~December 10, 2020~

A/N:

I have few on-going stories and left everything for this ForthBeam story. I wrote 10.000 words in a day. LOL.

I think I am not having enough feeling for other ships. I don't know why....

But generally... no angst. Trust me.

*

Forth sighs.

Is it still need to say how his days felt very empty without Beam?

(me and Forth ask the same question. should I wrote this part...?)

Forth has lab work and it eats up his time, but when he does the lab repost—which kill his night, he thought whether Beam is doing his lab report too.

Forth has so many boys around playing game with him, but when he is in the middle to win a game, he glances at his shoulder. Just in case Beam drops by without him knowing and eating a snack there, slightly behind him. But Beam is not there.

Forth always has lunch with Park and Lam. He eats his favorite tomyum and they chat about nothing like how the usually did, even when Beam was around. The only different is there's no Beam who tease him. But the tomyum doesn't tasted the same anymore.

Forth is not attached to his phone. He rarely check it. And even during the courting, Beam didn't text or call him. There are only two picture messages from Beam. Forth who chokes Beam with his arm and Beam who holds Lam underneath him.

Forth even has sport week that drain his remaining energy. But why does he widely awake almost every night, thinking about Beam and what's he'd been doing?

Forth thought he doesn't have time between the boys, the game, his study, his fight and his everything... but why he suddenly this huge time gap?

Forth blinks. He laughs at Park's joke and smacks his stupid head and then looks at his side where Beam used to sit. He sighs. He put down his cigarette and opens the water bottle's lid to drink.

Ah. Water is fresh.

Forth blinks. It's just water. But why he feels so sad?

How can he feels sad? He was never sad. Bad mood or angry maybe, but not sad.

Forth sighs. He wants to cry. He drinks the bottle empty and then inhales a long and deep breath of smoke.

***

Forth blinks. He walks with Park and Lam to get to the usual table. He stops beside the table when Park and Lam queuing in the padthai stall.

Since Beam teased them, Park never let Lam away from his sight. He would even questioning him if Lam took to long to go to the bathroom.

Forth taps on the table where Beam used to eat.

Member or spouse only.

Forth blinks.

Beam is the bro, not the hoe.

Forth sighs. He caresses the edge on the table where there's a burn mark there.

Beam once put Forth's cigarette off because he can't stop smoking when Beam is in the middle of studying there for his 1 PM quiz. Beam didn't want Forth's ash get to his book, moreover burn it. And there was no ashtray there, Beam put it off on the table.

Beam worked so hard in courting him.

Forth knows that. It was between Beam's classes, quiz and assignments.

Beam was not lying when he said he can keep his 'game' and still keep his grade up and have time for Craz Doc.

Can he really do that with a boyfriend?

"Owh, you haven't got your lunch yet?" Lam asks Forth. He and Park are back with two plates of padthai and two drinks.

"I thought you'll get tomyum." Park asks a little guilty. "Do you want me to get you padthai too instead?"

Forth shakes his head. "Ah... I think I will... have something else...." He says in doubt of himself and then run leaving.

*

"Pha!"

Phana nearly drop his gyudon bowl when suddenly Forth stands beside him and yells.

Kit is sitting in their table already.

Phana sighs. He put down the bowl, smacks Forth's head and then replies the 'greeting'. "Sup, Forth?"

"Where's Beam?" Forth asks.

"I don't know." Phana says while folds his arms on his chest and looks at Forth in annoyance.

Kit shots dagger from his eyes to Forth too. But he says nothing, just eat his lunch in silence.

"Liar. You always know where Beam is. You know him like the back of your hand." Forth says. "Where is he? I need to see him."

Phana blinks. "Last time I heard, you rejected his courting and confession. I don't think you need to see him. You have no common business otherwise." he says coldly.

Forth clamps his palms together. "Look, I was stupid."

"I know." Phana comments.

Kit nods. Agreeing 100%.

"Just please, Pha. I need to see him." Forth says. "If you want me to kneel, I will. But then Ming would see it as something else and you will get trouble... after he kills me."

Phana blinks. "You are his senior. He won't do that." It sounded nice to make Forth kneels in front of him. This man is a brat inside out.

"He will put his Faculty jacket down first. But I assure you, he will kill me. And I won't let that happen so I will kill him first. So?" Forth asks.

