Y'all wanna silence me so bad, huh? Y'all need to know that silencing me won't do shit... The situation won't change, and the problem won't get any better.

~

Azrael

~

Growing up in the mafia, I've been taught three things: women are suppose to look after their husbands, they are only for a man's satisfaction, and they are suppose to be trophy wives.

My mother is an example. She lived a life full of fear and pain.

The woman was never allowed to be free, she was caged. She was never allowed to be herself, and she was also denied the privilege of being a mother.

Yes, she birthed me and did the necessary things when I was very young. But as I grew older, I was pulled away from her... I was told to not be in her presence.

"You, my son, are going to be a leader. In our world, a man is suppose to be working on expanding the businesses, and then he can spend time with women... Be it your wife or a puta. After all, women are only of good use in the bedroom."

My uncle, my father's right hand man, always said the words to me. He always called me weak when I wanted to be with my mother.

My father on the other hand, was busy getting it from the maids and mistresses he had.

Mother always had tears in her eyes, smiling only when she was in my presence.

Yes, I was been pulled away from her, but I still sneaked out to see her when the old bastards were out.

I was caught a few times, though. And everytime I was caught I would get a beating or two.

And Mom would be punished by my father and Uncle, who would rape her without me knowing.

When I did catch the two in the act, I went into shock. I didn't know how to react, till the sounds of Mom's cries brought me back to reality.

I remember pulling out my gun, pulling the trigger as fast as I could, killing both the men in cold blood.

My blood was boiling, my heart racing as anger filled my soul. The gun shots attracted a maid's attention, and she luckily ran into the room, covering my mother with a bedsheet.

I remember walking out of the basement, where the punishments always happened, and into the little garden that was behind the house.

I felt disgusted. I felt horrible. I felt ashamed. I felt like a failure.

My mother was getting hurt, and it was my fucking fault. I didn't protect her when I was suppose to. I should have stayed away from her like I was instructed.

But I couldn't. I couldn't stay without seeing the woman that wanted to give me a normal life, a life full of love and happiness.

I knew that she had no one to be friends with. She was sold to the mafia at the age of fourteen, having me at the age of fifteen... She was never allowed to live like other girls or women.

Being brought up in the mafia, I was told that my wife was getting groomed. She was going to be mine when she hits puberty, and I had to wait for her to be ready.

I was ten when I was told those words, and the girl I was told about wasn't even born.

I knew this because I was a curious child. I hid inside Dad's office once and I heard him talking to one of his councilors, who was trying to convince him to let me marry his daughter when she becomes of age.

The daughter was a month old, if I remember correctly. I was silently praying for father to say no to the deal.

I was young, yes, but growing up in such an environment, I knew a lot more than a twenty year old.

I didn't want another person to come into this life. I didn't want to hear anyone cry in their sleep. I didn't want to rob a girl of her future.

The joy I felt when the old man said no was something I can't explain. I thought the girl was saved from this messed up life. I thought she would be happy.

Till I heard that the bastard she calls father wanted to get her raped.

~

"You spoke to him?" I ask Seth, seating down in my chair.

My men, hearing my voice, stand up, acknowledging my presence.

I wave a hand, gesturing them to sit down, which they do, silently going back to their food.

"Yeah, I did... He told me that he'll be free in a hour or two. You can catch him at his estate." Seth mumbles, loud enough for me to hear.

"Alright. Will you be coming with me?" I ask, to which Seth says no.

"Why not?" I confusingly ask, murmuring a thanks to the maid that serves my food.

"I have plans... I got a girl to meet after this," Seth says, gulping his glass of wine.

"Is it Ashley?" I ask, ignoring the voices of my men, who have resumed their talking.

I hate noise, and I truly hope they talk silently amongst themselves. Otherwise, I'll do something that will just make them fear me more than they do.

I might be kind and understanding to people, but that doesn't mean I'm a sane person. I have a lot to think about, and these people talk like they are in clubs sometimes.

"Hell, no it isn't!" Seth replies, looking at me like an idiot. "That girl is stupid and too money hungry. She tried to steal from me on the first date. I told you about this, remember?" Seth asks.

I can tell that he is upset with my ignorance. I do remember him telling me the girl's name, but I don't remember the rest.

Can you blame me, though? I'm always working. I don't have time for chitchat, unless my work is completed; which is very rare.

"Oh, I think you forgot to tell me about that." I state, placing my fork down.

"Whatever," Seth replies, standing up from his seat.

I watch him as he walks out of the dinning room, sighing as I follow behind him.

