She rolled her wrist, rotating her shoulders as they told her, and touched each of her fingers to her thumb. It was necessary to check for nerve damage, or issues involved with basic movement, or whatever it was that they had said, but Terra complied anyway, letting them prod and check to make sure that the shackles hadn't caused any lasting damage.

She wasn't exactly opposed to their being any since she didn't plan to do anything that they had in mind. She could hear it as they whispered poorly among themselves, that they hoped to start her on weight lifting as soon as she could to get her strength back to what it was. They thought it would be good for the districts to see her, any of the rescued Victors, as soon as possible, that it would raise moral after the last broadcast, but Johanna was refusing to do anything more than curse and try to steal more drugs and Annie would just cry. It was pretty clear that they couldn't put up Peeta and Terra had been last seen fighting peacekeepers in the heart of the Capitol, but she couldn't understand the importance of it all since they were doing the exact same thing all over.

Terra had never seen any of her own broadcasts, she had barely even seen Peeta's and only been allowed to see the rebellion footage when it was an accident or Snow had a purpose for it, so she was generally having a hard time understanding everything they said, or why some of the nurses would look to her so strangely, as though they couldn't believe she was real.

It made her feel quite like a freak and as she tilted her chin up, exposing her throat for someone to gently rub a soothing lotion, she clenched her euyes shut tight as she tried to block out that Finnick was hovering a few feet away, looking at her embarrassment and vulnerability.

They said it was unlikely the scars would fade, that she would be forced to carry them for the rest of her life, amd ot seemed that it was finally sinking in for Finnick. Normally so composed, he had been trying hard to cry, his hands shaking at his sides and looking away every so often. Terra didn't blame him, she could imagine that she looked just as horrible as she felt.

"Can you try speaking for me?" The nurse asks, pressing against the bruises softly.

"When are you going to be done with this?" She croaks, wincing at how bad she sounds

"He just wants to make sure you're healthy," Finnick chided gently and a she felt a burst of annoyance at him.

Being mad wasn't her intention, she knew she didn't understand everything, that she was missing key pieces that backed his actions, but she really didn't to hear any of it. Terra couldn't tell how long it was that she had spent in tbe Capitol, but for however long it had been spent with only a few people, isolated as best they could manage from a caring touch, and it was starting to feel like she was going to burst through her skin, itching all over it was like a slowly running out of air, a torturous suffocation that gripped around her bruised throat in an icy touch - and if this man didn't leave her alone soon she was going to start acting out as Johanna was.

And Johanna, resting on her side, smiling dopily at Terra as she got high off the IV drip they had reattached, continuously made snide comments under her breath, stupid things about bondage and wild animals as she purposefully tried to get a rise out of Terra. It didn't bother her in ths slightest, and she was certain that her friens knew that as well, but it was perhaps the only thing keeping her from losing her mind as everyone continued to tiptoe around her. Terra wanted someone to just say something. For Katniss to show her face, or Haymitch or Wilber, or for someone to tell her something about her family, or for Finnick to ask, comment,say anything about her time away or his.

She wanted something, anything, that wasn't to do with her health.

She wanted the chance to walk around, to speak with someone that could explain, to see outside, feel the sun. Terra wanted something to drink that wasn't bitter water or given to her through a tube.

"We're almost done. It seems you still have a bit of brusing on your vocal cords, but it isn't anything too bad. Just try not to speak too much and keep your voice low," the nurse instructed, writing something down on her chart.

"Can I shower?" She blurts out hopefully, adding a hasty, "Please?"

He looks up startled, taking a clear look at her, and he nods almost immediately, writing a note on her chart. "You'll need to have someone with you. We don't know how much you'll be able to do on your own yet, but I'm sure that won't be a problem." He looks over at Finnick with a wiggle of his brows and she nearly rolls her eyes at him.

"Thanks."

The nurse leaves her alone with Finnick and he comes to her side instantly, taking her elbow with a gentle touch. "You ready to go now?"

She couldn't help but feel as though things were incredibly strained between them. There was a distance to when he looked at her, when he touched her innocently as he did now after they had separated after first seeing one another. If she had to have imagined how they would have reunited, Terra would have thought it would be with more love and longing, thankfulness. She would have thought him to be clingy and desperate to hold her as he was when they were separated throughout the year, but now it was like she hardly knew him, scorned as he spoke openly, happily with Johanna and Annie.

Already Terra hated this place and it made her envy for the Capitol and the cages - at least there she knew, understood where she stood, her role and her importance. There was a guarantee, some unspoken deal between her and Snow, and she knew he would never lie to her, never hide anything that he was doing. Terra could just tell she wouldn't have that here, not with the way that it had all bern kept a secret from her to begin with and Finnick acted like he was scared to be with her.

"Yes, please," she answers, letting him lead her to a blindly into a large washroom with an equally large shower and he whistled.

"It's pretty big in here. Lucky people in med bay," he comments jockingly and Terra snorts, ducking her head to hide her amused smile.

"I'm sure everyone's jumping to get hurt for a nice shower," she quips, nudging him with her shoulder trying hard to get him to ease up a little.

"I wouldn't say jumping, but they certainly aren't complaining."

Breathing a giggle, she tries to discretely clear her throat to try and cover how harsh she was starting to sound, but Finnick was already looking at her, searching her face with this closed expression and Terra couldn't help feeling guilty for something.

