SOFT TO BE STRONG

(CROUCH CLAIMS)

♡

for Briar to find out about her grandfather — two girls mention it as they walk past her, the two of them theorizing what could've killed him. Briar's brows furrow, and she hears someone else say it. Crouch is dead. Her grandpa was found near the lake, torn apart, on the same night she turns into a monster... Things add up in her head without even thinking twice, and Briar can feel her heart tearing apart, as painful as what she did to her poor grandfather... She killed him, she killed him...

Briar doesn't know what to do with herself. She's in a state of shock. Everything was falling apart last night, sure, but she didn't expect this to happen, too... She didn't expect to kill her own grandfather, the man that raised her. She can't deny it now, can she? She truly is a monster.

Someone walks past, and Briar hears them go, "Oh, that's his granddaughter — he was murdered last night." And Briar feels sick to her stomach. She didn't murder him, she killed him. Murder makes it sound as if a human did this. And a human didn't do this. A monster did this. Briar Crouch is a monster...

She starts to walk back to the carriage. She doesn't know what to do. Part of her wants to drop out school this instant. Part of her wishes she had gotten killed last night, maybe a wizard spotted the werewolf in the Shrieking Shack and decided to put it down. She just wishes she could go back and change this. And she knows that she can't, but she doesn't know what else to do. She killed her grandpa. She tore apart her own grandfather.

Briar turns the corner, into the corridor with the archway leading into the grounds, to the carriage. There are less people around, since she's further away from the hall — which makes it more painful, when she turns the corner and sees the boy she used to be friends with. But not anymore...

Fred looks at her. Briar, for a second, expects him to say it, straight away: You killed your own grandfather? Merlin, Briar, I know you're a monster but are you serious? Could you not even try and stop yourself, from hurting him? God, you're the worst sort of monster...

Briar can already feel tears collecting in her eyes. But she looks at him anyway, her bottom lip beginning to tremble, and she glares at him. "Come on, then. Say I'm a monster. A fucking killer now, too," she begins. "But I told you. I told you. I knew you'd hate me—"

And, shockingly, Fred moves forwards, without a word, hugging her.

Briar freezes for a second, before she pulls away.

"Stop it, stop pretending that you don't hate me," says Briar. The tears in her eyes make it hard for her to see him. If anything she's grateful. "Is it funny, to pretend that you don't care? Because I know you do — everyone does when they find out—"

"For God's sakes, Briar," says Fred, and he takes hold of her hand, pulling her into the empty classroom next to them. He closes the door behind her, and he gives her a look. Briar frowns at him. "I don't hate you. Get Veritaserum, if you want, but I'm telling the truth." She shakes her head slightly, and Fred steps forwards. "Briar fucking Crouch, I swear on my life that I don't hate you. I don't care that you're a werewolf, all right? Because you're still you. You're still my best friend. Nothing is going to change anything between us, Bri."

Briar starts crying.

She doesn't know why she's crying. Part of her thinks it's because of her grandpa, part of her thinks she's overwhelmed that she didn't lose Fred. But still, Briar starts to cry, and because of a couple of minutes ago, when she pushed him away, Fred doesn't move towards her, but he does opens his arms like he used to, indicating she can hug him if she wants. And she does — she rushes towards him and hugs him, and she can feel him holding her, and she cries. She cries and she cries. Fred holds the back of Briar's head, against his chest.

"I killed him, though, how don't you — why don't you—?"

Fred pulls away from Briar, who goes quiet, panicking for a second that everything's going to turn against her and he's going to say she's a monster. But he doesn't. He cups her face in his hands, as if to make her look at him directly.

"You did not kill your grandpa, Briar," says Fred, rather forcefully. She opens her mouth to argue against it, and he gives her a look. "You are not thinking that. I know what you're like. You didn't kill him. People would've noticed if they saw a werewolf on the grounds, 'specially after last year — I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's not, you're not, but do you get what I mean? People would've noticed... A lot of people didn't like him, anyway, and you said that your uncle escaped? That makes a lot more sense than you. You did not kill him, Briar Crouch, and you are not a monster."

"I am a monster," says Briar, quietly. Her voice cracks.

"I don't think you are," says Fred. He's cupping her face still with his hands, and if anything Briar feels comforted by it. His hands are warm. "I think you're a lot of things, sure, but monster is never going to be one of them. But you know what is? Caring and kind and cleverer than you give yourself credit..." Fred smiles warmly, and he winks. "Not to mention fit, but I think you know that one."

Briar can't help but laugh.

Fred brushes away the tears from her cheeks. "Now there's that smile."

"Thank you," she says, quietly.

He moves his hands off of her face, and he leans back on a desk. "I didn't tell anyone, by the way. I figured you didn't mean to tell me..."

She smiles weakly. "Yeah, you're right there..."

"So what happened?" he asks.

