" Angel, let's go."

I groaned, rolling over and shoving my face into the pillow. I could feel Arson's eyes drilling into the back of my head. He sighed, and jumped up on the bed. Crouching over my body, his elbows on his knees, he said, " I will pour a bucket of cold water on you."

" You don't have a bucket." I mumbled.

" Fine. I'll get a cup and i'll fill it twice. Get your lazy ass up." He bounced the bed slightly.

I pushed one of his knees and he stumbled off the bed. Drawing his brows together, he spun on his heels and walked briskly to the bathroom, cup in hand. Filling it with the coldest water the faucet could produce.

And next thing I knew, I was freezing. Or at least my right shoulder was. Five seconds later, my lower back and my right shoulder were equals. I squealed, jumped, and attacked Nick. I grabbed the cup and straight up threw it at him. Laughing he caught it and said,, " Morning sunshine."

I flipped him the bird and went to get dressed. Flipping my hair, I decided it was better to let it do it's own thing than fight a losing war. Nick gave me a smug smile when I left the bathroom. I flipped him off again.

I slipped on my shoes and he spun the keys around his index finger.

~~~

Grandma was extremely estatic that day. She seemed even more chipper than she was the previous night. Her glow came more naturally, everything about her seemed easier and healthier. I couldn't supress my smile the hours we were with her.

After awhile she said, " Carter dear, can I talk to Nicholas alone?"

I went a little wide eyed, but nodded, " um, yeah sure."

Slowly standing, I pushed my chair in without a second thought and turned to the door. Nick looked just as baffled as I was. Once outside I shut the door with a soft click. I leaned my full weight against it, thinking about why she could possibly want to talk to Nick alone.

I felt my pocket. I had my phone which had twenty bucks stuck in the case. Another deep breath and I was walking away from the door and outside, where I could breath in fresh air and keep a calm mind. Of all the times for something to hit me, this wasn't a good one.

But Nick entered my mind so fast I nearly tripped. It was in that moment that I could feel his cool lips against mine and I could remember the every surface of his body as he pulled himself out of the water. The only thought that was completely formed by my conscience mind was, she knows. that little old lady knows.

Of course, she couldn't know. She wasn't there that night and she certainly wasn't telepathic. I froze. Or was she? looking at the other people on the street, I decided to keep walking as to not disrupt the flow of the sidewalk.

Then there was the thought of why I even kissed him to begin with. He was there, right in front of me, and very real. Every aspect of him was concrete and solid and it was so easy that I forgot just briefly how difficult he really was. Then all the hateful thoughts came to my mind, that little fucking piece of shit asshole motherfucker. He fucking teased me. the asshole. the beanie wearing, shoelaceless mother effer pulled a dick move. god damn it.

But it couldn't have only been him either. I could have pulled back. He wasn't holding me so tightly that I could push away. I, as much as I didn't want to admit it, had completely lost myself in it as well.

By that point in my conversation I was at the pier. So I followed the wooden walkways over the water and kept going, kept thinking. My grandmother took so kindly to him, like it was that easy to be around him. she had no idea. About the only easy thing about being around him was his cooking skills, and even that was muffled by his taste in music and personality. Need I remind myself of his best friend? Need I remind myself of how he acted when that very friend cheated right on the spot, no questions asked. He was repulsed.

Never the less.

I sighed and pulled out my phone. Unclicking the case, I pulled out the twenty and went to buy myself some icecream. I shoved my change in my pocket.

Nick. Arson. Nicholas Dean Arson. I stoppped moving when a frisbee hit my arm. Then a dog barreled into me.

I barely stood my ground against it at first, but the collie was practically harmless once I had my footing. Now on the beach, I heard a girl call, " Hey, throw the frisbee back, yeah?"

I picked it up, keeping my icecream away from the dog, and tossed it to her. literally red hair was pulled up from her face into a high ponytail, and she was wearing a sporty tank top and black shorts, along with running shoes. A little black strap on her arm kept her heart beat and her face was covered with a light sweat, " sorry," She said, catching the frisbee, " Cacknee was supposed to catch it."