"Don't, Pha." Kit says.

"Beam is at the library." Phana says.

Kit glares at Phana.

Phana sits down calmly while Forth storms to the library. He says to Kit. "A happy Beam is life, Kitty. Let's just wait for the dinner invitation to celebrate them being official."

"Forth realized that he likes Beam after Beam left?" Kit asks.

"Forth always like Beam. He just doesn't know and doesn't dare to face it if it turns this way." Phana says. "Besides, loving a playboy is not easy. Believe me. The insecurity kicks in every second. I know how he feels. I know why he doesn't want to be Beam's boyfriend. It's terrifying."

Kit frowns. "How so?"

"Imagine you love Beam. And then Beam left you. How to move on from a Beam?" Phana asks. "I can't even imagine how to move on from Ming if he suddenly stop loving me. I trust him. But just in case it really happened, help me to move on my life, okay? I'm not Forth. I'm weak."

Kit blinks. "I will ask Forth and Park AND LAM to kill Ming if he did that to you." He hisses.

Phana chuckled.

*

Forth walks to the corner of the library. He can see Beam sits there alone, with his books. Oh, thank God! He was ready if Beam was there with two to three girls—not studying, obviously.

Luckily, God still loves him.

(this is BL FF tho. God didn't write the story line)

Forth sits beside Beam who still doing his work in the library. He sits on Beam's left side.

Beam sits near the window. He is showered with the afternoon sunlight which turns orange. "Hi, Forth. What brings you here?" he asks after glance a second to Forth and flash him a smile.

Forth blinks. "You." He answers in a low voice.

Beam chuckled. He flips his book. "I thought you were busy with your lab work." he comments while keep doing his assignment.

Forth blinks. "Y-yeah. Just finished it a while ago." He says. He looks at how long Beam's eyelashes it.

Beam smiled. "The report will be a load of work then...?"

"Hm." Forth nods.

"How's the sport week? Was it a success?" Beam asks casually. His eyes are still on his book.

"It was great. We won almost everything." Forth says. "And it's not because we threat our opponents!" He hurriedly adds.

Beam laughs. But his eyes are still on his book.

Forth can only look at Beam's side figure.

Forth blinks. "Beam...."

"Hm...?" Beam mumbles. He flips another page. He reads it to find answer for the study case in his assignment.

"Why don't you look at me while talking to me?" Forth asks.

Beam chuckled. He shakes his head. "It's hard to look away once I did. So...."

Forth knows his heart breaks into pieces hearing Beam's hurtful words. "I am sorry...." He says almost in whisper.

Beam chuckled again. "Not your fault tho. You state it clearly since the beginning. I was just too stubborn. It's fun being with you tho.... Fun days. Thank you." He glances at Forth for saying 'thank you' before get back with his book again.

Forth bites his lower lip. He feels like crying. He never cries, not even when he got cut while fighting and bleed.

But now, he feels like crying.

Forth put his forehead on Beam's left shoulder. He closed his eyes. "Forgive me, Beam.... I'm stupid."

"You just found out? Wow." Beam says teasingly.

Forth chuckled. Tear drops from his eyes. He sighs.

Beam turns to Forth. "Hey... what's wrong?" He turns worry because Forth seems unlike himself. He put his pen down and holds on Forth's chin to make him look up. That when he looks at tears filling Forth's eyes. "Who the fuck could make you cry?"

Forth wipes his eyes with the back of his palm.

Beam is very shocked. "What happened? Did you fight and someone died?"

Forth shakes his head.

Beam frowns. "If you cry just because you lost an online game, I would smack your head."

Forth laughs. He tries to stop crying but tears won't stop flowing out his eyes.

Beam helps Forth wiping his tears. "Somewhere hurt?" He asks. He is very very worried.

Forth blinks. He looks at Beam's stoned-like eyes which framed by the thick eyebrows deeply.

How come he miss this beauty this much?

Why did he deny that Beam is very very very gorgeous?

How could he hurt him by saying that he doesn't want him?

Why does he so very very very coward and doesn't take the chance, telling Beam that he wants him too?!!!

Forth's eyes gets more and more teary because he so mad at himself. But he says nothing. He just tears up and cries in silence.

