My eyes opened slowly and painfully as I finally registered the hand gripping my shoulder and slowly shaking me awake. Rolling over, I groaned and squinted at the clock on my nightstand, the blurry numbers showing that it was sometime around six in the morning.

"Ivan, hey sweetheart," a soft voice whispered, and I struggled to lift myself onto my elbows, bringing a hand up to rub my eye.

"Mrs. Clarissa?" I winced at the bright hallway light streaming into my room through the ajar door.

Her gaunt face came into my vision, wiry grey hair loosely pulled back with a hair clip. She was gripping my bed frame to steady herself as she sat down, patting my leg.

"I need you to take care of breakfast today, I'm so sorry honey. I'm just not feeling well and it's got me unsteady on my feet."

I licked my lips, nodding numbly. Me getting put in charge of breakfast and the kids has slowly been becoming a more common occurrence. I was worried sick about Mrs. Clarissa, although she always tried to play it off like it was just a cold.

"Yeah," I agreed disdainfully, furrowing my eyebrows and throwing the covers off.

"Thank you, honey. It means a lot to me," she said, standing up and turning to walk out the door. She looked so feeble, her thin body seemed to struggle supporting her weight as she shuffled towards my door.

"Is- is everything alright?" I asked in concern, staring at her back as she walked. She stopped, turning slightly to look back at me, putting on that same reassuring smile she always did. Now it just made me feel a little sick.

"Don't worry about me, sweetheart. You never have to worry about me."

I continued to watch her as she slipped through the door, closing it with a soft click. Throwing myself down on the side of the bed, I rubbed my hand over my face and took a deep breath. Truthfully, I felt exhausted. Last night I laid awake, staring wide eyed at my wall as I listened to the voices and watched the shadows of small furry animals scurrying across my floor. All my mind does at night is race, thinking about losing Ethan, losing Mrs. Clarissa, losing any future I could have had if I wasn't so stupid, losing everything that I had just barely gained.

I couldn't break. I can't afford to break. I wouldn't break.

Shooting to my feet, I surged out of my room, looking down the hallway to Mrs. Clarissa's closed door. She must think I'm too stupid to understand whatever the hell was going on, but obviously not stupid enough to not be put in charge every morning. As soon as I got into the bathroom, I stripped my clothes and quickly jumped into the shower, scrubbing myself down as fast as I could.

After getting out, I wrapped a towel around my waist and just stood in front of the mirror. It had fogged up pretty badly from my steamy shower, so I put my forearm up to the glass and wiped some of the condensation away. The boy staring back at me looked drained. I gingerly brushed my fingers across the dark circles under my puffy, red rimmed eyes. My sleep schedule was rapidly slipping away from me, my hours spent awake grew longer as my hours asleep grew shorter. It started at midnight, then one, then two, getting increasingly later until last night, where I didn't finally get to sleep until three in the morning- only to be woken up three hours later. I stared at myself numbly before hurrying back to my room to get dressed.

I rummaged through my drawers for any pair of clean boxers, and elected to go for the discarded jeans laying on my floor with a haphazardly thrown on grey t-shirt. It was still warm enough outside to get away with.

Thundering down the stairs, I flicked on the lights, which was a bit pointless with the sunlight flooding in through the windows. I squatted down to rummage through the cabinets underneath the stove for a pan, already deciding that today was an eggs and toast day. I didn't have the energy to deal with anything else.

Benji came down the stairs about half an hour later with Mary in tow, looking around the kitchen in confusion.

"You're cooking again?" He questioned.

I hummed, taking a deep breath. I couldn't make Benji and Mary upset, so I needed to get myself together.

"Yeah," I threw a smile over my shoulder, popping some bread in the toaster. "Could you get the jam and butter, please?"

"Uh, sure," he mumbled, going over to the fridge. I could feel him looking at me, probably trying to judge from my demeanor if something was wrong. He was the hardest to hide things from, having gotten really good at examining body language and vocal tones when he was living with abusive parents. I would need to tread lightly around him.

Plating the food, I brought over Benji's first. Once I set his plate in front of him, I ran my hand through his hair and looked at my younger brother with the most comforting expression I could muster.

"I could tell Mrs. Clarissa was tired, so I volunteered to make breakfast. Everything is alright. She'll be down soon enough to take you guys to school," I lied right through my teeth.

Benji looked up at me nervously, but seemed to buy my little lie and began to eat. Sitting down in my usual chair, I stared at the empty seat across from me where Mrs. Clarissa usually sat. I wouldn't be surprised if it was already gathering dust.

I was in the middle of cutting up Mary's toast when Mrs. Clarissa finally made an appearance, gripping onto the railing heavily. Her intense look of concentration instantly dissolved when she saw us all at the table, a beaming smile placed on her thin lips.

"Good morning everyone, and thank you again for making breakfast, Ivan. It looks great," she huffed as she sat down, bumping her shoulder against Benji.

"I think Ethan's here, I gotta go," I mumbled while glancing at my phone. Mrs. Clarissa stared at me as I got up and grabbed my backpack from the floor.

"Have a good day, love," she called after me. I froze with my hand on the doorknob, looking back at everyone and waving with a smile I'm sure looked really strained. Slipping out the door, I took a deep breath and sat on the porch steps. Ethan wasn't actually here yet, but I couldn't stand to be in there any longer.

Why would you do that? Stupid.

Now everyone knows.

You can't do anything.

Everyone is leaving you.

I sat there as I waited for Ethan, bouncing my leg and biting my nail nervously. Eventually the black Chevrolet I was so familiar with rolled up to the curb, and I couldn't get up quick enough to jog over to the passenger side.

"Hey," Ethan smiled as I slid in, putting my backpack on the floor between my feet.

