I'm confused and I don't even know why.

I just...don't know how to feel.

On one hand I want to cry, hurt myself and just run away from everything.

On the other hand I want to enjoy my life and do stuff with my friends.

Please don't judge me for saying this, but I have different sides of me in my head. They guide me through my life and they are telling me how to feel.

It may sound weird, but I called them names and when I talk about them I call them as I named them.

The first one is Joy.

Joy is a good one ( wow really? XD ).

She's the one which whom I enjoy my life and with whom I'm being funny and hopefully and I just see the things that I have.

The second one is affection.

She the one who makes me acting like a mother.

Whenever some of my friends wants to go out without a jacket, I hold them back and make them stay inside, because they may get I'll.

The third is emptiness.

I don't quite know it's gender, because it's just there.

It makes me just feel empty and thinking about nothing, sitting on my chair, don't want to do anything.

And then there is the biggest problem of all...

Sadness.

Some of you may know the film "Inside Out", where Sadness is cute and tiny and you just want to cuddle her, right?

Well this one isn't...

She is just horrible. She is the one who is making me hurting myself and being so depressive.

She's controlling me most of the time and she doesn't let the others be beside her.

She is deceitful, common and just dreadful.

I know, you might say I could just distract myself from her, but I can't.

at first she always pretends to me that I would be happy and then it hits me all the harder when she turns the switch again and I'm sad.

The problem is that nobody understands me.

Of course not, I mean who would believe me or even understand me, right?

I sound like a brain-disturbed psychopath who has broken out of an institution somewhere.

No one will ever understand me or will be able to help me, so I have to fight this fight myself...