Beam gasps. "... F-Forth.... Do you want me to call Park or Lam here?"

Forth shakes his head. Why is it 'Forth'? He wants 'wolfie'....

"Pha...?"

Forth shakes his head again. He looks at Beam. "I am sorry."

"Stop apologising to me. I didn't even know what you did wrong." Beam frowns in worry. He wipes Forth's tears with his thumbs nervously. "Could you please stop crying? You make me scared."

Forth closed his eyes. He holds on Beam's hands on his cheeks, both of them. Holds it tight. He takes a long deep breath. "Would you have lunch with me again?"

Beam laughs drily. "Well... I need time to get on my feet again. Maybe not in the near future."

Forth's tears run wild.

"Do you want to have lunch together now?" Beam hurriedly says.

"Will you join the boys to play paint ball this weekend...?" Forth asks again.

"I don't think...." Beam nearly refuse again but then Forth sheds another set of tears. "... paintball, yeay! Saturday. Cool! I'll be there!" He is busy wiping Forth's tears. "Do you need... anything... else...?"

Forth looks at Beam's worry eyes. "How about bar at the weekend? It's Max birthday. He will treat us drink."

"Ah. That...." Beam has problem with bar. Forth could flirt with anyone and he would.... But again he can't let Forth cries harder. He smiled thinly. "Sure. Let's meet there at 9 PM. Friday...?"

Forth blinks. He still holds Beam's hands in his cheeks. "Why am I so stupid...." He sighs.

"Hm?" Beam is confused. It was just barely a week that he didn't see Forth. What happened??!

Forth pulls Beam into hug. He drown his face in the crook of Beam's neck. "Take the jacket back. You can have what you like." He whispers.

Beam blinks. He pats Forth's back to calm him down. "Ah, it's okay. I can manage without it."

Forth cries again.

"Okay, okay. Give me that jacket." Beam revised his answer.

Silence.

Forth hugs Beam very tightly.

"What happened, Forth?" Beam asks softly.

Forth grips on Beam's shirt. He sighs. "I lost you."

Beam blinks. "I'm here, Forth."

Still hides his face on the crook of Beam's neck, Forth shakes his head. "No." He sighs. "You were gone."

Beam sighs. He closed his eyes. He hugs Forth and taps his back.

Silence.

Forth sighs. "If this is how it felt when you left after stop courting me. I can't imagine how I can live if you broke me up after we got together." he says softly.

Beam chuckled. "Don't worry, it won't happened because we are not going to be together." He says bitterly.

"That's not what I meant!" Forth freed himself from Beam's hug and looks at him in his eyes while locks Beam's face on his palms—holding on Beam's cheeks.

"Then what...?" Beam asks. It's a bit difficult to say anything when you got your cheeks being pressed so hard.

"Let's get married!" Forth says while smiling widely even he still has tears lingering on his eyes.

Beam is stunned. "Forth, we can't just get married."

"Why?"

"We have to earn the parents' blessing...."

"Why?"

"No wedding can be done without it, Forth. we also have to finish our study...."

"Why?" Forth frowns even harder.

"Gosh, Forth. You asked to many why-s again!"

"Because your are yet to answer any of my why-s." Forth insists.

Beam sighs. "It needs a lot of effort."

"Then let's work hard together!"

Beam blinks. "I...."

"You have to take responsibility! You court me! You can't just left and abandoned me!" Forth yells.

(this is not some kind of quiet library. don't worry about that. and Forth...? you rejected his courting... technically... he doesn't have to be responsible)

Beam blinks. B-but....

"Please...."

Beam blinks. Uhm....

Forth blinks. He gulps. "N-no...?" He is terrified.

"Ah." Beam looks at Forth. When he choose Forth to court, he just want to be happy like Kit and Phana with their lovers.

Not....

"Can you meet my mom this weekend?" Forth asks.

Beam blinks. Why from all people, he has to pick a crazy man to court? He just wants a ! !

"Hm?" Forth leans his head on Beam's shoulder.

***

A/N:

Yeah, Forth, why so serious? Why not just boyfriends?

This is not about payback or revenge. Why would you get a revenge or payback with the person you love? Are you lovers or enemies?

This is just about what you want and what she/he wants. Relationship (any relationship) is never ending tolerance, it's about finding the and doable all the time.