《When Worlds Collide》Chapter 30
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As promised, the nurse led us to a room completely stripped of everything inside, the only things present were a bed, a couch, and a chair on the furthest side of the room.
"Everyone can sit on the couch, or stand if you prefer, we're just going to talk right now, okay?" The nurse chirped, walking over to a phone above the bed and talking to someone for a moment. Mrs. Clarissa and Ethan sat on the couch, my boyfriend sporting a deer in the headlights look, and I glanced nervously at the guy who must have been holding me earlier. He was really tall, with a short buzzed head and expressionless face. Standing by the door, he had his hands clasped in front of him and I saw a security badge hanging from his neck.
"It's alright, Ivan. Come sit down next to Ethan. There's nothing to worry about," Mrs. Clarissa coaxed. I was hesitant, but sat down next to Ethan anyway. The nurse leaned against the wall, handing the clipboard to another nurse who came in last.
"So talk to me, hon. What's your name?" She asked.
"Ivan," I mumbled, picking at my fingers.
"It's good to meet you, Ivan. My name is Kelly. And how old are you?"
"Seventeen."
"My little brother is that exact same age. Can you tell me how you're feeling right now?" She gazed at me intently, but had an overall soft, comforting demeanor.
"I'm not safe. No one seems to understand."
"Why are you not safe?"
"Because they're- they're coming to get me!" I say seriously, leaning forward in my seat.
The nurse frowned. "Wow, that sounds really scary. Can you tell me who's out to get you?"
"I- I don't really know who. But I know they're out there, I see them in the woods and the voices tell me they're after me," I looked over at the other nurse, who seemed to be writing everything I said down.
"I can assure you, Ivan, that we are well prepared to keep them away from you. We can keep you safe," she looked over at Mrs. Clarissa. "We're going to go ahead and admit him. Unfortunately any guests will have to wait in the lobby while we conduct the physical exam. The psychiatrist on call will come out and need to ask you some questions."
"Alright, thank you," Mrs. Clarissa said as she stood, Ethan following suit while trying to give me a reassuring expression, which just looked cloaked in sadness. Two more nurses came in as I watched Mrs. Clarissa and Ethan leave, and I started to panic.
"I'm going with them. I don't want to be here-"
"Ivan, they'll be back as soon as you change and we are done examining you," Kelly said, trying to block the view of my family leaving. "I think it would be best if you change yourself, but if you refuse we will have to do it for you. You have a choice."
"N-no, I'll c-change myself," I started to cry, wiping roughly at my eyes.
"Alright. Mike, could you wait outside for a minute?" Kelly asked the security guard still standing by the door. With a curt nod, he slipped outside and closed the door with a click. I waited for the other nurses to leave, but they never did.
"Aren't you going to leave?" I asked.
Kelly looked at me sadly. "No sweetheart, we have to be in the room with you. You're safe though, no one is judging, and you can keep your underwear on. We are just trying to give you the best care."
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At this point, I couldn't even care anymore, so I shuffled over to the bed, unraveling the green hospital gown. Taking off my shirt, I threw it on the bed while dropping my pants. I tried to use the bed as some sort of cover, but the nurses made themselves busy, and all seemed to make an effort in averting their gaze. Sliding my arms through the gown, I tied it the best I could to cover myself. Even though I had my boxers on, I still felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. Following that, I put on some yellow socks with grips on the soles.
"Alright love, why don't you hop up here and we'll get this over with as fast as possible," a different nurse said, putting the stethoscope in her ears. Eyeing her warily, I scooted onto the bed as she listened to my breathing and started to feel around my neck.
Don't let her near you.
She's evil.
One of them.
She's going to kill you.
I flinched back, recoiling in fear. Her face looked distorted, cheekbones appearing far too high, and her cheeks were suddenly overly gaunt.
"Please stay away from me! I know you're one of them- you said I was safe!" I accused Kelly, who quickly emerged by my side.
"Ivan, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you," she tried to console, but I was done listening to her. This is the last chance I have at getting out of here.
"Mike!" Kelly called, grunting as she tried to hold me down. The security guard came rushing back in, walking over to firmly hold my shoulders against the bed. "Just try to keep him still, he's too agitated right now. I'm giving him two milliliters of Midazolam."