And Briar explains everything: from when her grandpa told her she wasn't going back to Hogwarts, to how her inner eye started to count down, to the second she remembered what her grandpa had said to Greyback and what's going to happen to her. How she stood there, frozen, thinking running would be useless, it was her destiny from that minute onwards. How it happens all at once: she's knocked over, the gravel on the road scraping her arms. The beast appears in the darkness, standing next to her, the moonlight above revealing the werewolf above her — and how, before she can even scream in fear, she felt teeth cutting straight into her stomach's skin, just as she thought werewolf.

How Briar spent the whole night crying, not knowing what to do. How the bite mark was throbbing underneath her makeshift bandage, not able to get it properly sorted in case Winky told her grandpa. How Briar cried that whole night for the life she's lost... How the solution to what was she going to do? appearing to her in the morning. How a fresh set of words lived in Briar's brain. When the going gets tough, you get tougher.

Briar pulls up her top at the end, to show the scar that's still there, taking up a large chunk of her torso. She tells Fred to ignore the bruises and the scratches, they're just from the full moon, and Fred looks at, with this odd look on his face. Briar thinks he looks upset.

"I... You're an angel, you know that?" says Fred. Briar feels incredibly confused. "You really don't give yourself enough credit, Bri."

Briar shrugs her shoulders. "What else was I going to do?"

Fred has another look on his face. Briar can't describe this one.

"I need to speak to my dad," says Briar. "And Madame Maxime..."

Fred nods. "I can come, if you want?"

"It's fine," says Briar. She smiles. "Thank you, though."

"It's nothing," says Fred.

Briar shakes her head, and she reaches up to kiss his cheek. "It's the whole world, Freddie."

♡

BRIAR WALKS BACK TO THE CARRIAGE, where immediately Madame Maxime opens the door, letting Briar in. The common room's been cleared, all except for Livvy, who sits on one of the sofas, his expression... blank. Briar knows where Livvy stands with their grandpa — Briar stopped loving their grandpa, but Livvy hated him. He doesn't look upset. Worried, sure, but that's because of his big sister, who as soon as she steps into the carriage, he rushes towards her, hugging her.

Maxime frowns at Briar. "Where have you been?"

And Briar hits a crossroads.

Her inner eye presents the two possibilities of what she could say: there's the truth, and then there's a lie. Oh, I left early... Oh, I stayed late at the party in Gryffindor tower and ended up staying there, to not make any noise getting back here, I know I shouldn't have gone but that's what happened... Oh, I went to the library. (Maybe not that one, because has there ever been a lie that blatant before?

So she could choose the second option, the elaborate story that would have to get Fred involved, which she's sure he wouldn't mind, and she'd get into trouble but Maxime wouldn't know the truth. But if she were to tell the truth...

Why would Maxime, realistically, despise her for it? If anything, it would be clarity, surely, an explanation for her behaviour... It might actually make things better? Briar thinks about what happened with Fred. She has someone else, now, that has her back with this curse. She thought he was going to hate her, but if anything, telling him has improved things... Well, at least, she thinks it's going to. Because she now knows that he doesn't think she's disgusting, whereas before she was convinced everyone was going to look down on her if they were to find out...

So Briar turns to Madame Maxime.

"Can we talk in your office, please?"

Maxime looks offended. "Miss Crouch, you turned into a disappearing act the morning your grandfather's body was found! Now you want to call the shots?"

"I—I know I shouldn't be asking, but I can't say it out here," says Briar. Livvy's eyes widen in surprise at his sister, and she thinks that Maxime catches Livvy's surprise, that quickly turns into worry, and Maxime nods.

"Fine," she says. "Come on."

The three of them go into Madame Maxime's office, the room where most of Briar's lessons have been over the past month. Maxime sits down at her desk, whereas Briar and Livvy stay standing. Briar, because she's too nervous to sit, Livvy because he wants to stay next to his sister.

"What is the matter, then?" asks Maxime.

Briar takes a moment to say it. She breathes in, breathes out, reminds herself that she doesn't need to be scared about Maxime's reaction, she won't be disgusted by this, and she begins:

"The summer before me and Livvy started at Beauxbatons, I was attacked by Greyback," says Briar, speaking slowly, hesitantly. She sees Maxime's eyes widen in shock. "And, um, since then... I've been having to deal with everything that comes with the curse. My dad is a werewolf, too, and that's why our grandpa sent us to Beauxbatons, because he didn't want us to meet him, because until recently we thought our dad was awful and horrible and that he abandoned us, but actually... Our grandparents forced him to give us to them, because they didn't want their grandchildren to live with a werewolf..." Briar steps forwards. "I don't know what happened with my grandpa, last night."

Maxime stands up. She walks around the desk, to Briar, and Briar doesn't know what she's going to do. But, to Briar's surprise, Maxime pulls her into the most awkward hug imaginable, and she lets out, "Why, this makes so much sense!" She steps back, letting go of Briar. "Is that why you have been acting out?"

Briar nods.

