "Hey babes," she said, waving and making her way down the aisle.

Claire and I scooted over to make room for the pair, as Ravi nodded in my direction, lips curving into a wry smile. He went to take the seat next to me, before being stopped by his sister, as she reached out to grab his arm.

"Stop trying to steal my friend," she scolded, gesturing for him to move over. He rolled his eyes, obliging, and she settled in between us, lifting her chin. "That's a title you have to earn."

"He's already earned it," I remarked with a laugh. It was true; I saw Ravi in Mugs in the mornings more often than not, and it was nice to have someone to chat with that was outside of the regular circle.

"Thank you, Vivienne," Ravi said haughtily, giving Naomi a pointed look.

I gestured to Claire beside me. "Ravi, this is my cousin, Claire," I said, and the latter leaned forward, waggling her fingers in a friendly wave. "Claire, Ravi. Naomi's brother."

"Naomi's bother," Naomi corrected under her breath.

Ravi nodded, elbowing his sister as his fingers formed his ever-familiar peace sign. "'Sup, Claire?"

Claire leaned back, her hand encircling my wrist. Her dark brown eyes widened, and she glanced between Ravi and me less than discreetly. "He's so hot," she stage-whispered, and my mouth fell open in horror.

"Claire," I hissed under my breath, cheeks flushing.

"So," Naomi broke in, seemingly oblivious, "what'd we miss?"

"Nothing," I replied, returning to my normal volume and clearing my throat. I glanced at Ravi, hoping he also hadn't noticed, but I saw that his mouth was twitching in amusement. I looked back to the field quickly. "They're just about to start."

I broke off another piece of the chocolate bar, offering it to Naomi, who happily accepted. It didn't take long for my gaze to land on Will once more, only to see him standing at the edge of the field, scanning the crowd. I followed his eyes, searching the bleachers for the familiar head of sleek, dark hair, but I failed to spot his girlfriend anywhere.

I frowned, turning to Naomi with a sinking feeling in my chest. "Hey, where's Sabrina?"

Naomi pursed her lips, growing somber as she sat up straighter in her seat, craning her neck to get a better view. "Don't know if she's coming," she admitted, looking sheepish.

Biting the inside of my lip, I glanced at Will again. It was heart-wrenching to watch him search for her in vain. Naomi seemed to be thinking the same thing, and we shared a sympathetic look. I told myself it was too soon to jump to conclusions—maybe Sabrina had other plans, maybe she was running late, maybe she wasn't feeling well. But Will had clearly expected her to show. . .

Naomi stood up a little, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Hey, Tucker!" she yelled.

I gave her a wide-eyed look. "What are you doing?"

"I want him to see that someone is still here for him," she said simply, shrugging her shoulders, before shouting his name again.

Finally, with the help of Ravi and Claire waving, they managed to capture his attention, and when he spotted them, he looked relieved, but only slightly. He seemed to have his guard up as he gave a mock salute, a tension visible in his body.

It wasn't until his gaze fell to me that his shoulders went slack.

Will's eyes widened a little, his lips parting, and I lifted my hand in a delicate wave, confused by his reaction. He mirrored the action, seeming to be in a daze. Then he smiled, and it was the first genuine one I'd seen directed my way in a long time, making my stomach flutter traitorously.

And I realized that, maybe, Sabrina wasn't the one he was looking for.

Maybe it was me.

┅

thanks for reading, see you next time!ミ☆