McKayla

“It was great to see you again, McKayla.” Gabriel said as we sat in Jax’s driveway.

The truth is, I had a wonderful time with Gabriel. He’s smart, funny, and charming. The complete opposite of Jax. Jax is the bad boy. He rides a Harley, is in a motorcycle club, and isn’t afraid of anything. Gabriel is safe. He’s an attorney and drives a Lexus. He’s safe. But the biggest difference was that I was in love with Jax and Gabriel was gay.

He told me when we were having lunch that he was gay and the story he told about getting drunk and talking to that woman was a lie. Now that I know he will never be interested in me, I don’t feel bad about seeing him. And it makes me so mad. The whole reason I went to lunch with him was to secretly get back at Jax for screwing some whore in our bed and now, now I know that Gabriel is gay.

I gave Gabriel a hug from the passenger seat and got out of his car. Neeta was dusting in the living room when I walked in.

“Hi honey, Gemma just left.” She said.

I put my purse down on the kitchen table and nodded.

“Is Abel here?” I asked.

She nodded and started fluffing the pillows.

“You can go if you want. I’m not going anywhere.” I told her.

I fixed myself a cup of coffee and sank into a kitchen chair. Neeta tossed the rag on the table and sat across from me.

“What’s the matter, honey?” She asked me.

I pulled a smile out of somewhere and shrugged.

“Nothing. Everything is fine.” I told her.

She raised an eyebrow at me and folded her arms.

“Come on now. I can tell something’s bothering you.” She prodded.

Abel started fussing from his bedroom and I used it as my exit cue.

“I’ll get him.” I said.

Neeta sighed and pushed the chair back. She stood with her hands on her hips and I rolled my eyes.

“What?” I asked.

“Look McKayla, I’ve known you for a while now and I know that something’s on your mind. You don’t have to tell me about it now, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need to talk.” She said in a soft voice.

I sighed and nodded.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at me her warm, loving smile and started to gather her things.

“I’m gonna head out. Have a good night McKayla.” She said.

I nodded and headed back to Abel’s room. When I opened the door, he was standing up in his crib, holding onto the bar.

“Hey little man. What’s the matter?” I said as I picked him up.

He quieted down almost instantly and rested his head on my shoulder. I held him tight and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you, Abel.”

And I meant it. I love this little boy more than anyone in the world. As far as I’m concerned, he is my son.

“Let’s go wait for daddy.” I said to him.

He cooed and smiled. I wished I could be that excited to see Jax. All I could think about was who the hell he was sleeping with while I was gone. The thought of sleeping in that bed with Jax made me sick to my stomach. I had to change those sheets. I put Abel in his Jumperoo and stripped the bed clear down to the mattress. Thankfully, Gemma had bought Jax a new comforter set right before I left. I didn’t even bother to wash the new ones. I tore open the package and shook the sheets free of wrinkles. Once the bed was made, I breathed a sigh of relief. Now I could sleep in this bed.

No amount of bleach in the world would ever make me want to put those sheets back on that bed. I got a garbage bag from the kitchen and stuffed the sheets, comforter and all into it. I scooped up Abel and went outside and tossed the bag in the trash can.

“Good riddance.” I said as I slammed the lid on the can.

After giving Abel a bath, I put him back in his crib and watched him drift peacefully off to sleep.

“Goodnight baby, sweet dreams.” I whispered.

I smiled and gently stroked his soft blonde hair. The sound of a Harley pulling in the driveway made my heart skip a beat. Jax was home. Suddenly, I was excited to see him again. The front door opened and I heard him toss his keys on the table.

“McKayla?” He called out.

I smiled and came out into the hallway.

“Hey.” I said softly, bringing a finger to my lips to tell him Abel was sleeping.

He nodded once and shrugged his cut off. Something was bothering him. His whole body was tense and I could see worry etched on his face. I made my way to him and studied him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Jax sighed deeply and ran his hands through his hair.

“Nothing, just club shit.” He said dismissively.

He brushed passed me to the kitchen and went for the Jack Daniels under the sink. I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. Jax poured himself half a glass and swallowed it quickly. He gripped onto the sink with one hand and with the other poured another drink.

“Jax, if this is going to work, if I’m going to stay here you have to tell me everything. You can’t keep this stuff from me.” I said.

He was quiet for a minute before turning to face me.

“Ima’s dead. So is another girl and two teenagers because of me.” He said.

My mouth fell open slightly and my arms fell to my sides.

“What?”

Ima, the pornstar whose nose I broke a few months ago, was dead? Sure I hated her for trying to sleep with Jax but I didn’t want her dead.

“Cara Cara was broken into and a computer was stolen. We tracked the guy down and I roughed him up a little. To get back at me he killed Ima, the other girl and the teenagers. Turns out Luanne offered the guy a sponsorship to make the studio look like it was broken into. She thought we were just gonna call the cops and she’d get a fat insurance check. So because of me, four people are dead and we’re pulling out of our only source of legitimate income.”

When he finished, I could see that he was angry at himself. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t find any words.

“Now you know everything, happy now?” He spat at me.

I reared back like he slapped me. My elbow bashed into the coffee pot and I bit my lip to keep from yelling out.

“I’m getting a shower and going to bed.” He said finally.

Without another word he left me standing in the kitchen and stalked down the hallway to the bathroom. I heard the door close and the water start running. I know it’s not me he’s upset with, but it’s not fun to have the man you love talk to you that way. I stood in the kitchen until the water stopped running. I felt almost afraid to go to the bedroom. But, I knew that he needed me, even if he wouldn’t say it.

 I shuffled to the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind me. Jax’s clothes were thrown on the floor in a heap. I picked them up and tossed them in the hamper. As I started to undress for bed, the bedroom door opened. My back was to Jax and I slowly pulled off my shirt and bra. I looked at him over my shoulder and saw him standing there in a towel with the water still dripping off of him. He was staring at me with a longing that I have missed so much. I turned to face him fully and went to him. My hands reached out and I touched his face, still warm from the shower.

“Jax, I love you and I will always love you. Nothing you say or do will ever change that.” I said to him.

He closed his eyes and relaxed under my touch. I leaned in and kissed his lips softly. He tensed for a moment, but only a moment before he was kissing me back. We fell into bed together and I reached up to shut off the light.