asking me to make a

decision

is like asking

a blind guy

to pick his favorite

physical feature

while looking in

a mirror.

yes, he could

pick from felt

experience

or possibly

past memories

or maybe

from the likes

of others -

but he will still

retain a certain

uncertainty

when he makes

the decision

or if he decides

to even try.

because he knows that

he lacks

something.

he knows that

he is not quite

qualified

in that particular

department

to attempt to

satisfy the

needs or wants

of himself

or of others.

though he isnt

to be blamed for his

hesitance

to try

or his uncertainty

to choose;

he still remains aware

of it's presence -

and that presence

of uncertainty

looms over him,

in a cloud of

guilt

grief

anger

annoyance -

but unlike others -

he doesn't only see

what he chooses to see

or make decisions based

off of his opinions

without getting a

feel for the

whole picture;

he is free of

that flaw.

his ignorance is

not chosen.

and that's where i have

to ask myself;

if my ignorance

or hesitance to

choose

is chosen -

and whether i will

actually choose

anything at all

because of the

presence of

uncertainty

looming over

my shoulder.

okay... so i havent really posted for a while...

yikes...

BUT, heres a post. i have been writing, ive just been a lil lazy and haven't posted any of them.

update on life: busy as usual, and im finally breaking free of a depressive episode. the kind of hold something like that can have on someone is devastating. but im much better now.

"The truth is, sometimes you will hurt people. Sometimes, you will hurt people, and then life will move on, and you won't have any way to apologize, or make up for it. But, your past mistakes do not define who you are now. You are allowed to move on without guilt haunting you Over things you might have done years ago. You are allowed to come to terms with the things you did that were wrong, to change, and to grow from those experiences; you will never be stuck in one spot if you will yourself to own up to it, pull yourself up, and start again."

- shark positive (on insta)