" It's okay." I said, smiling.

She grinned, " I'm Nora."

" Carter."

" Nice to meet you."

" Nice too meet you too." I pet Cacknee's head, " both of you."

She giggled, " thanks." She watched me for a minute, then said, " I was about to sit down. Wanna talk?"

With a shrug i said, " um sure."

We sat down on a bench and she tossed the frisbee for her pup to catch. Meanwhile, she told me she was in a fitness program made to build up muscle instead of just lose weight, " I need to gain more muscle mass, you know? I'm seriously undertoned. Before this, I couldn't even lift my backpack let alone run three miles."

" and now?"

She grinned, " Now I can pick up my backpack."

I laughed, " good."

" How bout you? Are you from here or?" She asked, throwing the frisbee again.

Cacknee bolted after it while I said, " no. I'm from New York, actually."

Nora's crazy grin spread over her face. She was an easy kind of pretty, her red hair wasn't natural but it looked that way, and her skin was pale but clear and everything on her just framed who she was well, " No kidding? what brings you down here?"

" My grandmother actually." I started, then shrugged, " she ill, and I was gonna take her back home... before her time, or whatever."

Her eyebrows drew together, " oh i'm sorry... how is she?"

" She's alright... She just can't make it back, you know."

Nora nodded, " yeah. well it's good that you're down here to be with her."

I smiled, and so did she. She was right, it was good that I was here. I could still be at home with no ride, no money, no gas. Without Nick I wouldn't have been able to see her again.

Cacknee barreled into Nora, and she dug her fingers into the dog's fur, " well, I best be heading back. We should talk again sometime."

" Um, yeah, sure." I broke out my phone and so did she.

After exchanging numbers, she gave me a quick hug, " I hope your grandma does get better."

" Me too." I said, then she pulled back and waved.

Nora jogged off with Cacknee and I started to walk back to the hospital. In good timing too, Nick texted me, Angel, where'd you go?

I replied, went for a walk. I'll be right back.

The hospital was colder inside then I remembered. Once back at my grandmas room, I looked into the window to see her smiling at Nick. She patted his hand, and he smiled back. He looked happy, but there was something deeper. Like he knew something.

I opened the door and he looked over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. Once he saw who it was, his lips formed into a handsome lopsided smile, " Hey angel. Welcome back."

" thanks Arson." I deadpanned, shutting the door abruptly behind me.

My grandmother smiled, " Honey, welcome back. thank you dear."

I smiled, " yeah."

Sitting on the edge of her bed cross legged, I yawned, " What time is it?"

" almost two." Nick confirmed, looking at the wall clock.

" a.m or p.m?" I asked.

" p.m ya dip." My grandma said, nudging me playfully with her blanketed toe.

I gave her a lazy smile. She sighed, " well, I better let you two go then."

I reached forward and took her hand, " We don't need to go yet."

" Thank you dear." She squeezed my fingers. Then she looked at Nick, " Can I talk to her for a minute please?"

First she wanted to talk to Nick, now she wanted to talk to me. This woman was getting old. Nick gave a nod and spun on his heels, hands in his pockets. He took one out to open the door, shutting it softly behind him. I saw his form disappear down the hallway.

My hand was cold in grandma's. Everything about her was chilly. The poor old lady had three blankets on. She sighed softly, and closed her eyes, " You and I both know i'm old..."

" Grandma you're not that-"

She cut me off, " we both know."

I rolled my eyes. She continued, " And I'm sick. We both know i'm not gonna... be around much longer."

" what are you trying to say?" I asked, feeling my stomach tighten.

She gave me a sad smile, " I'm just trying to say i'm glad you're here before I go. It means so much to me. I know that boy will take you home safely. I just.... " she took a deep breath, " I love you honey."

" oh grandma.." I said, feeling my stomach bunch into a little fist sized knot, " I love you too."

I crawled over to her on the bed and cuddled into her side. She wrapped her thin arms around me and kissed my forehead. I didn't want to, but I teared up a little bit. This was the last time i'd see her, the last days I would see her beautiful smile and hear the sound of her voice. She wiped a stray tear that fell down my cheeks and said, " don't cry honey. You know i'll be in a good place, watching to make sure you're okay."

I nodded, but didn't say anything, afraid that my voice would quiver. My bottom lip was already trembling. I took a deep breath and Nick was back at the door. After he knocked, my grandmother called, " come in." and he did.

