AUGUST 3 , 2015 - DAY OF

"VIV?"

WILL'S VOICE pulled me out of my trance as he elbowed me gently. I'd been staring out at the waves, mesmerized. The gentle rush of water had a way of clearing my head that nothing else did anymore. We were sitting in the sand, his arm pressed against mine. The late afternoon sun beat down on our shoulders, the sun glistening off the water, and the beach was empty. We'd always seemed to have a way of carving out our own little pockets of time.

There was an air of melancholy between us, as there had been for the past couple months, but today, it had multiplied tenfold. I was leaving in the morning.

"What?" I blinked, trying to bring myself back to the present. Sometimes when I looked at the water, it reminded me of that tumultuous day by the lighthouse last month, and it was as if I could still hear my scream echoing in the salty air.

A tentative smile toyed around Will's lips. He'd become so careful around me, like he was scared I would break. "I asked if you were excited."

"Of course I am," I said mechanically, before making an effort to sound less robotic, "why wouldn't I be?"

He let out a soft laugh. "I don't know, Viv," he said. "Maybe because you're about to leave to follow your dreams, and you've never looked more miserable."

"I'm not miserable," I protested, avoiding his gaze. "Everything has just. . . changed."

I glanced up at him in time to see his brow furrowing, some of the puzzle pieces sliding into place. He reached for my hand, and I let him take it. "This isn't the end," he murmured, stroking my forefinger with his thumb. "We've talked about this. I'm going to visit you. We're going to FaceTime and message each other as much as we can. We'll make it."

Tears pricked behind my eyes and I swallowed, looking away again.

He squeezed my hand gently. "Vivienne," he urged. "We can do this."

After everything that had happened, one thing was clear: I had to let Will go. I hadn't been myself in months. The girl he'd fallen for in high school was gone. I desperately wanted to make her come back, but I didn't think it was possible. I'd built up an insurmountable wall between us, and he was trying his best to pretend it wasn't there. Selfishly, I'd held on until now. I'd let him hope. But ending things, and vanishing was the best thing I could do for him, the greatest gift I could offer. A clean break, a fresh start. Even if he wouldn't see it that way for a while.

"We can't," I whispered, barely audible above the crashing of the waves.

He leaned back, grip going limp, determination melting from his features. "What?"

I pulled my fingers away from his. "We can't do this," I said, a little louder.

"I. . . I don't understand what you're saying."

My silence seemed to send him into a tailspin.

"Why would you say something like that?" he asked, wounded. "Where is this coming from?"

Immediately, I wanted to take everything back, to pass it off as some cruel joke. To whisper a million apologies into his lips, and make things go back to normal, but I couldn't. "I just," I started feebly. "I've thought about it a lot, and I've realized that this isn't going to work."

"You've realized?" he repeated, anger moving onto his face like a storm cloud. It was rare that I saw him angry.

"I'm sorry," I said, voice dropping to a whisper again. "I should've told you sooner. I was being selfish."

"What the fuck," he breathed, dragging a hand over his face, before placing his head in his hands. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I don't think we should be tied down when I leave," I continued softly. "I don't want to hold you back."

He laughed shortly. "As if there could ever be anyone else."

My vision blurred and I turned away quickly, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my face from crumpling.

I heard movement beside me, then felt his fingers on my chin, urging me to look at him. His crystalline eyes had filled with tears, desperation growing inside of them. "You're it for me, Vivienne," he choked out. "After all this time, I thought you knew that. You're not holding me back from anything."

"I can't," I persisted, shaking my head. "I can't be with you anymore, Will."

He exhaled at the words, eyebrows tilting upward, the picture of heartbreak, fingers still on my chin. "Don't," he pleaded, voice breaking. "Don't say that."

I reached up, making to remove his hand from my face, but once my fingers curled around his, I found myself unable to let go. I closed my eyes.

"What is this really about?" he pushed quietly. "I know there's something going on that you haven't told me about. All of a sudden you became this different person." I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. "It's like there's this huge gap between the Vivienne I knew, and the one you are now, and I have no idea what created it."

"People change, Will," I told him, pulling out of his grasp again. "They change and they grow apart."

"Not us," he murmured fervently. "You and me."

I couldn't stop myself from crumbling, shifting further away to keep him from reaching out to console me. "I'm sorry," I gasped, doing my best to remain resolute, "but I've made up my mind."

"Fuck." He slid his hands into his hair. "I don't understand. You don't love me anymore?"

"That's not true," I sobbed. "I'm doing this because I love you. I love you too much to keep you."

"That doesn't make any sense!" he cried, lifting his head, causing me to flinch. "Just tell me something real, please. I deserve at least that."

"You deserve better than me," I told him. That was something real. I'd never hated myself more.

"Vivienne," he begged, my name sounding like it hurt him to say it. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're everything. I don't want anyone else."

I shook my head, barely able to speak through the tightness in my throat. "I'm not the best thing that's ever happened to you, Will. I'm the worst."

"How could you even think that? After everything?"

"I can't change the way I feel."

I held his gaze as he gazed at me hopelessly, at a loss for words. It hadn't been my intention to completely blindside him, I'd thought he must've had an inkling that our time had run out, that we were doomed to expire. I felt like I'd taken a dagger and driven it into his stomach, and with every word that fell from my lips, I was twisting it further.

"What am I supposed to do without you?" he asked finally.

It was a question I'd been asking myself a lot over the last few weeks. What would I do without Will? We were such a fixture of each other's lives. I was effectively cutting myself in two, leaving one half here in Cape Vincent while the other found a home across the world.

Hauling in a shaky breath, I rose to my feet. "I have to finish packing."

"Vivienne," he said, voice low. He looked small, broken, as he slowly stood up beside me. "Please don't leave. Not like this."

"I'm sorry," I said, one last time. I touched his arm lightly, and he looked as though it took everything in his power not to melt into my touch. I pressed my lips to his cheek, tasting his tears, lingering for a moment before pulling away. From the moment we'd met, I'd known something like this could never last. I tried to deny it for the longest time, but deep down, I knew.

"Viv," he said. "Please."

He stood motionless, and I wrapped my arms around myself, turning and walking away on trembling legs. I couldn't look back at him. I pressed a hand to my mouth to keep myself from choking out a sob, and made my way home alone.

The tiny thread that was wrapped around us had finally snapped.

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this one made me very sad. i had to take a cookie break in the middle. but now you've got the whole story of what happened in the past, and the way things ended. 

go have a cookie or your treat of choice to reward yourself for making it through this chapter. 

thanks for reading <3