I felt lightheaded walking back to the dorm with Warner hand in hand, but I didn't think it was just because of how giddy he made me feel. I hadn't eaten and after jumping around for hours It felt like the ground was starting to shift beneath me.

We entered the dorm and got to the kitchen when I felt wobbly and tightened my grip on Warner's hand. He frowned at me.

"Sorry just feeling lightheaded I think I need to lie down." I let go of his hand and started walking to my room, but I stumbled on my way my vision blurring. The next thing I knew I was headed to the floor, but Warner was at my side in an instant holding my body up to his. I had passed out for a second or two.

He didn't say anything as he guided me into my room and onto my bed. He took my shoes off for me and tucked me under the covers. He didn't look upset until he looked over at my desk spotting the muffin he brought me this morning sitting on my desk untouched.

His entire body tensed and if I wasn't so fatigued, I would have stopped what he did next. He reached into my garbage bin and found every bit of food he had given me this week. The granola bars were all uneaten and sat in the bottom of the bin.

Silence hung in the air, neither one of us making a move. Warner's hand was almost shaking at his side. I didn't know what to do or say. I watched one hand clench and unclench at his side, his eyes darkened as he glared over at me.

"I know what you are doing, and I can't ignore it any longer. Juliet why don't you eat?" he broke the silence between us.

"I eat. I just forgot to eat today" I lied staring at a spot on my wall. I wanted this conversation to end, I wanted him to leave me alone.

"Aren't you tired of it?" he asks.

"Tired of what?" I whisper refusing to meet his gaze.

"Lying to me" his voice was icy with rage now.

"I don't know what you are talking about I-"

"For fucks safe!" He yells hitting his hand down on my desk in frustration. "Don't give me that bullshit, I know you know what I am talking about. You might be fooling everyone around you, but you are not fooling me."

I sideglance his way to see him pace away from the desk but then make his way back to it running his hands through his hair and then down his face in frustration. I say nothing.

"At first, I tried to convince myself that I was just being paranoid. And in the beginning, I knew you wouldn't open up to me because you didn't even want to be my friend. But I thought things were different now I thought you might trust me with this. I can't ignore it any longer you need help."

I cut him off before he could say anything else, panic in my voice. "No, I am fine alright? You have no idea what you are talking about, I am handling things on my own." I did not want to be sent to some looney bin or some clinic. I didn't want people to know.

"It's not a fucking discussion, okay?" I flinched at his already raised voice. "Whether you want me to or not. I am going to do something about this. I am going to help."

I pressed my lips together and looked anywhere but at him, trying to think of a response. I didn't expect anyone to notice, I didn't think anyone paid that much attention to me. I thought I hid my habits well.

"I have it under control" I lie.

I didn't have the energy to argue with him, but I couldn't simply sit and agree with him. I was at a loss for words at being called out. At the idea that I do have a problem. Especially since he was yelling at me over it. My mom had done nothing but praise this part of me so having someone mad over it was new.

Warner sighed at my lack of response his face softening. "I'm sorry for yelling I just don't know what to do. I want to help but I don't know how...Please look at me." The desperation in his voice is the only reason I look over at him.

He looks beside himself; one hand is in his hair tugging at it and his other is against my desk. His knuckles are white from how tight he is holding on. He stays silent for a couple of seconds, looking at me with worried eyes.

"You can hate me all you want. Deny it all you want but you need to talk to someone, if not me then a professional. Juliet just please listen to me- "

"I told you I don't want your help. I don't want to hear any of this, the only thing I want from you is for you to back off."

"Back off? You are telling me to back off?"

"This is my problem, not yours. So, you don't have to worry about me or about any of this. As a matter of fact, I want you to leave. I don't need you here Warner" I lie

"You don't mean that." His voice is hoarse, and I know I am hurting him but I can't help the self-destructive behaviour pouring out of me. All the hatred I have is towards me not him but he is caught in its path.

"You're right it's not that I don't need you here it's that I don't want you here so get out and leave me alone."

I knew he was worried, but I hated it. I hated that he knew that I had a problem. I was embarrassed, I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. That was the last of the strength I had so I just pulled my covers over me still in my cheerleading uniform and shut my eyes.

My head was pounding. Warner could stand there and stare at me for as long as he wanted, I wasn't going to say anything else. I just kept my eyes shut and after a few minutes, I felt myself drifting off.

___

I woke up to the pitch dark and the clock displayed it was only 3 am. I groaned remembering why I had gone to sleep so early. I hated that Warner called me out, I hated that he saw through me and my lies.

