"I just can't wait..."

Ruby squeezed my hands.

"You'll see him soon enough, then ypu can talk to him, for a long, long time. I know... I know, that he will listen carefully and understand every single word. You'll make him happy."

I nodded.

"There's something that I need to tell him soooo badly...", I frowned.

"I'll get us coffee, so you won't fall asleep talking to him."

Ruby stood up and left the room, and soon arrived with two cups of the bitter liquid, which was simply perfect now.

"Thanks a lot, Ruby. You know, at first... I didn't like you... Because..."

I sighed, she smirked.

"Because?" I swallowed. "Because I was jealous, okay?"

She laughed.

"It's okay."

Eric shook his head.

"No, I want to apologize for what I've said about you. That wasn't very nice. But I've changed my mind now. You're really cool. And I bet you'll find a cool guy, to fit your crazy personality.", I smiled weakly.

"Yeah... About that...", she began and scratched her head.

"I happen to be lesbian... So... Yeah, a relationship between me and Dele wouldn't have worked out anyway..."

"Oh!", I was suprised to hear that... "But, why did you let him date you, then?"

She chuckled.

"I... He seemed like a chill person to hang around with, and I wanted to... Hide my sexuality from public, so that was the easiest solution."

I couldn't believe what I just heard. But I didn't have time to question that, because another nurse came in and told me, Mrs. Alli had finished her converstion with her son, so now I was allowed to see him.

With shivering hands I waved Ruby goodbye, too exited to be mad at her, and followed the annoyed and tired nurse, to a big door.

"Here's Mr. Alli's room. Be careful with the machines and do not try to change the setting at the machine, that could kill him."

I was shocked.

"N-never in... a m-million years...", I mumbled.

One last deep breath and I collected all my left over faith and opened the door.

The view was shocking.

I felt the tears appearing in my eyes, seeing him like that with all these cables in his throat, nose, arms...

Everywhere.

After I had closed the door carefully I swallowed and tried to say "Hi", but not a single noise wanted to leave my throat.

I kneeled beside his bed and touched his hand. It was so pale and weak.

More tears left my eyes.

The bandages at his head looked serious, everything did.

This must have hurt a lot.

"Delle...", I managed to breath out. I buried my head into the sheets he was lying on.

He looked so dead, and that scared me.

The white sheets had a big moist patch by then, and I tried to calm down.

"Can you hear me?"

No answere.

Of course not.

"It's my fault. Everything. I'm so sorry... I love you."

I cried even harder.

"I hate myself for what happened. I wish I could turn back time. You could have told me. We would have been so happy."

I sobbed.

"So happy."

I hoverd over his arms with my fingers, which were shivering as if I was bathing in ice cubes.

"I wish I could have saved you... I feel so guilty. I- I let you... down."

I gripped on the sheets tightly.

"I miss you so much. I am so happy, that at least I get to see you alive. Will you get through? I hope, because then... Then.", I breathed in heavily. "Then I can hold you tight and never let you go. I don't know if you can hear me, but... Delle. I love you. I love you so much, and I will never forgive myself that I didn't take care of you. I don't even deserve you."

I had to take a break, because I couldn't go on any longer.

It was so hard, seeing him like that...

It broke my heart.

It didn't only break it, it felt like someone pushed an arrow through my chest and constantly stomped onto the wound, while turning the arrow inside me and I couldn't pull it out, it felt like constant torture.

"I...", I grabbed my chest in pain. "Dele, you need to be strong now. For me. Please. You mean so much to me... You're my world. I'll die if you'll leave me. Please wake up soon. We'll live happily ever after."

Someone knocked on the door and came in.

The nurse told me, that I should let him rest now, but I didn't want to leave him.