Wake up

struggle to stay awake

after a sleepless night

beaten and consumed

just barely focused

as my name is called

lifting me forward

so may I sleep again.

Ryan enters Monica's apartment, dressed in his military uniform , armed with a bouquet of roses. Phoebe stands near the window, hiding beneath a scarf.

"You have to stay back," Phoebe says, "'cause I have the pox."

Ryan moves forward, dropping his duffel bag to the ground, inching towards Phoebe . "Chicken or small?"

"Chicken!" Phoebe says, waving her hands. "Which is so ironic, considering I'm a vegetarian."

I laugh, covering my mouth.

"Emma, please. Go out. Get some fresh air," my Mom says from behind me, sighing in exasperation.

She sweeps the floor in front of the television, kicking at my feet to move them out of her way. She's interrupting my usual day of Friends binge-watching. "The boys are outside playing ball, why don't you go join them?"

I sigh. "I don't want to play baseball, it's too hot out," I say. I try to see past Mom but she moves in front of the television, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips, blocking the screen completely. She stares at me until I look up at her with narrowed eyes.

"Well then go to the mall with Andrea. She has called twice this weekend. Have you even spoken to her at all this summer?"

I shrug and nod at the same time, but we both know the only time I spoke to my best friend was on the first day of summer and that was it.

I don't want to go to the mall, it seems like too much effort. Effort and energy I don't have at the moment.

"Look, Emma. You can't become a hermit. You need to get off your ass and do something. Anything," she snaps.

She grabs the remote from my hand and turns the television off. I glare up at her in shock at what she just said. Mom never swears, unless she's really frustrated. She seems to realize this too and her eyes soften.

"I'm sorry Em, your father and I just can't stand to see you like this. I don't want you to become-"

I hold up my hand, cutting her off and stand up.

"Alright, I'll go for a walk. Happy?" I mutter, walking into the mud room to find my running shoes. Mom follows me to the door, smiling triumphantly. I know she didn't mean to snap at me, and honestly, I had been waiting for it.

"I'll be back in a bit," I say. I open the back door and step outside.

"Be careful!" She calls as the door bangs shut.

The heat hits me instantly and I wish I had stayed inside with the air conditioner. As I round the corner to the front of the house, I see a whole bunch of people playing baseball, using rocks as bases. Most of them are my brothers and a few of their friends. My younger brother, Joey, too young to play ball, sits in the sandbox talking to his imaginary friend as he plays with toy cars.

"Look who finally decided to come out of hiding," Quinn, my fourteen year old brother says, his lips twisting into a hateful smirk. He's slapped on the back of the head by Aidan, my older brother. I flip Quinn the middle finger and keep walking. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Aidan throw the ball and jog over to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Get your sweaty arm off of me," I say, throwing his arm off.

Aidan laughs but grabs my arm, forcing me to stop and face him. His brown hair is drenched with sweat and I curl my nose up at the disgusting stench coming off of him.

"Where are you going? I thought I was seeing a ghost when I saw you come out of the house," Aidan says with a laugh. He's joking, but I see the concern in his brown eyes.

"Mom said I had to get off my ass and do something, so I'm going for a walk," I say, shrugging and begin walking again.

"Do you want some company?"

"No," I say, not turning around.

"Alright, be safe," he calls, and I wave to him over my shoulder. I leave the rest of my brothers and their friends behind, opening the fence gate to the main street we live on.

We, meaning my family and I, live in a large white house that has two storeys and a few acres of land in the small neighborhood of St. Albert, Alberta. Its on the fringes of Edmonton, nice considering it only takes a half an hour to get into the city.

I am the only girl in the Taylor household, except for my mom, and sometimes that can get a little frustrating having to live with eight boys.

My oldest brother, Daniel, lives in Toronto where he goes to university but he's home for the summer. Jude, who just turned twenty three, lives in an apartment in town where he goes to university, but he hangs out home more than not.

Especially since the beginning of summer.

Everyone else lives under the same roof.

"Good afternoon, Emma," a voice calls and I glance over to see Mrs. Finch, our next door neighbor waving as I pass her house. I give her a friendly wave but continue on my walk, not wanting to be bothered with simple conversation.

Once I come to end of the street, I cross to the other side. A sudden pang makes it's way into the pit of my stomachs at the emptiness the park, a feeling of sadness. I consider stopping and turning back, but I keep going, ignoring the feeling and enter the park, which is nearly empty.

An elderly couple sit on a bench by the pond, their arms wrapped around each other. The older woman holds a bag of bread in her hand, throwing it to ducks near by. A few feet away is a playground with two small children occupying the swings, a man and woman watching over them.

