Chapter Twenty-Two

In a weird, empty sort of haze, you made your way to the living room with the television. You didn't really want to watch anything, but something about the room made you feel like it was a good place to contemplate the situation you had found yourself in. There was a part of you that felt like you needed to intervene with all the weird arguments that have been surrounding you, rather than tell yourself you're not truly involved.

Your mind rang back to Jenna's warnings back when you had shown up at this place. You wondered if she had foreseen any of this craziness, or if this was just dumb drama. It felt like dumb drama. The easiest way to deal with this would be to refuse both Jason and Suki's advances, and anyone else that confessed, but that put an ache in your heart. You were going to be here for eternity, and the idea of being without love made you sad. There wasn't a perfect solution that felt fair and right. Ideally, you would all just get along and be a happy group of people who loved each other equally, right? That's not gonna happen, you sighed pessimistically. Or at least, not for a good while.

You were so lost in your internal monologuing that you didn't notice Dianna sit beside you on the couch. She cleared her throat. You knew the polite thing to do was acknowledge her and start a conversation, but that was honestly the last thing you wanted to do. She frowned. You kept your gaze level on the wall in front of you. Your thoughts were interrupted, but you willed yourself to go back to them before you tried to talk.

"(y/n)," Dianna demanded, her tone flat.

"Yes?" you replied. Your voice was strained.

"What's bothering you?" Her gaze softened. She could see how tired you looked.

"Hmm. Well, it's nothing really," you dismissed, as you often do. The part of you that wanted to ask for help didn't usually win against the part of you that preferred to let your internal battles stay internal.

"I'm upset that you don't see me as someone to confide in," Dianna manipulated with a pout.

"It's not like that," you frowned. There was a pause of silence, and during that time you watched as the walls began to warp inwards and towards you. Normally this would make you start screaming and shouting, but you knew now—it was just a hallucination. Your heartbeat still sped up in fear since your brain and your body didn't agree on how to feel. You looked to Dianna. The walls went back to normal.

"It feels like that," she pushed.

You sighed, "It's just dramatic bullshit. I don't think you'd really care about it, honestly. Jason and Suki aren't getting along and it's bothering me."

"If it's you, I'd care about anything," she placed a hand on your knee and smiled. She was glad you weren't hard to bend—it wasn't difficult to get you to comply with most things. But you were annoyed. The sweet words and kind gestures were getting sort of suspect now. Admittedly, you live for validation an affection, but something felt very manufactured right now. You tried to dismiss it as your bad mood, but it can be hard to convince yourself.

"I appreciate it," you spoke stiffly. You shifted away slightly.

Dianna leaned closer and used her thumb and forefinger to tilt your face towards her, "Why don't we do something together?"

You fought the urge to slap away her hand, and instead gently removed her hand with your own. "I think I need some time alone right now," you dismissed. You didn't miss Dianna's face darkening. You didn't expect her to be so short tempered, but you just couldn't have that right now. You tried again, "I know I haven't spent a lot of time with you lately, but I promise that'll change. I'm just in a weird space emotionally, and I would like to iron out the frazzles in my brain."

Somehow, the words you said made sense. Dianna's glare had relaxed into a somewhat more neutral expression, "I guess I understand. But I don't feel like waiting, so maybe you should iron a little faster."

You were shocked. Pardon me? "I'm sorry, I can't just say 'snap!' and then feel better," you frowned.

"And you can't pretend?" Dianna pushed.

"I shouldn't have to," you snapped. Showing anger around Dianna made you anxious. You didn't know the details of Dianna's past, but if Jason was being honest with you, you didn't really want to test her boundaries.

"Come on, (y/n). I thought you were a good girl. Don't you know how to treat people like me?" she had a grin on her face now, her hand gripping your upper arm and keeping you from distancing yourself further. You were in a cold sweat at this point. You couldn't decide between continuing to argue and complying.

On one hand, defending yourself and snapping back that she was not better than you in a house where you were both already dead felt like the better, more satisfying route. On the other, though, complying with her could avoid any sort of... commotion.

Time was ticking. She was staring at you—you had to respond somehow. "Dianna... do you really think me pretending to be happy will be enjoyable for either of us?"