I put my hand out to my dresser and saw a blue Powerade on the nightstand waiting for me. My favourite flavour. I glanced around my room my eyes adjusting to the dim light and spotted Warner sleeping at my desk chair beside the bed. His head was at an awkward angle, wearing only his sweatpants and his laptop left open in his lap as if he fell asleep looking at it.

I stared at him for a long while, the unusual paleness of his face, his brows still scrunched with worry, as if he fretted for me even in his sleep. My throat tightened unbearably, my eyes stinging. I would not let myself cry at the sight of him keeping watch beside me all night.

Even after I was so cruel to him, yelling at him to leave he stayed here watching over me. I dug my fingernails into my palm until it hurt. I did not deserve him.

I moved as quietly as possible and grabbed his laptop from his hand. I knew he was a deep sleeper, but I still was scared his eyes would snap open at any second. My throat dried up when I saw what his screen was on. There were over ten tabs open all researching how to help someone with an eating disorder as well as therapists and support groups in the area.

I did not deserve the man In front of me, that is all I repeat to myself as I place the laptop back in his lap. I chug the Powerade grateful for the man who fell asleep watching over me.

I was still wearing my cheer uniform, so I stripped down and changed into some shorts and an old embarrassing science fair shirt. I made sure Warner was still sleeping as I peeled off each layer of clothing.

After changing and slipping back into bed the guilt slowly began to take over me so after a few more minutes I sat up and stood In front of Warner again. This time I took his laptop, closed it and put it on my desk before lightly grazing his cheek with my hand.

I knew he would need more than that to wake up, so I spoke "Warner. Wake up." His eyes shoot open almost immediately in panic when he sees my face.

"What's wrong?" he shot up and took my face in his hands scanning for injuries.

"I felt bad you were sleeping in a chair come in my bed". I didn't say anything else, just slipped back into my bed and turned my back to him. He seemed to hesitate but slipped in after a bit of time passed.

I waited a few more minutes knowing he was still awake before speaking up. I said what I knew he wanted to hear. "I am going to try to be better. I want to." Another lie.

_________

I woke up alone. Warner was gone and so was his laptop. I knew it wasn't the end of our discussion though. I sigh trying to will myself to get up. I had slept for almost 15 hours straight. After forcing myself to my feet I start packing a suitcase for the break, trying to avoid going into the common room where I would be sure to see Warner.

After stalling for about an hour I finally exited my room and entered the common room. It must have been my lucky day because Warner was nowhere in sight. Only Adam sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.

Things had been awkward since the whole Emily and Warner situation, but I grabbed a banana from the counter and sat next to him. Maybe he would report back to Warner that he saw me eat something. I wouldn't put it past him to have people spy on me.

"Hey" I smiled tentatively.

"Hey"

It was silent for a few seconds, and I debated just running back to my room, but Adam broke the silence. "I haven't been able to properly apologize to you. Warner and I already sorted it out, I am sorry for talking to you the way I did."

"It's okay, I understand why you would be mad. I told you I wasn't into Warner and now..."

He stopped me before I could continue "It's okay. Trust me I am the one in the wrong. I knew how Warner felt about you long before I met you. But when I did meet you, I was selfish." He gave me a soft smile. I know Warner told me he had liked me for a while but hearing it from someone else's lips made it so much more real. My heart swelled at the thought. He told Adam how he felt before he even saw how different I looked.

"Friends?" he held out his hand and I ignored it and leaned over from the chair for a hug instead wrapping my arms around him. "Friends" I smile as he hugs me back.

"So, since we are friends now, do you want to tell me why we could all hear yelling from your room last night? And why Warner looked so distraught this morning"

Oh, wow okay, two seconds into being friends and Adam and I were going to discuss my relationship problems?

"He didn't tell you?" I broke off a piece of the banana and ate it. My body was grateful to finally have something in its system.

"No, I know when Warner wants to be left alone and this morning was one of those times. But I was going to head to the library and study since today's the last day it's open before the break if you want to come?" he smiled at me, and I was hopeful we truly could go back to being friends.

______________

Adam and I got back from the library to find almost everyone in the common room and kitchen. It seemed some sort of group cooking session was going on. Abby and Winston were cutting vegetables whilst Warner stood at the stove next to Max sautéing some meat in a pan. Even quiet Emma who I never saw was setting up cutlery on the table. Warner didn't even turn to look at Adam and me when we walked in. "What's going on here?" I ask Abby.