I walk past them, up the trails and into the woods.

Instead of turning around and fleeing back home into the comfortableness of my bed, like I want to, I make my way up the familiar ragged paths, sniffing the scent of the summer air that fills with trees and flowers. I kick at the stones, remembering the first time I was ever here.

I was six and Dad brought me. We went fishing in the lake that was a few miles ahead. Since then, it had become my favourite spot. I love the nature and beauty of it and have come everyday since.

I was twelve when my parents had let me come by myself for the first time.

"Don't be gone too long, and make sure you are home before supper!" My mom shouts after me as I grab my shoes and run out the door. My brother's are at baseball practice or in the basement playing video games, so I can easily get out without one of the bugging me. It only takes me five minutes to get to the park by running.

When I finally reach the park gates, I'm huffing and puffing but I'm free. It's a relief to be somewhere with out one of my parents or brothers to watch over me. There aren't many other people in the park, so I run through the paths, my arms wide open. When I stop at the end of the path, remembering I'm not allowed to be near the lake or cliff without someone else with me but decide against my parents order and skip to the ledge of the cliff that over looked the lake and sit down.

Half of me feels rebellious, the other half I knowing if I'm caught, I'll be grounded. But I stay, enjoying the view and the peace and quiet. Daydreaming and not paying attention, it startled me when I hear rustle in the leaves behind me. I jump up, hoping it isn't the monster Jude says it preys in the park woods.

To my surprise, it's Tyler, my little brother. I narrow my eyes, and he gives a small smile.

"What are you doing?" I ask, a little too harsh. "Did you follow me?" Ty shrugs and walks towards me, planting himself on the ground beside me.

"No. Yes. Kind of. Ben wouldn't let me play with them, so I followed you," he says, with a smirk.

Ty isn't like the rest of our brothers, he'd rather write and draw than catch a ball and play video games. I think that's what makes us close, that and he is easier to get along with.

"I thought Dad said you weren't allowed to be up here?" My little brother asks, a slow grin spreading on to his lips. I see that a plan is forming in his mind. "If you let me stay with you, I won't tell Dad you came up here."

The little bugger is blackmailing me. I sigh. Ty smiles and wraps his arms around me.

To be honest, I don't mind him being there. And that is the first day in our unspoken sibling-ship that we would stick together. It is also the start of coming to the park with Tyler everyday after school.

Coming to an intersection in the path, I stop. I have the option of going right or left. Going left would mean continuing the trail and right would lead you the lake, and my favourite spot St. Albert's cliff.

I begin to go left, not wanting to turn right, when a something catches my eye. It's a grey, shiny plaque embedded into a rock. In bold cursive letter's, it reads:

Memories rush back, memories I'm not ready for as I hear the sound of my brothers laughter rumble in my head it brings tears to my eyes. I turn, unable to handle the pain and memories, running back down the trail, wanting to get home.

Abruptly, I hit a hard surface, landing on the ground with a thud. I wince when pain erupts in my right side. There are muttered curses a few feet away and then a familiar face comes into view and blue eyes look down on me with concern.

"Emma? Are you alright?" Austin Moore asks, obviously surprised to see me here. He's in the same grade as my brothers Aidan and Ben, a senior.

"Fine, it's just not everyday you get trampled," I say, trying to joke, hoping he doesn't see the tears on my cheeks.

He rolls his eyes, stands up and dusts off his shorts before offering his hand down.

"I did not trample you," he says, laughing. After a moment, he clears his throat. "Are you sure you're alright though?" He asks, looking over my hands and face.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you" I say. We stand in awkward silence. "I should get going."

He waves before spinning back around. "Tell Aidan I can't make it tonight."

And he's gone, just as fast as he came.

By the time I walk into the front door, my parents and Joey are in the kitchen, setting the table. Joey breaks into a grin when he sees me and hugs me. I ruffle his hair, making him swat my hand away and go back to Mom's side.

The kitchen is built off the living room and is the biggest room in the entire house, for obvious reasons. The table holds seating space for at least fifteen people.

"How was your walk? Where did you go?" Dad asks, coming into the kitchen, holding a pot of potatoes, setting it down on the table.

"Well hello to you to Dad," I say, laughing. My Dad is tall and very big, but muscular. He smiles and gives me a side hug before going back into the kitchen.

"Why don't you go get washed up? Supper will be a few minutes," my mom says as she slaps Joey's hand away from the meat.

Upstairs, it's quiet which is unusual.

