Stand on your feet. That's what you should do whenever the world throw you down. You could only stand up for yourself. That's what I did. I stood up pulled my self back on my feet.

I walked to the washroom with the saree dragging behind on floor. I pulled on the earrings until they fell of my ears. My ears hurt badly due to rough treatment of my hands but this pain it felt nothing close to what I was feeling inside.

I tugged on the necklace adoring my neck until the clasp broke. I threw them on the shelf above the basin. I turned on the tap and filled my hands with water and splashed it on my face again and again, again and again until it felt that everything was washed.

The mascara stained down to my cheeks. Swollen red rimmed eyes. They told the story about the few hours that I spent on my knees on cold floor. I took the hair tie from glass shelf pulling my hair roughly in a bun.

My lean index finger traced from my eyes down to my cheek. Mera Hayat,

mere farmabardare, Mera intizaar, mere wafa, Meri muhabbat. Sb haak, Sb haak, Sb haak. (My entity, My obedience, My wait, My troth, My love. All nought, All nought, All nought.)

I walked inside took a night dress and pulled it on my body. I threw the saree in the cupboard.

I was going to lay down on bed when my gaze drifted to the balcony doors. I pulled the covers ready to slid in but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I took a small blanket from the cupboard. I wanted to be heartless and leave him in the bitter cold but how could I? He was my husband. A body. A soul. A being. No actually just my love. It all started and ended there. I wasn't permitted by my heart to ignore him.

First, Second, Third, Fourth, Sixth, Seventh step. I was out. I felt the cold bitter air hitting my face. The moon reflected the figure laid on swing.

His head hanging from the wooden rectangular length board supported by two thick ropes at each side. The first two button of shirt popped off with tie unhinged. The cushion and Jacket lying on the ground with cigarette buds here and there. The arms also hanging down with a cigarette bud held in between fingers of right hand.

I strode forward ignoring the littered buds that my bare feet stepped on. I spread the warm blanked in my hand and leaned downward. In one swift movement. I was pulled down with his hand gripping my waist as he set upright so I was seated on his lap. He pulled the blanked around us so that I was snuggled to his firm body.

I tried to twist my body to get out of his hold. I lost. I again tried and then again and then again.

He pulled my chin upward as those honey brown eyes stared into my own.

"Kiya mere baat ni suno ge? (Won't you hear me?)

"Ni."

A flat reply something he didn't expect to hear from me.

"Aj ni. Kl ni, purso ni, usey agle din ni par kisi din to suno ge na. (Not today, not tommorow, not day after tomorrow, not next day after that but you will hear me someday.)

"Kabhi ni. Chore mujhe. (Never. Leave me.)

"No."

My eyes held his in rage. I let him see every emotion. Hurt, anger, Rage. I wanted to punish him. He didn't flinch and looked back evenly. He stood up holding me like a child.

I started to beat on his chest thunp thunp thump as I kicked my legs aimlessly but he kept walking forward without a beat in his step.

He pulled me down on bed with me twisting, kicking and beating like a caged bird. His hold didn't loose but he pulled me close restraining me in tight grip of his arms.

My movements didn't cease but with passing time. They became weary, tired and slow with fastening of my breath and the pain in my body. I felt like a tired body drowning in water moving slightly with bit of saved energy knowing very well it won't be enough to save me but still trying until the hope diminished and helplessness set in.

Now hot tears poured out of my eyes as they wetted his shirt. My lids dropping low and the consiousnes slipping away until I could feel, hear and see no more.

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I loosened my grip a bit only when I felt that she was asleep. I would let her fight and get tired on her own until she gives up. At the end, she would come back where she belongs with me.

How much I wanted to tell her that no one compared to her. No one and that included Sara too. I adored her. It maybe was little to late for me to realize but I had loved Noor since long. It wasn't the simple attraction. I was in love with her.

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I was waiting at the college gate waiting for Noor to get out. My fingers continuously drumming against the steering wheel.

Ami has asked me to pick her up on my way to Havali as she was going to stay there until Uncle Hammad returned from a Karachi.

It's been months since I met her after that coffee night. I was too busy with work but it didn't mean that I didn't notice her. It was the opposite.

The door of my car opened. I looked at the passenger seat to find her in uniform with her silky black hair in high pony tail.

At my glance she turned her head in my direction after pulling on her seat belt. "Aslam Alikum."

"Walikum Salam."

I turned on the engine and reverted the car from the parking lot. We drove silently with her looking outside the window.

"I wanted to thank you for the gift."

I nodded my head. "You never thanked me for others."

"Ohh. I know." She giggled. A music to my ear. " Let me rephrase it. I would like to thank you for every gift but especially this one."

It was always nice to know that the receiver liked your gift especially if you have put an effort in it. It wasn't easy for me to get sighed book of "The fault in our Stars."

I had to track down the writer and had to take a flight to America just to get the book sighed.

"Why do you like to read fiction so much?"

