Jane pov...

I have noticed that the headaches and tiredness is getting worse. I find it hard to run which is hard to hide when I need to chase suspects. It's been a few months of me hiding the truth from everyone and I can't do it much longer.

I have decided that I will be going on a holiday for the next few months. I have leave from work as I have earned some being back and I still had some saved from before everything with Hoyt and the cancer, I was on medical leave so I didn't use any on my holiday leave then.

I am going to tell the others that I have been going over life lately and decided I need a break to find myself again after everything and I don't want to miss out on anything so I'm going to places I have wanted to go and haven't gotten around to going to.

I pack a suitcase with what I will need like clothes, toiletries, hairbrush, phone charger, and medication. I take the photo that was given to me of Frankie, Frost, Korsak, Maura, Tommy, Ma and I the day we all went to the Red Sox game, it will be nice to have it with me for the last few months. I walk around my apartment making sure I don't forget anything I will need. I'm not going to pack my house my as I know that someone will come to clean or check on the apartment while I am on my holiday. I get my bag and leave the apartment and lock the door, it's sad to think that I won't be coming back to my home or the people around me but it's the way I want it. I put the suitcase in the car and drive away.

I have an early visit Dr Kimpton, I am his first appointment of the day at 6am. I meet with him to sort out the final details of my care. I give him a USB stick with a video recording I made to say goodbye to the others and he will deliver it to them when I die. We talk about some options for me and that I can call him whenever I need to and he will try to help. I hug him and say "thank you for everything"

I finish up with Dr Kimpton before driving to work. I planned to get here early so that Ma, Korsak, Frost and Frankie won't be at work yet but I know Cavanaugh starts work before we do so I can go see him. I head in and go to his office. I knock on the door and he tells me to come in. I say hello before sitting down. He asks "how can I help and why are you here so early"

I say "I wanted to come and see you before the others arrive. I know it's real last minute but I want to take three months holiday off work starting today"

He says "real last minute, is everything alright?"

I nod and say "yeah I'm fine but I have been thinking about my life a lot lately and I don't want to have any regrets. After Hoyt and the cancer I focused on recovering physically and coming back to work, I never worked on the mental side and talks with my doctor and therapist have helped to know I need to"

He nods and says "of course you can take the time off, Frankie will take over your position again even though he works with your unit most of the time. What are you going to do with your time off?"

I say "I'm going to travel and do things I normally wouldn't"

He smiles and says "take care Jane, I know things have been hard for you and I think this will be good for you"

I nod and say "thank you sir"

It's hard lying to him. Part of it is true as I will be travelling and doing what I can but I know is until I die not a few month holiday. I leave his office and go to my desk, I see if there is anything I need before I head to my car. I was going to say goodbye to the others but I think it will be too hard. I will call or text them later and with stay in touch as long as I can.

I start the car and wipe away my tears from the reality hitting in of what I am about to do. I leave BPD and start driving to New York.