He sat on the chair and said, " hey i'm gonna fill the mustang with gas, you'll be alright?"

He looked sincerely worried. Gently placing his hand on my shoulder he said, " Angel?"

I nodded. He let out a sigh from his nose and rubbed my arm softly, " alright." Standing, he left the room again, careful with the door.

My grandmother's hand took the place of Nick's, but her fingers weren't as warm. Instead it sent shivered down my arms. We lay there until Nick came back, then Nick and I went back to the hotel room and eight. I was horridly tired, I could barely keep my eyes open. Nick looked the same way. I had never seen anyone look so worn, that was until I looked in the mirror. My hair was a life of it's own and my eyelids couldn't open over halfway. Under my eyes, bags had started to form and the color in my cheeks had washed to a white.

Nick didn't look much better. His skin was a bit paler, despite the fact we were in california, and dark circles were finding their way under his eyes. He didn't smile as much either, like he was getting too tired to. He also sighed a lot, like breathing was a hefty job.

When I walked out of the bathroom he was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, his fingers laced together between his shins. I got on the bed and sat cross legged on my side, " we should talk."

He sat up and stretched his arms above his head. The edge of his shirt slipped up, revealing a sliver of his side and torso, " alright. What's on your mind."

" I mean about what happened... at the pool." I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

" ah." He said, standing and taking off his shirt. I quickly looked away, my blonde hair curtaining my view. I heard his pants unbutton, then slide off. The rustling of sweats. A new shirt over head head. When I looked back over to him he was tying the string on his sweat pants. Beanie on his boots, he sat cross legged next to me, " what about it?"

" So that's it?" I asked, " we just forget about it... I mean... why?"

" Angel." He said, pulling the hair back behind my ear. Then he placed his hands on his knees, " It was late, we were tired, and it's been a long drive."

" Nick, why'd you kiss me?"

" I didn't kiss you."

" Arson."

" Angel."

" Nick!"

" Carter!"

" Nicholas Dean Arson!"

" What!"

We were very close in a very short amount of time. I went back to sitting cross legged, he leaned back against the wall. I asked, " I just want to know why."

" So do I."

" What do you mean?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together.

He sighed, " You kissed me too."

I hit my head against the wall, " Okay well I asked you first."

" Fair enough."

" So spit it out."

He looked over at me. A small smile touched his lips, " You seriously want to know."

" Well I wouldn't have asked if I did."

He shrugged, " okay, fine. I like you."

" I'm a likable person." I said, without thinking.

" really Angel?"

" Why? I mean, I hate you, and I make fun of you, and I do everything I can to make your life a hell."

The room didn't feel so tight anymore. It was just Nick and I, sitting and talking and trying to figure each other out. I was okay with that, no matter how revealing the conversation might have been. I just didn't want the tension anymore.

He got of the bed and opened the window, letting in a cool breeze. Sitting back on the bed he said, " I don't know. I mean at first I just thought you were pretty. But then the longer I saw you attempt to take care of your yard, or shamelessly sing with your window open when you don't realize it's open."

" That's kind of stalkerish."

" I just learned you did that the other day when I wasn't actually listening to music myself. You have a beautiful voice." He said.

" You've said that before."

" You didn't believe me the first time."

I rolled my eyes, and motioned for him to continue. He did, " I realized I liked you. You were different."

I shrugged, " Well being like everyone else isn't all it's cracked up to be."

" I know. That's why i'm me."

We both chuckled softly. Then sighed. He said, " that's it."

" So you like me."

" yeah."

" is that why you drove me."

" One of the reasons."

" okay." I said. Then I slipped down under the blanket. Turning my back to him I said, " we're really tired."

He laid down too, burrying his face into his pillow, " Goodnight Angel."

" goodnight Nicholas Dean Arson."

I leaned over and lightly nudged his shoulder with mine. Without thinking, I laced our fingers, " Thanks."

" for?"

" Driving me and stuff.... it means a lot."

" of course."

I squeezed his hand and he squeezed mine. With that, I fell asleep.