He turns on the lights and it's a faint, warm glow compared to the fluorescent style lighting from before, and her eyes are almost instantly relieved for the shift.

The awkwardness, hesitating is back and she's uncertain of what to do. Had this been before then they would have climbed in together, unconcerned with anything holding them back, and now Terra's starting to realise that she's scared to always been thinking of things as then and now's, because now he just steps back to lean against a wall, still watching but never anything more than that.

Maybe she was being greedy or inconsiderate, presumptuous, but Finnick had always been her one, her soulmate, star-crossed love, fate, destiny - whatever nonsense you wanted to call it, he had always been it, and maybe it was reaching but she was under the impression that he felt the same. She hoped that it was the time they spent apart, the stress of the situation that they were acting to differently, yet her fears weren't soothed , and she knew it wa only something he could do.

She rolled her shoulders before reaching behind to undo the tie of her hospital gown, wincing at the strain to the muscles and gave a sharp tug on the string, the bow around her neck pulling loose and she held an arm to her chest to keep it in place as she reached behind her for the one around her waist.

"Let me, don't push yourself," he tells her, jumping to help her ease the gown off but stills completely once his fingers graze over her back and the smooth new skin, rough bumpy texture that webbed along.

His hands shook, nervoud as they brushed over the scars, feeling along, his heaving breath was loud in her ear.

"That's, it's nothing to worry about, Fin, it's fine," Terra stutters, turning to look at him, but his hold on her tightens, stilling her.

"It's not fine, T. Look at what they did to you," his voice is stiff, steely.

"I had a choice. It was supposed to happen," she tells him.

"You just let them?" He backs away from her, shaking his head, amd Terra is free to finally turn to face him. "You went to my home knowing you would be whipped in the square for all of Panem to see?"

Terra bites her lip. "It's not so simple."

Finnick moves quickly into her space, hands finding a desperate hold on her elbows as he draws her close, leaning down so his face is level with hers. "Then explain, T, because you feel so far away that I can't reach you."

"Reach me? I thought something was wrong! That you didn't feel the same way anymore!" She blurts, a little hysterical laugh bubbling past her lips.

He cups her face, shaking his head and disbelief is clear on his face. "I could never stop loving you, even if I was dead, my heart. I thought you would blame me for what happened."

"For the Capitol? Finnick, you weren't there and even if you were there was nothing you could have done."

"No, Terra, for the arena, and not telling you, leaving you to get captured," he explains closing his eyes.

"You've already told me why, Finnick, and I understand the best I possibly can. It's hard to think sometimes with the things they did, I wasn't sure what the truth was about so many things," she admits, placing a hand on his cheek. "The other's had to help me get things in order. It was slow and I don't think we slept much that . . . night? What I think was night anyway."

"What did they do to you, my Terra?" He whispers, dropping his forehead to rest against hers.

It's a struggle to wrap her head around the right words and even then she can't think of any that work right. There was no way to speak out the way she felt in the Capitol, the impossible way that everything was horrible and not right, so she pulls away only slightly to drop the gown the rest of the way, letting him take his own conclusions as she saw herseld properly in the mirror for the first time.

The dark bruise on her jaw was the first thing to catch her attention, sharp and startling, but she didn't hold it against Peeta, couldn't when she knew it wasn't really his fault. Next were the cuff marks, the raw skin had healed over enough to warrant the removal of the bandages but they were still ugly, still a horrible permanent mark that made her feel like some sort of aninal. The one around her neck was the worst, a gruesome necklace that was cruelly going to be exposed no matter what she did to hide it.

His hnd fluttered over her stomach, fingers shaking and when she looked to him, tears streamed silently down his cheeks as he delicately traced the burnt seal, eyes flickering over the rest of hef as be sought more touching briefly at each one.

"I am so sorry, my heart, my Terra," he sobbed, dragging her into him, and it felt real, better. Safe and sound, she could leave like this forever, held tight and protected with him watching her back. "This never should have happened. I never should have left you."

"I would do it again if it meant you got away safely," she mumbles, ignoring his immediate protest and turns to the shower.

It had a very low side with small plain white tiles and a drain in the middle. It was a kind where the door was made of glass to slide shut, large enough to fit multiple people, or for one to move freely, thrash around, amd her heart stopped, knees going weak, and Finnick had to catch her before she fell.

"What's wrong?" He worried, grabbing hold of a shaking hand in his large one, hers felling so cold in his warmth.

"It's, glass, and the door, of, uh glass, I can't, I can't breathe, I can't," she stammers, shaking her head as she whizzed.

"Okay, okay, no glass doors?" He tries, nodding encouragingly, and she wants to explain to him what it is, it's right on the tip of her tongue but she scared if she speaks it'll come out in a terrified scream. "No glass, no doors, no glass rooms or spaces. We can do that. It's horrible decor anyway. They have a curtain, you can use that instead."

She shakes her head.

"Well, water isn't that hard to clean up so I'm sure they wouldn't mind if it got on the floor," Finnick jokes, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Terra bring his hand to her mouth and kisses his fingers thankful he understands. "Don't go anywhere," she mumbles.

Finnick brushes a thumb over her lips. "Wouldn't dream of it."

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I've been wanting to finish this for like 3 days but got totally distracted by this dragon game I got on my phone because i hate myself

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2019-03-03