dear diary,

life is a bitch.

it pretends to be your friend, and gives you everything, making you the happiest person in the world. and at the same time, it plots behind your back, and backstabs you when you are the peak point of your life, laughing in your face as you tumble down your mountain of happiness.

how does that relate to me?

i loved him, dairy. i loved him. and he loved me.

then why did i leave him? good question.

curiosity ate me away with the same question, so i visited dr terrance, my therapist, and a damn good psychologist.

i told him everything. i told him how i fell for him, and how we came together.

then i told him what actually happened to us.

i told him how he used to get pissed if i didn't reply to his text. worry if i didn't lift his calls. sweat like crazy if i sent him alone anywhere. and about how he had a panic attack because i canceled a date once.

it wasn't just possessiveness; it was something more than that.

and it scared me.

but what dr terrance told me scared me more.

based on your observations, the boy seems to be suffering from an acute case of autophobia, or a fear of being abandoned, isolated, and left alone. it usually emerges due to the experience faced during childhood. were there any circumstances where he must have felt abandoned?

his mom was never home as a kid. she was always working to keep them both going after her husband has left her. poor kid must have felt unwanted.

these people always have a familiar person with them. it is almost like they are scared of themselves. they hate situations which they have to face by themselves, and may result in panic attacks or hysterical crying.

i couldn't believe it. why in the world. . .

i broke up with him when the magic of the relationship faded away and reality came crashing onto me. he made me feel suffocated. it wasn't normal for a person to behave that way.

you better talk to his parents and seek help, lee. at the worst stage of the condition, the victim may become mentally unstable. and in most stages of autophobia, this results in suicide, for their mind believes that the world is out to get them. its really dangerous.

that was why i rushed into his house without a second thought. i didn't think of how awkward i would be if a ex barges in without permission.

he mistakes his phobia for feelings. how twisted is that? so, all he said to me wasn't out of love.

now i am really scared to leave him alone.

i never felt more relived to see rae. he was fine.

but then i realized what this meant for rae. should she be struck with a guy who mistakes his phobia for love, or leave him which would result in him going crazy? how could i tell her that the guy she loves is just autophobic, and is not in love with her?

so i left her.

regrets, diary, regrets.

all i can hope for now, is that she makes him happy, until i find a way to break the news to his mom. and i better do it fast, as a small 'no' can set him.

he's a ticking time bomb, and my sister is the one who should bear the brunt.

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