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Chapter Thirty-Nine

You had been eating a sandwich when you heard the news. No one had seen Don in a while.

You gulped. You were shaking.

"(y/n)—hey, don't freak out," Quince tried to comfort you, a hand on your back. You leaned into him easily. "I--we'll figure it out."

You took a breath, "But don't you know what happened to him?"

He bit his lip—the worry on his countenance convincing— "no, not this time. I'm usually notified..." he trailed off.

You didn't say anything. You just let yourself be held again. What were you going to do? Were you going to look again? It felt stupid. It felt terribly stupid and like if you did that shit again, you'd completely lose it.

And yet...?

You pulled away from Quince's grip, "I think I'll... just look around his favorite spots. Just to make sure."

Quince frowned, "I don't know that that's a good idea."

"I have to—for the good of my conscience at least," you waved off. "I'll come hang out with you later and we can talk about it?"

Quince faltered at your gaze. He couldn't say no to you now. He nodded and kissed your forehead before you left.

.:x.x.x.x.x.:.

You were feeling it again—the itch and fear you felt when you were looking for Jenna. You were never gonna find him. You knew that.

Somehow this was humiliating—why did this feel like it was your fault? You thought you might scream. At the bottom of your heart you were more scared than anything. If Jenna and Don disappeared, who's to say the rest won't either?

...and then what? Would you be alone forever? For eternity? Or would you have the guts to enter the attic? You didn't want to think about it. That couldn't become your reality. You had to find Don.

You had searched fervently for at least a few hours before anyone came to disturb you. You jumped nearly out of your skin when someone grabbed your shoulder.

"Woah—hey! Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Jason laughed nervously when you spun around.

"Ah, haha, sorry, I guess I was just absorbed in my thoughts," you blushed in embarrassment. Jason's body language was a little weird, he seemed anxious as he stood there. Usually, he seemed fairly confident, even when he was shaken. What's wrong...?

"You're not um," he paused. "Are you looking for Don?"

You frowned. Yes, you were, and yes, you knew it was more than likely going to be an entirely fruitless endeavor. "I can't just sit here without knowing anything."

"But you do know something," Jason took a step closer. "We know what happened to Jenna."

"Yeah, but—this is different! Not even Quince knows. Last time we knew why Jenna went in there. Don just doesn't make sense."

"(y/n). What's really going on? You know that logically, there isn't anything you can do. Why are you doing this?" He pushed. Seeing him get harsh always made your hair stand on end.

"I'd feel guilty if I didn't look," you replied weakly, looking off to the side.

"Is that all?" he asked again. You didn't reply, so he tried again, "Come on. Why else? Is it grief? Is it boredom? Is it--"

"I'm just worried," you interrupted. "I'm scared that you'll all start leaving me—" You stopped yourself. Jason looked at you wide-eyed. You took a breath and continued, "I'm just afraid of other people disappearing.

There were a few moments of silence before Jason replied, "That's what I'm worried about, too. I've been worried about you leaving me for so long that it's probably on my mind every minute of the day. Every moment I spend apart from you I'm torn up wondering if you followed Jenna, and you searching relentlessly like this does nothing but make everyone more anxious."

There were several things in what he just said that made sirens go off in your mind, but you felt pretty guilty, too. "I—I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"It's okay...Just come with me, alright?" he smiled softly and pulled your hand. He was so charming that you almost let him lead you along, but you stopped.

"No, wait. I know it makes you worried, but please...let me look just a little longer."

His eyebrows furrowed, "I don't know how else to tell you to stop."

"You can't...just control me. I'll act in ways that you don't like sometimes, and while that is unfortunate, it isn't something I can really stop," you frowned. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held tightly.

You began to sweat nervously. "J-Jason, come on. Let go—" he pulled you towards him and held your back to his chest. He was about to pull you along awkwardly what the fuck? What is he thinking where does he want to go what the fuck what the fuck—you opened your mouth to yell for someone else, but his left hand clamped over your mouth.

"(y/n), I'm sorry. I already told you everything I felt. I love you more than anything and I can't let you go. How is that hard to understand? Don't you feel the same about me?" he sounded so broken you almost pitied him, but you felt more fear than anything else right now. He was tall—as always—and his grip was strong enough that he had lifted you off the ground a few inches. He was now exiting the room. You could feel him shake nervously.

Finally, your brain restarted, and you bit his hand, hoping he would let go. He did—but the grip on your body stayed the same. "What is your problem?!" you shouted as you began to thrash around.

"(y/n), stop! I don't want to have to use violence with you so calm down!" surprisingly you heeded this, expecting more explanation.

"You can't just control me like this! Where are we even going?

"I'm just taking you to my room," he explained as if that was enough.

"Why?!" you said, still held uncomfortably close to him.

"To protect you. Can we talk more when we get there?"

"No—we need to—" you were forced to stop when he covered your mouth again. You tried another bite, but all it did was make him wince. In your mind, you decided to rationalize and calm down. It was ok, he wasn't going to toss you in the attic clearly, and it wasn't like he could keep you there forever. Other people in the house would probably intervene quicker than you knew. You would be okay.

When he got you to his room—somehow undetected—he dropped you unceremoniously on the floor and quickly turned to lock the door and prop a chair in front of it—it was fairly secure.

You sat helplessly on the ground that you had crumpled on and looked up at him. When he turned around, you were surprised to see a flush on his cheeks.

He had a boyish expression on his face as if he was surprised you were there even though he was the one to bring you here. He didn't really have a plan, and he sure as hell didn't think he'd get this far. He slowly lowered himself to sit in front of you on the ground.

"Jason. Come to your senses here," you said. It felt weak but you couldn't think of anything else. Both of his hands clasped your cheeks as he pulled you closer.

"I need you to understand how afraid I am," he said quietly. It was as if he thought his voice would crack if he spoke any louder. "Can you imagine feeling someone you adored was dancing on the edge of a cliff? What can I do except try to keep you safe, even if you'd rather fall?"

"This is different," you said, the warmth of his hands and intensity of his gaze transfixing you.

"Not to me," he refused. "I...really love you. I think I've thought it a million times. When you love someone as much as I love you, sometimes you do crazy things. I can't help it...I'd choose you over anything. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Jason, I—"

"You're breaking me into pieces. I think if I lose you, I'll be destroyed. Can't you see how much you worry me?" he spoke faster, leaning closer. You began crying.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be," you spoke without finishing the sentence. Tears flowed down your cheeks. Jason's grip on your face relaxed, and you fell into him. You buried your tears in his shirt and sobbed recklessly. Your brain was devoid of any rational thought. You just felt bad and wanted desperately to not feel bad.

When Jason's arms wrapped around you and rubbed your back you felt better. After a few minutes of sniffling, you regained some composure and sat up a bit to hold him. It seemed like the right thing.

"I love you, (y/n)," Jason said softly, his grip tightening just a little.

"I love you, too," you spoke without processing He pushed you away gently so he could kiss you. You didn't think anything. You just kissed him back.