i turned on the television and turned on, On My Block. i then stood up and walked over to my refrigerator and grabbed a salad. i hated salad with a fiery passion. but, i was also on a diet i hated but felt like i needed.

i walked back over to the couch and plopped down onto it, popping of the lid of my store-bought salad and throwing my feet up on the coffee table.

and for thirty-two seconds. i was happy. i was cuddled against a pillow in a hoodie and adidas sweatpants, a messy bun tied up in my hair, watching netflix.

buuttt, of course that has to end, who the hell likes to see Lorin Ali Lopez happy? what kind of emotion is that?

the noise of the chiming doorbell echoed through my condo and i groaned. i slowly forced myself off of the couch and paused my episode. throwing my salad down on the coffee table.

i groggily walked to the door and opened it, revealing the infamous flower bouquet-wielding Caleb Zion Kuwonu. the first time he bothered to show up to my place for a whole month.

"fuck. off." i spat between gritted teeth and threw the door shut, but he slipped his foot between the door and i groaned.

"Lorin, please listen." he pleaded and opened up the door. he genuinely looked sad, the circles under his eyes were purple from sleepless nights after the breakup. he held the daises close to his chest and then handed them to me.

i ignored the flowers and turned to face him, looking him in the eyes, "okay. thirty seconds, what do you have to say?" i reply, rolling and narrowing my eyes at him.

"well, you were ridiculing me for trying to make it up to you over instagram dms, so here i am." he says and gestures to the place around him, an attempted goofy half-smile spreading on his cheeks.

"that all you had to say?" i ask and give him a. sarcastic grin, which should've been his clue to leave me the hell alone.

"no. i also wanted to say i'm sorry. in any way i could because i know you hate me and i know i fucked up, but you can't say you don't love me anymore." he says and i look away, not wanting him to see me tearing up.

"yeah. i still love you. and that's the worst fucking part about this!" i yell and he winces.

"i don't know what else to say but i'm sorry. i never stopped loving you. and i don't plan to, so if you want me to leave and never come back, then you better tell me right now." he replies and i wanted to cry. why does he want to do this to me. it's only a been a month since the breakup. a damn month.

"well, what i have to say is not exactly what you want to hear, i don't fucking know what i want, Zion." i yelled again.

"then let me decide for you—" he cut himself off as he kissed me on the lips and wrapped his arms around my waist.

hell knows i wanted to kiss him back, i'll confess, i missed him. but, i'm not THAT clingy and THAT weak.

i pushed him off of me. no longer necessarily angry. just confused and sad, "you don't get to decide that, you aren't my boyfriend anymore." i say strictly and slam the door, locking it immediately and slumping up against it, sliding towards the floor until i'm on the ground with my face in my hands.

|—•—|

cri.

—clair 🎃