The dull rumble of the bus sounds in his head as he blankly stares out the window. He looks rather small as he sits there in his crumpled suit, hands clamped together in his lap as a map of tears stain his face. He sighs, vision blurred as he stares at the cars that flash by while his mind remains immobilised, fixed on one thing, so raw and vulnerable in his mind; The sight of Taehyung's bitter expression. The memory of the betrayal in his eyes. Betrayal that he was accused of but wasn't responsible for.

It's strange to him how quickly things change. How a morning of promises can so easily turn into a night of despair. How something sweet could quickly turn sour and bitter and then eventually tasteless. How something could be so perfect, so sensitive, so real while it hides the calamity that the future brings.

He feels so lost, wandering around meaninglessly somewhere in his mind, trying to process his bitter reality; trying to swallow a pill that is searing its way down his throat. Is this his reality? A reality where he's been fired from his dream job, been betrayed by someone he looked up to and lost someone who showed him what it means to feel free.

Jungkook's reality had always been blurry, always been too dark, too difficult to see through clearly. And then he met Taehyung. With his hard eyes, crooked smirk and large warm hands that reached out to him, held on to him, guided him through the blindness of his reality. But now those hands are gone. Now his warmth is gone. He is gone. A guiding hand in a pit of darkness now became another void in his life.

Jungkook looks down at his palms and winces. His hands look so empty.

~

Jungkook pushes open the front door and steps into his house, his feet feeling heavier against the ground. Maybe the stone weighing at his heart is dragging down his feet as well. He barely registers anything as he walks and only really notices the other body sitting on the couch when he calls out to him.

"You're home."

"Hyung?" He turns around to see Jimin sitting rather stiffly on the couch. The man stares at him for a moment, his eyes a little different.

"How was work?" The older asks, his voice rather monotone.

Jungkook shrugs, heart aching at even the mention of work. "It was fine," he lies.

Jimin nods as he tucks his knees into his chest. "Brianna left cause I came. Seonnie is sleeping."

Jungkook nods and awkwardly scratches his nape, noticing a slight tenseness to the atmosphere. He shuffles towards the older and sits next to him, finding the strain on his heart slightly easing when his familiar scent envelopes him.

Jimin looks at him for a second, something wavering behind his eyes.

"Hyu-" Jungkook starts.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Jimin's voice is soft, a gentle question that causes Jungkook to tense.

"Tell you...?"

The blond stares into his eyes, his usually cheery orbs now glimmering with a pool of raw emotions that causes Jungkook's breath to hitch.

"That you finally realised you were gay."

Jungkook freezes, staring at the older as his heart rate picks up. "W-What do you mean- I'm not-"

"That picture released into the media of you and your boss..." he laughs, an almost self- pitying chuckle. "...God I was a fool to believe you when you said it was edited."

"Hey, Bri." Jimin says as he enters through the front door. The blonde looks up and smiles at him.

"Oh, hey Jimin. How are you?"

Jimin plops himself onto the couch and stretches. "M'good. How are you?"

The girl sighs," I've been super busy this week so I'm pretty tired, but otherwise, I'm good too."

Jimin frowns and then looks over at the clock. "Oh," he says softly. "It's already a bit late. Jungkook's not home yet?"

The girl shakes her head as she packs away some books laying on the coffee table. "He gets home a bit late these days."

Jimin nods, letting out a sigh. "Well, how 'bout you head home for the night and I'll watch over Seonnie. I'm sure Jungkook will get home soon."

Brianna hesitates. "Uh, well...are you sure?"

Jimin nods, a small smile flitting onto his lips. "Yeah."

She beams at him. "Thank you so much Jimin!" She picks up her bag and then looks over at him, a little hesitant. "But are you sure sure? Jungkook may be very late since he's with his 'boyfriend'," she says while wiggling her brows.

Jimin tenses. "His...boyfriend?"

The girl giggles and shakes his head. "Well, I don't know if it's actually his boyfriend. But there's definitely something going on between those two. Gosh, you should see the way he talks about hi-"

"W-Who?" Jimin stammers, feeling an odd feeling in his chest. "Who does he talk about?"

