"Crisis averted?" Vera asked with a sly smile,

I averted my eyes sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck in discomfort. "I guess you could say that."

"Don't think this gets you off the hook, Ivan. You're gonna spill. I know it was about your man," Vera winked.

"Oh my God Vera could you get any louder?" I whispered fiercely, my eyes flitting around the school parking lot quickly, making sure no one was within earshot. Luckily everyone was so focused on own their friends or cars, and the guy a few spaces down had cranked on some obnoxiously loud rock music. We were definitely in the clear. Vera just rolled her eyes as she unlocked her car and slid in, me following suit into the passenger seat.

"Is Ethan sad he can't take you home today?" Vera teased as I crossed my arms to resist smacking her.

"No. He's not sad," I huffed, shaking my head.

"I'm taking you home first?" She leaned forward slightly to turn the key in the ignition.

"Yeah."

"I have pillows and blankets you know. They smell like stale kush but nothing you can't get used to-" she said while craning her neck as she backed out of the parking space.

"Jesus, gross Vera. You really shouldn't do that stuff."

"Have you even tried it?"

"No, and I really don't want to. I'll be back out right after I'm done getting my stuff. Just idle by the curb"

"Alright then. How can I say no to such a cute face?" I grimaced and looked out the window, fairly certain if Vera wasn't driving her beat up Volvo she would have pinched my cheeks. I'm convinced she gets some strange pleasure from watching me squirm. Once she pulled up to the curb, I booked it out of the car the moment Vera parked, not wanting to keep her waiting for long.

Hurrying through the front door, I went past Mrs. Clarissa, who was sitting at our kitchen table and filling out some kind of paperwork. Her rimless glasses perched precariously on the tip of her nose.

"Oh, hello Ivan. Heading out already?" She asked sweetly.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry Vera's waiting outside," I called from the top of the stairs.

"Ah, alright then. I'll get your medication, I don't want you to forget it in your rush," Mrs. Clarissa hummed, pushing herself away from the table with a loud screech of the wooden chair scraping against the floor.

With a huff, I continued to move through the hallway to my room, where I snatched the drawstring bag hanging from the doorknob, and stuffed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt inside. I made a quick stop by the bathroom for my toothbrush and toothpaste, before rushing back downstairs and struggling to pull my converse on. I saw a pair of black loafers appear in my vision, and as I looked up, Mrs. Clarissa stood in front of me holding up a contact case, no doubt containing my nightly pills.

"Medication is in here, I will text you at nine to remind you. Do not forget. Don't do anything stupid, and have a good time, love," she smiled, moving behind me to slip the container into my bag. She shuffled back to the small kitchen table, giving me a quick smile and a wave. Returning her smile, I said goodbye and scurried back outside.

"Pretty fast. I'm impressed," Vera chidded before putting the car back into drive. My back felt like it had a ten pound weight on it, of course not literally, but the mental bagage of knowing my medication was nearly out in the open was freaking me out. It was a symbol of something so private to me, and although it really was no big deal, it still felt like a dirty secret that no one truly knew about- and I was more than thrilled to keep it that way. That, and the fact I had never been to a "sleepover" prior to Vera's invitation. Of course Mrs. Clarissa was ecstatic, urging me to get out there and be with my new friend, but I was still shitting bricks over it.

Vera must have sensed my tenseness, because she put all joking aside and placed her hand caringly on my knee.

"I don't know you Ivan, and I really hate that, because it seems like you have so much to say, and you've never been able to say it," she spared me a quick glance, her cherry lips turning up kindly and her unruly curls shining in the sunlight. "I'd love to hear your thoughts sometime. I think it's important to share ideas."

I snorted, "you sound like Ethan." My tone was sarcastic, but I was extremely flattered at what Vera had said.

"Oh really?" She smirked.

"Seems like you two just want to get in my head."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's weird."

Vera puffed out her chest, smiling to herself a bit. "What can I say? We're intellectuals. We can't help it."

"Philosophy gets you hot and bothered?" I chuckled.

"Guilty."

We burst out into laughter, the tension that was previously permeating throughout my body had vanished, and I was happy knowing that Vera and I's friendship was becoming more established. It felt good that I could label her as my friend.

~

"She's just so fucking entitled! Like God forbid she has any struggles in her life at all," Vera threw her hands up in aggravation, a cold beer tightly in her grasp as she flung her arms around. I nursed on my soda, smiling around the metal can at Vera's antics.

"And- And!" Vera stood, swaying slightly due to the alcohol, "she's moved on from Jeremy. After spending months fawning over him! She was stuck on that guy for so long, and now she's moved on to Ethan! Can you believe that? Jesus I just want her stringy blonde hair in my fist."

I grimaced a bit, partly from Vera's rather graphic outburst about Chloe, who was a prominent figure within the high school. A girl whom Vera only has absolute contempt for. I've personally never met her. I also had a bit of a sour taste in my mouth over the fact that this girl was drooling over Ethan. I mean, who does this girl think she is going after a guy like Ethan?

Vera shook her head and plopped down on her beanbag, closing her eyes as she took a final swig of her beer.