~~~

I was vaguely aware of Nick's voice on the phone," What... no.... alright... alright... No we'll be there. we'll.... alright!"

Then his hands were on my shoulders, " Angel you have to get up." He shook me gently, " come on now. Angel." He sighed, " Please, get up. Your grandma needs you."

I shot up and threw off the covers, " where are my shoes?" I stumbled around, searching blindly for something to cover my feet, " what time is it even?"

" Angel here." He pressed converse into my hands and I quickly slipped them on. At that point he already had his boots on and it kind of looked funny but I didn't mind. I probably looked wierd too in shorts and a white tank top. I hadn't realized it before but Nick was wearing a tank too. It was one of the lose ones that had thicker straps and what not. His arms were amazing.

I could have slapped myself. I was tired, I told myself. Not thinking straight. We rushed to the mustang and speed limits weren't an option as we ate up the roads. I practically flew into the hospital, Nick was right behind me. He was quick, checking us in and talking to the nurses who were rushing us through protocol. I could see one of the newer ones checking him out, his tousled black hair, his toned arms. I could have thrown up.

When we rushed into her room she grabbed my hand. I didn't know what was happening.

There are moments in your life when you realize that even though you fight and struggle, you will die in the end. Everyone is fighting a losing war. We think medicine and science will keep up from the inevitable.

She didn't look afraid. She even smiled at me when she said, " I love you Carter." I knew that, but she told me anyways.

That's the funny thing about people. We need to tell others how we feel when we already know. I know Nick liked me, he'll never have to tell me that again because I knew. My grandma loved me, and she didn't have to tell me when she was there because I knew.

I was pulled out of the room and so was Nick, though he didn't fight. Not like I did. I yelled for her. I knew she would go. I knew that no amount of pills they gave her would keep this from happening yet I tried to tear from their arms.

She was gone. She knew it was going to happen and she didn't fight it. Part of me was proud of her for accepting the truth; the other half of me wanted or to keep fighting, to push forward and not let this illness be her brick wall. I didn't want something to stop her from staying with me, even though I knew she had already lived many years and done many things. I knew she must have lived to her fullest.

Once in the hallway, Nick looped an arm around me and kept me close. His warmth was comfort. We walked out to the mustang, into the cool night air. Slipping into the passenger side, he started the car and we pulled out. I knew they'd call again. We probably shouldn't have left.

He drove back to the hotel room because we didn't have anywhere else to go. Once inside, I felt my eyes water. I didn't want to cry, I didn't feel like crying. It was one of those situations where my body knew the motions but my mind was lost. I stood in the center of the room and hugged my elbows. My knees pushed together and my bottoms lip trembled just slightly. Tears threatened the waterline of my eyes and my hair was probably a mess.

Nick didn't miss a beat. One arm around my back and the other under my knees, he lifted me up and set me on the bed. Without asking, he pulled off my converse and gently placed them at the end of the bed. He lifted the covers over my body and secured them around my shoulders. Even under the blanket I held myself, afraid of falling apart. He took off his boots and set them by the wall. Then he lifted the covers and climbed in beside me.

His arms looped around me and I was envoloped in his warmth. I gently asked, " what are you doing."

His voice was soft and somber as he spoke, " When I lost my parents, I wanted someone to be there."

I tilted myself into his side and pushed my face into his shirt, allowing my tears to soak the fabric. I didn't ball or yell, I wasn't wailing like I was dying. Ocassionally I'd sniffle, sometimes my breath would get loud and shaky. But generally I wasn't quiet. I didn't need an obnoxious-fest to get out what I was feeling.

I knew this feeling all too well. It was the feeling of losing apart of yourself. Nick was accurate. When I lost her, It wasn't like losing an arm. It was like losing a lung and waiting for the right transplant to come along. It wasn't about just filling the hole with something that would make do, it wasn't about finding something that could fit the gap perfectly and restore who you are. I had three gaps. Mom's. Dad's. and now my grandmother's. I felt alone.