Maxime begins to ask Briar questions, about everything. From "Where were you spending the full moons, at Beauxbatons?" to "Has it affected you, at all?" And Briar explains all of it, finally sitting down. Livvy does too, himself intrigued. She never really went into detail when he found out. But she answers all of the questions. Everything from it's made my visions worse, especially on the full moon, to, I might've been taking things from the Potions classroom, to make the potion... Maxime was surprisingly fine with that, though, and said in the future she'll make sure that it's all sorted. She asks about now, how she spends the full moons, and Briar talks about how the Whomping Willow was put in the grounds so her dad had a tunnel to the Shrieking Shack, so it would be near-impossible for him to ever escape.

"Well that must mean that you could not have killed your grandfather," says Maxime, her brows furrowing. "If it were to be impossible — and if you spend the night having visions, and the potion makes you unharmful... There is no way that you could have hurt him."

Briar frowns. "I hope so."

Livvy turns to Madame Maxime. "Um, our dad wrote to me earlier, he says he'll be in Hogsmeade all day," he says. "Is it OK if we see him, maybe, and speak to him? I know we're not allowed to go into Hogsmeade on Sundays but... I bet he'll know what to do."

Maxime nods. "That seems like a good idea," she tells them, and she takes out some parchment and a quill, writing a note for the two of them. After a couple of minutes, she hands it over to them, stating how "Briar and Livvy Crouch" have permission to go into Hogsmeade. Briar cannot wait to see Filch's face, when he sees that they're allowed to go into Hogsmeade on a day that isn't Saturday. "Be back at the carriage by half-four."

Briar checks the clock on the wall, where it says it's only half-ten now.

"Thank you, Madame Maxime," says Briar.

Maxime smiles softly. "I am glad, Briar, that you had the courage to tell me," she says. "If you need any help, let me know."

Briar smiles back at her.

It takes a while for Briar and Livvy to get everything sorted, before they can start walking to Hogsmeade. Briar has a shower and gets changed, since she's still in her clothes from yesterday.

She gets out of the bathroom, a towel around her, and Fleur's appeared in the room. She hugs Briar, who's stiff, mostly scared that she'll drop the towel accidentally. Fleur looks at Briar worriedly.

"Where have you been?"

"I told Fred last night."

"That you're a—?" Fleur begins, and Briar nods. Briar watches her best friend's jaw drop. "What did he say?"

"He was actually really supportive—"

"What did I tell you?" says Fleur, beginning to grin. She holds onto Briar's arm, bouncing on the spot. "I knew he wouldn't be nasty about it! I'm so happy for you, Briar—!"

"And I told Maxime."

"Really?" says Fleur, her eyes widening.

"I figured," says Briar, shrugging. "If Fred was cool with it, Maxime might be, too. And she was... She says she's going to make the potions for me now, which is a weight off of our shoulders."

Fleur nods. She's beaming still.

"I can't believe you told Fred," she says.

Briar pulls a face. "I didn't mean to..."

"But you did!" says Fleur.

Briar starts to get dressed, promising Fleur she'll tell her everything after she sees her dad. She tries to not think about her grandpa, just for the time being; she tries to remind herself that it's so unlikely that she killed him, but it's still difficult. It's pathetic, actually, the thing that's talking the most sense into her is what Fred said. God, this is ridiculous of her...

By the time Briar and Livvy leave the carriage it's already eleven o'clock. The two of them manage to leave the school grounds without a teacher noticing them, but the note from Maxime is in Livvy's pocket anyway, just in case.

"I didn't think you'd tell her," says Livvy.

"Neither did I," says Briar, putting her hands in her pockets. She can see the lake in the distance, or at least the trees that line the bank, and she tries her best to avoid glancing over. She doesn't know how she feels...

She knows she doesn't love her grandpa. She might've still cared for him, maybe a little, part of her hoping that he wasn't completely bad... She knows a lot of why she was upset was because she had thought she had done it. Which sounds bad of her, but... She doesn't know. All she knows is that, miraculously, telling the person she was scared the most of finding out helped. A lot. It's as if now, she has a weight off of her shoulders, because sure, she's only known things are fine for a couple of hours, but she already feels relieved. She doesn't have to get worried, every full moon, because there's no one, at least no one close to her, that's going to question what's going on... Well, with the exception of George and Lee, but Briar'll get to them later...

They walk into The Three Broomsticks, and go up the stairs to where the rooms are. Livvy got the letter from their dad, so he leads the way, walking past the painting of a troll in a pinstriped suit, to the door marked Room 114. There's no room thirteen. 'Course.

Livvy knocks, and they wait for a minute, before their dad opens the door and lets them in. He closes the door behind them, and Briar notices the black dog in the corner, who quickly changes back into Sirius once the door's locked again. Livvy moves to sit down at the desk, after he quickly hugs their dad. Briar, however, stays standing.

"So what happened, last night?" says Remus, after he hugs Briar, too.