"Oh Rerun's not smart," Eric said as everyone sat in the basement watching tv.

"What's Happening? I'll tell you what's happening. Hilarity." Fez laughed.

"Yeah no kidding, hey, hey, hey that's just funny!" Kelso chuckled.

"Hey guys can you keep it down a bit please?" Hyde said walking out with his shirt disheveled and lipstick on his chin.

Lucy turned around in his seat to look at him quizzically.

"Hyde there's lipstick on your chin," Donna noted.

"Hyde why are you putting lipstick on your chin? It's for your lips!" Fez said.

"Hey, maybe he's got a girl back there," Eric laughed.

"Wow Eric how'd you jump to that conclusion?" Lucy asked sarcastically.

"Why would he have a girl back there when Lucy is here?" Fez asked confused.

"Fez! Shut up!" Hyde and Lucy said at once.

"So Hyde's who's the lucky lady?" Eric asked.

"I never kiss and tell," Hyde said.

"Yes you do," Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I do. It's Kat Peterson," he smiled proudly.

"Yeah right, you're in your bedroom with the most popular girl in school?" Donna asked in disbelief.

"Look. Just keep it down you're killing the mood!" Hyde said rushing back.

"Steven! Did you get your results about the clap back from the doctor?" Lucy yelled once he closed the door to his room.

"Okay, so we're all set for our big dinner party!" Jackie announced as she walked in.

"Oh yay the big dinner party," Kelso said sarcastically.

"So here," Jackie said, handing out the invite.

"You and a guest are cordially invited for an evening of cocktails, dinner and tv," Donna read.

"The attire is semi-formal casual," Jackie explained.

"Oh finally, I can wear my tuxedo tshirt!" Fez announced.

"Oh sorry Fez I forgot to invite you and Hyde," Jackie said.

"Oh but it's never too late," Fez said.

"Okay bye!" Jackie said before rushing out.

"Don't worry Fez I'm sure you and Hyde can come," Kelso reassured their friend.

"No Michael they can't!" Jackie said coming back in.

"Okay I get it they can't come," Kelso said, smirking at Fez.

"Come with me," Jackie said, pulling him up.

"Okay I'll give you a hundred bucks if you don't make me go to this party," Eric begged Donna.

"Show me the hundred," Donna demanded.

"Damn!" Eric exclaimed.

"Okay but if Eric's going do you need me?" Lucy whined.

Donna leaned forward to look at her, "Well obviously! I can't be alone with the guys and Jackie! She'd give me a makeover or something!"

"Well the party's tomorrow night so I better go home and start putting cologne on now," Fez said walking out.

Then Kat Peterson and Hyde came out of his room his shirt now fixed but lipstick still on his chin, "So that was fun," Kat said.

"No Disneyland's fun, that was nasty," Hyde said before kissing her again as she walked out the door.

"Oh my God Hyde. Kat Peterson nice!" Donna said.

Lucy rolled her eyes as she watched the tv.

"Yeah she's slummin' it and I'm lovin' it," Hyde smirked.

"God you're a pig," Lucy scoffed.

"Pig that you kissed," Eric reminded her as she slapped him repeatedly.

❁

The girls sat out in the porch, listening to Jackie.

"I'm gonna have dinner parties all the time when I'm Mrs. Michael Kelso Esquire. Just think about it," Jackie said excitedly.

"Okay!" Lucy agreed, closing her eyes.

"Do I have to?" Donna complained.

Jackie had them envision all of them nicely dressed, Kelso playing the piano, everyone talking absurdly properly, using Fez as a English butler.

"Top drawer, top drawer," Jackie laughed. Donna looked at her confused out of the corner of her eye and Lucy opened up one of her eyes and furrowed her eyebrows at her young friend.

❁

At the party the next night, Kelso played Chopsticks poorly on the piano, Jackie begging him to stop.

On the couch, Eric sat beside Donna who sat beside Lucy.

"You know what might make this party a little more fun?" Eric asked with a chuckle.

"Sweet death," the twins said in unison, Lucy rolling her eyes because she knew her brother's humor so well.

Jackie was running around trying to be a good and proper hostess when there was a knocking at the door. Lucy got up, to avoid stressing Jackie out even more, on the other side of the door stood Hyde and Fez.

"Oh shit," Lucy smiled nervously before shutting the door, knowing Jackie would have a fit.

"Who is it?" Jackie asked confused.

"No one!" Lucy said quickly.

