Hey guys...

For the last past months, I tried to concentrate on myself, the good things in my life, to distract myself I think.

Well... Didn't work that well.

I still can't get over the urge to do it.

Jeez, it's so damn exhausting and I just want to give up.

I think I... Well, "talked" about not understanding why to stop doing it, right?

That I wouldn't understand why it's bad for me, because it's not really bad for my physical health and it would "help" me?

I think I understand now...

If I'd keep doing this, I will never get better, right?

I will always do the same mental circles and never live a normal life...

So, I understand.

But I can't fight it.

Argh, I don't know, if anyone who reads this can understand what this feels like, but I have no strength to do this.

I'm just so desperate, you know?

I know that my life's not that bad and I know that I shouldn't complain about anything and that's why I feel so bad, because I know there are people, who have worse lifes than me and I....

I feel... Just bad... And exhausted... And terrible... Like a terrible person...

I should know that I'm not, but all those things people said and all that I have done, thinking it was right...

I thought a lot about it and I think that some things they said must be true, if so many said it, because that many people can't be wrong, right?

So, there must be some truth in it.

That's what I thought about.

I think too much, right? ^^

School starts soon and I will write some more chapters I think