'I've been avoiding commitment

That's why I'm in this position

I'm scared to let somebody in on this'

○

My head felt like it got bounced off the curb twenty times and this bright ass sun beaming through the curtains wasn't helping at all.

Groaning I turn my head away from the sun seeing the bed empty, I knew she didn't have class so she must've went out with her friends or something.

My body felt weak and I did not feel like getting up but I had to freshen up so I could go get my car off the block before somebody tried to break in my shit.

Sitting up I threw my legs over the bed stretching my limbs before picking up the glass of water and two tylenols she conveniently sat out for me on the nightstand.

Popping the pills in my mouth I washed them back with the lukewarm water.

Sitting the glass back down I stood up making my way in the bathroom.

After I brushed my teeth and took a shower the tylenol finally kicked in.

I got dressed in some bummy clothes, some sweats and a hoodie since it was starting to get chilly outside.

After that I pulled my phone off the charger and texted star.

I lock my phone laying back on the bed still exhausted, a couple minutes pass before my phone vibrates and I pick it up looking at the screen expecting to see star's name but it wasn't.

Unlocking with my pin I sit up reading the message.

I smile standing up walking out the room and down the hall, walking through the living room I go in the kitchen opening the fridge and right in the middle there was a sandwich wrapped up in plastic.

Grabbing the sandwich I close the fridge before unwrapping it and taking a bite while texting her back.

This was the best sandwich I ever had, it had mad different meats on her with atleast 3 different cheeses but it was the condiments and extra shit she put on here that really set it off.

Opening the fridge back up I grab a fiji before closing it back going in the living room plopping down on the couch.

I smile exiting out her thread just as star texts me she's outside.

I had finally pinpointed the emotions I felt towards cardi and I had come to terms with myself that I was going to let her know that today, along with a ultimatum.

I was done playing the side and hiding my feelings for her, at this point either she was going to commit to me or everything was gone be finished cause I didn't have the energy for the wishy washy stuff anymore.

I wanted her all to myself and I wanted all or nothing.

I knew that if things went left I could possibly lose her forever but I couldn't keep settling just to keep her in my life.

I was a grown woman not one of these little girls and if she couldn't treat me as such then I would have to let her go no matter how much it hurt me to do so.

I needed clarity.

"Hey" Rah greets sitting across from me at the table.

I finally reached out to rah so we could meet up and hopefully settle our differences regarding cardi.

"Hey" I politely smile.

"So wassup?" She asks cutting straight to the point.

"I called you here so we could talk and hopefully get on good terms, I know you along with cyn aren't particularly fond of cardi but I feel that as being my bestfriends you guys should support me regardless" I vent and she nods taking everything I said in.

"Okay and I understand that but at the same time I can't just sit back and watch you make these decisions nic" She sighs shaking her head.

"And I understand that but I'm a grown woman rah, every decision I make your not going to agree with and vice versa. Just support my choices like how I do yours, that's all I ask" I tell her and she looks like she wanted to say something but instead she sighs nodding her head.

"Alright, I'll support every last one of your decisions from now on no matter how much I may disagree with them. We've been friends for a long time and I can't let this get between us so you win" She smiles and I smile widely thankful that this petty feud was over.

Now if I could get through to cyn everything would be back to normal, cyn was being stubborn not responding to my attempts to reach out to her but I was sure she would eventually come around.

Walking in the living room I smile seeing the crab boil sitting on the coffee table between two glass plates.

She sure did know the way to my heart cause I was literally just craving this.

Sitting on the couch I open the bag pulling out a cluster of crab legs, a couple potatoes, shrimp, and two corn cobs putting them all on one of the glass plates. The other was for the leg shells, shrimp skin, and cobs.

"I didn't even hear you come in" She smiles walking out the kitchen with a glass of red koolaid.

"Thank you for getting me this, I swear I been craving this all day" I smile as she sits the glass of koolaid infront of me.

"You literally eat this like three times a week, and I'm pretty sure if I didn't cook it would be everyday" She chuckles sitting next to me as I crack one of the legs open.

"It's just so good" I laugh chewing on the soft buttery meat as she picks up the remote turning on the tv.

I was addicted to crab boils after watching that lady on YouTube eat so many of them, shit made me hungry every time.

She turns on netflix and went directly to beyoncé's homecoming documentary.

"How many times we gone watch this nic?" I chuckle getting the meat out of the top of the crab leg.

"Until I learn every eight count" She replies reaching up grabbing a shrimp off my plate.

"You buggin taking shit off my plate though" I side eye her putting the empty crab leg on the other plate while picking up a corn.

"This for both of us, I know you didn't think this big bag was just for you" She chuckles ripping a crab leg off the cluster.

"So is the koolaid for both of us too?" I question with attitude and she laughs nudging my shoulder.

"Cut it out, fat ass. You can share" She laughs and I couldn't help the small smile that graced my lips.

"I guess since it's you" I smile and she kisses the corner of my lips before resting her head against my shoulder cracking open her crab leg.

We ate and enjoyed the documentary for the hundredth time until everything was gone.

"I'm mad sleepy now" I yawn washing my hands after throwing things away and putting one of the plates in the sink, she walks in the kitchen with the other plate and the glass.

"You can go to sleep but I gotta talk to you first" She says and I freeze feeling my heart rate pick up.

It was never good when somebody I was having relations with said "we need to talk"

Turning off the faucet I rip a paper towel off the holder turning around seeing her leaned up against the counter.

"Wassup?" I calmly ask hiding my nervousness as I dried off my hands, I could feel my anxiety kreeping up on me.

I could tell she was nervous too by the soft sigh she had just let escape her lips.

"You asked me what was love lastnight, and I couldn't answer you in that moment but I thought long and hard about that question all day and I have my answer" She let's out in one breath and my face held a calm expression but in the inside I felt like I was about to have a asthma attack.

"Love is the deep desire to see someone grow and blossom, the wanting for them to be happy and to succeed. Love demands an in depth understanding of ones hope, dreams, needs, fear, and trauma. Love is sharing our gifts for the purpose of nurturing someone and helping them create their greatest joys-- Love is everything that I feel for you" Her voice cracks but she keeps her composure holding her tears at bay.

I was speechless, she was looking at me waiting for me to say something but I couldn't find the words.

"I love you belcalis, I'm in love with yo-" She chokes up and her tears spill over.

"I l-" I stop myself feeling my anxiety sky rocket.

"I gotta go" I rush out before speed walking out the kitchen.