y'all gotta listen to this ^^

Deku was gone when we woke up. We thought about finding him but decided to look around his room. I opened his closet and found this shoe box. "Kira." He walked over to me.

We found 13 notebooks titled "mental analysis." We both grabbed one and in the notebooks it talked about everything.

What he ate, did, the drugs he did, how he felt, what he didn't like...everything. They were dated and timed. One page was about me.

1/03/18 2:13 am

Today Kacchan had asked me out. When he did my face was soooo red! I didn't know what to do so I just nodded my head. I ran to Kiras house because I wanted to tell him everything. He already knows I like Kacchan. I talk about him all the time. Oh my gosh this is will be so embarrassing If Kira and Kacchan find these! I think this was probably the best day ever.

I frown at the letter and closed the book grabbing the 13th book. Maybe about half of the note book was done.

3/16/20 3:21 am

I honestly have no fucking clue what I'm doing with me life. I'm really tired, I haven't even slept yet so I'm about to do that. Kira keeps coming over and asking if I'm fine. It gets on my nerves but I know he cares for me. I tried p.c.p for the time yesterday. It was kinda weird. Kira always says I'm wasting my life away, I honesty just don't care. I just want to get high and possibly be too high and walk in front of a train. I'd rather be intoxicated and kill my self than be aware of it.

Without Kacchan i don't feel stable in a odd way. I'm a miniputive asshole who doesn't care if i drop dead. I feel myself becoming more and more like my parents each day. That's kinda why I'm also glad Kacchan had broken things off. I wouldn't want him to see me like this, but part of me doesn't care. I mean we're all going to die one day.

"Fuck." I wipe my eyes and close the book shut. "Alright let's move onto something else." Kira looked in his night stand and found weed, condoms, and edibles. "Don't worry I gave him the weed and edibles for helping me...of course before this all happened."

He took the weed and edibles and put it in a trash bag. The front door opened, be barely had time to look! "Shit shit shit." Kira started to panic.

He walked out to see him on the couch curled in a blanket. He stared and the floor crying. "Deku..." he ignored me. Kira and I walk closer to him. He got up and hugged me, I was taken aback but hugged him back.

"I'm sorry." I look at Kira and he gives me a confused look. "For what Zuzu?"

"I didn't want you guys to see me like that." I sigh hugging Deku tighter. I haven't hugged him in so long... I miss it. He starts crying harder. I lay Deku down and kiss his head, "get some sleep okay? We'll talk about this later." He looks up at me, "I love you."

He closes his eyes and starts to go to bed. I take Kira to his room and close the door. "He needs fucking help, and two teenagers can't do that." "I already did that! Before I asked for your help, he bailed out on me and I didn't see him for two weeks."

I just don't know what to do. He's always gone, asleep, restless, or crying. When we went back in the living room he was fucking gone. "What the fuck!?" He ran downstairs into the car. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" He starts hitting the steering wheel. "The fucking heroine is gone!"