"Taco Night! We thought we should have a family dinner before the break. You are lucky you weren't here to be forced into cooking. I like the idea of eating together but cooking is not my thing" She was right, I don't think I have ever seen her cook before.

"Although you somehow almost managed to burn the kitchen down cooking popcorn so maybe it's best you sit this one out champ." Winston grinned at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"He's not wrong I think I saw you mess up oatmeal before, it exploded all over the microwave. And oatmeal is hard to mess up." Adam joined in on the making fun of Juliet's cooking moment.

"Okay fine I am no Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen. Gosh does anyone have any other complaints about my cooking?" I laughed sitting on one of the kitchen table chairs.

Normally Warner would jump at the opportunity to poke fun at me. I was shocked that he just kept cooking, silent for once. Now I knew something was up with him. I knew things might be awkward after last night but not like this. Not him ignoring me completely. I think I preferred when he was yelling at me.

The conversation moved to winter break and Abby gushed about the ski trip her family was going on and that Winston was coming on it. Emma was from the South, and I learned her family had a huge farm with pigs, horses, and cows that she missed dearly. Max was from Adam's hometown which was close to mine, and they had planned to carpool home together.

Once they were done cooking, all the taco ingredients were laid out on the table as a self-serve system. Warner sat as far from me as possible which stung a bit. He didn't say anything to me and when I looked at the food at the table and everyone loading up their tacos, I swallowed a lump in my throat. I told him to leave me alone and back off but I meant about my eating disorder not to back off in general.

I also told him I would get better, maybe this was some sort of test? I had lied to him in my room last night, I didn't want to get better not if it meant gaining back that weight I lost. But I wouldn't let him know that. I had to let him think I was going to get help.

I stared down at the empty taco shell on my plate and then at the fillings on the table. It looked so delicious but when I thought about the calories it started to look off-putting. I grabbed some toppings and filled two tacos on my plate. Everyone was having their own conversations, nobody paying attention to my hesitation or shaking hand. Except for Warner who for the first time tonight glanced over at my plate.

I looked down at my now full plate and on one hand, my insides were screaming to eat it begging me to put it in my mouth. But on the other hand, I didn't want the feeling this meal would give me. The feeling of being bloated and full and just gross.

I took a small bite and before I knew it I was almost finished with the entire taco. I was starving and I didn't know it until the food hit my tongue. One taco never hurt anyone right? I can eat the rest and be fine. I put the rest of the taco in my mouth and it was gone. I ate the whole thing.

I couldn't stop thinking about how good it tasted. I ignored the feelings of disgust and focused on how amazing it tasted. I wanted to eat the other one, but I knew I couldn't. I joined the conversation; I can stop eating whenever I want.

But my mind and body weren't on the same page because the next thing I knew I had eaten both tacos. I cursed myself for having such little self-control, this is why I stuck to my oatmeal. I never wanted more after because it was so bland.

The only positive was Warner got to witness me eating a meal. He didn't say anything, I mean it's not like I was expecting a pat on the back but maybe a smile.

I washed the dishes with Adam since we didn't cook. The 'avoid-Juliet-by-all-means' stunt Warner was pulling was starting to get on my nerves and not in an 'I'll get over it in a day' way.

He stayed on the other side of the room the entire night and didn't even speak to me in any of the conversations. By the way, Warner was acting, you'd think I'd contracted Ebola overnight. He kept his distance, even when we were sitting on the couches. Ensuring he sat on the seat farthest from mine. The only indication that he didn't grow to hate me overnight was that my ribbon was still tied around his wrist.

When he did have to look at me, he would have a plastered smile that I could tell was a forced one and everything was...weird, tense...awkward.

I sounded clingy, throwing a fit over the lack of attention he directed my way, but I had reason to. Warner Brooks had integrated himself into my life so much that I expected an explanation for his distance. Well, I know I told him to leave me alone and back off but I didn't mean completely. I just wanted him to stop pushing me when it came to food and getting help.

I waited until the room had cleared and everyone had gone to bed. I wouldn't risk a visit to the bathroom tonight to empty what I ate. One meal wouldn't ruin my progress, at least that's what I kept repeating myself as I changed into an oversized sleep shirt and walked to the kitchen to grab some water.

It seemed my timing was off because Warner was standing in the kitchen chugging down his own glass of water. His eyes took me in, raking my body from my bare legs up to where the shirt hung off my shoulder exposing my collarbone. He quickly snapped out of whatever trance he was in and stepped past me walking right to his room and shutting the door behind him.

I should've accepted the dismissal but my feet carried me over to his door and I barged in like he constantly did to me.