sorry i haven't uploaded in a while i'm in such a bad mood. i've been super sick and i'm feeling all sad and stuff.

honestly i wanna jump in front of a bus. please send shawn mendes.

anyway, enjoy this. it's kinda based off of tfios.

-

You begin coughing again, your lungs feeling dead.

"Mom... it hurts." You tell her, collapsing to the floor. "Y/d/n, hurry! Y/n needs to go to the hospital, now!" Your mom screams to your dad.

He rushes up, picking you up and carrying you to the car. Everything went blurry as you felt your eyes getting heavier.

:•:

"Beep, beep, beep..." Was all you heard. Your stomach was killing you from the inside out.

The bright room was burning your eyes. You glance around the room and see your mom crying while your dad tries to comfort her. (Back to 1st person)

"Mom, dad; what's going on..." I trail off as the doctor walks into the hospital room.

"Y/n, I'm afraid we've found out you have..." He scratches his head. "cancer." He mumbles.

My whole world had just blown up. No more soccer, fun things to do, friends might not wanna be friends with me. So many terrible possibilities.

A lump begins building in my throat and my head goes dizzy again.

:four years later:

I brush through my short y/h/c hair and stare at myself in my mirror.

It's been an entire year since I've been diagnosed with cancer. The doctors said I still have maybe another year to live. The only time I ever have fun is when I'm hanging out with my friends.

The only time I see C/n.

Every time I'd go out with my oxygen tank and tubes in my nose and I'd go and get apologetic looks. But I've always wondered; why do people apologize when it's not their fault?

Today my best friend C/n wanted to come over.

I applied a natural coat of mascara and concealer. I added a slightly darker shade to my brows because they've become quite light.

I wore a light pink half shirt with my overalls. I glance over at the clock and realize that C/n was coming over in 5 minutes.

My phone vibrated, telling my I've received a text. I grab it from my bedside table and read it.

weirdo😋😁: i'm running late- soccer practice. be there in 10

me: alright. drive safe as always!

weirdo😋😁: haha will do. see ya!

me: yep, can't wait! 😄

I shut my phone off, shoving it back into my pocket. I strut down stairs to my family and say hi.

My sister turns around and smiles. "Is C/n coming over?" She asks, giving me 'the eye'.

I sigh and roll my eyes. She always says she 'ships' us and we should date asap.

But the thing is I tried not to get too close to him, due to my death date (sad, am I right?). I did catch feelings a few months ago but haven't told anyone.

I scoff. "Shut up!" I grunt, crossing my arms. She shrugs and continues eating her frootloops.

:•:

The doorbell rings a few minutes later and I rush to open the door. "Hi C/n!" I embrace him. "Hey Y/nn!" (Aka your nickname).

"Let's go up to my room." I tell him. Just as I'm about to go up the stairs I feel him grip my wrist. I turn back around and see him smiling at me.

"Um actually I have a surprise planned." He says. I smirk. "Oh yeah? What's that?" He lightly chuckles. "It's called a surprise for a reason, silly." He states. I sigh and follow him to his black jeep.

He begins driving down a windy (um ok) road. There were mountains surrounding us with large ponds now and then. It was farm area so there were many cows and not to mention stinky smells.

"Dude..." I mumble.

He glances at me and smiles.

Once we make it to his so called, 'destination' he leads me up a small hill next to a pond of ducks and ducklings. "Yo, do you like it?" He asks, hopeful.

"Sorry C/l/n I hate it. Take me home before I throw up my dead lungs." He frowns as I giggle.

"No need to be rude Y/n, I want your lungs to live ok?" I smile and lean into the grass.

"Me too..."

:•:

"Anyway, I came up here to ask you something." He says. I sit up, looking at his glassy eyes.

"Please, let me talk though." What's he saying? I nod my head slowly.

I grip her small hands in my large ones. "Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n I know you tell me that you can't get to close to me for my heart's safety but I need you... And I know you said you only have a year left and I get that. The only thing I want in my life is for you to live yours to the fullest. Including falling in love. Now I understand if you really don't feel the same but if you do and you say no to protect me, don't. I need to love you and I need you to be loved." I let out a breath, looking up to see Y/n's mascara steaming down her face.

I immediately pull her into a tight embrace. "I- I love you." She quietly mumbles. I use my thumb pad to wipe under her eyes.

Y/n looks up at me. "My sister told me family is all I will ever need and you're my family and I love you." I smile at her. "So will you be my girlfriend for the next year?" I ask her. She lets out a few more tears and nods.

I embrace her small body, engulfing her as she cries into my chest. Even when she cries she looks beautiful.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to fall in love. Love means heartbreak and I never want to break someone's heart. They're so fragile, so delicate.

It's like carrying a baby. You have to be caring and gentle. Loving and kind. Not dying and heartless.

But his sweet voice and warm embrace got me. He convinced me to love.

As I cry in his arms he tightens his grip around me, making me cry harder. Oh, how I'll miss his warm embrace and the way he kissed me on the forehead. How his sweet words kept replaying in my head.

And right then, I realized I was a girl in love... only with cancer.

-

i'm doing part 2 no buts.

should I make hayes grier or shawn mendes imagines?? in a different story tho.