The upstairs is where all the bed rooms are, except for Mom and Dad's and Joey's. The first door, near the stairs is Daniels, and next to it is Jude's, which we use now for spare rooms when need them. There is a bathroom in the next room, across from the stairs and then it's my room. Next to my room, is Ben and Aidan's. Logan's and Owen's room is next to theirs and then there is Quinn's. There is an empty bedroom, which belonged to Tyler, but no one goes in there.

I try to go in the bathroom but the door is locked.

"Would you hurry up!" I shout and the door opens sharply. Quinn steps out, giving me a nasty glare. He shoulders past me, bumping my side that I fell on and stomps down the stairs. I sigh and close the door to the bathroom to wash my hands.

Ever since Tyler's death, Quinn has hated me. Like, full out hate. He doesn't hide his comments around Mom and Dad either. I don't blame him, he has a right to blame me.

"Em? Supper!" One of my brothers call, and there is heavy footsteps on the stairs, which sounds like a herd of elephants. I head down stairs, smiling when I hear Mom scolding Joey for messing in his food. All my brothers are here, even Daniel and Jude.

Dad hands me a plate and I put a spoon full of potatoes and peas, while Mom gives me a slab of roast beef and I go to the fridge to get a can of Pepsi before I sit down in my seat next to Aidan and Jude.

Jude grins when I hand him a can of pop. Aidan glares when he notices I didn't bring him one, but Ben sits next to Aidan, giving him a Coke.

"At least someone looks out for me," Aidan says, smirking in my direction.

"No, Ben just knows you're lazy, and won't get one." I retort, and Jude chuckles beside me. Aidan narrows his eyes.

"I'm not lazy," he says, in a failing attempt to defend himself.

"Yeah, bro. You are," Daniel says, laughing.

"Whose side are you on?" Aidan snaps at our oldest brother, glaring.

"Its the truth," Daniel says, shooting his blue eyes at me and winking.

"How is Aidan lazy when you've spent the whole summer hiding away in you room?" Quinn picks, smirking. Logan, who is sitting beside him, pinches him on the arm.

This is what Quinn does; he argues and criticizes everything I say just to let me know that he hates me. I don't say anything, just stare at Quinn. He knows he upsets me, though I try to show that it doesn't bother me.

"Enough Quinn." Dad warns, and conversation starts up again. Jude and Daniel talk about their classes that start on Tuesday, and Mom asks about Daniels flight to Toronto tomorrow night.

I keep quiet and think about my day. Specifically, my run in with Austin. Aidan and Austin have been friends since junior high, when they both signed up for softball.

"So, is everyone excited for school?" There is a collective groan from all of us and both of our parents burst into laughter. I'm not excited for school, nothing about St. Albert's High excites me.

At least not this year.

"Me! I'm excited! I get to finally go. Oh, I'm so excited!" Joey squeals, throwing his hands up, He rambles on and on about going to school. I laugh as Aidan and Logan tease him about girls.

"Girls have cooties! I will never kiss a girl!" Joey shouts at Aidan, who is trying to get Joey to tell us about the little girl Alice who he has a crush on in pre-school.

"What about Emma? Does she have cooties?" Mom asks. Joey looks at me, smiling. He is totally going to be a heart breaker once he gets to high school.

"Nope. Emmie is my sissy. She doesn't have cooties." Joey smiles and blows me a kiss. I catch it and slap my hand on my cheek, the action sending my little brother into a fit of giggles.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Quinn roll his eyes.

"Hey Mom, can I invite someone over tomorrow?" Daniel asks once Joey is too busy focused on trying to feed Logan his food, successfully smashing some of his peas into Logan's ear.

"Of course. Oh, James I forgot the dessert today. Can you pick it up on your way home from work?" Dad nods as he takes a sip from his diet coke.

Tomorrow is the last day of summer. And also the day of the gathering my family held with half the neighbour hood.

I had completely forgotten about it until now.

I thought that since after what happened at the first of the summer, Mom would cancel. For a while they were planning on it, but then they decided it would be okay to invite a few people over, close family friends. Like Andrea's family. And Austin's.

Usually, Dad cooks on the BBQ, while the kids play and then after everyone had eaten, we set off fireworks and the older kids swim in the lake behind our house. Usually, I look forward to it because it was the end of summer bash.

"May I be excused?" I ask and my Mom looks at me with worried eyes but she nods anyway. I take my plate to the sink and left the kitchen, heading up stairs to my bedroom. Its painted blue and green with a corner window viewing the back yard. My bed is in the middle of the room and a night stand sits beside it.

I shut the door, locking it and crawl into my bed. I reach under my pillows and take out a green leather bound journal. It's a poetry book, one I've been writing in for a few years.

Writing has become the only thing that helps me cope.