The girl tilts her head, looking a little confused. "...His boss? Kim Taehyung. I've only really seen them interact like once but they seem so cute-"

Jimin gulps and runs a hand through his hair, "w-wait so that... that y'know... that whole scandal was real? The picture of them kissing...?"

The girl frowns and hesitantly slips her bag onto her shoulder. "Wait... did Jungkook not tell you about this?"

Jimin stares at her for a moment, eyes blank. "Did he tell you?"

She shrugs, looking a little bit reluctant upon seeing his expression. "I mean, he kinda told me over the phone...but he didn't confirm anything."

Jimin exhales a shaky deep breath, "right. Of course."

She stares at him worriedly, "Jimin, are you okay?"

At that, he snaps out of whatever thoughts he was dwelling on and looks at her with a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Anyways, you better get going before it gets more dark." He smiles at her and waves, watching her head out the door.

Jungkook looks away from the older's gaze, a guilty expression spreading across his features.

"Why did you lie to me, Kook?"

Jungkook gulps and runs a shaky hand through his hair. "Hyung, I...I didn't want to hurt you."

At this, Jimin laughs. Not his pleasant bubbly laughter, but rather a pained noise from the back of his throat that has Jungkook cowering into himself. "Hurt me? You were scared to hurt me?" He steps closer to the younger, tilting his head as he watches the younger look down at the floor. "Isn't it a little too late for that?"

Jungkook's breath hitches as he darts his eyes up to meet the older.

"I'm scared, Kook, you know how my last relationship was. I'm just scared to start another," Jimin says while stroking the younger's hair.

Jungkook looks up at the older, his doe eyes twinkling. "But hyung, I'm not like that. I'll treat you right." He smiles at the older, that big bunny smile of his.

The older sighs, a small smile flickering onto his face. "You're still young."

"So?" Jungkook bites back without a moment to spare. His eyes sparkle, an innocent naivety in them.

Jimin stares at the boy, looking rather hesitant.

Jungkook grabs onto the older's hands and looks up, meeting his warm eyes. "Hyung, you need to trust me..." he says, voice tender.

He squeezes the older's hand in his. "... I promise I won't hurt you."

"Hyung," Jungkook says, noticing the glaze in the older's eyes. "You know I didn't mean to...I...I, was just..." he trails off, struggling to find the words that could express how he feels.

Jimin stares at him, a spark of sadness and disappointment twirling in his eyes. "You promised me, Kook. God, you promised me a lot of things. A lot of damn things. But here we are now..." he smiles sadly.

"W-What do you mean," Jimin says as he searches the younger's eyes frantically.

Jungkook looks away, face guilty. "I...I just... I don't think this is working out anymore, Hyung. It's just... I..I'm not gay. I'm not...yeah."

Jimin stares at him, bewildered. "Kook, what is this about, what are you saying."

Jungkook avoids his eyes and shrugs, "I think we should just...break it off."

A sob wracks through the older's chest. "Y-You can't do this to me Kook. You said...you said you won't... that you...." Jimin brings a palm to his face and cries. "Jungkook," he whispers, tears lining his face in tracks. "I...I love you."

Jungkook's eyes widen and he stares at the older, stares into those warm eyes filled with raw sincerity. He feels his breath hitch and panic swarms his insides.

Jimin stares at him, teary-eyed, looking so afraid and vulnerable and desperate to hear Jungkook say something, anything.

Jungkook looks away and mutters the only thing that's being repeated in his head like a mantra. "Hyung, I'm not gay."

"You broke all your promises and left me and all you said each time I tried to reach out to you was, 'I'm not gay, hyung.' " Jimin sighs and looks down at the carpet, a small frown etched across his face. "And eventually, I accepted that. It hurt like hell but I accepted it. Because even if it hurt to be by your side, I didn't want to lose you, Kook."

Jungkook tries to reach out for the older but he shifts away, smiling sadly. "I never got angry. You had left me in the deep end and yet I never once got mad. Do you know why?"Jungkook gulps and shakes his head.