Jackie tried to get past Lucy but she kept shuffling to block off Jackie from the door. Jackie eventually got passed her, confused.

"Hyde! Fez! Michael!" Jackie screeched as Lucy winced.

"Oh good, it's Hyde, Fez, and Michael!" Kelso said dumbly.

"Well doll, that wasn't very polite," Hyde whispered from behind Lucy before walking passed her.

"Oh! Are these melon balls for anyone?" Fez asked excited.

Jackie snatched the bowl from his hands. "Why are they here?" Jackie asked Kelso, slapping Fez's hand away.

"I invited them because you're always discussing manners, and I want to be mannerly," Kelso explained.

"He's mannerly," Hyde said, eating the snacks Jackie had out.

A flood of students from their school flowed in, pushing into Lucy, who stumbled away trying to get away from Chuck and other jocks. Hyde guided her away from the 20 incoming people to the couch.

"I thought if a party of 10 people was fun then a party of 30 people would be twice as much fun!" Kelso explained to a distraught Jackie.

"Hey everybody I'm taking off my pants!" A boy yelled, unzipping his pants.

Lucy and the rest of them all watched in horror. "Is this hell?" Lucy whispered, the others nodded.

❁

Lucy was trying desperately to help Jackie by putting coasters under everyone's drinks and pulling people who were dancing off of couches and throwing trash away.

She was rushing by Donna and Eric, her brother was letting a can stay on the piano, she swiftly set a coaster under the can and smacked her brother upside the head.

"You know you can't get in trouble for this right?" Hyde asked behind her, chuckling.

Lucy spun around with a jump, she sighed, "I'm trying to be nice to a friend. You ever heard of it?"

"Please have a beer you're scaring me," Fez said quickly, taking a beer from Hyde and shoving it towards the girl.

"Fine," she sighed, taking a drink, relaxing slightly and following behind them, trying to stay far away from the boy who couldn't keep his pants on.

They bumped into Kat Peterson and her group of friends. "Hey Kat, want a beer?" Hyde offered.

"No thanks," Kat said disgusted, turning to her friends bewildered before walking away laughing.

Hyde turned to them, "She just blew me off man, can you believe that?"

"Yes I do. I really, really do," Fez nodded.

"Bitch," Lucy muttered, taking a drink.

"Thank you!" Hyde said.

Jackie walked into the room, approaching the three as they stood by Kelso.

"Michael are they drinking from my parents' crystal?" Jackie asked looking to Lucy who smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, they tried to drink straight from the bottle and I said no, no, use the crystal 'cause it's classy," Kelso explained.

Jackie sighed, "Michael, I'm going to go upstairs and feel sorry for myself and you are going to fix this."

Jackie stormed off and Lucy quickly followed after her, gesturing to Donna to come when she could and shoving the coasters in Hyde's hands.

Lucy sat with Jackie on her bed, letting Jackie rest her head in her lap as she brushed hair away from her face.

Donna opened the door, "You ok?"

"Guys please, I really don't want to talk about Michael," Jackie sighed as Donna sat beside Lucy. "Okay, so what is your honest opinion about Michael?" Jackie asked, sitting up.

"By honest you mean..." Donna asked, trailing off.

"Donna! Please learn to listen," Jackie exclaimed.

Lucy sighed, "Okay, I'll go. Look, I like Kelso, he's my friend, but if you have a certain future in mind, you deserve better than Kelso," Lucy said gently.

Jackie sighed distraught and the boy who couldn't keep his pants on sat up from underneath blankets, "You know, you guys are really bringing down the make out room."

"Get out!" Lucy screeched, jumping up and chasing him out of the room, hitting him with a pillow, leaving behind Jackie and Donna.

❁

Lucy huffed as she pulled the door to the living room open, being hit with the smell of cigar smoke instantly.

"Dear God, why am I friends with crazy people?" she muttered to herself.

She approached the guys, who were holding glasses of brandy and cigars.

"Well I'm afraid Hyde is way too lovesick to get down, first he tries to forget Lucy with Kat and then Kat leaves him," Lucy heard Fez explain.

"Lovesick? I don't love either of them man, and I didn't replace Lucy with her! I just think we should be having sex is all, 'cause she'd enjoy it," Hyde explained.

Lucy came up from behind the boys and snatched the cigar from Hyde's hand, putting it between her lips and letting out a puff of smoke, "I'm going to pretend for a moment that you aren't a complete and utter perv."

Hyde shifted on his feet slightly, rolling his eyes, "I meant Kat."

