"good morning," i yawn and go to feel for audrey. guessing she was already awake, i groan and sluggishly get out of bed. stretching my arms above my head, i hear my back crack a couple times. as i pull open my closet, i saw multiple hoodies missing. audrey must have taken one for the morning since it was a little chilly in the house.

i slip into a black jumper and black jeans. pulling on my socks, i heard the front door slam shut. do they not have the decency to think that other people are sleeping? even though i was awake, it still pissed me off.

"morning." i groan as i see eric anxiously tapping his foot on the floor. "what's up?" i question as i pour my cereal. he just shakes his head and falls back onto the couch. after i finished making my breakfast, i head over to sit beside swagger. "where's audrey?" his head turned to me and shook softly.

"she left." a simple response that broke my heart into a million pieces. "she had me drop her off this morning." how could she not even say goodbye? "when i was about to wake you up, she told me no. she said it was too hard to say goodbye." bullshit.

"what flight and what time is boarding?"

"fitz, you aren't going to be able to get to her." i knew he was right but it just felt so wrong to not have just one more kiss goodbye. to not have one more second to look her in the eyes to say goodbye. "i'm sorry buddy, i really am."

"this is bullshit." setting down my bowl, i pick up my phone and press her contact. a few seconds later, she answered the phone. the constant noise of people chattering in the background was heard over the line. "audrey," i sigh. she didn't respond. "what the fuck?" my heart was pounding and i could feel it beat in my face. the call ended just as her little sniffle came over the line. i've never been one to cry around other people, but i could barely hold it in.

"damn." swagger was in complete shock as he watched me tear up. even after dating for 2 weeks, i still felt like she just tore out my heart and put it into a blender. perhaps it was the fact that it felt like we were dating for much longer.

"i never learn," i exhale and lean backward into the couch. "every girl i date, i think is gonna be my wife." swags was awkwardly listening as i spoke. "and i know i sound like the most cliche character in any possible book or film, but she was it. she was the one."

"she's coming back in a month, cam. don't be so... how do i put this?" his mind was clogged with thoughts as he tried to give me good advice. "overwhelmed with the thought of her absence. she's gonna come back and everything is gonna be restored again."

"you don't get it, eric. it's the shitty feeling of knowing i was contributing to the reasoning she had to leave."

-

staring at the back of the seat that was in front of me, i felt the tingle in my nose begin to worsen. tears slipped through my eyelids as i thought of how selfish i was to not say goodbye to cam. i don't want him to think that me leaving was all because of him. mostly because he was a main part in why i stayed so much longer than i really wanted.

the person sitting beside me turned to me and gave me an awkward smirk once she heard my faint sobs. "are you okay?" her accent was thicker than syrup, but i could understand what she was saying.

"yeah," i lied and wipe away the fallen tears. "thanks." she nods and looks back to her tablet to watch her movie. this sixteen hour plane ride was going to be the death of me if anything.

-

"she's gone?" zuckles questioned and set down his half eaten bologna sandwich. "like-like actually?" he wouldn't believe she was gone when swagger told him.

"yes," i answer and point to my red eyes. "would i have cried if she didn't?" he shook his head and took an aggressive bite out of his food. "everyone keeps telling me 'it's only for a month,' but a month is a long fucking time."

"what a bitch." mason was the only one who could get away with saying that about her since he was always saying it about everyone. "and don't think i'm joking when i say that. we took her in and shit. and she fucking leaves because she's depressed? fuck that. we're her friends, we're suppose to be there for her like she was for us, but no. fucking bullshit, mate." the bald mans tone raised and his pitch went higher.

"you don't get it, mason. she's blaming it on us. we're the reason she's upset." i explained and felt my heartbeat in my face from a whole mix of emotions.

-

packing my bag, i could hear the discussion between mason and cameron downstairs about audrey being gone. if nobody else is going to chase after her, than i will.

i know i'm nowhere near the person she wants to be by her side, but she needs to understand that it doesn't matter to me. i will always be there for her. in the past i never treated her like she was a human being, and i want to make up for that now.

slinging my bag around my shoulders, i tried to push away all of the thoughts that told me i shouldn't be doing this. doubt was getting the best of me. she doesn't want this. she wants to be alone and i should respect that. but i'm not going to.

-

once i landed in oregon, i took an uber down to my hotel. the place was open and had automatic doors. when i stepped inside, an instant chill cascaded down my back. i checked in and took the elevator to my room. inside was a single bed with a giant tv and a pullout couch beside it. i knew that back in melbourne everyone was probably a little worried about me, so i decided that instead of texting them all, i'd make a little instagram post about my whereabouts.

i'm going to take a little break from uploading videos for a little while. i'll be streaming on twitch, so don't miss that. my life has been all over the place recently and i just need to find my peace again in oregon. love you 🥺😘

are you serious?

i hope you feel better cutie

call me

we gotta talk

what happened with you and

the ?

reading over the comments and seeing their little suspicions about what happened between me and the misfits made me a little upset. i knew that tomorrow i would have to stream and vaguely explain that everything between the boys and i are okay.