One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Am I the only one tired of seeing an ALL-white cast in so many books ? We need the same diversity as it is irl !! Please authors !

- 's small rant.

Mama left.

She does this every month , leaves for about two weeks and comes home to act like her absence was a dream.

I don't know where she goes and that worries me. She once told me , obviously while drunk, that she would stay at a 'friend's' house. I worry and she doesn't care that I do.

She's been doing this for the past four years. Fourteen year old me couldn't comprehend why she would leave so suddenly and why I was spending my summers and winters with my distant aunt and her pet feline instead of the woman who raised me.

I try not to let it get to me as I wrap myself in a short towel with pink strawberries on it. We don't have much money- shocker , right- so I use most of the things from my childhood. I'm not sure about mama though. I worry that she might not be taking care of herself without any necessary supplies.

I sigh as I open up the suitcase which substitutes as my wardrobe. I have two suitcases ; one for my undies and one for everyday clothes , which aren't much.

I pick out a Mayday Parade Band-tee and put it on quickly. I then change into plain black leggings. The outfit looks neat and I smile in the mirror.

My style is impeccable.

I pair the outfit with some old white sneakers and make my way into the kitchen. I had woken up at three in the morning as a result of how loudly mama had slammed the door shut when she had left he daughter alone in an unlocked apartment. I couldn't fall back asleep as worry overcame me. So I did the one thing I love doing when Im worried ; clean.

Grabbing an apple , I sit on the counter and look at the house proudly. I managed to make it look like there was never any incident within the borders of our small apartment. Our one couch is cleaned thoroughly and i've discarded every single bottle of beer and white powder remains.

Other than the couch , we have a coffee table and a bookshelf which mama uses to store liquor. I store the cash we receive under my bed , which is the only piece of furniture ,other than a mirror ,in my room.

It's not much but i'm grateful. Some people don't have a place to call home. I don't either , but I have shelter and food. The toaster springs up and I squeal like I always do. So scary.

I eat the toast plain since my thighs have been getting bigger. I'll miss you , pb&j.

Soon , I reach the school after a blissful walk. I look to the right , the same area where I had met the homeless lady . She is shivering and rubbing her frail old hands on her arms. My brows furrow and I take off my white cardigan , since the mornings get really chilly , and walk over to her.

She opens her eyes when she notices me and a warm smile soon takes over her face as she takes the cardigan from me. Around her , all there is is a jar and a cardboard box as well as a few bathroom supplies.

My eyes hurt from keeping in my tears and I wish her a goodbye after helping her put the cardigan on. She gives me another one of those amazing smiles and I can't help but smile back at her over my shoulder as i make my way over to the school gates.

I didn't need the cardigan anyways. I have a full sleeved thin shirt below my tee so it covers my wounds.I'm practically immune to the cold since I love it too much. I prefer winters to summers all the time , which is beneficial since summer doesn't last for very long here.

The classes pass by in a blur and I find myself walking to my isolated area. I don't see Shay the whole day. She's probably hungover.

That thought is confirmed when sharp nails wrap around my arm and pull me into a hug.

"Hey sweetie ! Where did you go yesterday !?"

I don't understand why she's acting like I was the one to leave her. I shrug my shoulders and smile at her. She scans me up and down and sighs disappointedly.

Okay, then.

I wriggle out of the hug , secretly wishing it was as warm as Dalaric's.

Dalaric. There hasn't been a moment where I haven't felt like stuffing my face in a plush pillow and squealing like a little school girl in love. I can't really do that since : One , I don't have a plush pillow. And two , I don't know what love is.

But he's been on my mind. And i'm not bothered. Someone as nice and perfect as him deserves to be on everyone's mind. Preferably mine only.

Shay rolls her eyes at my wriggling and lets me go. She leans against one of the lockers and I so badly want to go to my isolated space and do my work.

A few seconds of loud gum-chewing later , she speaks. "So , you've met Landon's brother ? I heard people say they saw you with him."

"Yeah um.. I did."

"And ?"

"And um-he's nice." And pretty. But only I get to call him that.

"Nice ? He makes me want to piss my pants and kiss the ground he walks on at the same time ! He's looks like that um.. guy from the Matrix- you kno' , with his turtle neck thing going on. He barely even speaks, looks like emotional baggage to me."

"Just because someone doesn't communicate the same way you do doesn't mean they're emotionally unstable , Shay. Don't say that."

She takes out her pocket mirror and smooths some cream thing on a spot on her mocha skin.

"Whatever." She turns to walk away but stops.

"By the way, Joshua's been asking for you."

"Okie." I reply , knowing that he'll be popping by the café , just like he does everyday.

I finally make my way to my destination and plop down on one of the many chairs. By the time the bell rings , my homework is done for the day and i've submitted my reviewed essay.

