I wake up to the worst pain I have ever felt. Okay fine, I am being dramatic but I went to bed without any food or water so the headache I am nursing is killer. Not only that but I can feel last night's shots sloshing around in my stomach. I knew what I had to do. I shake off Warner's jacket and change into a hoodie and sweatpants.

After grabbing my toothbrush I walk into the bathroom. I do a quick look under the stalls and close one behind me. I get on my knees and put one hand on the toilet lid to support myself. It was gross but it was the only way to get a good angle. I had lots of practice. Like a routine, I knew very well I push the toothbrush to the back of my mouth and down my throat to its sweet spot.

My body reacts instantly and I vomit up last night's drinks. I keep going until there is nothing left. The feeling never gets better but it's worth it. My heart rate is through the roof according to my apple watch so I sit on the floor for a few minutes. After I calm myself down I leave the stall.

I stare at myself in the mirror while I wash my hands. I look bad and I mean really bad, my eyes are bloodshot and I have huge dark eye circles. Throwing up was a technique my mom said I should do if I ever 'mess up'. I know that it's not a technique, it's bulimia aka an eating disorder but it is part of the reason I was able to lose 40 pounds. I know the health risks that come with it but I can't stop. It is my saving grace, I can mess up and eat a meal I shouldn't have and this lets me erase it.

I can't go back to Jiggly Juliet. I just can't.

After splashing water on my face I put up my hood, I can't risk anyone seeing me like this. Luckily nobody is around so make it back to my room undetected and back under the covers.

_______

I wake up to my phone blaring the ringtone I set for my mom. If I didn't have a headache before I know I will after this conversation.

"Hello?" I croak into the phone.

"Juliet! You sound like you just woke up. It is 2 pm. What are you doing in bed? I knew something was up when your rings on your apple watch had barely moved!"

God this woman was tracking my steps on my apple watch. All she cared about was me not getting fat again. It is so frustrating.

"Yeah, sorry I felt sick I am going to get up now and go for a run."

That was a lie.

"Okay good. Well, I called because Warner's mom texted me saying you and Warner both ended up at West shores! How amazing is that?" I couldn't even answer to tell her it wasn't because she keeps going "Tracey was going on about how excited she was to see you at Warners first game tonight and that you guys should carpool back for thanksgiving."

Carpooling with Warner? As if

"Yeah maybe."

Another lie

"Okay well, I won't keep you I just wanted to call and check-in. Have you been sticking to our diet regime?"

"Yes."

Another lie since vodka was not on the approved foods list.

"You don't seem too chatty so I will leave you to get ready for your run. Bye, sweetie! Tell Warner I say Hi!"

"Will do."

One last lie on my end before she hangs up.

I flop back onto my bed.

Warner had talked to his mom about me? This must've been before I yelled at him last night. I didn't regret laying into him, he deserves it.

He shouldn't care what I think anyways he is stupid Warner Brooks, everyone loves him already so it shouldn't matter what someone like me thinks.

I also groan at the thought of cheering at the soccer game. I can barely walk down the hallway let alone jump around and be tossed in the air.

I accidentally spend two full hours on tik tok before I finally gett up and shower. After my shower, I stand in front of my mirror and analyze myself. I don't recognize the girl staring back at me; it still feels like I am wearing a disguise.

I throw on some biker shorts and a sweater and open my laptop. I need to get some schoolwork done since classes started soon and I have spent the entire day in bed.

I haven't got much done when there was a light knock on my door.

A hungover-looking Abby walks in and plops on my bed dramatically. I looked the same way a few hours ago.

"You are so lucky you left early, those men are PIGS." She gives a dramatic sigh and I close my laptop to listen.

"Well yeah all men are pigs, the bar is pretty low for them."

"No seriously, listen. Turns out it wasn't just a normal party it's like some gross annual thing where they dibs their own freshman cheerleaders to have sex with that year. We are such idiots.'' She sighs.

"Wait what?" I sit up immediately feeling grossed out at how disgusting men are.

"Yeah, basically each year the soccer team throws a party and invites all the freshmen and basically evaluate the prospects and decide which ones they will deflower this year." Her words make me sick to my stomach. No wonder Marko gave me such bad vibes.

"That is disgusting, I hate men so much." My stomach churns at the thought of being some prospect to deflower. Disgusting.

"I know and I almost fell for it too. Some guy named Marko, we made out and I swear he high-fived someone during it. I guess I got my kiss but at what cost?" she sighs again.