Dianna was having her own internal battles. She couldn't decide between giving in to her desires and restraint. She liked seeing you squirm like this. She liked the multitude of expressions you wore, the slight edge of fear you put into every word of restraint. Even so, if she really wanted you to like her, she knew she couldn't continue down this road.

A part of her brain didn't care. If she was going to be here for eternity, she might as well do whatever the hell she wanted. She gripped tighter, "I think it'll be enjoyable for me. Maybe if you tried enjoying my company you would."

Your eyes widened. You weren't expecting that as her reaction—you expected her to understand and leave you alone. The anger that had grown in you vanished in an instant and was replaced with pure fear. You were paralyzed. The body your mind inhibited was begging you to squirm and fight to get away, but you were frozen.

In a flash, someone else's grip ripped you away from Dianna. Suki dived over the couch and threw Dianna away from you with no grace. Suki...? You stared at her with wide eyes, still mute and shocked. Suki looked furious. She was breathing heavily and glaring at the offender in the room. You knew suki was strong, but the force she had just used was...impressive. You began to realize that Suki had been restraining herself considerably any time she had held onto you. You were scared, anxious, and angry, but a tiny flutter appeared in the back of your heart.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Suki hissed. "You think you can just manipulate whatever you want out of her just because she's... just because," her anger left, and she turned to face you for a moment. You made eye contact for a moment and you were shocked to see the sea of turmoil in her brown eyes. She swiftly turned to glare at Dianna again, "You don't get to do whatever you want just because (y/n) is nice and forgiving. Get the fuck out of here and reevaluate your actions. I'll drag you out of here if I have to."

The air in the room was thick with silence before anyone did anything. Dianna knew that if it was a physical fight, there's no way she'd win against Suki. If it had been just you, she was confident in her strength, but that wasn't the case right now. She scowled. "Then I guess I'll go," Dianna stood and sent a last glance your way before leaving the room.

"...Thank you," you said softly as you looked at Suki. You couldn't evaluate your feelings for her. You couldn't decide if she was bad or one of the best people here. She was undeniably someone who was honest with her emotions at the very least.

Her gaze slowly made its way to you. She began to cry. She knelt in front of your spot on the couch, tears turned from a stream to a river. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept muttering, as her head eventually collapsed on your lap. She shook with tears.

"Why?" you spoke softly. You absentmindedly patted her head. Your pants were getting wet with her tears.

"I saw you, I saw her and you," she spoke between broken breaths. "You looked so upset and I realized that I was a part of it. I," she stopped again.

You didn't really have a response. You agreed with her, obviously, but you had nothing to add.

"I've been trying so hard to figure out my own feelings that I never stopped to consider yours. I'm sorry," she spoke coherently. After more silence, she eventually stopped crying and pulled herself together. She sat beside you on the couch.

"I appreciate you...trying to see things from another perspective," you spoke.

Suki wondered how much honesty would be too much. Telling you that she liked how nervous you got sometimes, but now she didn't think it was worth it, didn't seem beneficial to the conversation. She stayed silent. You decided to speak again, "Thanks for helping me. I think I should go to bed," you spoke in short sentences. You felt like a robot.

"Oh, well rest well, okay?" she sent a broken smile your way. You felt a strong pang of guilt at her expression, but why am I feeling guilty? This whole mess is... a mess.

"Yeah," you nodded as you began to walk out of the room. Once you were alone, you ran. Ran to your room—to isolation. If Dianna was going to be an addition to the preexisting problem, things were only going to get stickier. What were you going to do? Were you going to cry? You kinda felt like it.

You wanted to like Suki, honestly, but her inability to restrain her own actions sometimes was troubling, to say the least. Jason's advice sat in your mind like rocks in a lake. Settled and heavy. What would he have done over there? Did you wish he had been there to keep you safe? That seemed weird. You didn't know, and it honestly didn't really matter.

You found yourself thinking about the more joyful times in the house that weren't that long ago. You missed how silly everyone seemed in the beginning. Maybe sometime soon you could organize a group dinner again and everything would be okay. Your mood turned just a bit lighter at the thought. Most of the more fun memories you had of this place so far surrounded a dinner table in one form or another. You wanted to cook with Jason again, maybe it wouldn't be weird.

You rolled around restlessly as your hopeful brain began to imagine everything being okay. Maybe it would be tomorrow

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