"But you know what? In the end she's the pathetic one for pinning after a gay guy. How sad is that?" She clicked her tongue.

My eyes widened into saucers as I began to choke on my soda. As soon as my coughing died down, I croaked, "Vera, you don't know that!"

"Okay fine whatever Ethan is, gay, bisexual, pansexual, fucking Ivan-sexual. He's into you dude," she winked. I blushed, groaning as I hid my face behind my hands. I knew the night would eventually lead up to this.

Some slasher movie was playing on the television behind us, quickly forgotten as Vera had begun her rant in the middle of it. Some blonde girl who vaguely resembled Chloe was getting slashed to ribbons, and it had set Vera off onto her tirade. I could hear the screams of bloody murder right behind me, which only proved to add to my current discomfort.

"Look, Vera, I know this is your house and all, but I'm cutting you off. You're drunk," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"That's the funny thing Ivy," Vera smirked as she sat next to me on the couch, putting her arm around my shoulders. "I'm not actually that drunk."

I hummed lowly in exhaustion; but I knew Vera was only getting started.

"Well? Do you like Ethan?" She prodded.

"I don't know, Vera. . . I-I'm very confused," I stared at the beige carpet beneath my feet, eyebrows furrowing in thought.

"Ivan. Look at me. I'm going to be real with you. This is what slumber parties are for- straightening out confused people. Or, I guess in this situation, un-straightening people," she said slyly, wiggling her manicured eyebrows.

I sighed. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try opening up. I did it with Ethan, which some would say turned into something rather positive. My backpack was slumped over against the wall, and I couldn't help but almost feel guilty for sneakily taking my medication while Vera went to the bathroom earlier, like I was keeping some dirty secret from her. I felt bad for her too, she unknowingly had some psycho alone with her in an empty house.

"I don't know what I like, because I've never had the chance to. . . you know, be into romance?" I finally replied.

"Like no relationships?"

I shook my head. "Fantasies?" I shrugged.

"Porn?"

"Oh my God, Vera!" I exclaim, once again covering my red face. It's been complicated. When I was first put on antipsychotics my libido completely crashed within the first couple of months, and after that. . . well I just forgot about sex and love altogether.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Let me try a different approach, you're more pure than I initially thought." I scrunched up my face in confusion, but let her move on nevertheless.

"What do you like about Ethan? You two are friends right?"

"Well. . . he's kind?" I told her, although my statement came out as more of a question. Vera nodded encouragingly, her brown curls bouncing around her shoulders. "And, I like that he listens to me, and cares about what I have to say."

"He's handsome," Vera voiced softly as she rubbed my shoulder.

"Yeah. . ." I felt myself smile a bit, staring off into space and recalling yesterday, when Ethan and I held hands until the children were all long gone and the sun was beginning to set. I snapped out of my stupor after I quickly realized I had slipped into my own head. When I turned to look back at Vera again, I was met with an extremely creepy smile plastered onto her face.

"Gotcha," she whispered.

I must have looked like I ate something sour, because she began to laugh and stood up, her hands on her hips in trumpith. "You have it bad for that boy, Ivan. You should go for it!"

"What?" I breathed in shock, eventually standing up from the couch as well. "Vera, how can you be so sure he even likes me back?"

She gave me a deadpan look. "Really, Ivan? You told me yourself about how you two had the most pitiful quarrel in all of human history, then he caved and apologized to you, what, a day later?"

I stood there dumbfounded, my lips parted a bit in shock as Vera flitted around her room, throwing empty beer bottles and chip bags into a garbage bag. My mind was going a mile a minute, I was so unsure about everything, about Ethan, whether it was even fair to bring my baggage onto him. Even if I tried to keep my issues from affecting his life, dating me at all would just guarantee stress for the other person. And when I was just beginning to move past my illness, it came back to my worries and infiltrated this new life I was trying to build for myself, just like it always did. Sooner or later.

"I'm scared," I whispered, the fear and brokenness within the tone of my voice shocked me even, and it definitely seemed to hit Vera strongly, as she halted her cleaning escapade and rushed over to give me a tight hug. As unknown and awkward as the human contact was, I forced myself to hug her back. In the grand scheme of things, I was glad I did, because I never knew until now just how much I was craving the contact.

"Ivan. I want you to listen to me carefully," Vera said softly, like talking any louder would destroy me. She pulled back a bit to look me in the eye, her mascara was slightly smeared, and her face was flushed from the alcohol, but she was so beautiful and a comforting presence for me.

"Forget about Ethan right now. This is about you," she paused, almost as if she was making sure I was really listening. I nodded slightly to let her know she had my attention. "You deserve to be happy, Ivy. Whether that is with Ethan, or someone else, or me, or whatever you do in life- you deserve to be happy. And you shouldn't feel selfish doing things that make you happy. In fact, I really hope you do, because if anyone I know deserves a turn at happiness, it's you. Okay?"

I couldn't do anything else but nod my head. I felt like speaking would crush the moment, so I just stood there and nodded, and Vera nodded firmly back at me.

"Hey," she began, a mischievous grin on her face as she prodded my arm with her elbow. "Wanna go to a party?"

~

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