By the time 6pm rolls around, Alex and I had spent the entire day holed up in Will's spare room packaging orders. The first drop had fully sold out, so we stayed until everything was packaged and by the front door ready to be collected by the courier. We broke down all of the cardboard boxes and took them down to the bin yard, so that the room was ready for the next drop to arrive in a few days time.

'So what do you want to do now?' I ask, shoving my hands into the pocket of my hoodie as we walked back towards the elevator. 'I am pretty fucking hungry, I won't lie.'

'Food it is then' Alex laughs, pressing the button for the elevator. 'Take-away and Netflix? George is out for the night so we have the place to ourselves' he asks.

'Its a plan.'

When the food arrives we head into Alex's room, deciding to watch Netflix in comfort. I am surprised at how clean his room is, expecting him to be a typical young male. We tuck up under his duvet and stick Sex Education on, neither of us having seen it yet.

Suddenly it was 2am, and we had watched the entire series. I yawned, stretching out.

'Right, I am off to bed, I can't keep my eyes open any longer' I yawn again.

'Sleep well' Alex groans as he stretches out himself, before standing and pulling his hoodie off over his head. His t-shirt rose with it, and I found myself idly staring at is torso. Stop this Jess.

Just as I am drifting off to sleep I hear my door creak slightly, too tired to look and see what caused it. Then I felt the side of my bed dip slightly, a body crawling in next to me. Alex snuggled up to my back, wrapping his arm around my waist and not saying I word. I smiled to myself, before drifting off into a deep sleep.

***

I get awoken early by the blinding sunshine flooding in through the open blinds. I must have forgotten to shut them last night. Alex's body is still entwined with mine so I just lay still, not wanting to wake him.

I lay there with my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. I don't want Jess to know that I am awake, because then I have to move. I don't want to move.

I don't know what it is about Jess, but she makes me feel safe. I haven't had someone like that since.. well a long time. Sleeping next to her stops the nightmares, stops the sadness. So I just lay here, our legs entwined, my arms around her holding her close to me, my face buried into her hair. I accidentally move, ruining my daydreams.

'Morning sleepy head, sneak into peoples beds often?' Jess asks, rolling over to face me.

'Mmmm, no' I mumble. How do I explain this one? 'Sorry, I just don't like being alone. I promise I won't do it again' I add, trying to look anywhere other than her beautiful face.

'Hey I didn't say that' Jess smiles. We just lay there looking into each others eyes, feeling de ja vu. I inch closer, unable to stop myself. I am going to fuck everything up again, I know it. But I just can't help myself when it comes to this girl. I can't control myself.

Suddenly I smash my lips into hers, pushing my hand up into the back on her hair, pulling lightly so that I can gain access to her neck. Jess doesn't stop me, instead grabbing at the bottom of my t-shirt, signalling for me to take it off.

***

We lay in each others arms, no clothes, just skin on skin. I can't see to wipe the grin off of my face, although I know it won't last long. The bubble will burst soon, it always does. Who would want me? Who would want a broken lad?

'What does this mean?' suddenly Jess' voice startles me out of my own thoughts again.

'What do you mean?' I ask. I know exactly what she means.

'Well.. are we just friends? More than friends? A couple?'

'It depends on what you want doesn't it? I can't make that decision.'

'No, we need to do it together. What do you want?' she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

I don't manage to stop myself, my heart taking over my brain, not thinking about the hurt I was going to feel when I was rejected.

'You' I whisper.