It's embarrassing that I get average grades even though I spend lunch studying.

The rest of the school day is spent alone as usual and my entire mood brightens once I make my way to the café.

The familiar scent of coffee and lemon welcomes me as I step into the shop and make my way to the changing room , extremely excited to see Jim and get a bear hug.

I'm in the middle of pulling on my sheer tights , which I wear because I feel uncomfortable showing my scarred thighs , when I get a call from an unknown number.

I click the answer button but it's quite difficult since the screen is cracked and it doesn't budge. After i'm successful , I put the phone to my ear.

"Hi ! It's Maya. How do you do ?" I ask cheerily because not a lot of people call me.

All I hear is heavy breathing morphed into silence.

"Hello ? Can you-um answer ? Please ?" Maybe my voice is annoying ? I mute the call and sing fireworks by Katy Perry to see. Nope, not attractive at all.

"It's my voice , isn't it ? Do you want-"

"Fuck this." The person on the other side whispers before they hung up.

Oh okie.

I try not to think too much about it and make my way to the cashier. A loud laugh erupts from the seating area and I instantly smile at the familiar sound.

Jim looks at me and I run to him. In less than a second , I get the bear hug i've wanted for the past day. Jim kisses the crown of my head and smiles at me after letting go.

"Missed me that much , huh ?"

"Yes, Jim."

"Okay then , we haven't got all day. Chop chop."

I giggle and make my way to the cashier as the first customer rolls in. The café is pastel pink and blue themed and I absolutely love it.

A middle-aged lady who's talking vigorously on the phone gives me her order and I put it in the system. One of my other co-workers , Fatima , who wears the prettiest of hijabs , makes the coffee perfectly. We don't talk much but I doubt she would want to waste her time talking to me.

Soon , I see an all too familiar head of dirty blonde hair. Sigh.

Joshua walks over to the cashier and stands to the side , letting other customers order because he never does.

"You look pretty today." He smirks at me and looks me up and down , bending forward to look at me behind the counter.

"Thank you , Joshua." I reply with a smile and take the order of a mom with five kids.

"You would look really pretty on our date too."

He says , trying to wink at me.

"No-um not really, I don't have things to wear to dates." Or a date. Since i've never been on one.

"You would look pretty either way. Your body is just-" He licks his lips and i feel incredibly uncomfortable, even more so than yesterday.

I don't reply since a lot of customers are coming in at this time. A lot of the men i've feel like I've seen before. They're wearing a badge thing and a necklace that looks familiar. At this point , the entire café is booming and Jim is ecstatic. All the people here look to be from the same area too. Weird.

My suspicions are confirmed when I see a voluminous afro in the midst of the now shortening line.

"Hey there, Maya." He smiles brightly at me and I smile back , refraining the urge to hug this friendly boy.

"Hi, Rafael. How's your day going ?" He seems shocked that I ask that and furrows his brows.

"It's interesting. Thank you." I give him his order and he takes off to the end of the café where some more men sit.

Joshua doesn't move from him previous place and people look weirdly at him.

"How bout' tonight at 8 ?"

"She's busy." Oh. Behind the blonde bully stands Dalaric in all his might. I brace myself on the counter in case I faint because of how good he looks right now.

His hair his open and the curly attractive mess falls down to just below his ears , slightly grazing his prominent jaw. It's entirely dark brown but has these slight highlights of gold which looks natural. He's wearing a black hoodie but you can still see his fit waistline and sculptured body. He's wearing matching sweatpants that just show off his toned legs.

Swoon.

Joshua turns around with an angry yet confused look.

"Says who , exactly ?" Joshua asks , crossing his arms to appear bigger but that's impossible compared to how big and tall Dalaric is. Joshua is an ant. I mentally giggle at that. Ant Joshua.

"Says me. Now get the fuck out." Dalaric doesn't say it angrily but you can see the flares in his pretty eyes. I don't know why he's fuming but i hope it isn't because of me.

Joshua walks towards Dalaric almost threateningly.

"And if I don't leave ?" He pokes Dalaric's chest with his ant fingers in an attempt to.. I honestly don't know.

Dalaric doesn't say anything and continues to stand there , his arms crossed as he looks down to the ant who is Joshua.

"I hate n*ggas like-" Before he could complete that racist sentence while trying to pounce on the man in front of him, each person in the café

stands to sudden attention and takes out gun. Very similar to the one Dalaric had used on his own brother.

Before they could shoot , though , I throw a paper weight at Joshua's head. It hits him straight on point and I grin proudly as he sways and tries to brace himself on the wall. I see a bit of blood and my grin morphs to a grimace.

What was I thinking ? Hurting someone physically ? He might have brain damage !