"Hi," I smiled, leaning over the console to give him a kiss. He took my hand in his and rested them in the middle as he drove, and I watched the trees and suburban cookie cutter houses whip by. I noticed his eyes flick over to me a couple of times, and I frowned, giving him a questioning look.

"I think you've got your shirt on backwards," he chuckled, and I felt myself instantly deflate in relief.

"Do I?" I asked, pulling the collar away from my neck to look for the tag. "Oh my God, I do," I laughed, pulling my hand away from his to pull my arms in and turn it around.

"Busy morning?" He asked as we rejoined our hands.

I sighed. "I was in charge of breakfast again and didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. Just one of those times where I couldn't fall asleep," I said nonchalantly.

Ethan furrowed his brows, squeezing my hand as we stopped at a red light, and he looked over at me. "Are you stressing about the college thing? Please don't, Ivy, because you're right. We'll figure it out, but no matter what we decide, we'll be together. Okay? I promise."

I nodded, smiling. There he goes making promises again. I always wondered what made Ethan exude such confidence and perseverance in his daily life, but now I realized it's because he wasn't afraid to make a promise. He truly believed that he could guarantee these promises, and while I think that's mostly admirable, it may also make him incredibly naive. That's my Ethan though.

Ethan seemed pleased with that and we continued to school. Nervously chewing my lip, I already knew today wasn't going to be good, judging by how intense I was hallucinating right now.

They're going to get you.

~

I stared out the window of the classroom, shaking my leg as I could barely concentrate on anything other than the whispers. The teacher was currently walking around handing back our math tests, and I already knew I did horrible. I heard the slight rustle of papers and the sound of something being dropped on my desk, a sharp nail tapping on the wood to get my attention. Whipping my head over to Mrs. Hayes, I focused on the thick black frames resting on her young face.

"See me after class, alright?" She quickly smiled, and my heart dropped. Looking over at my test, I wanted to curl up and die when I saw my score- I had failed. In the midst of all this concern about me not having the grades to be able to attend college with Ethan, I went and failed my math test.

How could you do this?

He'll be so disappointed in you.

You're going to be left behind.

I didn't hear a single word spoken by Mrs. Hayes after that, my surroundings became white noise as I stared at my test. Everything seemed so hopeless.

Sensing someone pull up a chair, I looked up again to see Mrs. Hayes in front of me, her short brown hair as fluffy looking as it ever was. Glancing around the classroom, it was only then that I noticed everyone was gone.

"Hi Ivan, how are you doing?" She smiled. I shrugged, my eyes leaving her face to go back down to my paper. I just felt numb.

"I'm concerned about your performance in the class. I know you can do these things, but you just often seem distracted. Is there anything you wanted to talk about?" She asked in a light tone. "Ivan?"

I shook my head, trying to tune out the voices. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Is everything all right?" She said, looking genuinely concerned.

"I'm going to fail this class, aren't I?" I lean forward on my elbows, gripping my hair.

"No. No you aren't," she said sternly. "Because we're going to work on this together and you're going to retake the test. Let me talk to your counselor and see if we can meet during my planning period. You can get your grade up, Ivan, don't give up."

I nodded, dejectedly grabbing the test off of my desk, and slowly walked out of the classroom. The hallway was dead, aside from the few students choosing to sit on the floor and eat their lunch.

When I entered the lunchroom, I was instantly overwhelmed with the volume level, but pushed on nonetheless to Chloe's table.

"There you are!" Vera was the first to notice me approach, Which made Ethan instantly look over and scan me with his eyes. God why is everyone looking at me right now?

I just sat in my usual place next to Ethan and stared at the table. His arm instantly went to rub my back soothingly.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" He whispered, ducking his head so only I could hear.

"No," I breathed, closing my eyes. "I failed my math test, so I'm just upset about it right now."

He nodded in understanding, sensing that I didn't really want to talk about it. Chloe looked over at me with a questioning expression, suspicious that something else was up, but she didn't say anything.

At the end of the day, Ethan was waiting by the front doors of the school just like he always did, and I could hardly wait to get out of the building.

"How are you doing?" He asked cautiously, taking my hand as we walked to his car.

"I'm alright. Mrs. Hayes was nice and said we could work on the math together, she's letting me retake the test."

"That's great! I can help you too, alright? No big deal, it happens," he kissed my hand reassuringly, grabbing his keys to unlock the car. Of course that's easy for him to say, he's probably never failed a test in his life. The drive back to my house was comfortably silent, but I still felt like I was the one making everything weird.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I think I just really need a nap."

Ethan just shook his head. "No apologies needed, I understand. You'll feel better after some sleep, I know it," he smiled, turning the corner onto our street. If only it was that simple.

We pulled up next to the curb in front of my house, and I leaned over so we could give each other our usual goodbye kiss. Grabbing my bag, I thanked him for the ride as I left his car, slamming the door shut behind me. He waved to me and blew kisses before I laughed at his ridiculousness and waved back as he drove off down the road.

Heading up the porch stairs, I unlocked the door to see Mrs. Clarissa sitting alone at the kitchen table with a steaming mug in between her hands. When she heard me come in, she turned around with a frail smile, reaching over to pat the empty spot next her.

"Hi Ivan. Come sit," she encouraged lightly.

Pulling my backpack down from my shoulder, I left it on the floor as I approached her warily, wondering where the sudden intensity in the room came from. Slowly, I eased myself onto the chair and stared at her, worry beginning to bubble up in my chest.

"There's something I need to talk to you about, really important," she pursed her lips, folding her delicate fingers in front of her.

"W- what?" I asked, my voice already starting to waver.

With a sigh, she looked back at me with her tired brown eyes. "I have cancer, Ivan."

~

Uh oh. . . how do we think Ivan will react? He just can't seem to get a break. Thanks for voting!