I am flawed and imperfect. In every way. They all admire the graceful Caroline, but that Caroline was dead along with her parents. The Caroline alive now is fake. Hazy. Muddled. Blurry. She is so dim that she's lost within. She's dead inside. Or was. Until he came along. So gentle and sweet. So loving and caring. He sent a wave of warmth that enlightened my inside and saved what could be saved. I am still not the old Caroline, but at least I am alive.

Justin is everything I failed to be. He's the winning bet. He's the rain after years of drought. He's my life boat to safety. Sanctuary. My only escape in all the different ways. He saved me.

The truth is that I was already dead inside, and I couldn't withstand the irony of still breathing. After my parents died, I shut myself away. I no longer became a part of my surroundings. I was too young. Too fragile. And I needed someone to take my hand. But all I found was a load of responsibilities instead. Silver. I needed to be a parent, a sibling, and a friend. She needed me, and I had to be there for her. One of us could be saved. So I grew up too fast. Too early. I needed to. And I don't remember what happened exactly. All I remember is three jobs and sleepless nights. Physical exhaustion and health deterioration. Days when I had to be all toady and appraising to work supervisors and, even worse, family. The family that never cared. The family that would never hesitate to shave us if they could. I always wondered about what we ever did to receive such treatment. We were kids. Children that needed love and warmth. And all we received was contempt. One day I stopped wondering and started dealing. I no longer minded the way I was treated. It no longer affected me. But Silver had her ways to cope up. Anger. She was angry. Still angry. Always angry. And no matter how hard I tried to ease that anger away, it just originated from another spot inside of her. I just had to give up. I learned the anger was a piece of her. Impossible to curtail.

We knew we needed them. After all, Aunt Stacy had our custody and helped us with some money. The money was enough for food and clothes, but not college. I was never the smart kid. I had no plans for college. But Silver was smart. Too smart. She have always dreamed about college and what she would do after graduating with a degree in psychology. It was all about crafts with me. I made accessories and pottery. I made stuff and sold them. They did get me some money but that wasn't enough either. I needed the money for Silver. I had to get more. I worked myself up till there was barely no time for sleep. Maybe that's why I don't remember much about my past life. Maybe because I was too busy and distracted to even notice myself anymore.

Not that the struggle pay off. It did. Fairly. I also remember that smile on Silver's face that day she received her acceptance letter. I remember her graduation speech. And believe it or not: Silver, who has serious issues with thanking people till this very moment, thanked me on stage in front of everyone. I remember Silver passing her driving test and getting the license. I remember Silver graduating with a degree in psychology. I remember opening my own shop to sell my crafts. I remember the happiness that flooded me when that tiny shop expanded and I started hiring other craftsmen. I remember starting a brand. I remember Silver getting a well-paid job in New York. I remember her leaving me. I remember hurting myself.

But there are things that I don't remember. A lot of things. Sometimes I demand these memories. But maybe they were never there. And I am left with some blank pages that plea for the ink. Only that I don't remember where I left my pen.

***********************

"Have you seen Mr. Drill leave any time today?" Jeff asked the guard.

"No, sir."

"When did you shift start?"

"5 in the morning, sir."

Jeff looked at me with this, "So he didn't leave?"

"Are you sure?" I asked the guard.

"No one left today, Ma'am. Guests only arrived."

"Not even normal residents? The ones who aren't in the resort for the wedding?"

"Ma'am, the entire resort is rented for the whole week by Mr. Justin. Everyone here is for the wedding, regardless the staff."

So he's rich.

"Maybe he left yesterday," Jeff came out.

I shifted to the guard the second I considered that. But how?! Could he really be so irresponsible? The wedding starts in hours and he's missing since yesterday?

"Who was in charge of the gate yesterday?"

"Simon. He must be sleeping at the moment. But soon he will wake up and have breakfast with the off-duty staff members."

"Well, take my phone number and call me once you ask him about Justin," Jeff said, reaching for his phone. He never memorizes numbers. So immature.