Rafael walks over to us and picks Joshua up by the collar and drags him out the café , to do god knows what to him.

My eyes follow Joshua to make sure anything serious hasn't happened. I might be the reason for his future amnesia.

Too buried in my own thoughts , I don't notice the very pretty man who's looking at me with amusement flickering in his very pretty eyes.

He takes one of my fiddling fingers and places it on the counter to stop me from enlarging my scab.

"I'm sorry for what he called you." I think back to what Joshua had said and suddenly don't regret throwing the paperweight.

The word isn't just a word. It has a history of terror and oppression. Words are only the beginning of hatred. It's disgusting how some people , who can't use the word, say it with such ease. I'm only violent when it comes to disrespect. If you call throwing a glass paper weight violence.

Dalaric just stares at me and I do the same to him but quickly avert my eyes since it doesn't work like that. I can only stare at him when he doesn't stare at me. Not that he should be staring anyways , there's nothing much to look at.

He looks over at the clock and I realize what he wants to know.

"My shift ends in twenty. Shay's picking me up." He nods but narrows his beautiful eyes at the mention of Shay. He crosses his arms once again and looks at me, the ant in this case.

"Landon's friend." His deep voice mumbles , thinking to himself but accusing me in someway.

"Yeah-um, my friend too. I guess." I'm mumble the last part.

"I'll drop you." I nod like a puppy because a car ride with him is pure ecstasy. I'll get to stare more. Yay.

"I'll call her in a few." I give him two thumbs up and he just shakes his head while making his way to the nearest table to the cashier.

I give him a lemon bar because he's cute. For the next twenty minutes , I just watch him scrutinize the lemon bar and then take small bites. I can tell he likes it by the glances he gives to the ones in the showcase. Hehe.

He also gives me a huge tip but I put it in the charity box. Rafael's mouth gapes open when I do that and Dalaric just shakes his head and sighs.

I go to the staff room and see Jim who's drinking a cup of coffee while counting a whole lotta cash.

"Maya ! Look at all this !" He laughs , ecstatic.

"Where'd that all come from , jim ?" I ask because that is a lot of cash. There's about six bundles of many many notes.

"That scary guy outside paid me to not let anyone else in the café. Is he your boyfriend? Anyways , i didn't even make this much money when I ran the streets !" He sounds like Mr Krab when he finds his first dollar.

I wish him a good day and rush to the changing rooms so I can call Shay and tell her to not pick me up.

Nervously biting my lip , she picks up only after the seventh ring and she lazily asks me what I want.

"Um-Shay ? Yeah-uh , you don't have to pick me up today." Please don't get mad. Please don't get mad. Please-

She groans audibly , almost too loudly. Oh." God, Maya. I'm already on the way ! Why couldn't you tell me before ? Do you not care about the things that I have to do ? You're so selfish , ugh !" She hangs before I can apologize and I fiddle with my band tee as I can feel an all too familiar wetness on my face.

I try to wipe as many as I can and make my way to the front door of the café after hugging jim goodbye. He's still counting the cash. I wonder why Dalaric paid him so much.

I walk towards Dalaric who's leaning against his nice car in his nice outfit with his nice face.

Sigh. Perfection.

His brows furrow immediately and he walks towards me. I walk backwards , nervous that he's going to pick me up and toss me like a football for whatever reason.

My back hits the brick wall of the outside of the Café.

What is it with these walls ?

I know he's looking at my tears when his gorgeous eyes scan my entire face , making me slightly giddy because he's looking at me.

He shakes his head and sighs. I look down worriedly and yelp when I feel his forehead lay itself on my left shoulder. His hands sway by his sides and he seems worn out.

"I told you not to cry."

"I'm sorry. I tried." I absentmindedly play with his loose curls , my tears long dried up. He never lets me be sad for too long.

I run my hand through his hair and sneakily sniff it. It smells like lemon and mint and I want to lick it.

I move forward to do it but he leaves my shoulder and shakes his head at me. He grabs one of my tiny hands with his one finger and nods at my outfit. Aw.

There's a wendy's bag in the passenger seat and I huff as he opens the door for me.

"You can't just keep getting me food." I try to give him a stern look.

"I can." He replies blankly.

"I'll have to pay you back somehow." He slightly smirks at this.

"Wh-What ?"

He shakes his head again and an idea pops into my head.

"Eeeeee." My unattractive squeal comes out as I get all giddy.

"I'll braid your hair ! If that's, um, okay with you. Please. Thanks."

He glares at me once I make my into the car and instantly pop one of the fries in my mouth. Not caring about my thighs or stomach.

I give him a peace sign as he stays glaring at me before getting in the drivers seat.

"Awww." I boop his nose again and his glare intensifies.

I eat some more fries after dipping them in some ketchup.

"Want a frosty ?"