《Handcuffed to My Enemy》23: No Matter What
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Jake's POV
Baby. Pregnant. Seven weeks. She didn't tell me. Miscarriage. Not mine.
That fucking bastard.
She never told me.
My thoughts are swimming and suffocating me, and I need to see Cas. I feel all eyes on me as I gulp and look up at the doctor.
"She's okay?"
"Yes, Cassie is okay. She is currently asleep due to the anesthetics, but should be awake within the hour."
"Can we see her?" Mary asks, speaking for the first time.
"Unfortunately, only one visitor is permitted at a time. Who would like to see her first?"
I know I should let her parents go, but I can't help myself: "I need to see my girlfriend."
The doctor exchanges a look with Mary and Chris, and Chris nods.
"Of course, right this way." The doctor, Doctor Lowe, leads me down the hall and my breathing becomes even more shallow. I take one final breath to recompose myself before following him into the room. At that moment, Cas stirs and opens her eyes. They meet mine with such grief that I am pulled to her side in an instant. Doctor Lowe stands to the side as I make my way to the chair next to Cas, clasping her hands like a lifeline.
"I love you, Cassie Waters." Her eyes fill and I hold my lips to her hands as her crying wracks her body.
"Jake, I..." she hiccups. "I had a miscarriage. I was pregnant but-" another hiccup.
"I know, I know Cas, but...Why didn't you tell me, Cas? You should have told me. What, did you think I'd have left you? No! I would have stayed by your side; I swear." Anger is boiling in me now. "I don't care if it was his," I spit. "I would have stayed with you; with the baby. I would have been the best fucking dad I could have, even if not by blood, I-"
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"I didn't know, Jake, I swear to God I didn't know!" She's desperate, and her words take me off guard.
"You...what? How is that even possible? You were seven freaking weeks pregnant, Cas!"
"I know, but I..." Doctor Lowe steps forward now to explain. I forgot he was here, honestly.
"It actually is quite possible, if you don't mind me jumping in..." Cas just nods, while we still clutch at each other's hands. Even in my anger and confusion, I cannot let go of my girl for a second.
"Hello, Cassie, my name is Doctor Lowe. First off, I am terribly sorry for your loss." She chokes on a sob, and I slam my eyes closed, tightening my grip on her. I rub my thumbs on the back of her hands absentmindedly. He continues, "And as for you not knowing about the pregnancy, that is very possible. For starters, I am assuming you did not experience any morning sickness?"
I look at her as she shakes her head.
"In fact, nearly thirty percent of pregnant women do not experience morning sickness-"
"But I still got my period," she glances at me sideways, but I'm more confused than grossed out by what she's saying.
"Was the bleeding irregular, either in heaviness or timing?" Cas pauses a second and squirms before responding.
"I mean, my periods have always been inconsistent, I guess...but I definitely had my period..." I kiss her knuckles again, and continue to rub circles with my thumbs.
"Ah, I see. Spotting and light bleeding can happen during pregnancy, especially during the first trimester. It is likely that you mistook this to be your menstrual cycle."
"But...she also didn't gain any weight," I pitch in. Cas looks down as her cheeks flash a shade of crimson.
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Doctor Lowe nods, and looks down at his clipboard. "It appears that the baby was giving off very low levels of hCG: Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. This means that the baby wasn't alerting your body of its needs. I'm assuming you also did not have a huge increase in appetite?" Again, Cas shakes her head. Then her tears start up again.
"There was a baby inside of me." Doctor Lowe's eyes tighten, but he nods. "My baby. And now it's dead. Oh God, it's dead...my baby is dead..." Her arms are shaking when I stand up and hover over her, pulling her into my arms gently but firmly. I clutch her head to my chest as I bury my head in her hair.
"How..." she sniffs. "How did...it...die?"
Doctor Lowe clears his throat. "It could have been for a number of reasons. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?" He glances down at his clipboard again. "Oh, okay. Seven weeks ago you were admitted in here after a rape. I'm assuming I am the idiot who did not put two and two together?"
My back goes rigid as I seethe out a "yes" before Cassie answers.
"Okay, well that could absolutely have been a reason. Your body simply could have not been in the proper state to support another human being."
"Okay," she breathes. Her arms are wrapped tight around my back, and I refuse to let anything break us up, physically or in our relationship. "Can we...have a minute now?"
"Of course. Please feel free to click the 'call' button if you need anything at all." With that, he walks out of the room, leaving me and my girl alone at last.
We hold each other in silence for a minute before Cas begins to shift toward the side of the hospital bed.
"Cas, no, you need to be careful."
"Please, Jake. Please." Fresh tears well up in her eyes, and I slide into the small bed next to her. We embrace again, and I play with her hair.
"Are you mad at me?" Her voice is so small and my hands freeze in her hair.
"How can you even say that?" I mumble. "Cassie," I shift to look her in her eyes. "I love you with everything in me. I could never be mad at you, least of all for something like this. I am heartbroken for you. You were right; this baby was yours, and even if it was his, too, it will always have been yours." I take a breath. "It would have been ours if you would have let me help you. Cas, please know that. I would not have run if things had happened differently and you had had this baby. I would have loved it like I love you, despite the father. I love you, Cassie Waters, and nothing will ever change that."
///
A/N
Ayyyyyyyy it's an update! Question of the chapter: Thoughts on Jake's reaction?
And because I'm a research nerd, here are the links I used for the pregnancy shtuff;)
http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/morning-sickness/no-morning-sickness/
http://www.bustle.com/articles/138809-5-reasons-women-can-be-pregnant-for-months-not-know-it
http://www.webmd.com/baby/human-chorionic-gonadotropin-hcg
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/mom/didnt-know-i-was-pregnant
http://www.pregnancycorner.com/loss/miscarriage.html
Hope you all enjoyed!!
Xx Niki
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