I stopped the car on red signal turning my head to left. She parted her lips with her chocolate brown orbs sparkling.

I expected her to give me a descriptive reply but instead she chose to ask me a strange question that I had no answer to.

"Why do you like something?"

I tilted my head. The question was simple but it had no absolute explanation. I had never thought about why's and what. I was a practical man but now she made me think about every why and what as I started the car driving it through the door that would take us to Haveli.

Time flew. I found myself wanting to be home as much as I could. I noticed that Ibad often came to our home especially when Noor was present but I didn't took it as anything much. A mistake on my part.

It was another day with rain monsoon rain falling down. This time I asked her to make tea instead of coffee.

I was sitting on plush chair before glass windows in living area that give view to the garden outside. The earthly fragrance of wet soil from rain water filled my nostrils.

She placed the the tray on the table. I gripped the handle of cup taking it to my lips as I took a sip of warm liquid.

After that day in car. We started having small conversation with her giving me philosophical theories for her age that I was charmed. Her question was still embedded in my mind. I never ask her about it but today my curiosity won. I wanted to ask her so I did.

"You never explained. Why do we like something?"

Her eyes flew up with her lips curving in a touch of smile. She didn't expect me to remember our talk. It was plainly written on her face. If only she knew that I couldn't forget anything about her.

"Sukkon. (Peace)"

"Huh?"

"I believe when something gives you peace then you start to like it. Like many Muslims aren't able to offer their prayer and even if they do. They do it as a duty. It's not that they don't believe. It's just that they don't feel peace by doing because they are one of those unfortunates like me that found peace in something else."

I was listening to her awestruck wondering how could a teenage girl be this mature or can give a such a beautiful explanation.

"Where have you found your peace?"

My peace. I thought about the work that I did. The success that I enjoyed. It was always stressful. Filled with jealous two face people always in competition.

Then I looked in those chocolate brown eyes. I remembered her shy smile. Her talks in that sooting voice. That sparkle in those eyes. I realized that it was here. My peace was here with her. Maybe I was an unfortunate too.

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It was another day. Her eighteenth birthday has passed. I was coming from another trip with her gift in my hand. A gold chain with a pearl hanging from it. I saw it on the shop and immediately thought of her so I bought it. My car pulled into the front of our house.

I walked in. My ears instantly perking up on that musical laugh. I had the urge to go see her so I hurried.

I didn't expect to find her talking with my close friend Ibad as they both sipped the tea.

"Abbey."

The nickname easily flew out of those lips as she stared at him with her eyes wide and then they both started laughing.

That day I truly felt the meaning of those words.

جب آپ کے سکون کا تعلق کسی شخص سے ہو،

تو یقین جانیں پھر آپ سکون میں نہیں رہتے-

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I was working in living room my laptop on my lap wearing casual clothes. She walked in with a tray containing a tea cup.

She placed it on the table. "Tea."

"Take it away. I don't need it." I typed furiously with my eyes stuck on the screen not spearing her with any glance.

"But Jahan Bhai Mummy ask_______"

"Stop calling me Bhai. I am not your brother Noor."

I pulled on my feet stormed out of the living room without a backward glance. I was furious. Her interaction with Ibad flashing in my head again and again.

The fact that she so easily called him with such personal nick name but refused to call me even by my name only. It added fuel to already burning fire inside.

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Later that evening talking casually to Ammi. I couldn't hide my distain about Ibads visits.

"Ibad is like our own child. He and Noor have same interests so they became friends."

Ami defended not exactly understanding my point of view. I let it go as I didn't know how to explain that I have seen them together out too couples of times eating ice cream.

I didn't like it but I couldn't do anything about it.

One day Ibad was in my office to meet me. He was in exceptionally good mood these days which was rare due to his family issues.

"Ibad. Do you like Noor?"

I asked him directly staring right at him observing his every move.

"Yes I like her. I was going to inform you soon. I want to marry her Jahan. My intentions are pure."

"And does she like you too?" It took everything of me to ask him that.

"Yes. But she has done nothing wrong. She never stepped out of her boundaries so please don't fault her."

I didn't doubt his words. She was humble. She never took anyone for granted. Her respect for her father and our family would have never made her do something wrong.

It was easy for Ibad to like her. I have seen her relationship with my family and her father. She was family oriented who cared about relations, values and morals. Everything that Ibad hoped to find in his wife.

He never like those modern girls of his family and close relations. To him they were just good to be dated and nothing more. He thought that those kind of women couldn't make a home. This thinking emerged from the deep rooted issues of his broken family.

I wasn't man that worked with force. People respected me. They took my words as law. I never needed to use force and I wasn't going to do it now. If she liked him and wanted to be with him. Then I won't come in between.

It was different with her. I wanted her completely with her heart, body and soul. I couldn't settle with only her body knowing that her heart was somewhere else. Maybe I would have if it was another woman.

So for the first time in my life. I admitted defeat not knowing that fate had other plans.

"Then ask you parents to come to our home to ask for her hand."

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