I felt another nurse hold down my elbow to the bed, and I yelled and kicked, frustrated at how helpless I was. The voices kept telling me how they were all going to kill me, but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it now. I felt a coldness on my left bicep, followed by a prick and small burn in my arm.
"You're just going to take a little nap, Ivan, and your family will be here when you wake up, okay?" Kelly tried to reassure. I stared wide eyed at the ceiling, my heart beating painfully against my chest. The security guard said nothing, didn't even look at me, just stared straight ahead and continued to gently hold me down.
My eyelids fluttered, and I felt myself start to grow sleepy, despite the constant chatter of the voices. It was like something was pulling me down into the depths of unconsciousness, that not even being bombarded by noises would stop me from falling asleep. I felt my head loll to the side as the grip from my shoulders was released, and it was lights out from that moment on.
~
The room's white walls were so bright around me, I was immediately smacked with a headache the second I opened my eyes. With a small groan, I tried to raise my arm to shield my eyes, but my entire body felt like concrete. I could see Mrs. Clarissa leaning over the bed, putting her hand over my eyes to block out the brightness. She always knew.
"Hi sweetheart," she whispered. "You doin' okay?"
"My arm hurts," I grumbled, lifting my left arm up to test the pain. It fucking sucked. Worse than any soreness you'd get after a vaccine.
"The psychiatrist came to see you, but you were still asleep."
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"I don't want to see any psychiatrists."
"They just want to help you, honey. As soon as we get through talking to them and getting you better, the sooner we can go home. I'm going to call the nurse," she said, pressing a button above my head. "I bet we can even get you an ice pack for your arm."
"Where's. . . where's Ethan?" I asked timidly, almost afraid of the answer. I was sure I had completely scared him off. Mrs. Clarissa smiled, nodding over to the couch on the left side of the room. An Ethan sized lump was laying there, disheveled brown hair stuck out from the top of the blanket he was wrapped tightly in. My eyes started to water, never having felt so loved in my entire life.
"He was determined to sit by your side the entire time, eventually I convinced him to at least sleep on the couch," she smiled. She turned to me seriously, taking my hand in hers. "That boy. . . he sure cares about you a whole lot."
"He shouldn't have to deal with this," I cried, feeling the tears run down my temples and soak the pillow.
"And you shouldn't either. He can make his own decisions, Ivan, and he chose to stay with you."
We were interrupted by a short nurse striding in, the noise from the door causing Ethan to sit up groggily, rubbing his eye. As if he suddenly remembered everything that had happened, he quickly made eye contact with me, before trying to stand too quickly and getting tangled in the blanket.
"We're ready to see the psychiatrist now," Mrs. Clarissa informed the nurse, and with a curt nod, she turned and left. Ethan emerged by my side next to Mrs. Clarissa, looking like he was going to give me a hug, but stopped himself.
"You can hug me," I laughed, but felt sad that he second guessed himself now. I didn't want anything to change between us. He didn't hesitate a second longer, wrapping his arms around me tightly, being mindful of my arm. I put my face on the side of his neck, he felt so warm and smelt like home, I never wanted to let go. Unfortunately, we did have to let go when some old geezer waltzed in like we weren't just having a moment.
"How are we doing tonight?" He said cheerfully, pulling a stool out from under the bed and sitting down by my left side.
I just stared at him, narrowing my eyes slightly, I still didn't trust any of these people. I'd probably try running out again if I wasn't so tired and my body didn't seem to weigh so much. What did they do to me?
Mrs. Clarissa answered for us, and I despised the fact that she was being nice to the people trying to hurt me and keep me here against my will.
"Well, Ivan, I'm Dr. Roberts, and I've been told you've been having some hallucinations? Can you tell me a bit about the voices? How often do you hear them?"
"I hear 'em right now. They don't want me talking to you."
"And why is that?"
"They say you're all going to hurt me."
"And why would we hurt you?"
I shrugged. "You tell me."
"Well Ivan, after viewing your medical records and having a discussion with your guardian, I've been told you've had a schizophrenia diagnosis since you were twelve, were you on medication for that?"
I went quiet, so Mrs. Clarissa ended up stepping in. "He was on a hundred and fifty milligrams of Zoloft and fifteen milligrams of Abilify."
"And did those dosages seem to be effective?"
"For. . . for a while. He's had a lot of stressful things happen recently, a lot of life changing events, and I think that caused things to go downhill. I continued to make sure he was taking his medication, so maybe it just wasn't enough? But then I thought. . ." She trailed off, looking pointedly at me. "Maybe he hadn't been taking it at all."