Jimin looks at him, eyes filled with sadness. "Because I loved you." He chuckles sadly. "And you know what's even funnier Kook?" His lower lip trembles as he stares at the younger, his face a little woeful, a little tired, a little angry. "I still fucking do."

Jungkook's eyes grow wider as he stares at the older, mouth hanging open at the revelation. He stumbles over his words as his thoughts jumble into a single clump of incomprehensible gibbersih. "I...I."

Jimin continues. "I thought I could get over you after all these years, I really did. I knew you wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. Because, Kook, you weren't gay. You're not gay," He laughs dryly. "At least that's what you told me."

Jungkook shakes his head, "N-No, Hyung, I didn't mean it like that. It's just- it's just..."

Jungkook tries to explain. Tries to formulate a sentence that sums up the years of abuse and verbal torture from his father that had accumulated into a self oppressive mindset which caged his own sexuality. But he can't put words over he bleeding scar. How can a mere sentence plaster the anguish and pain and fear that still throbs against his skin at the mention of him being gay? How can he explain it to someone else when he can't even admit it to himself? He can't. And so instead he says, voice a trembling whisper,

"Hyung, I'm just confused."

And Jimin just laughs. A heartbroken laugh that carries years of hurt, of unrequited love, of unbearable longing. He laughs as tears pool in his eyes, as he stares into the younger with so much emotion- yet none that the other can decipher.

"I was confused too, Kook. Y'know, when you promised to be there, promised to never hurt me, promised it all and then left so carelessly. God, I was confused too."

Jungkook opens his mouth to speak but Jimin shakes his head. "You could have j-just talked to me about it, Kook. Could have explained how you felt instead of...instead of lying to me this whole time."

Jungkook wants to shake his head, tell him no, tell him that he wasn't lying, isn't lying. But the thing is, he is. He is lying. He lied to Jimin and he lied to himself. And so instead of lying once again, he duck his head and whispers, "I'm sorry."

Jimin stares at him for a moment before sighing. "I know." He smiles softly at the younger, eyes flickering with a wave of sadness as he stares at his bowed head. I know. Jimin lets out a ragged breath, drags his eyes away from the younger's cowered head, and then turns to grab his bag and leave.

Jungkook gnaws on his bottom lip as he watches the older shuffle into his shoes and head for the door. Jimin opens the door and is about to step out when Jungkook finally calls out to him, his voice meek. "Hyung..."

Jimin meets his eyes, face sullen, tear-stained.

"Will you come back?"

He doesn't respond. He stares at him for a moment longer in utter silence and then, without another word, without another longing gaze, without another crack to his heart... Jimin leaves.

~

Jungkook's head is buzzing when he stumbles into the room. His thoughts are intertwined in one another, creating an almost deformed imagine in his head, a mixture of Taehyung's angry expression and now Jimin's crying face. His stomach feels empty and hollow and his heart feels weighted and heavy.

His mother is sleeping on the bed, her lids heavy from the high dosage prescriptions she takes. He stumbles onto the bed and gently lays next to her, nuzzling his head into her nape and wrapping his arms around her frail torso.

"Mama," he calls out, knowing that she isn't going to respond. She hasn't done that in a while. "I...I lost my job today." He sniffles, digging his nose into her neck. "You know, that dream job I used to always talk about." He chuckles sadly. "And...and it was cause of dad again." He sighs, wishing that her small hands could tighten around him.

"I-It's always been because of him. I thought that he's out of my life but he's still here, still trying to hurt me in one way or another." The room is dark, only casted over by a small trickle of street light that washes over their bodies.

"He made me loose a lot of people, Mama. He made me loose Jimin, h-he made me loose Taehyung and...and he made me loose you. He's taken and taken and taken. All he's done is taken away the people who made me happy. Why is he so good at that? At hurting me?"

He curls into a ball against her, feeling tears cascade down his cheeks as he tries to bite back a sob. "I wish...I wish..." He cries out. "I wish you never married him!" He lets the heaving sob wrack his chest as he digs his face closer to her, searching. Searching. Searching for her comfort.

