"Yo, pass me a bottle man" Jasper shouts from the couch across and gets tossed a beer from some random man.

"Finally decided to come back for fun, Heath?" Hanna asks me but I don't say anything to her, I wasn't trying to talk about me.

That was the whole point of coming here, to forget. I chug down the rest of the alcohol in my hand and take a third in front of me.

I'd been spending the last week or two here, this was the place where some friends from college and I would hang out. Though, I hadn't been here in a couple of months, I always returned.

Because there was always something I wanted to forget or get my mind off of. Like right fucking now.

Everything and everyone pissed me off even at the slightest interaction. I wanted to shout at anyone who even looked at me, I was easily irked right now but I didn't care. They can leave me alone.

"Where have you been? Haven't seen you here since the cops came that one time, remember that?" Jasper chuckles, looking completely out of it.

If he looked that bad, I imagine how bad I looked. He'd taken more hard shit than me but we pretty much drank the same amount.

If I was in the mood to answer, it's not like I could anyway because I felt tired as fuck and my head was spinning. But this is the feeling I wanted to endure by coming here.

The loud music didn't help at all and not even this much beer could solve my problems. I take deep breaths as I look around feeling that same anxious feeling I've felt for the past couple of weeks.

I look down at my wrist where the colorful bracelet Thalia made me stayed, I never took it off. It was resourceful in some way as I'd play with the circly flower beads on it. That and because she made it for me.

I think back to the day she came to my house, she came in ready to apologize for my mood because she thought she was the reason behind it. I didn't feel like correcting her at the time but now I was feeling guilty because she doesn't deserve that.

I don't deserve her.

She was too good and she has a good future ahead of her. Not like me, at least I still had a future thanks to her.

I look up to see a passed out Jasper on the couch, just like he would always get after hitting it too hard. Hanna was being her usual self and taking selfies of herself as she drank straight from the bottle.

I reach into my pocket and for the first time in weeks, I read my messages. Which was a lot but at the time seemed like a good fucking thing to do.

I open the first message on top, from Duke realizing he'd called and texted me a few hundred times. But I didn't want to talk to him, he knew how I got and would try to say some corny shit to make me feel better.

I scroll a little further up at his same repetitive texts until I stop at a picture that catches my eye.

My date for today 💗

I read the caption he wrote along with the picture of Thalia eating a waffle in front of him. It seemed like a picture taken when she wasn't looking but seeing as the message wasn't as recent, I wonder how long those two have been spending time together.

Is that what they've been doing all this time? Was she spending time with him? I didn't want her to talk to him like she talks to me. I don't want her making the same jokes she makes with me. I don't want her doing anything she does to me with him.

I know Duke was probably pretending to hit on her but I didn't like the actual thought of him going along with it.

I find myself missing her presence already, this wasn't even the first time either. My thoughts would slip up and think of her making me ache for her.

I go into her messages and realize she'd texted me everyday since I last saw her.

It's me Thalia, sorry if I'm being annoying. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Are you feeling better today? I hope you are :)

Did you like my gift? :)

I miss annoying you and Beau of course! I hope you feel better <3

I read through her messages which seem to sober me up quickly and sit up straight. She'd been texting me all this time with all this nice shit, because that's just who she was.

Even after I fucking yelled at her. If I didn't feel guilty before, I really did now. Especially as I remember just as she had left my house that day, I threw away her flowers in the trash.

I kept the bag where it was but I was too angry that I threw away her fucking flowers. Fuck. I sigh as I read all of her nice messages she'd left me, not one was a single mean one. I read up to her most recent one, from yesterday.

Hey, it's Thalia. I don't know if you forgot, you probably have, it's okay. Tomorrow is my graduation, you're still invited if you want to come of course. Starts at 4pm. I really hope you do. If not, it's okay. I miss talking to you. I hope you're in a better mood :)

Shit. The second I finished reading that message I look at the time and stood up feeling as my head still spun from how much I've been drinking.

