'I don't know how to love, I know I'm bound to fuck up. You better put yo trust in god and never put yo trust in us'

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"Yo who are you?" I question the broad that was all in my face, she was cute or whateva but I had other shit on my mind and she was blowing me.

I was at a now full blown party that was supposed to just be small kickback at Kendrick's spot but small for us always turned out big.

"I'm cool with Mariah, you can't say hi?" She tilts her head with a flirty smile on her face and I scrunch my face up pulling my head back.

"Say hi for what? I don't even know you ma back up" I wave her off and she mugs me.

"Oh it's like that?" She glares with attitude.

"Yea bitch it's like that, now back the fuck up!" I snap getting in her face.

"Yo cardi chill, this my peoples" Mariah quickly intervenes pulling me back by my shoulder.

"Yo tell ya people's to stay the fuck out my face, I don't give a fuck who you cool with. I'm not obligated to say shit to you!" I snap pointing my acrylic in her face and she smacks her lips backing up.

"Fuck you!" She spits before walking away and I flick off the back of her head.

"Yo wassup with you, you been acting mad weird lately" Mariah says and I roll my eyes walking away.

My temper was shorter these days but I had my reasons.

The vibe between me and nicki been off, we both knew why but neither of us brought it up because it would only lead to an argument.

We was barely even speaking and that shit was fuckin with me but I didn't want to address the issue at hand so I was just going with her flow.

I hit her up first a couple times and she was always "busy" with school or work so I just waited for her to hit me up which was hardly ever.

I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't even know what love truly was.

Shit was so foreign to me because obviously what me and Tommy had wasn't love, it was just a feeling we mistook as love but was actually just lust.

I was lost and I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear until I figured this shit out.

To me a big part of love was being vulnerable and being open to trusting your companion but I barely trusted my damn self so how could I trust her?

I didn't like this shit at all, I was a gangsta I can't be out here loving her.

"You look like you need a drink" Henny appears with two red cups, holding one out to me.

"You always come right on time" I softly smile taking the cup out her hand, taking a sip of the jungle juice I let myself unwind.

"It's dangerous right, you can't even taste the liquor" She smirks and I nod quickly agreeing.

After two more cups of this I was definitely bound to be fucked up.

"Can you come pick m-me up" I had the hiccups so bad right now.

I was too litty but so was everybody else in the party, I thought about driving but decided against it because I was one hundred percent sure that I would crash into something.

I would just have to get dropped off to pick my car up in the morning.

"Bel it's 2 o'clock in the morning, where are you?" She softly yawns and I hear soft rustling in the background so I knew she was getting out the bed.

"I'm at the gardens on ML boulevard" I mumble leaning against the wall.

"Alright I'll be there in 10" She says and I pull the phone back from my ear hanging up.

"You good?" Star questions walking up to me and I nod.

"My ride on the way" I tell her before covering my mouth with my fist burping.

"Yo I told you to slow down on the jungle juice, let me help you get downstairs" She laughs shaking her head and I smile throwing my arm over her shoulder.

Walking out the apartment I felt the liquid wanting to come up but I kept swallowing it back down.

"You bouta throw up?" She knowingly questions and I nod my head before hunching over emptying my stomach on to the hallway floor.

She caught my hair just in time holding it back as I let it all out.

I could barely breathe but the shit just kept coming.

"You lucky I love you cause I'm gone have to clean all this shit up" She sighs as I cough wiping the side of my mouth, slightly standing up as it finally stops.

"I'm sorry" I look back at her apologetically and she chuckles shaking her head.

"It's aight, let's just get ya drunk ass downstairs so we can get you home. She should be pulling up by now" She says helping me stand up and I lean all my weight on her resting my head on her shoulder.

"Why you let me get this drunk bitch?" I mumble with a smile.

"Bitch you grown, I told ya ass slow down" She laughs.

By the time we got downstairs nicki was in front of the building waiting in her beemer just like star said.

We walked over to the car and star helped me get in which nicki thanked her for.

"Call me after you nurse that hangover cardi" Star tells me before shutting my door and I immediately lean my body against the door with my head rested against the window.

It felt like the world was spinning, or atleast my seat was.

"Pull over" I mumble feeling the urge to throw up again.

She quickly pulls over to the side of the street and I open the door letting the contents in my stomach hit the concrete.

I was never drinking again after this.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I lean back in the car shutting my door.

"What have you been drinking? You usually can hold your liquor" She says looking over at me as she pulls off.

"Jungle juice, I don't know what all they put in that shit but it tasted like regular fruit punch" I chuckle relaxing in the seat, I think I was done throwing up cause I felt way better.

"Why you never call me?" I question but it came out whiny and I probably had a pout on my face but I didn't care, I missed her.

She briefly looks over at me before looking back at the rode.

"I do call you, I've just been more busy than usual lately with finals around the corner. Besides I called you yesterday and you didn't answer" She mumbles.

"I was sleep and when I woke up I knew you was at work so I didn't call back" I simply reply and she silently nods.

"I miss you" I tell her genuinely and she lightly laughs shaking her head.

"I don't understand you belcalis, I really don't" She smiles shaking her head.

"When you see what I've seen you end up like this" I nonchalantly shrug.

"But I shouldn't have to suffer because of that" She softly fires back and I eye the side of her face for a minute.

"What is love onika?" I question and she side eyes me but continues driving quietly.

"Exactly, until you can give me a proper definition don't tell me that shit cause I don't even know what the shit is myself" I chuckle.

"Every love is different and just because I can't describe exactly what I'm feeling right now doesn't mean that I'm not feeling it!" She shoots back slightly raising her voice towards the end.

"So what does this feel like?" I question genuinely intrigued even in my drunken state.

"I don't know" She shrugs.

"It's like something that I've never felt before" She softly speaks looking over at me.

Looking away I don't say nothing else cause that was the only way I could describe the feeling too.