PART III - HELEN

"Sure," I said and sat down on a chair.

On Sofia's chest was a sticker that said Sofia, she/her.

Suddenly, it was so obvious. She wanted to be Romeo. She wanted to put on a gay Romeo and Juliet. She had proposed Booksmart. She had rejected Baker. She said that the character she identified most with was Angelica, Emoni's lesbian best friend.

"You were my first crush, babe," Maria said into the quiet.

"Aww, babe, that's so cute." Jenny leaned down and kissed her girlfriend. She then knelt down at Maria's side and put her head on her leg. Maria stroked Jenny's hair. My heart hurt for a second - I missed that kind of affection.

I glanced up at Sofia. She looked at the two girls with a genuine smile, but her hands were still clutched together in her lap. Was she alright with me being here? Probably not.

I wanted to let her know that I was okay. I didn't care that she was not straight.

"What about you, Helen?" Jenny asked.

I lay my head on the side. "My first crush was - do fictional characters count?"

They nodded.

"Laurie from Little Women." My mom had read me that book because it was her favorite. When we watched the Greta Gerwig movie, she was already in the hospital, but I refused to associate that book with bad memories.

"I love that movie!" Maria exclaimed.

I chuckled. "Me too."

"I mean, having Timothée Chalamet and Saoirse Ronan in a movie together - again - was just everything my little pan heart could wish for," Maria raves on.

"Were we in the same movie?" I joke, "I couldn't take my eyes off of Florence Pugh."

It was quiet for a second, then Sofia asked: "And who was your first kiss?"

"His name was Asa Cunning and it was a truth-or-dare game in middle school. But you can hardly count that as a first kiss. My real first kiss - with a person I actually wanted to kiss - was with Jenny."

Sofia's eyes widened for a second, she looked at me and then at Jenny who smirked at Maria as if to say, "I told you so".

I had answered truthfully because I promised myself that I would never deny my bisexuality - as long as I was in a safe environment.

I didn't broadcast it, but I wasn't ashamed. I didn't need to wear a rainbow pin to know that I was part of the LGBTQ+ community.

"Why don't you come to the meetings?" Sofia asked.

That question caught me off guard though it was justified. I knew the club existed, I handed out flyers and even when I knew that they were struggling, I didn't come.

That was the thing: I didn't know if the school was a safe environment. Would everyone be okay with me liking girls? Would they still want me to be their student body president? Would I still be their confidant?

I didn't want to come out here, not officially. I was better off as an ally.

"Because high schoolers are cruel, and I don't want to give up my status."

"You're hiding because you're afraid of what people think?"

"Exactly."

"And you don't feel bad about that?"

"No. I'm doing what I think is best for me."