"Still a perv," Lucy shrugged, whining when Hyde took the cigar back.

"Hyde, I'm not a doctor but I play one on tv," Eric started laughing, "But seriously Hyde, this is a party so loosen up like me!" Eric said, tossing his hand back, letting his drink slosh into the trash can. "Whoops-a-daisy."

"Man I wish Jackie would loosen up, she's throwing a great party down here and she's missing it!" Kelso exclaimed.

"Kelso you don't get it huh?" Fez asked annoyed. "This party meant the world to Jackie and you crapped on it."

"Alright, ease up on Kelso, alright?" Hyde said.

"Thanks Hyde," Kelso said.

Hyde shrugged, "Yeah you did something horrible but it's Jackie so who cares?"

"I care you dillhole," Lucy sighed, stealing the cigar.

"No, wait what are you saying?" Kelso asked.

"She's up there upset because of you!" Lucy said frustrated.

"No! I invited all these people to make it fun! So her party would be good!" Kelso explained, standing up.

"She didn't want a good party, she wanted her party!" Fez said.

"You know what, you're right," Kelso nodded. "All right this party is over! Everybody out!"

"No! Kelso what are you saying? Think!" Eric begged.

"You know what guys, for the first time in my life I think I am thinking!" Kelso said.

"Oh boy," Lucy sighed, handing the cigar to Hyde.

Kelso threw his cigar into the trash bin, "You know I'm in danger of ruining the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!"

Flames erupted from the trash bin and Kelso didn't notice, the boys just stared.

"Crap!" Lucy muttered. "Ok, hold these, I gotta run and find a fire extinguisher," Lucy said, quickly slipping off the heels Jackie let her borrow, making her promise not to ruin them and handing them to Hyde.

Lucy ran around, wondering where a rich family would keep their fire extinguisher. She checked the kitchen, thinking Mrs. Burkhart would be afraid of burning down her wonderful house.

Lucy rushed back to the room, carrying the fire extinguisher and stopped behind Jackie and Donna who stood their in shock as Kelso repeatedly hit the fire with a pillow, the chair completely scorched.

"Um—I found it!" Lucy said awkwardly.

❁

By some miracle, they managed to get most of the 20 other uninvited people out and just had a few stragglers once the fire was put out.

Eric was serenading Donna laying across the piano, Timmy played, still pantless. He had taken the loosen up advice from Donna too seriously.

Lucy stood in the doorway with Fez and Hyde, drinking a beer after the chaotic night.

"So that Kat Peterson is a little bitchy," Lucy noted.

"Yeah, a little bit," Hyde shrugged.

"She can't avoid him if she never kissed him!" Fez said in disbelief, not convinced that Hyde made out with the most popular girl.

"Fezzie, they made out," Lucy nodded.

"Oh! You poor thing!" Fez said, rubbing her arm.

Lucy shook her head, "I don't care," she laughed, "Go help Kelso before he burns another room."

Fez went off to help Kelso and Lucy stood across from Hyde.

Hyde opened another beer, "I mean it's a common phenomenon with those type of girls," he said seriously, "she was just ignoring me because her friends were around."

Lucy nodded understandingly, "That's not what I did," she said slightly defensive.

"No," Hyde dragged the word out, chuckling slightly, "But you were too embarrassed to tell anyone. And then there was the other night—"

"I wasn't embarrassed!" Lucy yelled, laughing a little. "And the other night only happened because you called me a bitch and I had to prove a point."

"That you're a bitch?" Hyde asked, smiling.

"Exactly," Lucy laughed. "Do you hate me?" she asked honestly.

Hyde shrugged, "Only some days."

Lucy shoved his shoulder, "I'm serious!"

"Fine!" Hyde sighed, "I don't hate you."

Lucy smirked, "Oh man, that's too bad, because I still hate you," she said jokingly, turning away to start walking home.

"Oh! Very funny LSD," Hyde yelled, running after her.

"What's funny?" she spun around, laughing, "I'm dead serious!"

"Well then I'm deeply hurt," Hyde said sarcastically. "Come on let's go home."

Lucy laughed, stumbling into his side as he wrapped his arm around her, "Do you think someone was stupid enough to burn the house while we were gone?"

"Well Kelso wasn't there so I'm going to go with no," Hyde joked.

"I can't believe you kept handing him brandy!" Lucy shook her head.

"Oh well, it was funny," Hyde shrugged.

"Oh my gosh, you guys are idiots I hate you," Lucy chuckled.

"Hate you too doll."

❁