Hate

a powerful word

to describe people we loath

or a word we simply don't mean

but we say it to describe

how hurt we are

during an emotional hype

after we calm down

we regret what we said

after wishing people we love

were dead

hurting them

realizing it was a mistake

to say the words

of destruction

our loved ones ache

from the simple words

they couldn't take.

"I hate you!" Quinn screams again, shoving me weakly. Tears well up in his eyes, but he wipes them away. His words hit me like a ton of bricks. They made me shake with anger. Before my dad can grab either of us, I shove Quinn back, and he stumbles back into the wall.

"I know you do Quinn! You say it all the time!" I scream, throwing up my hands. I've had enough of this kids attitude, deciding to finally give him a piece of my mind. "I just don't know why! Why do you constantly insist that Tyler's death was my fault? He's gone! He's not coming back! Just accept it!"

Tears seep through, running down my cheeks like a waterfall. I don't bother wiping them away.

"He's gone because of you! I can't just accept it! He's dead because you didn't look after him!" Quinn sobs, but his face is full of anger. My mom is in the kitchen, looking at us with tears in her eyes.

Loud stomps come down the stairs, and all my brothers surrounding us. They look about ready to jump in and tackle the two of us, however, before they can do anything, my dad grabs a hold of Quinn, hooking his arms around his forearms.

"If you had looked after him better, he would still be here," Quinn says, pointing his finger at me.

"Sometimes I wish you had died instead of Tyler! We would have been better off," he says, rattling off other insults but I'm not focused on what he's said.

I wish you had died instead of Tyler.

My heart feels like it is breaking. A pain in my chest starts to form, and I looks at Quinn in the eyes. He stops talking, waiting for me to speak. I remember Tyler, laying there in the middle of the road, blood seeping everywhere.

When I found him, he was barely breathing, his face almost unrecognizable because blood covered his face.

"I wish I had died too," I mumble and hear my mom gasp. I see my brothers stiffen. Its obvious nobody expects me to say those words. They are true, they just won't admit it like I will. I would do anything to bring my little brother back, even if it meant I was dead.

"Emma, honey. Don't say that," my mom cries, I ignore her. Instead I looks around the room, tears running down my face. My hands tremble from all the sadness and anger that run through me.

"I wish I had died instead of Tyler," I admit to my family. Memories of that night invade me. For so long, I've kept them from destroying me, but tonight they come freely, uncontrollably as they devour me into a pit of grief.

"Tyler wanted to jump of the cliff, to celebrate the start of summer. I told him we didn't have time. But really, I was afraid. I am afraid of heights."

"Tyler, come on. Mom is cooking your favourite tonight!" I stand at the edge of trail, watching my brother at the edge of the cliff. He laughs, calling me a chicken and dancing with his arms flapping around.

"I am not joking. Come on," I yell, and Tyler sighs but does as I say. I turn around and start to head down the trail to go home. Footsteps pound on the ground behind me, and Tyler runs past, hitting my shoulder.

"You're it!" And he laughs as he races ahead, around the corner out of sight.

"If I had just watched him closer, made sure he didn't go out of my sight, maybe he would still be alive," I say and I'm crying now, covering my hands with my face. Quinn struggles in dad's grip but doesn't get loose.

Jude and Aidan come to comfort me, but I wave them away with my hands. Mom comes over to stand by my side and I back away, not wanting anyone to touch me.

"Just leave me alone," I say angrily. I look Quinn straight in the face. "You are a selfish brat, who doesn't appreciate anything. But right now, we agree on one thing. I wish I was dead because I would do anything for him to be here today."

Before anyone can stop me, I turn and high tail it out of the house. Mom yells at me to come back, and I feel my brothers running behind me after I'm out of the house. I run faster, weaving in and out of the trees to lose them.

I slow down and look back and no one is behind me. My brothers must have lost track of me. I stop running, and look around. I'm in the middle of the woods, the park woods. It's cold, the ice cold wind bringing goose bumps to my skin and chills through my body.

My lungs feel as if they'll explode.

I don't have a jacket on, only the t-shirt. Its dark, and I can barely see, only the stars in the sky shine bright. It starts raining too, cold drops splattering on me, soaking my cloths and hair. Wanting to think, and be alone, I sit under a bunch of trees, wrapping my arms around my knees and looking up into the sky.

I wonder if Tyler is up there, looking down on me. I wonder what he would say if he saw me now. How disappointed would he be? The thoughts send me into a whole new round of tears.

I want to see my little brother.

I want him here with me, with our family. We needed him here, to make our family complete again.

My eyes burn, drooping shut. Its only second before darkness encircles me, leaving me shivering on the cold, damp ground as I fall asleep.

Sirens wail through the air as we follow the ambulance that my brother is in. Aidan holds me closely, comforting me as Dad speeds into the hospital entrance. All of us get out of the car, following the paramedics as they wheel the stretcher into the ER. Mom follows them in, holding Tyler's hand.

Nurses and doctors surround him, starting to assess the damage. They ask Mom and Dad questions as the doctors wheeling Tyler away into a private room that is restricted for us. Quinn, Aidan and I see on the chairs in the waiting area, waiting for any news.

My parents come back over to the waiting room, my dad hugging my mom as she cries. This is the first time I have ever seen my mom cry in front of us. It makes me worried, like Tyler isn't going to live.

"Did you call your brothers?" my dad asks Aidan.

I feel Aidan nod behind me. They talk more but I block everything out, deep in my own thoughts. It isn't until Logan, Owen, Ben, and Jude show up that I wake up from the dream like state.

They rush into the ER waiting room, frantically looking around until the spot us. My dad explains what happened; Tyler has been hit by a car. The doctors explain that he's bleeding internally, his spleen had ruptured and his brain is swelling.

Basically, he is saying the chances of Tyler making it out of that room alive is a miracle. My older brothers don't show their emotions, but Ben comes to Aidan and leans on his shoulder, hiding his face.

My dad calls the day care Joey is staying at, asking them to keep awhile longer. Logan comforts our mom and Owen calls Daniel, who is already on a plane home. Jude switches places with Aidan, pulling me into his arm.

I hear him gasp."Emma, what happened, are you hurt?!"

He must see the blood on my hands.

Jude checks me over for injuries, forcing a nurse to to look for any sign of trauma. I have pain, but nothing medicine will cure.

I'm still covered in Tyler's blood. My hands a deep red, looking like my own hands are bleeding.

I have no injuries, only the one in my heart. After hours of waiting, a doctor comes out of the operating room.

He looks grief- stricken, and I instantly know what the results are.

My little brother didn't make it.

Tyler is dead.

It's still raining when I wake up, shivering and still on the ground. I'm so cold my fingers and arms are white and every muscle, joint, and bone in my body throbs in pain. Standing up, my footing is off balance, and I fall against the tree. After a moment, breathlessness, I regain my balance and start the journey home; even though that's the last place I want to be.

There is a sad, a hollow feeling in my stomach, clouding my thoughts as come out of the woods in St. Albert park and walk along the sidewalk. I try crossing my arms over my chest to heat myself up, but it doesn't work.

I cross the street and I hear tires screech. I look up at the last moment to see a truck but its too late to move.

My body is thrown to the ground and a loud crack echoes as my head hits the pavement.

Everything is silent, then dark.