The gang was all sitting in the basement, Lucy leaned against the freezer while she unwrapped her popsicle and threw one to Kelso—who somehow caught it from his seat without a heads up merely by Fez saying "Ay!" Meanwhile, Eric sat on the back of the couch behind Kelso and Jackie, and Hyde was reading some magazine.

"So, Hyde," Eric started, "Big job fair tomorrow. Oh! And you're in luck, 'cause I read that corporate America is experiencing a severe shortage of paranoid conspiracy nuts."

"I'm not a conspiracy nut, okay?" Hyde asserted, looking up from his magazine. "My history, shop and gym teachers secretly started that rumor to discredit me—"

"Maybe that's what they want you to think," Lucy hummed, eating her popsicle. Hyde squinted and nodded, not having thought of that before. "Maybe it was me!" Lucy fake gasped, poking fun at her boyfriend. Eric and Jackie joined her dramatic gasps—Kelso and Fez doing so in actual belief.

Hyde rolled his eyes and swatted at her arm before bringing her to sit down. "I do need a job though since the Foto Hut shut down."

"And I'm never gonna get my pictures back, which is a real shame, 'cause they'll never let me under the bleachers anymore," Fez complained.

"You need a job too, Eric, since you just got fired from your last job by your own daddy," Jackie fake pouted.

"Well, at least my daddy's not in jail for bribery," Eric said smugly.

Lucy chucked her popsicle stick at his head, which received a quiet "ow" and she responded to with "Low blow dude!"

Just then, Donna came through the door and began rambling, "Okay, so get this! The radio station I work at wants me to work their jobfair booth as Hot Donna. All right? As if I'm some object for guys to leer at! God!" She took of her coat, revealing her catholic school outfit. Receiving cheers and praise from the guys while Lucy whistled.

"I guess being beautiful has its benefits," Kelso nodded, frowning when he realized his popsicle was melting.

"Hey, shut up, I'm embarrassed," Donna said.

Kelso furrowed his eyebrows, "I'm talkin' about me, Donna. And the best thing about being beautiful is I can get work as a model. So I don't have to go to the job fair like the rest of you uggos."

"Well, I cannot wait. Nina will be at the DMV

Booth, which means that Fez will be making out during a school day," Fez smiled widely, "How many of you suckers have made out during a school day?"

Prompting everyone to raise their hands. Fez pauses a moment before asking, "How many of you suckers have made out during a school day in the nude?" To which, everyone's hands stayed down. Fez nodded proudly, "Then I will be nude."

❁

"Okay. Okay, everybody! This is your last school field trip, so smile!" Kitty said frantically as she ran ahead of the teens before they walked into the job fair. "Okay, now wave hello to your futures. Hello, futures!" Fez being the only one who waved, Lucy still smiling brightly for her mom's sake. "Okay, now wave good-bye to your mothers who loved you and gave you the best years of their lives. Now what are they gonna do? What? Tell me what I am supposed to do!" She ran off in a hurry before breaking down even more.

"You're supposed to take your little, yellow pill. That's what you're supposed to do," Eric said matter-of-factly.

Kelso sighed, not looking forward to being there but decided to when he couldn't charm his way out of a ticket, "Man, look at this place. There's tons of butt-ugly people. One day I'm gonna be one of 'em."

"Man, I can't do this. Being around this many corporate stooges. I can't breathe!" Steven exclaimed, pulling at his collar.

Jackie leaned over and whispered anxiously to Lucy, "If he keeps pulling at that cotton it won't rebound."

The blonde nodded and pulled his hands away from his collar and interlaced their fingers. "Come on guys, this is exciting! Kelso you needed a new job anyways and looks like Eric has to pay for college and a wedding so—and Steven I'm sure you could write a political column in a newspaper or something. Let's job hunt!" She cheered quietly to herself, when no one jumped in she looked around at her friends and scoffed, "You guys are the worst," the blonde shook her head before marching off the nearest booth with Hyde in tow.

❁

"Hi, I'm Lucy," the small girl leaned across the booth to shake the man's hand, "This is Steven, he enjoys—" she paused trying to figure out how best to phrase it, "Making money to buy pizza and records."

"I'm Dave, I like making money and need a salesman to sell on commission. The more you sell, the more you can earn," the man explained blandly.

Lucy nodded to herself, impressed and turned to the curly haired boy beside her and began rambling, "That could work for you, enough encouragement to continue working—but don't need to if you don't need to...plus, I mean you could sell most anything by scaring them into believing some conspiracy about the competitor!"