"And- and I can't help but hating you sometimes..."

"...For marrying him." He exhales shakily. "For getting sick." His voice trembles, falling into a whisper. "For...for forgetting me."

"You can forget everything around you, but...but you can't forget me. I'm your son... y-your Kookie. You can't forget me, Mama." "Why...why did you forget me!" He gasps out through his tears, shaking his head. "It's not fair." He grips onto her night gown and pulls away to look at her resting frame, feeling his heart throb at how fragile she appears. She used to be so strong. She used to carry Jungkook on her back, running around the house as he giggled and flailed his arms around. She used to hold him, cradle him, shield him from his father's wrath. She used to always smile at him, showing him only her joy when she had been breaking inside. She used to be so strong.

But his father was always stronger.

"I feel so scared, Mama. So c-confused and lost." He says, wishing she could hear him, wishing she could understand and help him, wishing she could hold him. He just wants guidance, reassurance. God, he just wants her to look him in the eyes and call him by his name. To say that she loves him and that she's here. But she isn't here. All that is left is her frail body, limp with loose thoughts that run through her head, thoughts that have no meaning to her. She isn't here and Jungkook knows that she never will be.

"I miss you," he mumbles into her chest. He whimpers, his voice breaking. "I love you."

"Look at you in your big boy uniform! You look great, Kookie!"

"Mama, hurry up, I want to go now, come on come on come on!" A little Jungkook whines while bouncing on his heels as he stand on the doorstep.

His mother approaches the door and crouches down to meet his eyes, a large smile on her face. "Gosh, I can't believe you're already going to school. You're growing up so fast, baby."

"Yeah! Kookie is a big boy now!" Exclaims the six-year-old. His mother smiles nonetheless and pulls his jittery figure into a hug. "Be good, okay."

"Okay, I will! Let-let's go now! Come on- Come -on!" He says while tugging at her hand.

His mother tugs him back gently and cups his cheeks in her palm. "Mama will miss you, okay?" The younger, nods, looking a little restless and hyper. She smiles at him and pecks his soft cheek. "I love you."

~

He watches as the veil of smoke flutters into the air, twisting and turning erotically before it dissipates into the silence of the room. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes pinch at his nostrils and he takes in the burning aroma with a ragged inhale. He closes his red-rimmed eyes and lets out a grunt as he spins around in his chair, forcing himself to face his monitor, knowing he can't laze around any longer.

He needs to get back to work. There's responsibilities awaiting him, a line of them, snaking into his mind and nagging at him, tugging at his head, at his mind, at his heart, until they disintegrate into a hollow ache in his belly. And so he must work because the company that's falling apart is doing so in his hands. He can't watch as the framework of his father's success crumbles in front of him. He can't watch. And so he must work.

"Jungkook," he calls out, typing something on the screen. He waits for his response, the usual "Yes, sir?"

There's no response.

"Jungkook." He calls out again, feeling his fingers smash into the keyboard with a stiffness to them.

Again, silence.

He pauses his movements, his voice quietening yet still calling out. "Jungkook." Nothing.

It's a given, he supposes. Considering how the boy is not here, is no longer working here, is no longer his secretary. He can call out all he wants but the room is empty. Will forever be empty.

The scattered papers and whiskey glasses fly across the room as Taehyung swipes his hand over his desk, an eruption of fury and unadulterated grief flooding him as he growls. He breathes heavily as he stares at the mess he's made, at the litters of paper now damp with patches of golden whiskey, at the shards of broken glass that glisten under stray strands of light. The room suddenly feels ice cold, tense, a choking layer of pressure that surrounds him, slithers over his body, tightens around his throat and grips, grips until he's struggling to breath, until he's dizzy, shaking. His trembling hands reach out, his vision blurry and dark and its a desperate search in the metaphorical darkness of his head yet he still reaches, hands searching, searching for toxic warm, for toxic fumes, for someone, for something, for anything. Taehyung grabs onto his box of cigarettes. It's empty.