I might be heartless, but I can't watch my brother hurting because of me. I know that I am far from being a good brother, but I can't sit knowing that someone I care about is angry with me.

Seth has no one, except for mother and I. And I know he feels lonely, and I don't want that.

"Seth," I sigh, catching up with him. We walk inside the garden, walking towards the seats on the opposite side.

Feeling anxious, I decide to start speaking.

"I know that you think I don't care about you, but I do... It's just that my head is usually stuck behind a file. The business is always calling for my attention, and even when I'm seated idle; my mind wanders back to work. I always end up wondering if everything is going smoothly. I'm sorry for being a shitty brother and friend." I ramble as we seat down on the benches, both of us looking at the fortune, which is lion shaped.

It takes a while, but Seth finally replies, his eyes now on the dogs that are running around the garden.

"Azrael, I know you're always busy and I also know that talking about our feelings is forbidden in the mafia... But I just thought you would be paying a lot more attention to me when I tell you about my life; I could be sick and I am pretty sure you'll just be nodding your head, congratulating me on the sickness... Dude, I know that you care about me and I appreciate it, I guess I just have to understand that you aren't like a normal person. Your head will always be filled with guns and paperwork; it will never have storage for anything else... Expect maybe, Don Shawn's daughter." Seth rambles, trying to change the topic.

Seth, like me, was not raised to show emotions. And even though we try to communicate our feelings, it still feels awkward.

Being told that men should never apologize and that talking about our feelings is total bullshit, is something that will always be stuck in our heads.

"Only weaklings talk about feelings. Real men find a way of releasing their anger; either they fight it out or they bed a whore." Father's councilors always told Seth and I when we argued.

Honestly speaking, their words were and are stupid.

The men are in their seventies. Yet, all that is in their heads is sex and money, nothing else.

Seth and I never did fight, we just ignored the men's remarks, moving on from the problem.

But now a days we try to talk out our problems, not wanting to have pent up anger within us.

Pent up anger leads to nothing but hate and pain.

"Does that mean that I'm forgiven or...?"

"Of course you're forgiven. You're my superior and boss, if I don't forgive you then my bank account will suffer the circumstances." Seth murmurs the last part, both of us chuckling afterwards.

"I promised to never do that again." I state, remembering the time I froze Seth's accounts.

We both argued and I had to do something, because I didn't want to apologize to him.

I have a big ego, and even though I apologized a few minutes ago, I ain't going to apologize to him for a long time to come.

I sound dumb, I know. But I can't depart from what I have been taught, I tried it before and I began doing everything wrong.

My world is different from other people's worlds. Everything and anything I do can and will ruin me... It might even lead to my death.

"Whatever, man... I have to leave now," I stand up from the bench, passing my hand through the little wrinkles that have graced my suit.

"Alright. Give Vivian a kiss for me," Seth murmurs, a smirk on his face.

I don't know why, but his words irritate me. I don't like the words Vivian and kiss coming from Seth's mouth, it doesn't sound right to me.

"I'll do that, only if I can put a bullet through your thick head." I say, kissing the front of my teeth, my hands in my pocket.

Seth hearing the seriousness in my voice, sits up straight, clearing his voice with nervousness.

"Forget what I said... You both might end up killing me and I still have a lot to live for. I don't know what I have to live for, but I know that I have to live for someone or something." He mutters the last sentence, walking towards the dogs before I can say anything to him.

I chuckle when I see this, knowing fully well that I have scared him away. Seth might treat me like an older brother, but the man doesn't do a good job at hiding his fear.

He does have the right to fear me, though. I might be smiling at him now, but I'm a ticking bomb... Anything and everything can upset me, and that would lead to a diaster.

Turning around, I begin to walk towards my garage, grabbing the car keys from my guard, who looks scared.

I am not going to take anyone with me to this meeting. I have a mole in my house, and I am not going to risk them ruining what I've worked hard to build.

I pack my car a very good distance away from Don Shawn's house, walking towards a car that has his initials as a number plate.

One of his guards opens the car doors, allowing me inside. I thank the man, getting inside with a sigh.

It's stupid of me to go to such an important man's house without protection, but I rather go there with nothing but my gun then have a tracking device under my car.

Don Shawn's house is in a deserted area and a lot of people don't even know about it, they know the little house he has in the town center.

The man lives a double life, and even though people know that he is dangerous, they don't know that the man is the leader of the English mafia and his little trouble maker is the heiress.

The future queen of one of the biggest mafia's in the world.