it was odd at how my heart still aches even now. the sky gave a sign of tears and the sun smiled one last time before disappearing behind the dark clouds. i looked at the place i feared the most and i hate how it made me feel so weak.

the start of my day was bad, my house didn't feel like a home anymore. the warmth was always gone and the coldness wrapped my body instead. i kept my head up as i walked on the hallway, ignoring the loud chattering of students.

i hesitated to bring my hand up towards the door, afraid of the nightmare that'll come in front of me. but i have no choice, i just have to endure another week of torture. i slid the door opened and this time, i held my head down.

the sounds of laughter and the chalk making contact with the board. i glanced at it and saw one of the student drawing the scene from last time. i knew it was me, but i didn't bother to speak up and just went towards my seat.

the student continued on drawing and even if the laughter died out a bit, the stares never stopped.

"and there goes the egg, startling our poor (l/n)." the student draw a line connecting to my figure on the board and draw an egg flying on my face.

even though that never really happened, they wish that there wasn't any window to block me from that hit. i don't know when everything started to become worse, but it all started in my first year, when i couldn't present anything on mother's day.

and the words that i received added more pain inside me.

"shut up," i mumbled and buried my head on my desk, feeling the flow of my tears coming out, "please, leave me alone."

i cried silently while being surrounded by laughters that stabbed me.

it was around seven thirty pm, their volleyball practice has already ended. kenma and kuroo seems to be bickering about something, despite kuroo being the only one loud, i can see the visible irritation on kenma's face.

kuroo then cleared his throat and walked beside me, "sooo, (l/n)." he said awkwardly.

i rose a brow at him, "why are you so tensed?" i asked and he tensed more at my question which caused me to sigh.

"well uh... there's this dude we saw at the convenience store and— uh, wait— hold on," and he ran off to kenma's sighed, whispering something on the boy's ear that i was not capable of hearing.

my eyebrows furrowed at his strange actions and how kenma sighed and just nodded his head after.

"yeah so he's with a girl, it was like raining that day also and they were you know— under an umbrella, but—"

"we saw tsukishima with a girl near the convenience store." kenma mumbled and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

and i thought my day couldn't get worse. i knew about him meeting a girl, i knew that it isn't going to be me, but the fact that i've been reminded about it once again really broke me more. the fact that my friends even saw him with her.

"o-oh, okay? what does that have to do with me?" i asked, not showing a hint of nervousness or sadness even though i'm crying inside already.

before kuroo can respond with that teasing grin, kenma cut him off, "kuroo thinks you like tsukishima."

well he's not wrong.

"really?" i faked a smile and looked at kuroo who glared at kenma, meanwhile the pudding boy just gave him a blank face, probably judging his childish actions.

"do you though?" kuroo asked and averted his eyes on me.

i avoided any eye contact, i can feel him eager for my answer, even kenma is silent and interested to know as he kept on glancing at my way.

i sighed, what's the point on lying? it's not like my feelings will get accepted. and i knew how much it'll be hard for me to find someone like that, someone who'll get my attention again.

somehow, i wish that i don't have to anymore. despite him not being my first, i wish that he will be my last.

i wish i'm that girl.

"yeah, i like tsukishima."