I stared at my feet, hoping that if I acted uninterested enough, Mrs. Clarissa would just take over. I glanced up nervously at Ethan with all this medicine and mental illness talk, but he seemed completely unphased, just smiled and ran his fingers up and down my arm.
"Ivan, you did take your medication when I gave it to you. . . right?" She looked at me with pleading eyes, the woman I spent all my life never wanting to view as my mother. It wasn't that I didn't love her and Tom, I harbored deep respect and admiration towards them both, but I felt more like a charity case when they took me in and eventually adopted me than their son. A child whose mind interested Tom enough for him to desire bringing home a troubled boy from a German foster home. The child who had behavioral issues no one but the renowned psychiatrist Tom Watson would be capable of dealing with. But this was the woman who raised me and my siblings, the woman who was soon going to be leaving us all. I think- I think I needed to get my shit together. It was time. As the voices shouted at me, I squeezed my eyes shut as my breaths started to hiccup, a small tear rolling down my cheek.
"I didn't take them. I put them in my cheek and spit them out when you left," I whispered, ashamed. Mrs. Clarissa let out a breath, bringing her hand up over her eyes, and I knew she was trying to keep it together just for me.
"Why did you want to stop taking them?" She whispered.
"Because- because they told me they were poison and that I was going to die if I kept taking them. That I'd get brain cancer too."
"When did you stop taking them?" Dr. Roberts started writing furiously down on his clipboard.
"Last Tuesday. I started hearing the voices more before that though."
"What we're going to do is keep you on a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold, continue to give you Midazolam through your IV to keep you calm, and start doing Haloperidol intramuscular injections, which is a type of first generation antipsychotic. I wanted to bring up the option of switching to long-lasting Haloperidol injections, these would be given every four weeks and slowly release the medication over time, as an alternative to taking pills orally. We want to avoid stopping antipsychotics suddenly, and if Ivan is prone to delusions that the medication is poisonous, we may want to reconsider the administration route," Dr. Roberts stood, tucking the stool back in and giving me a curt nod. "It was good working with you, Ivan. I want to remind you that your thoughts and feelings are something we want to know, because you're a vital part of deciding how you want to be treated."
With that, Dr. Roberts strode out the door, probably to bother some other poor soul. I looked up at Ethan and Mrs. Clarissa, slinging my arm over my eyes so I didn't have to look at them.
"I'm sorry," I whimpered.
"Oh honey," Mrs. Clarissa removed my arm gently. "Let's just focus on making sure you get better, okay? None of that. We're moving forward. Do you want me to get you some food? Are you hungry?" She started to fuss, tucking the blanket around my sides.
"Yeah. . . I guess I'm kind've hungry. . ."
"They have a grilled cheese that looks pretty good," she said.
I blushed. "Okay."
"Ethan, do you want anything, love?"
"I'll have that too," he smiled.
"Alright, I'll be right back. No funny business you two," she teased, leaving the room. That comment only made Ethan and I's cheeks catch on fire, but there was a certain tension in the room, like something was hanging in the air that desperately needed to be said.
"Are you okay? Seriously," he asked sternly, giving me a no lying look. I sighed.
"I don't know. I'm scared and can't think straight- that's the truth."
He shook his head, taking my hand. "Why didn't you tell me? Did- did you think I would judge you? Think anything less of you?" His face was drenched in anguish, like he couldn't believe I would think so low of him.
"Most people do," I retort. "If- if you want out I. . . I understand. I'm a big burden, it's not going to get any easier."
"I love you," he blurted, staring at me seriously.
"Wha- what?" I breathed in shock, blinking rapidly.
"I mean it. Today just made me even more sure of it."
"Why-"
"Because what you don't understand, Ivan, is that you've got to be the strongest, bravest, most empathetic person I know, and I simply don't want to imagine life without you," he said seriously, taking my right hand in both of his.
I stared at him in disbelief, my eyes searching his face for any indication that this was some cruel joke.
He stared at me like I was his entire world.
"I love you too," I whispered. "I have for a while." Ethan cried in joy, our tears mixing together as he surged forward and our lips connected.
~
Whew that was an intense chapter. Only three more chapters left! How are we all feeling today? Leave a vote if you enjoyed!
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