Hyde looked up and over at the man at the table, "Uh, thanks, I'll get back to you—probably not."

"Steven!" Lucy squeaked as he dragged her away from the table quickly.

"Are you nuts? That guy almost offered me a job!" Hyde whispered.

The girl rolled her blue eyes with an unamused look on her face, "Steven, you have to work for the system one day. So might as well make it today!"

"No, you put it off for as long as you can—" Hyde began

"And what? End up squatting in some infested house?" Lucy interrupted, crossing her arms in front of her.

Hyde scoffed, "Of course not! You wait for a job with a cash register with a lock that's very, very easy to jimmy."

❁

As the bubbly blonde turned away from the booth for the town newspaper she started saying "Did you see that? I totally got the job—" before she realized she had lost Hyde and sighed, "Goddammit, not again."

She ended up bumping into Eric who was reading over paperwork for Midwestern Bank. "Hey! Guess who got a job!" He said excitedly.

"I did!" They cheered at the same time before furrowing their brows, "You did too?" before nodding and smiling, "Sweet!" the twins finished with a highfive.

"Have you seen Steven?" Lucy asked, putting her papers away in her bag.

Eric smirked, "Your loverboy? He went inside the kitchen, found a Rob or something."

Lucy knit her eyebrows together in concentration, "Roy? The weirdo from the Big Brother program that used to have a crush on me?"

"Oh my God! You're right!" Eric nodded fervently.

The twins went to search, sneaking around the kitchen and into the back when the smell of weed hit them. "Steven, if we split the price I think we at least are supposed to share!" Both boys at the table turned to look at her dumbfounded with their mouth fallen into an "o" shape. She snapped to gain their focus before joining to sit down next to Hyde, Eric on her other side. "Hi Roy, please stop staring."

"Oh my god she remembers me," Roy said, eyes wide.

After a couple rounds of passing the blunt and Lucy trying to suppress her giggles while Hyde dazily kept congratulating her on the job and saying, "You're like the smartest, man—I mean woman, man. You're like so smart—man." While Eric yelled "Get a room!"

After a couple more, Roy was sobbing, "So I'm on the Golden Gate Bridge and everyone's tellin' me to jump. I was just out for a jog!"

The three teens shared a wary look before Hyde spoke up, "Okay, Roy, here's what I'm gonna do for you: I'm gonna take that job as cook and keep you company on two conditions—I'm not gonna work very hard, and you're gonna have to pay me a lot. But, man, it'll be a bargain considering the money you save on hookers and shrinks."

"Great. And if it's work-related, I can call you at home! Now I have a reason to get a phone!" Roy smiled, wiping his nose.

"Steven, you're a chef! Ooh! Can you make me some toast? I'm sooo hungry man!" Lucy pleaded.

Eric coughed, "You know what, you guys should get engaged, it's so fun. Besides the whole being cut off part. You know what? I'm gonna go rub in Dad's face that I got a job. That will show him. Ha!" And before Lucy could say anything, the boy was off—it was the fastest she'd ever seen in run—besides when there was a mad dash for tickets to Star Wars the third time they went to go see it.

But she didn't have much effort to go after him, and then she was tapped on the shoulder and turned to see Steven holding out toast for her, "Ah! My hero!"

❁

"Great news! I'm gonna be a cop!" Kelso declared as he came bursting through the basement door, causing everyone to stay silent before boo-ing. "No! No, listen. It's perfect for me. The uniform will keep me looking hot even when I'm old! And plus, I love helping people."

"No, you love humping people," Eric pointed out.

Kelso scoffed, "Eric, a lot of times humping is helping."

"So," Donna paused, "You're really gonna be a cop?"

"Well, he did shoot me, so we know he's good with guns," Hyde nodded.

"Is he though? Because he missed," Lucy pointed out, garnering nods from the others.

"And you just know they're gonna partner him up with a dog," Jackie said.

"Actually, you know what?" Donna shrugged, "It's kind of perfect. He'll get to run through people's backyards with a stick. He does that anyway."

"The important thing is that I'll be performing a very valuable community service. And plus, I'll be sexy forever. I mean, just think about it," Kelso grinned before looking of into space, entertaining whatever fantasy he was having.

Eric looked at Kelso questionably, "Kelso, you do realize you'll have to help ugly people too."

"Nah, I'll just leave that for the fat cops," Kelso shrugged simply.

"Wow guys, this is so weird—we all have jobs, we're about to be valuable members of the community," Lucy said, taken aback and freaked out.

"Semi-valuable for some," Jackie pointed out and Lucy nodded as if to say fair enough.

❁