"Possible herpes?" I joke but she frowns at me.

"Sorry not all of us have a knight in shining armour like Warner to keep the men away."

"Warner is not my knight I don't need a knight I am a feminist icon. We both are."

"You're totally right." Abby agrees.

After laying in bed for another hour we agree that we should get ready for the soccer game. Abby goes back to her room to grab her uniform and while she is gone I slide mine on.

I can't help but smile when looking back at myself. The light blue uniform pairs perfectly with my blonde hair. I have pictured this moment for so long. The mini skirt was truly mini, so much so that I make sure to put on a pair of lululemon spandex shorts. I wasn't about to give anyone a free show.

I am still shamelessly admiring myself when Abby walks back into my room.

"Yeah we get it, Juliet, you are hot stuff" she jokes smacking my butt.

"Just making sure I look good for you baby" I blow a kiss back to her and she pretends to catch it and put it in her pocket.

We walk to the field and I am struggling. I haven't eaten a single thing all day and after my purge this morning I have a giant headache. Luckily we are early since we get to the field when the teams are warming up so I have time to get it together. I make sure to sit down as soon as we get to the changerooms.

"You don't look so good Juliet are you okay?" Amy looks me up and down.

"Just hungover does anybody have a granola bar or something?" I put my head in my hands trying to get myself together.

Amy throws one my way and I almost eat the wrapper I am so hungry. I can't even taste it I am eating so fast, I don't realize people might be looking till I look up to see everyone staring.

"Jesus christ do you always eat like that." A girl on the team can't hide her disgust and I feel my face go red.

Instead of answering I get up and leave the changeroom for some air. I am only outside for a few seconds when I hear a familiar voice.

"Juliet Grayson.. is that you?"

I take a deep breath and plaster a huge smile on my face. I know it's Warner's mom without even looking up. She was a mother figure during my childhood considering my own mom lacked basic motherly qualities.

I can't even respond because she wraps me in a bear hug so tight I can barely breathe. Normally I would hate affection but I can't help but melt into the hug.

"You look beautiful as a cheerleader. I always knew you would." She beams at me.

She mentions nothing of the weight I lost, the contacts or the lack of acne on my face. That is why I love Tracey, she treats me the same no matter how I look on the outside. Even at my worst, she would give me compliments.

"And you look as beautiful as ever Tracey, my mom told me you were coming it is so nice to see you again."

"I was so glad to find out you and Warner would be at the same University. You were always such a good influence on him! Especially his grades. He would always talk about you at home, we used to tease him about-"

Tracey's story stops short and I already know why because I could smell who was standing behind me. Warner.

Yes I know what he smells like and no it's not creepy, I just happen to like the smell of the cologne he wears.

"I see you already found Jules and you are already trying to embarrass me." He put his hand on my shoulder and I try not to shrug it off. The simple touch alone makes my cheeks flare and I don't want him or Tracey to see. Not to mention how I yelled at him last night and haven't seen him since. I can feel my heart racing and the nausea takes over.

"I would never embarrass you, sweetie! Now I will leave you two alone but ill be cheering extra loud from the stands for you both." Tracey gives us both a hug and then walks to the stands. I notice Warner's dad is over by the stands but he doesn't even look at us. His dad scares the shit out of me. I don't know why Tracey is with a man like him. He is horrible to Warner, I have many memories as a kid of his dad grabbing him and pulling him away to be punished. God knows what happened behind those closed doors.

I feel so awkward watching her walk away. I can't even turn to face him after last night, drunk Juliet has a temper and seems to take it out on Warner. I start to get even more anxious and the next thing I know my vision goes a bit blurry and I stumble a bit to the side. I catch myself but Warner notices right away and I feel his arm around my waist.

I stiffen at his touch.

"Jules are you okay?" he is frowning and his eyes are deep with concern.

"Yes just hungover, now I should get back to the cheer team and I know you need to warm up so bye." I try to speed past him but he gets in the way. He doesn't say a single word he just goes into his pocket, grabs a granola bar and hands it to me. He doesn't need to say anything because his eyes say it all. They tell me to shut up and eat the god damn granola bar. After I take a bite he smiles and lets me walk back into the girls' change room.

I don't understand what is going on. I yelled at him last night and he was clearly annoyed at the things I said but here he is giving me snacks before the game. Maybe he isn't as much of an asshole as I thought. I mean I changed a lot after high school so it was unfair of me to assume that Warner hadn't changed.