It was a little past three and I knew if I didn't leave now, I'd be late. And I didn't want to not show up to her graduation. If she wanted me there, I'll be there. Fuck, she was too sweet.

"Leaving already man? You better not ghost us again like you did for the last three months." Zach said as he sat on the couch, lining up whatever hard drug he was using now.

"Whatever, I'm leaving " I scoff and get out of this place. I walked to my car down the street, feeling myself stumble on my own feet.

I look down at the cracks of the side walk and fucking walk over them. Thalia had me walking over damn cracks for fucks sake, even when she wasn't with me something always reminded me of her.

I open the door to my car and drive slowly, I knew I wasn't in the right mind to drive but I needed to get home. It took me five minutes to get to my house and I walked into the same quiet house, I've been stuck in for the past weeks.

I go into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge as I sit on the stool to get myself together. The pink glittery bag caught my attention from across the room and I instantly move to get it.

Putting it on the table I open the bag and reach into it. I put the pink pig slippers on the table and open the note that came with it.

Surprise! Did you expect these baby's?

I know you said you didn't like them much but I wanted to get you something, plus now we can match. Yay, I bet you're just as excited about that as I am. I'm sorry for making you upset when I came over, I'll try to work on what I say. I know I can be too much, I hope you can forgive me. I really do like spending time with you, you're my special friend;) and I miss giving you kisses. Anyway I want you to know that I'm really sorry and I mean it. Thank you for putting up with me, it actually means a lot to me.

- xoxo Thalia :)

I read the note and realize how bad I messed up. She wrote a whole apology note when she didn't even do anything wrong. I could guess what she'd put herself through this whole time, thinking she was to blame for my outburst.

I hated the fact that I let my issues get the best of me and I reacted out of anger with her, she's the last person I'd want to hurt. I guess I did miss her and how much she annoyed me at times but every time she was around, I didn't have any bad thoughts. All I thought about was her. She'd have my full attention that I didn't need to think about anything else.

She was my peace. Even though that's corny as fuck, I knew it was true. I'll try to make things better with her. I quickly fixed myself up and showered to get rid of the alcohol stench.

I drove to the address she'd sent me a while ago, I felt a little bit tipsy still but I had to shake it the fuck off because I wanted to be in the right mind set when I saw her. I don't want her seeing the drunken, fucked up side of me.

When I got to the school, there was a crowd of people already. I looked around for her but I couldn't see shit. I stumbled over to the entrance and tried to get through but some guy put his hands on me.

"Can't get through anymore. It started a while ago, buddy." The man says, I saw the word 'security' printed on the front of his shirt and shook my head.

"I'm invited. Let me in." My words sound sloppy and I knew he noticed that but I didn't care, I just wanted to get in.

"Alright, I see. Sorry but it's 4:20 and I was told to not let anyone in after 4. How bout you head back to wherever you came from." The buff man slightly pushes me back and I start to get frustrated.

"Ok, don't touch me." I point my finger, which was something I never fucking did. It's Thalia, she's always in my head.

"Just let me in." I try to get through and he crosses his arms.

"Please" I mumble, purposely. Knowing if Thalia was here, she'd want me to use my manners.

"Sorry, can't. It's not just you, other people have been trying to get in. There's limited space." He says again and I try to refrain from punching him.

"Fine." I turn around and walk away from his sight. Then walk around the fence and decide to climb it. I wasn't going to miss her graduation, especially if I was already here. Fuck that.

I stumble as I walk and knew I would likely end up hurting myself because I was still tipsy. But I don't care. I climb over the fence and land on my ass.

"Fuck." I groan and stand up, realizing I fell on a pile of leaves and sticks. I brush it off and walk towards the ceremony.

I stood to the side and kept quiet as some old man spoke about how proud he was of the upperclassman this year. Same shit they'd said at mine.

The graduates sat in the front and I couldn't make up which one was Thalia from the back of their heads. I just wanted the old man to stop talking so that it would be done with.

I hope she knew that I showed up and was here. I missed her.

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A/N

Thanks for reading everyone 💕

7/24/22